by Persadia
“What was that?” I ask Vijay when I open my eyes.
“That, my friend, is why you are from now on 'The Savior' and Aziz is from now on 'The Prophet'," he responds seriously. “After Pax’s attack, when everyone woke up, Aziz shared the dream he had in his sleep, or 'The Vision' how everyone calls it, on INOP. It spread rapidly and within a day or so, pretty much every navee on Persadia had seen it.”
"Yeah, whatever. That’s obviously ridiculous. None of that actually happened,” I counter.
“I know. Ravi knows. But for most people that is a vision of the future that The Spring sent to Aziz in a moment of darkness. You have to understand. For many it's the first direct signal from The Spring in forever. Now people think The Third Dark Time will come, Pax has already started it and you will single-handedly save all of them and found a second Spring,” he explains. “By the way, Cosmo probably hates that you are suddenly more famous than him. Still, even he got something out of it. