Halfway Whole and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  I smiled. “And this is the happiest I’ve seen you since we met.”

  “Remember, we just met yesterday.”

  “Seems much longer, doesn’t it?” At least it did to me.

  “It does.” She let out a slow breath. This one felt far more natural. Before long we were in the middle of the lake. There were only a handful of other boaters out, and no one was anywhere near us. “It’s so gorgeous here.”

  “It is.” But not as gorgeous as her. I didn’t say that part out loud. I didn’t want to scare her off.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what this time?”

  “For this.” She gazed up at the sky. “What a wonderful surprise.”

  “I’m glad you enjoy it too.”

  “And you say it gets prettier?” There was something akin to awe on her face.

  “Much. The Berkshires are known for fall foliage.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  “But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the moment now.” I knew I was.

  “Absolutely not.” She put the paddle up. “We aren’t in a rush, right?”

  “Nope. Not at all.”

  “Good. Sometimes it’s nice just to drift.”

  “Yeah. It is.” I wasn’t sure if she meant specifically when boating or in life, but it applied equally to both. “There’s some symbolism there.”

  “A whole lot.” She looked right at me. “I hope I didn’t weird you out before.”

  “Weird me out?” I was the one who’d nudged her shoulder and gotten weird phone calls.

  “Yeah with the whole ex stuff.”

  “Not in the slightest. I’m glad you trusted me enough or otherwise could no longer keep it in.”

  “It was probably a combination of both.”

  “That works for me.”

  “I bet you are outside all the time.” She rested her hands on the side of the boat. “Until it gets cold.”

  “And then it’s just as much fun in the cold. The ski slopes aren’t too far off, and there’s some good cross-country skiing here. There is plenty to explore that way.”

  “The cold.” She wrinkled up her nose. “Not my thing.”

  “You do realize how cold it is going to get up here, right?” I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but being prepared was key in life.

  “Yes. I know. I probably won’t leave my cabin. Remind me to learn how to use the fireplace before then.”

  I laughed. “I’ll show you how, but you will have to venture out. I’m sure you have some warm clothing if you’ve been in Philadelphia.”

  “Yes. Warm clothes to wear while waiting for the train. Because that’s about all the outdoor time I spent in the winter. I grew up in Georgia. The cold isn’t my friend.”

  “Fair enough. We can change that though.”

  “Don’t get your hopes up.”

  “Mind if I take over?” I reached out toward the paddle.

  “Sure.” She leaned back and closed her eyes.

  I about lost it. There was something about watching the late afternoon sun reflect off her face that sent everything in me into overdrive. How the hell did this gorgeous girl end up living next door to me?

  We reached the far shore and I hopped onto the dock with Maple, tied the canoe up, and reached out a hand to Brooke.

  She accepted it. “Thanks.”

  “You are very welcome.”

  “So this is it. I know it’s just another dock. But it’s so much quieter on this side. Plus, we got to throw in the canoe trip.” I laid out the blanket and started to unpack. “And no one else is around to steal the beer.”

  “Well then, it really is perfect then.”

  I opened a beer for her and handed it over before opening one for myself. “Tell me more about marketing.”

  “Oh, wow. Exciting topic.”

  I clinked my beer bottle into hers. “Hey, I want to be enlightened.”

  “Ok. Well, I help companies or people sell things. I also do a bit of PR.”

  “PR? That stands for public relations, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Ok. That sounds kind of cool.” Since she did it, it was interesting.

  “It is some of the time.”

  “I take it you are taking time off though? I mean if you are off the grid?”

  “Taking time off is a nice way of saying I was fired.”

  “Fired? Ouch.”

  “Well, told to resign in a nice voice. I struggled after Will left, and it showed in my work.”

  “Wow. So not only did he break your heart, he also hurt your career.”

  “Yup. I mean it’s my fault that I couldn’t pull it together.” She gently pet Maple who lay with her head on Brooke’s lap.

  “Nope. Not your fault. What you went through was trauma. Can’t let yourself feel guilty about it.”

  “Well, either way I lost my job.”

  “You’ll get a new one. When you’re ready.”

  “Emphasis on when I’m ready. Preferably it’s before my bank account hits zero. My parents are saving me by helping me with my student loans right now.”

  “Nice parents.”

  “Amazing parents.”

  “So what would your perfect marketing or PR or whatever job be?”

  “Perfect?” She seemed to think it over. “Getting the chance to help a company completely re-brand and succeed. I’ve helped out before on things like that, but never from the ground up, you know?”

  “Yeah. Sounds good. If you get bored, try coming up with a marketing plan for Forest Lake. We could use it.”

  “Oh?”

  “We can’t compete with the new resorts for tourists. Even our summer crowd is dwindling. And the small bottling plant is gone now too. There’s pretty much no employers up here anymore”

  “Ouch. I’m sorry to hear that. It’s a shame for such a beautiful place.”

  “I agree. Wish there was something I could do.”

  “I doubt there is anything I could do either. If the plant closed, you can’t make them come back.”

  “No, but if we could get the tourists in…”

  “Ok. That’s something worth thinking about. Do you guys have a tourist board? Or a committee or something?”

