by Taylor Hart
“What?”
“You just sit here and make out with them, then take them to bed, don’t you?”
Not wanting to admit she was right, because it kind of sounded awful, he didn’t say anything.
“It’s true.” She slid a bit away from him and crossed her arms. “You’re shallow.”
He hadn’t expected this. “What?”
“Tell me something about the last woman you dated. I mean, like the last three-month relationship.”
His mind sifted through information. He was good at keeping track of information. “It was six months.” He said defensively. “Vanessa was from Denver. She was in Salt Lake on business for a few months. She had a Master’s in accounting.”
“Uh-huh.” She sounded like a detective.
“What?”
“I don’t want a résumé. I want something she ‘felt.’”
He searched for something. “Vanessa didn’t like it when she had to drive up from Salt Lake to Park City through Parley’s Canyon—like, really hated it.” Vanessa had complained about it constantly.
“No.” She put her fist over her chest. “Something they stored deep down in their heart. Something no one else would know about them.”
All he could do was wonder what Savannah held deep in her heart that she didn’t want anyone else to know.
“Luke,” she said, irritated.
“What?” he asked.
“C’mon, focus.”
He sucked in a breath, not wanting to play this game anymore. “Uh, Vanessa liked puppies.”
“Sounds deep. You said six months?”
He nodded proudly. It had been one of the longer relationships he’d had.
She cocked an eyebrow. “Okay, stay on her. What did she feel?”
“Uhh …” He thought of the driven woman he’d dated, who fought with him more than anything but had shared his bed for six months. “She enjoyed Zumba, she was good at swimming, was an expert at numbers.”
“No!” She splashed the water with her fist for emphasis. “Those are all things she did. What did she feel?”
He tried to think of something. Anything. “She hated travelling for work, but had to do it all the time.”
“No. That’s extraneous.”
He was at a loss.
Savannah moved into his space, took him by the shoulders. “Think, Luke. Think. What meant something to her? What … meant something to you?”
They both sat there for a moment and his mind quit thinking about Vanessa. He stared into Savannah’s eyes and all he could think about was her. Her pain. “Seventh grade.” Thinking about it still annoyed him .
Pulling her hands back, she looked confused for a second. “What?”
“Mrs. Harper’s English class.”
Her face went pensive.
“She gave you that F. I know you didn’t want me to see it, but I saw it. I remember that day I kept asking you what was wrong because you cried the whole time we walked home. I knew it was that hag. And I remember it hurt me, too.”
Savannah sucked in a long breath, then blinked. “The vase of blue flowers.” She turned away from him. “My mother told me those were left on the porch and I never knew who they were from.”
He looked down. “I didn’t know if you would be mad I knew about the F, or embarrassed.”
She sighed and leaned back against the side of the hot tub. Their shoulders touched, but it wasn’t the electrical, chemical kind of thing between them. It was them. It was everything.
“Junior year,” he continued.
“What?”
“I knew you had a crush on Will Harris since … since …”
“Eighth grade,” she filled in.
“Well, I knew it. Sean knew it.” Luke blew out a breath. “We hated that guy.”
“Yeah, you’d tease me about it.”
“I didn’t realize how bad you had it for him until I saw you after school one day, watching him ask Jenna Smith to the dance.”
She shook her head. “It was stupid.”
All the memories flooded him. “Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. I don’t know if you remember that night or not. But Sean and I stayed over for a while and watched a movie with you … and it was the first time you ever put your head down and fell asleep on my shoulder.”
Her eyes glistened. “You remember the first time I fell asleep on your shoulder?”
Reaching up slowly, he put his hand against her cheek. “It was the first time I thought I might have a chance. I mean, it was a shame Will broke your heart, but I distinctly remember thinking that now you might see me differently than just a friend.”
A light sigh came out of her. “We shouldn’t do this.” She tried to turn away, but he kept his hand on her face.
25
Savannah felt his touch, the gentle way Luke stared at her, the deep intensity of the way their lives had intertwined for what felt like forever. She remembered that night when Will had unknowingly broken her young heart, remembered falling asleep on Luke’s shoulder, remembered the blue flowers. “I saw your Porsche at the hospital today.” She said quietly.
Cocking his head to the side, his mouth widened into a grin. “You did? And you still let me get a ride with you?”
She sighed, hating the truth. “Maybe I wanted you to.”
His eyes clouded and he stared at her lips. “Sav …”
She lifted her lips to his, and reveled in the feel of them. Soft. Gentle. Just the way she’d always remembered. The painful way the present was a reminder of the past. This thing between them, she thought it had been lost … but it had only grown, was growing, in a way that felt unstoppable.
Before she knew it, she was putting her hands on his face. Her fingers traced the prickly five-o’clock shadow, then slipped behind his neck, pulling her into him. He hooked his arm around her waist and tugged her closer. The bubbles from the hot water played between them, erasing everything, drowning her in the now … and the then.
She let herself go. Let herself just be there. Feel him. Let herself think of how much she had loved him and how she could see them easily tumbling back to that place, right now.
He trailed kisses down her neck, his hands urgent on her, painful and wonderful at the same time. “Sav,” he whispered.
