by Naomi Niles
The positivity and the smile were still spread across my cheeks the next morning, and I walked down the stairs with that buzzing, secretive feel to me. It was kind of nice to have this one thing that was just for me in among all of this wedding madness. I couldn’t wait to see where the day would take us. I was certain that Rhett would have gotten over his little mood by now and that we would be able to sort things out.
But I was very, very wrong.
As I got into the kitchen, I didn’t get the smile that I expected to from him at all. In fact, the way he was acting was still positively cold. I could only assume that it was because our parents were sitting at the dining table, eating breakfast. Maybe he felt too weird around them now to act normal. Maybe he didn’t even know how to behave anymore. I certainly didn’t.
I tried not to let myself get too disheartened, I tried to just tell myself that we would speak whenever possible. But the way that he was completely avoiding my eyes really did hurt.
“Morning,” Mom called out in a tone that was too enthusiastic for my liking. “How are you feeling? Did you enjoy your day yesterday?”
I managed to avoid the questioning when we got home–which was a good thing considering the foul mood I was in–so I figured that I better answer them now, before things became too weird and suspicious.
“Yeah, it was good,” I said distractedly. “And I feel much better; thanks.”
“What are you up to today?” Her eyes were flickering between me and Rhett, which wasn’t good news. It meant that she suspected something. My face flamed as I realized what this could mean for us both.
“Nothing,” I jumped in quickly, wanting her to only look at me. “Do you have anything that you need me to do?”
“Well, I have to meet Victoria this morning.”
“Okay, that’s great; I’ll come with you,” I grinned, needing the distraction. Sure, it meant that I wouldn’t get the time I needed with Rhett until later, but that was a sacrifice that I was willing to make.
“No, that’s okay,” she stood up from the table, and Brad copied her. “I want you to take the day off. You’ve done enough to help, and to be honest, it’s only finalizing details, anyway. I need to do this alone, really, so I can focus better.”
“Right, okay,” I replied dejectedly, annoyed that she was finally starting to take a real interest in her special day when I no longer wanted her to. “That’s fine.”
As Mom and Brad walked from the room, talking only about themselves, I shot my eyes nervously back to Rhett once more. This was it, the moment where I would be able to determine if his weirdness was only to do with our parents.
But nothing. His eyes remained only on his feet.
This wasn’t good.
“Morning?” I said shyly. “Are you okay?” I knew that I should be still furious with him for his behavior, but I couldn’t be because I understood it. I knew that our only problem was communication, and I was ready to rectify that. I was ready to get over the rest of it for the sake of us.
“Mmmm,” he replied distractedly. “Sure.”
I flicked my eyes around, but Mom and Brad were nowhere to be seen. We both knew that, so why was he still being so off?
“Are you…up to much today?” I asked lamely. “Got any interesting plans?”
“Nope,” he snapped back, popping the p. “Just stuck here for another day in this hell.”
Hell?
What was that supposed to mean? Sure this wasn’t the nicest situation, but things hadn't all been bad had they? Yesterday was fu…wasn’t it?
Oh God, was it only fun for me? I tried to think back but was drawing a frustrating blank. I’d certainly thought that Rhett was having a great time with me.
“Okay,” I practically whispered. Silence resumed, and it was so painful that in the end I felt like I needed to speak out again. “Are you being weird with me to pay me back for how I treated you when you first got here?”
It was a possibility, and we needed to start opening up to one another somehow. Our communication needed to start somewhere. He didn’t answer, which bristled my defences even further. “Okay, look, I’m sorry about that, I really am, but it was all really strange. I didn’t know how the hell we were supposed to act around one another, you must understand that.”
“Look, it is weird,” he snapped. “You know it is. We’re family, so we can’t really be any more, can we?”
What the hell? Did he not think that was a decision he should have made before we slept together again? I couldn’t help but feel a little used–how dare he make his choice like that? Did he think that he was in control, and that I didn’t get a say? He hadn't even asked what I thought about it all. That was an arrogance that I’d never noticed in Rhett before. Maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.
“We need to accept that we can’t be together and be a family, too, and since our parents are getting married, we don’t exactly have any choice, do we?”
I knew that his words were right, but that sure as hell didn’t make me feel any better. I knew that he was being logical and smart, but that didn’t make it any less painful to hear. I hung my head, trying to disguise the tears that were pricking in my eyes. I didn’t want him to see how hurt I was because I knew it wouldn’t do anything to change his mind. He’d obviously made that decision yesterday as soon as we’d slept together, and even having the night away from me hadn't managed to make any difference.
He didn’t want me. Maybe he never had.
“Right.” For a moment, the baby filled my mind all over again. To be honest, our unborn child was on my mind all the time, but at moments like this, it came to the forefront of my thoughts. How was I supposed to raise a child with a man that didn’t even want to know me?
Maybe the best thing to do would be to pretend that the father was someone else, just to save the family. Sure, that would be wrong, but at the same time it would help prevent the constant arguments. Rhett would look at me in a very different way–he would probably wrongly assume that I gave it away easily to any boy that looked my way, but that was a side effect that I was just going to have to face.