  “I’m not entirely sure. But if there is one, Gladys would know about it.”

  “She’s the one who runs the museum gift shop?”

  “Yes, she is.”

  “Maybe I’ll talk to her about it.” There was something akin to excitement in her voice.

  “Sounds good.”

  We sipped our beers in silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence at all. It was a comfortable one that felt incredibly natural.

  She lay back on the blanket and I did the same thing. “I don’t remember the last time I was this relaxed.”

  “Then enjoy it. Embrace it.”

  “I am.” She closed her eyes.

  Maple started licking her face.

  She opened her eyes. “That’s not what he meant by embrace it, Maple.”

  “Hey, we all have our own ways.” I rubbed Maple’s belly.

  “I suppose we do.” Brooke lay her head back down. “But I don’t see how you ever get any work done. Not when you could be out here.”

  “Eventually even this gets boring. Particularly if you don’t have great company.”

  “And you don’t always have good company?”

  “Not often enough.”

  “Well, thanks for being my company today.” She turned her head toward me.

  “You have to stop thanking me for doing things I want to do. I can thank you just as much as you can thank me.”

  “Ok. So thank me. Then we’ll be even.”

  I inched closer to her. “Thank you.”

  “You are very welcome.” She moistened her lips.

  And I had to kiss her. I was inches from her when my phone buzzed. Brooke pulled away.

  I groaned inwardly while I looked at it. I really couldn’t keep ignoring
A.J. “I am sorry to do this, but I have to cut our outing short.”

  “That’s okay,” Brooke sat up. “I should be getting back anyway.”

  “We’ll have to do this again sometime.”

  “I’d like that.” She looked up at the sky before grabbing Maple’s leash and heading toward the canoe.

  Nine

  Brooke

  I told him. I’d actually told him. And he hadn’t pitied me. At least it didn’t feel that way. I didn’t know Logan well enough to know anything for sure, but it didn’t feel like pity. Just understanding. And chemistry. Insane chemistry that made me question whether I was losing my mind.

  We’d been so close to kissing, but we didn’t thanks to his phone. I wasn’t sure what to think. In one sense it was a relief. Was I even ready to be kissing anyone yet? Yes. At least I should have been. It had been close to a year since Will pulled the rug out from under me. Maybe I wasn’t ready for an intense full on relationship, but a kiss? Yes. I knew I was ready for that. But would it be just a kiss with Logan? Could I really separate out the physical from the emotional? I’d never managed it in the past.

  I’d been so tempted to ask him about the call, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to burst the bubble of happiness our little canoe outing had given me. I wanted to believe it was just the gorgeous scenery that made me so happy, but I knew that the company had a whole lot to do with it too. Leave it to me to run off the grid only to collide with the hottest neighbor possible. Some would say that was lucky, but I wasn’t so sure luck had anything to do with my situation.

  I’d leave well enough alone for the time being even if it was merely out of respect. He was being so respectful of me, and I wanted to do the same for him. But it was hard to do. Not when the last time I ignored something like that my life blew up. But this was different. Logan owed no sort of loyalty to me. He could be texting or calling anyone about anything, anytime. I barely knew the guy after all.

  I tried to put some more work into my play when I got back, but it didn’t happen. Instead I unpacked the rest of my stuff, and headed into the spare bedroom intent on exploring the attic. If nothing else, it would provide a much needed distraction.

  Even though I’d just been in the attic next door, and the sun was still out, I felt a bit nervous pulling down the trap-door stairs. A stale smell assaulted me as soon as the ladder was down. “Lovely and inviting.”

  Maple sat at the bottom of the ladder watching me.

  “If I don’t come out of here in an hour then get help, girl.” I was only half kidding.

  At first glance the attic was exactly the way I expected. Lots of boxes and a few pieces of furniture covered by white cloths. The boxes were sometimes labeled. Usually with the name Malcom. I’d have to ask Logan who that was. I found the more interesting stuff in the back corner, nearly out of reach from the early evening sun streaming in from the window.

  There was a large sign. A metal sign that was covered with dust. I picked up a white cloth that had been covering a chair and brushed off the dust. It came off in clumps, reinforcing just how long this sign had been sitting there.

  Welcome to Forest Lake: Your Home Away From Home in the Berkshires.

  There was a picture of the lake with the row of cabins. There was a ski-lift off in the distance as well as a number of other small buildings. I definitely didn’t remember seeing a ski-lift, so that had to be gone now. I lifted the sign and saw a crumbling wooden sign behind it. This one said: Forest Lake Fall Fest. There was a picture of a giant smiling apple, next to a giant smiling pumpkin both riding in what looked to be a roller-coaster cart.

  I immediately wished I had my phone so I could take some pictures. I was such a nerd when it came to old signs. I guess it was the marketer side of me.

  The next sign in the pile was nearly illegible. All I could make out was the faint picture of a pie. It was too bad these signs weren’t stored differently.

  There was box beside the signs with no label. There was a single piece of tape keeping it closed. For a few seconds I debated getting off my knees and leaving the box untouched, but I couldn’t do it. I opened the top and found it was completely full of old pictures. “Oh, Wow.” I spoke out loud even though there was no one around to hear. I couldn’t believe the find when I realized they were retro pictures of what the lake used to look like. I took a seat on the ground, unconcerned with how dusty and dirty I would get, and started to flip through the photos.