She kissed his cheek and pressed her face against his. Would it be ridiculous to admit she wanted this? Had always wanted this? Had been tortured by this?
“It’s always been you. Always.” Their lips were back together and he deepened the kiss.
Everything inside of her wanted this, wanted more, wanted all of it.
The past couldn’t be forgotten. Thoughts of Sean filled her: kissing Sean, being with Sean, marrying him even though he knew she was pregnant with Luke’s baby …
“Wait.” She stopped kissing him, pushing his face gently back.
He pulled her closer. “No …”
Now reason was coming back to her. She shook her head, feeling tears she hadn’t known were on her cheeks until that moment. “Luke, I can’t. I can’t.”
They stared at each other, rough and raw.
“Sean,” she said, like there was nothing else to be said.
Reaching out, he gently brushed a tear away. “I know. But, I was thinking of all the things we talked about the other night and I couldn’t stop thinking ‘why can’t she just forgive herself?’”
“What?” She asked him incredulously.
Pulling his hand back, he put it lightly on her shoulder. “I know I will never know what you and Sean went through. Or what happened that caused all the fighting. But, I do know that you’re a good person, Savannah. And I know Sean wouldn’t want you to live the rest of your life in pain.”
Pushing his hand away, she shook her head. “You don’t understand.”
He let out a light laugh. “My brother was shot and he won’t let me sue the guy for all he’s worth. Nick won’t let me. And when I bring it up, Nick tells me everyone deserves forgiveness.” He gr
ipped her shoulder harder, wanting her to see this. “You deserve forgiveness, Savannah.”
As if jerked out of a deep sleep, Savannah stood, then marched over to the edge of the hot tub and pushed her way out, feeling wobbly. “No, Luke. I don’t.”
26
Calm, cool, and collected, Luke sat on the deck of the Blue Iguana Mexican restaurant on Park City Main Street. It was eight o’clock. He’d just said goodbye to Kelsey after the second date of the day.
Keeping his promise, he’d gone out with both of the women. To Savannah’s credit, they were both really great women. Both redheads. Both witty and smart and kind, and shoot, he could marry either one of them.
Staring down at the busy Main Street, he let out a grunt. Sure he could, if he had to marry one of them. If they lived in the world of arranged marriages, either of them would do. Yep, beautiful, smart, funny. How many women had he dated over the years just like them?
Then a sick feeling grew inside of him. Savannah’s face popped into his mind. He gripped the glass of water he was holding a little too tightly, and then purposefully released it.
He’d broken through all the walls last night. He could feel it. Yeah, she was tormented by Sean. He got that. He was tortured, too. Didn’t she realize what they could be together? Didn’t she feel it? How could she not feel it?
Standing, he pulled out his billfold and threw money down on the table, then moved out of the restaurant. Okay, so his plan hadn’t worked out perfectly. It’d fallen apart a couple of times because he could feel this underlying pulling away from him on her part. It made him want to keep pushing, but pushing didn’t work with her.
He got down the stairs and to the street. For a second he forgot where he parked. Unlike the prediction he’d made to Savannah the night before, he hadn’t asked either of the women back to his house. He hardly remembered anything about the women.
Sure, he’d done the dog and pony show. He’d smiled, asked the right questions, and appeared interested. All the while, he’d been simmering as he remembered Savannah gathering up her clothes and leaving his house, still wearing the swimsuit she’d borrowed.
It had all been a blur after that. He’d swum until exhaustion, then done something he hadn’t done since his father had died. He’d cried. Tears had flowed down his cheeks as he stared up at the stars, wondering how he hadn’t noticed how meaningless his life had been until Savannah had shown up again.
As he moved down the steep Park City Main Street, he was determined to make Savannah see the truth.
They needed each other.
Spotting his car, he quickly crossed the street and found himself in the middle of a large group of people working their way up the street. He tripped and almost fell, catching himself right before falling.
“You okay, man?” A guy caught him.
Luke quickly pulled back. “I’m fine, thanks, man.” Staring up, he saw that it was Clark or Superman or whoever he was.
“Luke?”
When he turned, Savannah was there, holding two ice cream cones.
“Savannah?” he asked, as if awaking from a haze.
She frowned in surprise. “Hey. Ah, did you just finish your dates?”
Then the last thing that Luke could have expected to happen, happened. Clark reached out and took one of the ice cream cones. “Thanks.”
Her eyes were locked with Luke’s. Her face flushed red, and she looked away.
Luke wouldn’t look away. This tsunami of anger filled him, starting to well slowly at first, then picking up speed. “Out for an ice cream, huh?” He kept his voice calm, even though he was not calm.
Seeming to notice his irritation, Savannah sighed. “Luke,” her voice warned.
“Yep, we’re out together for an ice cream,” Clark stated, sounding a bit possessive.
Luke glared at Clark. “Yeah, it’s a nice night for ice cream.” He flashed a grin. “But I think the ice cream might be better in my hot tub. Which is where she was, with me, last night.” It was truly as if he’d gone back to high school, maybe even junior high.
Clark glared at him.
“Stop,” Savannah warned Luke.
