Moho (Part One: Rise of a Symbol)

by Persadia

  Cryos takes several deep breaths and refocuses his attention on Nonga. She isn’t doing too well herself either. She is covered in dirt and flaps her tiny wings to clean herself. She should have stayed dirty and kept her scales close to her body because Cryos seizes his opportunity. His twelve tails start shooting the milky white substance from before at Nonga until her body is dripping in it. She won’t be able to use her wings any more either. Touché. But this attack has sucked pretty much all of his remaining energy out of him. He has to lay down.

  In the end, Nonga has one more surprise for him. Hundreds of sharp spikes break through the crust of glue on the back of her body and equally many claws break through her stomach. She uses her sharp claws like a centipede and walks towards Cryos. He is still lying on the ground, gasping for air - but she shows no mercy. She is finally able to wind her body around his body like she wanted to do in the very beginning. But now she is furious and uses her spikes for extra punishment. Cryos roars. Maybe it’s an attempt at another Super Roar to shake her off, but the weak roaring blurs into paltry moaning. She continues to bury her spikes into his fur until he stops moaning. Even then she doesn’t let go. She keeps the lower half of her body wrapped tightly around Cryos' body and uses her claws on the upper part of her body to walk across the destroyed field. Cryos’ fans realize with panic that she is heading directly towards them. They start to hurry out of the tunnels leading to freedom but the tunnels are too few and too narrow for all of them to escape. Then she reaches their side, presses her claws deep into the wall and climbs up the crater. She barely misses the champion’s lounge on her way up. And as if they wanted to demonstrate the danger of the situation, the champions leave their lounge through their own tunnel.

  When Nonga reaches the edge of the crater, she turns around, pulls the defenseless Cryos towards her head and hisses in his face as if she was demonstrating her version of a Super Roar to him. It’s not very loud and Cryos wouldn’t have registered it anyway. He is too worn out. Then, she throws Cryos back onto the field. The field, gaping with holes, collapses under his weight and Cryos lies at the bottom of a deep hole in the middle of the field. His formerly shiny bright fur and dark mane are covered in dirt, his formerly freely moving tails lie on the ground, motionless. His formerly imposing wings are glued to his torso and legs, as if he was protecting himself. And his formerly resolute eyes are closed in pain. Zaha rushes to him and leans her head against his neck. She is so sad. Then she waves towards Yo-Yo and signals that he will be okay. But the fight is over. Cryos is finished.

  Nonga is finished, too, actually. But she climbs back down the wall, across the shaky field and towards her fans to celebrate with us.

  That was amazing. Holo Holo Nalii! That sounded so silly. I used to mock it and say it with a funny voice in my head. Not any more. From now on I will say it with deep awe. Holo Holo Nalii.

  Chapter 9

  The Morning After

  I hear the steps of someone walking past me and I open my eyes slightly. Maya’s silhouette grabs my shirt, takes it outside, and puts it on. Then she strolls down the hill, towards the beach. When she passes the pile of Hotstones, she pauses. For a moment her right hand rests slightly above the Hotstones, her head is lowered. She closes her eyes and takes in the warmth of the Hotstones in the warm morning air. Her heart is heavy.

  She then continues her stroll down the hill until her silhouette vanishes behind the palms and bushes that shield the backyard from the beach.

  I rub my eyes and yawn. I can't find another shirt so I follow Maya in my pants to the beach. As I’m walking through the warm grass of the garden between the jumble of Glowing Stones, I notice what a pleasant morning it is. The sun is slowly rising above the ocean and small waves are lazily rolling towards the beach. Golden sand slips through my toes. A warm breeze covers my half naked body.

  Maya is sitting close to the ocean, hugging her arms tightly around her legs. I sit down next to her, so that my right shoulder touches her left shoulder, and put my arms around my legs, just like she does. We simply stare into the distance for a while and take in this moment. I feel her body warmth on my right side. She is barely warmer than the air. The sound of the waves is the only sound we hear for a while.

  "That was fun," I say to her. She takes a deep, slow breath.

  "Last night or the dinner?" she asks but she isn’t looking at me. She is still watching the sunrise.

  "Both."

  She smiles but she still doesn’t turn her head towards me. I look at the profile of her face against the glossy ocean. Her full soft lips, her cute little nose, her lost tired eyes. The sea breeze messes up her hair but for the first time she doesn’t straighten it. She doesn’t care any more.

  "I owe you an apology. I’m sorry for what you had to witness on my creationday," she says.

  "I’m not sorry and I’m glad I had the chance to. I feel much closer to you now."

  "You probably don't want to be tutored by me after how I've behaved."

  "I felt like you really opened yourself up that night. You felt pain and you caused pain. It was very raw… you bared it all. I could see right into your heart," I tell her. "You make much more sense now."

  "Because it makes sense that I’m a mess since they are a mess?"

  "There is stuff you have to figure out, yes. But in that way you’re no different from anyone else."

  "And what do you have to figure out? You had this outstanding selection, you’re doing really well at the sessions and you’ve already made friends."

