by Caleb Karger
We walked a long way to an old white barn. The paint was peeling, and some of the wood was cracked. It looked like it had seen one too many storms. She pushed the door open. The stale smell of hay and dust hit me.
It didn’t look like much from the outside, but the inside was spacious. I saw a drivable lawn mower, gardening tools, and plastic bins. It was nothing out of the ordinary until we moved further back. There was an assortment of targets made out of different materials. Dummies lay in unorganized piles.
Hot Stuff dropped her load and brushed off her hands. I threw mine onto the stack, then wandered over to a rack of spears. I ran my finger down a black shaft. There wasn’t a speck of dust on it. Katherine must’ve come down here often to make sure they were in good condition.
“She has so many weapons, but we never practice with any of them,” I said.
“You’ve got to ease into it,” she said. “You don’t give a soldier a gun on their first day of boot camp for a reason.” She led me away from the weapons and towards the exit.
“Why are we taking the rest of the day off? Shouldn’t we be cramming as much in as we can? We have that test coming up,” I said, looking over the valley as she locked the barn.
“I figured everyone deserved a break, at least until the commander comes back to her senses. Might as well enjoy it while you can,” she said.
The house was far from quiet when we returned. Castile and Spaz ran around fighting each other with foam swords. Wolf hogged the basement TV to play video games. Kavi was playing with a soccer ball he’d brought to life. He would kick it down the hall, and it would hop back to him like a happy puppy. Lily was waiting for us in the living room with a stack of board games.
Being able to do something fun was nice. I lost track of time instead of counting every second I was in pain. Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Katherine had been quiet and distant the whole day. Simply wandering off into the woods instead of trying to prepare us was out of character for her.
Hot Stuff giggled as she messed with the game pieces. Lily shrieked and stretched across the table. “No, you can’t give me another kid!” Lily said.
“You pulled the card. You can’t make up your own rules now.”
“Where’re you gonna even put it?! My car is full!”
“It’ll have to be the neglected child trailing along behind the car then.” Hot Stuff fought to say through her laughter.
“No! Quit giving me kids!” Lily swatted our captain. I was pretty sure the game was over when Lily tore her over the table, knocking everything over. The girls fell into a giggling heap on the floor and hit each other with the couch pillows.
I smiled and looked around, still hoping Katherine would appear out of the shadows. I was disappointed when she didn’t. It was after nightfall now. Surely, she had to be back. I got up and tried to step over Lily and Hot Stuff, but Hot Stuff snatched my ankle.
“Save me!” she cried. “She’s tickling my feet!!!”
“Sorry, you did it to yourself,” I said.
“Nooo!!!”
I searched the house for Katherine, but I didn’t have any luck. I even knocked on her bedroom door; I didn’t get an answer. Discouraged, I went to sulk by the window. That’s when I saw the lights outside. Maybe she was out there.
About a dozen yards from the house, there were flaming torches in a circle. The wind made the flames look crooked. I stopped in the shadows. Katherine was standing in the center of the torches. She had her sword in one hand. She took a fighting stance; her legs were in a deep lunge. They didn’t shake with weakness; it seemed she could’ve held the pose for a millennium. She inhaled deeply and then went through a series of swift moves. She was attacking some invisible enemies. The way she moved was fluid like water. She was so graceful she looked more like a ballerina dancing with a katana.
“Wow,” I said. Katherine spun around on her heels, breathing hard. She brushed the hair out of her face. “When are you gonna teach me to do that?”
“When you’re ready.”
“I think I’m pretty ready.”
“Is that so?” She smiled. “You think you can handle a blade sharp enough to sever your spine like butter?”
“I figure the sooner I start, the better.”
“Alright,” she said and tossed her sword over to me.
“WHOA!” I shouted and darted to the side as the sword clattered to the ground. I looked at her like she was insane.
“You said you were ready.”