He was too wound up, too many past issues surfacing all at once. “I suppose you haven’t told him about your feelings. About seventh grade and that F in Mrs. Harper’s class, have you?” He flung out the words, not caring if he was sounding crazy.
She stared at him, then turned to Clark. “I’m sorry. Obviously, my friend is having a breakdown. I need to go talk to him. I’ll be right back.” She turned away from Luke and started walking.
He stood there, not wanting to follow, but not having a choice. He gave one last glare at Clark, then took off after her.
Waiting until they got to the end of the street, she cut into one of the stair paths that led up to the houses off of Main Street. “What are you doing?” she asked, exasperated.
Every part of him was shaking. “No, Savannah. No.” He sucked in a breath, finally getting his mind clear. “No, we’re not talking. I’m talking.”
Her face changed to somberness.
For the first time since she’d gotten back, he felt calm. “I love you, Savannah.”
“Don’t—” She put her hand up.
He kept going. “See, I know I screwed things up a long time ago. I broke your heart.” He shook his head. “But, believe me, I broke myself, too. See, I realized last night that I don’t think I’ve had a meaningful relationship with a woman. I mean, not really. Not like you were saying last night, all that feely stuff. And ya know why? Because I never got over you.” He stressed the next words. “I have loved you my whole life. After you married my best friend, I didn’t get over it.” His voice was shaky.
She stared at him.
“Then when you came back here, I … for some stupid reason, even though there is all this crap between us, I had to be with you, near you, have a chance to know you again. So I hired you to find me a wife so I could get close to you.” He laughed, feeling outlandish and out of his mind. “And I didn’t care.”
She didn’t say anything, but a tear fell from her eye and she quickly wiped it away. “I told you it can’t, it wouldn’t …”
“I went on those two stupid dates and sat with those nearly perfect women and I kept thinking, ‘I love Savannah. I want to be with her. For some stupid, insane reason, she won’t let me be with her. She …’” He clenched his hands into fists and let out a frustrated strangled noise. “I’m so sorry for what I did. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through the last ten years. And I realize you’re not the same girl you were. I do. But the crazy thing is that everything you have told me has only made me like you more, want you more.” He let out a breath. “I think you’re amazing. Strong, kind, enterprising. And when you tell me about your pain, you … it actually makes me want to be better. So I could deserve you.”
Tears streamed down her face. “Don’t, Luke, don’t.”
He put his hands on her shoulders. “I want you to forgive yourself. Forgive Sean. Forgive whoever you need to. I’m sorry that he’s dead, but I can’t change that. And you can’t change that. It wasn’t your fault. Even though you told him something mean to hurt him, I know you still loved him. And you know it too. And us being together wouldn’t diminish that. Can’t you see that? And I don’t think Sean would want you to be alone. I …” He broke off, running his hand through his hair. “Sean was a good man and I know he wouldn’t want you to be miserable forever. And you know that, too.”
She stared into his eyes, then shoved her face into her hands. “Luke, you don’t understand.”
He held her. “Then tell me. Just help me understand, Savannah. ’Cause I’ve been there, with you. What I’ve felt isn’t just teenage love. And I believe you’ve felt it too. So help me understand.”
She pulled her head up, and black makeup tears ran down her face. “I got pregnant with your child.”
His heart stopped. The world ground to a halt.
“Wha
t?”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “I got pregnant.”
His thoughts blurred, as an attorney, he usually knew all outcomes. This had not been an outcome he had even thought was a possibility. “But it was just—”
“One night.” She sniffed. “Oh, believe me, I know.” She pressed her hand to her forehead and barked out a laugh.
Now he was really going to go crazy, but all the spinning stopped. His mind became very calm, like he was watching his life on the big screen. “And Sean married you?”
“I couldn’t hide it from him. He actually figured it out and then proposed.” She shook her head. “At first I told him no. But—”
“I’d broken things off.”
She nodded. “I … my father was still fighting his cancer then. I didn’t feel like I could put this on my parents. I was young, scared … stupid.”
“You married him when you were pregnant with my baby?” The news suddenly hit him. His eyes widened into a look of horror.
She dropped her ice cream to the side and put her face into her hands. “You don’t get to judge me.”
Shock, or what he thought must be shock, filled him. It’d hurt before. It’d hurt that his best friend had married the love of his life. Now, though, it burned, and all he wanted to do was beat the crap out of Sean. “How could you not tell me?”
Looking completely out of sorts, she shook her head. . “Because your precious ambition was soooo important to you. London. College. Becoming exactly what you are!” She roared back.
If there were ever a time it felt like Luke was watching someone else’s life, it was now. The montage of her life kept clicking together into the puzzle. “Then you miscarried?”
She nodded. “Then we had so many problems.” Tears rushed down her face. “Sean said we were being punished.”
Luke stumbled back, then caught himself on the wall of a building. It was too much to process.
Her eyes looked hollow. “I promised Sean I would never tell you. We knew it would hurt you.” More tears fell. She sucked in a breath. “I really thought the past could just stay in the past. I thought … by helping you find a wife, we could both move on.” She shrugged. “I’m sorry.”