  "Trust me; there are many things that are seriously wrong with me. But that’s fine," I say. "What I’m wondering, though, is why did you want to get selected in the first place? Everybody was so dismissive about Cosmo’s Islands and yet one of them had to push you towards it, right? I mean, how would someone who lives in a community that isn’t appreciative of Cosmo’s Islands get the dream of getting selected? Who gave you that dream in the beginning?"

  "I wish I had thought about that the other night."

  "I think you’ve said plenty," I say. Maya finally turns her head towards me. For a moment she looks at me with a straight face and I fear that she did not like that comment. Then she agrees with a grin.

  "It was Lee. I remember her as this really pushy, serious woman who had little self-worth and used me to heal herself. In the beginning I wasn’t good at… well, anything really. But for some reason she picked me and made me work really, really hard on mental connectivity. Over time I became good but no matter how well I did, it wasn’t enough for her. I never heard any words of appreciation. No 'Well done, Maya', no 'I’m proud of you'. Nothing. Until today she still hasn’t recognized my accomplishments in any way."

  "Maybe you just need to tell her that you are missing that. I’m sure she is super proud of you."

  "Ridiculous. No. I shouldn’t have to tell her that. And from the moment Cosmo selected me, she lost all interest in me. Her mission of getting me into Cosmo’s Islands was achieved and so she just forgot about me. She had taken all she wanted from me and I was no longer of service to her self-worth."

  "But they told you that they are sad because you are gone so often and they just want you to come home."

  "Yo-Yo, Kai and Maha did, yes."

  "Then forget about Lee. There are three other people who want you here. I bet they are proud of you."

  "There is a certain degree of appreciation. But Cosmo’s Islands and The Spring is not something they are too interested in anyway. They don't understand it and therefore they don't really understand me. All they really care about is the arena, their animals, their training center, and the league. They never really cared too much about what I did. I believe them when they say they are sad that I’m gone, though. In their case it’s a good feeling it gives me."

  "Because they care about you and not what you do. Isn’t that reason enough to come home?"

  "It’s not my fault that I no longer live with them. Lee made me leave. She knew that I would hav
e to dedicate myself entirely to her goal of becoming a Creator. And she knew that no Creator had ever left The Spring. Losing me was inevitable."

  I think the last remark is true for so many reasons. Not just because of Lee but because of Maya herself.

  "You can’t send someone away and expect them to not grow apart from you. Every time we communicate now there is nothing to talk about. She doesn’t understand what my life at Cosmo’s Islands is like. She doesn’t understand what learning those skills feels like. She doesn’t understand the feeling of being a nominee. She and I, we live in different worlds."

  "Then what about me? I don't want to lose my tutor either."

  "You'll be fine. And if you work hard you’ll get summoned as well."

  "And how am I supposed to pull this off without a tutor?"

  "I can ask Cosmo to take over for me. He pushed me really hard and he is going to do the same with you as well but it'll all pay off."

  "It would be more than enough if you got him to just talk to me. I haven't seen him once since Springday. I still don't know why I'm here."

  "Cosmo told you that he selected you 'based on unparalleled discipline, unbreakable perseverance, and enlightening adaptability'. You know that," she claims. "But it's true. He spends more and more time away from the Islands. Anyway, he'll be a tremendous replacement."

  "But I don't want a replacement. I want the original."

  "You'd be lucky to have him. Don't make the same mistake as Lee and under-appreciate him. I didn't like how she was talking about Cosmo. He was my tutor and I owe him everything."

  "You probably owe Lee and Yo-Yo a thing or two as well."

  "I owe him everything," she repeats seriously.

  "Oh, come on. What is it about Lee that you let her dominate your mind?" I ask. She hesitates, bites her lower lip, and then looks away for a moment.

  "If I’m too honest, then I have to admit that out of all the people I know, she is the one I can see myself in the most."

  "You’re not this ruthless and… you’re not her. Not at all."

  "I don’t do what she does. But sometimes I fear that if I stayed here, I would become Lee. We are so similar that I’m afraid that living where she lives will eventually make us the same person."

  "Okay, there are character traits you two have in common but you two are not similar and you'll definitely never become her. I think part of the reason you two had this argument on your creationday is that you two haven't come to terms with your individuality yet. It looks like you have so many expectations for one another based on your own personality but you can't fulfill those expectations because you are not the same person."

  She starts to cry a little and I lay my arm around her.

  "Maybe I can’t convince you but you are not like her. And they made it very clear that they want you to stay."

  "Yes, I know. I’m not surprised. Now that she has what she wanted, she changes her mind. Now, all of the sudden, she wants the opposite."

  "Maya, I was thinking… are you sure that you even want to get summoned?" I ask carefully and earn the surprised look I expected. So I explain, "Look, I mean, it isn't really in line with your values, right? You think that what really matters is to find an essence that completes one’s own, right?"

  "Yes, I did say that," she admits.