Just to make things easier for everyone else.
“Right, fine,” I held my head high with a determined look in my eyes. “If that’s how you feel, then we won’t talk anymore.”
“No,” he whined as I turned my back on him. “I don’t mean don’t talk anymore.”
“So, what do you mean?” I snapped, spinning back to stare right at him. There was a deep anger burning inside of me now, and that showed across my face. “We can’t be family; we’ve proven that we can’t be friends. Civil? You want to be fake in front of our parents? Fine. You’ll be gone soon enough, anyway.”
And then I spun on my heel and stalked from the room before he could get another word in edgeways. As I got back into the privacy of my own room, I felt my world fall apart. This had been hard enough before, but now I felt so much worse about myself. I’d succumbed to Rhett knowing deep down that it was going to end this way. What did that say about me?
Nothing good, that was for sure.
I remembered Rhett’s final parting words as we left Camp Woodtree, and I wished that I could transform back into that moment, just for a few moments. As we’d stood in the parking lot, just before his mom turned up in the car not long before mine, he held onto my hands and looked deeply into my eyes. Then he said:
“Thank you for a wonderful week. I’ll never forget you and what this means to me–it’s been an experience like I never imagined. When I see you again, I hope it’s just like this.”
Those words had been etched into my memory, and I wept for the fact that it had gone the complete opposite direction. It was so unfair that I was left with all of that from nothing.
How could he just decide to turn his feelings off and be done? Unless he didn’t feel as deeply as I did? Maybe his words just didn’t really mean anything–maybe I’d been reading things into emotions that just weren’t there. Maybe this had a
ll only been about sex for him, even from the very beginning.
My mind spun violently round and round in circles, making me dizzy with it all, until eventually, I had to run to the bathroom to be sick all over again in what was slowly becoming a never ending, unbearable cycle.
Chapter 22
Rhett
I wanted to go home. I was really done with this place, with this family, and with the entire goddamn wedding. Now that I had royally fucked everything up, I was just done. I knew that I’d done the right thing by blowing Danica off, however shitty it felt, because I couldn’t keep leading her on knowing that we could never go anywhere, it wasn’t fair to either of us.
But the right thing felt like shit.
I was so tempted to call up my mom again, to tell her that I was leaving no matter what she wanted, but I just couldn’t quite face it. I hated feeling like a coward, and that was exactly how she made me feel last time. That bigger man nonsense had really gotten to me–especially after my dad saying that I was like him–and I couldn’t face that conversation again.
It really wasn’t long until the wedding now, maybe I could get away with hiding in my room until the day arrived. As long as I didn’t see anyone, I could hardly cause any more damage, could I?
All of my original plans went out the window as I felt my world fall apart–the idea that I was going to find something out about my dad, plus the novel plan to make things good between me and Danica again. This needed to be only about survival. I just had to get through it, and go back home. That was it.
But almost as soon as that decision was made, Lyla walked back into the kitchen having returned from her meeting with the wedding planner, with an idea that was going to kibosh my new resolve almost as quickly as I’d made it.
“How you doing, Rhett?” she asked, with an uncertainty in her tone. She was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, which filled me with a nervous energy. She wanted something from me, and she didn’t like having to ask. This could only spell bad news.
Much as I wasn’t in the mood to make pleasantries, I did just because I liked her and she’d done nothing to deserve being on the wrong end of my bad mood. Plus, despite my reservations, I found myself intrigued–we’d spoken in passing, but that was about it. I felt like this was going to reveal more of her to me. “I’m okay, thank you, Lyla. How are you? Did it all go well this morning?”
“Yes, thank you,” She smiled at me, as she put on a pot of coffee. “It was really productive. The wedding planner is brilliant, she can really make magic happen. It’s going to be an amazing day.” I nodded numbly, not exactly having an opinion on wedding days having never seen one myself. “Of course, Danica has been amazing, too.”
“Yeah,” I replied quietly. I remembered all of the lonely days spent waiting for her to contact me, when she was embroiled in all of the wedding planning. I was upset about things then, but nothing compared to now. The unknown was probably better than this! “I know.”
“She’s been brilliant. I just feel bad that it’s made her so ill.” Again, I didn’t say much because I knew that it was mostly my fault that she’d been faking being unwell. “I hope she’s okay for the big day–her dress is gorgeous, it would be a shame not to use it.” She laughed, and I did my best to join in.
Eventually, she sat at the dining room table, giving me an odd look. Whatever her purpose was for being there, it was about to be revealed; I could just sense it. “Rhett, I know this is all a bit strange for all of us, but I’d really like to get to know you a little better if that’s all right with you. This isn’t to do with your relationship with you father; that has nothing to do with me.”
Obviously by this, she meant that he’d spent a lot of time talking down about me. Considering all that had happened today, this didn’t affect me as much as it normally would. Normally, I’d be raging at the thought of that horrible douche bag saying bad things about me, but this time it was like a mild irritation, somewhere at the back of my throat. Something that I would deal with later.