“I didn’t mean throw a sword at me,” I said and shook my head. I picked up the sword. It was lighter than I thought it would be. The silk on the hilt was soft but worn out with use. I could see faint bloodstains on it.
She appeared behind me, and I lost my ability to move. She put her hand over mine and squeezed. “Hold it firmly, but not too tight. Then you want to make wide, slicing cuts.” She guided my arm up and then downward like I was attacking someone in slow motion. “Got it?”
“I-I think so.”
She stepped away from me. I took in a shaky breath. The ground reverberated and the next thing I knew a giant mound of dirt was flying towards me. I hollered and swung at the dirt like the sword was a baseball bat. The dirt ball broke apart and covered me. I hissed because moving had hurt my broken arm.
Katherine laughed. “Well, at least you hit it.” When she took the sword from my hand, all of the dirt slid off of me.
“Thanks.”
She picked up the sword’s green scabbard lying on the ground. Something was written in a lime green color down the center of the scabbard. The symbols flowed like cursive. The very last symbol looked like a crude butterfly with a tail. Her weapon made a pleasant ring as it slid into its case.
She pulled up one of the torches from the ground and started walking off into the darkness. She glanced back. “Walk with me?” I didn’t hesitate to follow.
I figured we were far enough away from the house and no one would bother us, I pulled my mask off. I hooked my thumbs into my pockets and let my hands hang.
We didn’t say anything for a long time. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It was nice to simply walk with her and enjoy her company without the pressure of needing to talk about something. I looked at her and worried she didn’t feel the same, but she was perfectly at ease.
Eventually, she said, “You’re ruining my resolve.” She turned to me with a playful glimmer in her eyes. “I was used to being alone, and now I’m starting to like having company. What am I going to do if you go and get yourself killed?”
My eyes just about fell out. “Sheesh, it’s good to know you have faith in me.”
She watched her feet as she balanced from tiny stone to stone. “I’m sorry. I do have faith in you, I just worry.”
“Worried you’ll be alone?”
She nodded slowly. “Everything I’ve ever cared about, I’ve lost. I can’t help but expect it.” I dared to take her hand and squeeze it.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said. She grimaced and wiggled out of my grip. She took a few steps ahead of me.
“You don’t make it any better.”
“I’m just trying to be your friend…?”
She turned around. “That’s the problem,” she said. “I’m not supposed to be your friend. I’m supposed to be your teacher. I can’t get attached…to any of you.”
“It’s okay to want to be around someone. It’s not a crime.”
“No, it’s only asking for a world of pain later.”
“You’re going to stop being my friend because of ‘what if?’ Well, what if I don’t die? You’ll be pushing me away for nothing,” I said. “Isn’t it better to have known someone for whatever time you have with them, then not at all?”
Tension gathered in her eyes. “It’s better to avoid the pain.”
“Pain isn’t a bad thing. Pain tells you that it was worthwhile,” I said, stepping closer to her. “The more it hurts, the more you know you did something r
ight.” My hands were quivering as I put them on her arms. “I would hate to see a girl so unafraid to leap off buildings and fight guys twice her size be defeated by her fear of what if.”
It was quiet enough to hear a nearby stream trickling. The cold look in her eyes began to fade. I could feel her muscles relax.
“You don’t have to push me away,” I whispered. “You don’t have to be alone.”
She screwed her eyes closed and dropped her head onto my chest. “Why do you have to be different?” She groaned. “I wasn’t awesome, but I was okay on my own. I could handle not needing someone. I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t know how to respond to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m used to guys drooling over me, or saying I have a nice butt,” she said and laughed half-heartedly. “I don’t know what to do with one who calls me gorgeous, and he means the inside more than the outside. I don’t know what to do when you look at me like I’m the only thing you’ve ever wanted. Every wall I try to put up, you blow through it.”
I couldn’t contain the smile that stretched across my face. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. I loved the way she felt in my arms, everything about it felt right.