  The first few were of a woman with two girls. One of the girls was maybe around ten, the other in her early teens. They wore big smiles as they posed in front of the metal Forest Lake sign I’d found. Now that was cool. The woman was gorgeous, and not just in the way women always look gorgeous in old photographs, she had this thing about her. Her eyes were bright. Her smile warm. She had this look about her that made you want to instantly become friends with her. As I continued flipping through I found dozens more of this same threesome. They were sipping soda with a straw, sitting on a bench outside a store front. There was one of the two girls posing on the front porch of one of the cabins— make that this cabin. I saw the number six on it. These were all black and white, but I could imagine the colors just looking at it.

  Next I came to a new set of pictures with a group of guys all wearing uniforms. There were no dates on the pictures, but I assumed this was during World War II.

  Then there were a whole lot of landscape shots. The lake from this view and that. And pictures of a fair. Once again I saw those girls riding in some sort of amusement car. Then there was one of the woman from the first set cozied up to one of the men in uniform pointing at something in the sky. I got chills as I filled in the details of these photos in my head. Were these two together? Was he the girl’s father? It didn’t matter, yet somehow I needed to know more about these people.

  I kept flipping. There were pictures of tables lined with pies and cakes. There was a series of pictures of a pie-eating contest. First the ten contestants were completely clean. There was one in the middle with their faces in the pie. The final one showed empty plates and messy, happy faces.

  I flipped slowly, getting lost in this bygone era. My favorite was a picture of the original three. The daughters were now older. Both teens, and the mother stood in the middle holding a cake with a blue ribbon around the pie plate.

  Maple started to bark. I looked at the fading light and realized I’d just spent hours in the attic. I got up, stiff from sitting still for so long. I replaced the photos in the box and set it back tucked away beside the signs. As much as I wanted to take the photos with me, I used restraint.

  Maple was running in circles when I made it down the stairs, and I immediately put on her leash and took her outside. My head was swirling with questions over the pictures. And the first person I wanted to discuss it with was Logan. The significance of that hit me. I hadn’t thought of Will. I hadn’t thought of telling him. No, I wanted to discuss it with Logan. Which made sense of course. Forest Lake had nothing to do with Will at all. And for that I was grateful.

  Instead of turning left to head down to the lake as I usually did, I turned right and looked at the line of cabins. Had it only been the day before when I first drove past these? From what I’d seen they were all completely empty. I wondered why Frank assigned me number 6? Was it because it was right next to Logan’s? Maybe like leaving me Maple, it was because I was here all alone.

  I reached the end of the cabin rows and headed back the other way. I walked down the rest of the way past Logan’s cabin. These were empty too. Instead of heading back inside my own cabin I knocked on Logan’s door. I didn’t want to annoy him, but I had questions that I needed answers to. I knocked. There was no answer. I probably should have left, and like with the box of pictures I was tempted to at first, but I pushed open the door. “Logan? You home?”

  He didn’t answer. I closed the door. The questions would have to wait. I let the door close and turned toward the steps.

  “Hey, about to
just walk inside, were you?”

  I turned back toward the door to find Logan standing there with just a towel around his waist. My throat stuck as I took him in. The man was gorgeous plain and simple. He’d seemed to be in good shape through his shirts, but this, this muscular, and still wet form was something altogether different. “Uh, hey. No. I wouldn’t have walked in. I was just eager to talk with you.”

  “Eager is good,” he grinned.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called in like that. I hope you’re not mad.”

  “If I wanted to keep people out I could have locked the door. Besides, you aren’t just people, you’re Brooke.

  I tried to clear the fog. Why was it so hard to stop staring at him? “I checked out the attic.”

  “Took my advice, huh?” He leaned against the doorframe. He wasn’t holding the towel and I wondered what would happen if the towel fell.

  I tightened my hold on Maple’s leash. “Yes. It was really cool. I found some awesome old signs and photographs.”

  “Oh? Is that so?”

  “Does Fall Fest include a fair with rides and stuff?” I blurted out my first question. “Or is that separate? Is there a carnival?”

  “I think there used to be, but there haven’t been in my lifetime.”

  “Oh that’s too bad. It looked like a lot of fun.”

  He smiled. “You really enjoyed those pictures, huh?”

  “So you’ve seen them too? The ones of that family?”

  “Nope. I haven’t seen pictures. I was more focused on the mannequins and the box of baseball cards when I went up there a few months ago.”

  “I didn’t notice those.”

  “Hopefully no one took the cards; they have to be worth a fortune.”

  “Yet they just sit there?”

  He shrugged. “I guess Frank is a bit trusting.”

  “So that’s Frank’s stuff up there?”

  “Not exactly. I mean he owns the cabins so yes, but I think he’s storing them for someone else.”

  “I’ll have to ask him about it next time I see him.” Although I wasn’t exactly sure how to broach it. I probably invaded someone’s privacy by opening the box in the first place. “But I take it you wouldn’t know who those people are if I show you.”