“And, you get on so well with Danica.” I didn’t correct her as she said this, sensing that it wasn’t the time. “So I wondered whether you might like to spend the day with us tomorrow. We could go out for the day into the city.”
My heart sunk into my shoes at her words. Oh God, how the hell was I going to get out of this one? I didn’t want to spend any time with anyone, never mind the one person I’d just promised not to. That was a disaster waiting to happen.
“Erm, I don’t know,” I replied lamely. “Have you asked Danica?” I hoped this would be enough to stall her for a few moments, but it seemed that I was wrong.
“Yes, she’s really excited for it.” She nodded enthusiastically to highlight her point, making me feel about a million times worse.
She was?
I was struggling to believe that Danica had agreed to anything that involved me after the shitty way that I’d treated her, but why would Lyla lie? She couldn’t honestly be that desperate for us all to spend time together as a family.
“Right, okay.” I was speaking, but barely aware of what I was saying. “That sounds great.”
“Lovely,” she stood up with a satisfied smile on her face. “We’ll go in the morning, then.”
As she walked away, I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I’d allowed myself to get roped into.
I decided that the only thing I could do would be to get the perspective of an outsider–someone who could shed some unbiased advice on the situation, and there was only one person in the world that I felt like I could trust with this information. And it wasn’t my mother, not with this. She had too much of her own baggage involved.
“Hello?” James’s voice came blasting over the phone, but I could instantly tell that he was at some crazy party in the Alps. The exact place I would have been had I not been so determined to screw my dad over.
I could have avoided all of this if I’d gone. Sure, I never would have seen Danica again, but then we would only have good memories rather than this mess.
“How’s it going, James?” I asked, sensing that he was barely going to be able to hear me over the music. Now was certainly not the time for the heart to heart that I needed. “Are you having fun?”
“Man, this is the best fucking week ever; you should totally come here!” He was dunk and forgetting that I was already in the middle of something. It also seemed to have slipped his mind that I couldn’t afford things as readily as him. If I was given some time to prepare, I could save up, but there was no way I could fly over last minute. “Come and party, dude!”
I laughed loudly, trying to hide my longing. “I wish I could, but I have this wedding, don’t I?”
He slid into a quieter room, which made it so much easier for the pair of us to communicate. “Yeah…how are things? With your dad?” He wasn’t asking just to be polite, he genuinely wanted to know, making it much harder. I knew that I couldn’t just brush him off and that I was going to have to tell him something of the truth.
“It’s not great,” I admitted. “He’s acting like his dickish self around me, just like I expected.”
He blew out a sad sigh before continuing. “I’m sorry. Are you sure you don’t want to blow it off? If he’s acting awful, then is there much point in you staying and upsetting yourself?” He meant well, but unfortunately there was no magical solution to this one.
“Thanks, bud, but I really have to just get through this–for Mom’s sake.”
“Okay,” he drawled. “If you’re sure.” He paused for a moment. “You never know, there might be some fit birds there.” Oh God; if only he knew. I was quiet for a beat too long, which made him suspicious–even when he was wasted, James could see right through me. “Oh, I see,” he said teasingly. “There’s already a girl.”
“Mmmm…” I replied, in a non-committal way.
“Has it gone to shit? Is that why you sound so down?” He caught on far too quickly for my liking.
“Something l
ike that,” I muttered, suddenly regretting my decision. How the hell was I supposed to explain all of this in a way that made sense to James when he was in a different country? I didn’t think he would judge me for my crappy decisions, but I also wasn’t ready to hear how much I was in the wrong. Not yet, not like this, not while I was still stuck here. “I’ll tell you all about it when we both get home.”
“Okay, man, if you’re sure.” He was as disappointed as me that I wussed out on being honest, but it was too late now. I was just glad that we were back on something of an even keel. “I’ve got lots to tell you, too.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled to myself. My best friend was a good-looking guy, and that combined with his laid back attitude seemed to have ladies flocking to him like flies. A fact that he took full advantage of.
He wasn’t like me; he wanted to have all the fun in the world with as many women as he could while he was young. He couldn’t have been further from being ready to settle down if he tried, whereas I was more sensible…well, usually.
“Go on, how many?” I chuckled. “And try to spare me the gory details.”
“Well, first there was this amazing blonde. Mary, I think her name was…” I tuned him out as he spoke, knowing that he was going to ignore my request and tell me far too much. Instead, I made the occasional agreeable noise, while I thought about my life out of this situation.
At least James had done one thing–helped me to put it into perspective. It wouldn’t be long until I was home and back to normal. Then it wouldn’t be long until all of this would be nothing more than a distant memory.
I was putting far too much stock into all of this because I was here in the middle of it. Taking a step back was the only way. Sure, I was going to have to face a day with Lyla and Danica tomorrow, which I wasn’t looking forward to one bit, but it would only be a few hours. I could get through that. And the wedding day would be a farce, but not for long.
I could do it. I could do all of it.
“Right, man,” I eventually spoke out as James wrapped up his in-depth account of his time skiing–although I didn’t hear much about the slopes. “I have to go, but I’ll see you real soon okay.”