“I don’t want to need you,” she whispered, “but I do.” I felt her fingers clutch the back of my shirt. I ran a hand across her back.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I need you, too.”
Chapter 11
The Commander
A fter Katherine had finally opened up a little, I thought she’d ease up on me. I was wrong, so very wrong. She didn’t care if my arm was still broken, she made me lift heavier and heavier weights. During the endurance exercises, I had to last the longest or she would make me do it again. Every afternoon ended with her knocking me out with the combat staff. Each night, I would be in excruciating pain, but at least she stayed with me, and we watched movies.
Eventually, she got the desired effect she was hoping for; I was beginning to heal faster and faster. I could cut my arm, and it would heal after an hour. Deeper wounds only took a night to recover from. After my arm had healed, Katherine broke the other one. It took a week to heal instead of three. My skin had toughened as well. I was able to punch through bricks without breaking the skin, and as I got used to the pain, it didn’t hurt too much, either.
“RAH!” My arms were shaking; my practice sword locked against Wolf’s. I could hear the wood straining. Wolf’s face was red as he pushed forward and my feet began sliding over the grass.
“Not…this…time!” I huffed and shoved him back with all I could muster.
Wolf went spinning backward several yards. He would’ve gone further if he hadn’t been fighting my push. His shoulder hit the ground first and dug a deep gash into the field. Dazed, he got up and brushed the dirt off.
Neither of us hesitated, we charged towards each other. Wolf was pretty good with the practice sword; he twirled it around skillfully. My swordsmanship was decent. I could hit and I could block; I didn’t need to look fancy.
I knocked his sword aside as he tried to hit me. I jabbed mine forward to strike his chest. He spun out of the way. I heard the sound of water swooshing. I didn’t see where it came from, but a strong current blasted me. I was helpless before it. It threw me back against the grass. I lay motionless in a deep puddle of mud, panting and spitting out water. Wolf came over to me and jabbed my stomach with his sword.
“Dead,” he said.
A hard knot formed in my throat. His eyes went over to Katherine. She nodded with approval. Wolf offered a helping hand. I ignored it and I got to my feet on my own. My temperature had risen with my frustration. My clothes sizzled as the water droplets started to boil.
“You cheated,” I said.
“He didn’t cheat. You’re allowed to use your abilities,” Katherine said. She turned away to watch Lily and Spaz sparring.
“Not my fault if being a hot head isn’t a helpful power in a fight,” Wolf said under his breath. As he went past me, he knocked his shoulder into mine.
Ever since the first day of training, I’d been sensitive about my powers. I knew I was behind in figuring out the unique thing I could do. I’d tried a dozen times to do something other than raising my body temperature, but with no success. I was already mad that’d I’d embarrassed myself by being beaten during sparring hour. I didn’t need to be teased on top of that. I couldn’t help but explode.
“You can move some water around, so what?! Stop acting like you’re better than everyone!” I said, shoving Wolf back. He stumbled over his feet. I felt a bit of satisfaction. His eyebrows drew together. Now he wasn’t going to hold back.
“Everyone knows you’re the weak link, Kaine! You can barely keep up with us! When training is over, you’re going to be holding the entire team back!”
I growled and grabbed his shoulders. My hands were as hot as irons. I gripped him tightly so the heat would sink in. Wolf cried out and tried to wiggle out of my grasp.
“OW! Let go!”
“Kaine!” Katherine was beside us in an instant. Her palm slammed into my chest and threw me back.
Wolf doubled over and held his shoulders. I could see smoke coming off of his clothes. There were two hand prints burned into his uniform. My rage only intensified as I watched Katherine check his wounds. She looked back at me angry and disappointed.
“Are you alright?” she asked him.
“I’ll be fine,” he said. I threw my sword aside and stormed off.
“Where do you think you’re going?!” Katherine said. I pretended I didn’t hear her and walked faster. “Kaine! I know you can hear me!” She ran to catch up to me. “Is this what you’re going to do with your powers? You’re going to hurt someone when you get jealous?”