  "Well, then you shouldn't care about The Spring, right? The Spring creates bodies and you think they are useless. So, Maya, I'm wondering, aren't you actually going for the esteem it will give you?" I ask. But she doesn't answer. I wait a moment before I ask another question. "And there is something else. So, um, I’m not sure if I’m allowed to bring that up but do you think she changed her mind because of what happened to her triplets?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, you know, that she changed her mind about The Spring when it took her triplets? That would be reasonable, I’d say."

  "It was not unknown that The Spring punishes violent behavior. It ended The First Dark Time with a Mass Darkening as well. And after that there were several Darkenings of individuals, too."

  "But it’s different when you know the victims, don’t you agree?"

  "They had to be punished for what they did," she counters.

  "About that… I was wondering, what exactly did they do?"

  "I don’t want to talk about it," she says, quite hurt. "I’m sure you will find everything you need to know on MNOP and KNOP."

  "I won’t look it up."

  "I appreciate that," she says. Then the conversation pauses for a moment in which we simply listen to the sound of the ocean. Maya, however, is still struggling with Lee.

  "I think Lee simply doesn’t care any longer," she claims.

  "That didn’t sound like indifference," I remark.

  "But I’m indifferent towards her wishes. I’ve spent every single day trying to make her happy. Enough of that. I have to stop trying to please her. I can't please her anyway. From now on, I will do what I want."

  "And that is?" I inquire. She smiles and shrugs.

  "I don’t really know… It depends. After the dinner I wanted to get summoned. I felt like I wanted that for myself. But then at other times… I don’t. At other times I think I just want to leave everything behind and start new… I’m tired. So tired. I don’t want to try anymore. I want to be done. Finished. Behind the finish line. I’m tired of running towards the finish line. And the race never, never ends. The closer I get to the finish line, the further it moves away. I don’t know who is pushing it back. Maybe I’m the one. Or maybe I’m running backwards... Either way, while I’m running I can't reach it. But maybe when I just stop running, when I just stop trying to win, it will all be over. Maybe I will suddenly find myself behind the finish line. Maybe I will pass the finish line the moment I stop running… I used to think that what I wanted was to be someone for other people— that I wanted to become someone other people could follow. But I’m tired. Becoming that person is so exhausting. I don’t want to do… well, I don’t want to do anything any more. At all."

  "Then what do you want?" I ask but Maya just shrugs again.

  "I just want to be happy," she answers after a while.

  "And what is that? What is it that will make you happy?"

  "I don’t know what it is but if it exists I won’t find it while I’m running on the course I’m on right now. I have to change direction or step off the course to find it."

  "Then do it. There is no one holding you back."

  "But I only know this course. I don’t know what’s beside the course. I used to think that happiness was behind the finish line, that all I was doing was leading me towards happiness. But all I’m running through to get there is misery. But maybe misery is what I’d find everywhere else, too. And maybe misery is what I would find even behind the finish line. I will lose either way."

  "Yo-Yo, Kai, and Maha are who you will find off the course. And me. I’m right here beside you. There is no upside for anyone if you join The Spring."

  "But I’m also scared. I’m scared of giving everything up for something I don’t know. What if the unknown thing isn't what I want? What if it won’t make me happy? What then?"

  "You will never know of you don’t try. It doesn’t sound like you have anything to lose, right? If misery is everywhere, then you might as well try a different kind of misery," I say. "Look, you did come here. And brought me with you. Wasn’t that a first step off the course?"

  "I don’t know… I don’t like to believe that."

  "Then what would you like to believe?"

  "That I came to say goodbye. That I didn’t waste my life for something neither they nor I wanted. I haven’t done anything but Cosmo’s Islands. I don’t want all of this to have been for nothing. When I leave I want my life to have had meaning. I came here to spend my creationday one more time with them. So I’m saying I leave you but I also forgive you."

  "So you said goodbye because you want to join The Spring?"

  "I said goodbye. For wh
at I don’t know. I feel close enough to them that I feel the need to say goodbye and yet I feel so far away from them emotionally that I just cannot stay… I don’t want to say goodbye because my life will end. I want to say goodbye because my time with them ends."

  "But your life will only end if you join The Spring. And you don't have to. Even if The Spring picks you, you don’t have to join it."

  "I'd be incredibly lucky if The Spring wants me. I mean, what if it doesn't work out?

  "You are good at what you do, just trust in yourself. I certainly don't want you to leave but if that's what you think you have to do, then I want you to believe in your success. You can do it."

  "It somehow has to work out. There is nothing more to want than becoming a Creator, so what am I going to do once The Spring has picked someone else? I can only strive for less after that."

  "Right now it may look to you that becoming a Creator is all you want but you will get over it sooner than later and then you will find other things to want. And you don't have control over it anyway, do you?"

  "I do. I have to work really hard. That's how I got nominated and that is the only way I will get summoned. I have to focus and ignore everything else. One step after the other and in the end I will succeed."

  "So now you are sure that you want to go?"

  "No…"

  "Maya, look, I mean, you can just stay. No one is forcing you to leave but you."

  "I know. Maybe. But how would that look? Each and every Islander is on Cosmo's Islands to get summoned and then I get summoned and turn it down? What a betrayal."