I turned around. “I am not jealous,” I whispered. She looked at me in disbelief.
“Then why are you angry?”
“Because he’s right, I’m the weakest one here. I’m useless because I can’t figure out what I can do,” I said and pressed my eyes shut. I could feel the heat burning into my eyelids. My eyes were as dry as the Mohave.
“You already know what you can do,” she said. Her tone was softer now. “Why isn’t that good enough? Why do you need more than that?”
Because it’s lame compared to everyone else, I thought. For some dumb reason, I wanted to be the best. I wanted to have an awesome power that would make the others envious. I didn’t want to be the guy with a power that was useless. She waited for me to answer her.
“I don’t know.”
She knew I was lying. Her eyes filled up with sadness. “There’s nothing wrong with what you’re capable of, okay? Everyone is different.”
I nodded just to end the conversation. I knew she was only trying to make me feel better, but it wasn’t helping. I didn’t want to accept that getting warm was all I was capable of.
I tossed a match into the fire pit. The flames took their time crawling out from underneath the logs. Their heat was consoling, so I pulled the couch closer. The longer I watched the fire, the more I felt like the answer to my problem was staring right at me.
I heard the basement door slide open. I wasn’t surprised when I saw Katherine step outside. I was surprised by what she was wearing. She had on loose gray sweat pants, a clingy tank top, and a fuzzy blanket decorated with a colorful frog from the Amazon rainforest. Usually, she was so put together.
“You should be sleeping,” she said as she sat down beside me. She put her socked feet up on the fire pit’s stone ledge to keep them warm.
“I tried.” I shrugged.
“Still thinking about earlier?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” I said and played with my ninja mask. I kept it close in case anyone woke up and came downstairs. “I wish I could be happy with what I have, but I’m not. I want more.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel like I should be able to do more. People always say if you want something bad enough you’ll get
it. I know I can do more than this,” I said. “The thing is, I just can’t figure out what it is.”
“Don’t try to rush things then. The answer will come when it’s ready,” she said. “Maybe you’re just a late bloomer.”
“Since you seem to know me better than I know myself, do you have any ideas?” I asked. She sat up and rested her chin on her knuckles like the thinking statue guy. She always looked ten times better in the firelight, so calm and cozy.
“Well…I think your emotions are a powerful driver for whatever gift you have. I notice when you get angry—or scared—the warmer you get,” she said. “My theory is: you haven’t reached such an extreme emotional state to be able to generate something other than heat. You aren’t an angry person, so rage wouldn’t be able to get you there. You aren’t scared all the time to be able to use that as fuel. I think if you want to find out what you’re capable of, you need to summon the strongest emotion you’ve ever felt.”
“How am I supposed to know what that is?”
“Oh, you’ll know it. Trust me; it will dominate every other thing. It will be the one thing you can’t possibly stop feeling no matter what,” she said.
A wolf howled. Involuntarily, we both leaned towards each other. We were both spooked. We listened for a while. The wolf howled again, and we realized it wasn’t close. The tension in my chest eased only a little.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but I’ve seen one too many horror movies where they eat someone’s face.” Katherine shivered and drew her blanket around her tightly as if it might keep her safe.
“Me too.” I tried to think of something to say that would lighten the mood. I couldn’t come up with much. “Why aren’t you asleep?”
She gave me a lopsided frown. “I haven’t really slept since I was thirteen. If I’m lucky enough to sleep, it’s never for long. Or, I have a nightmare.”
“You have a lot of nightmares?”
“No, just one. It keeps repeating over and over.” She shook her head slowly. “In the dream, I’m trying to get to someone who’s in danger. I’m running and running, but I don’t seem to be going anywhere. I start filling up with anxiety because I know I won’t make it in time. I feel like if I lose them, I’ll never be able to find happiness again. Finally, I know I’m almost there. But before I find out if I was too late, I wake up.”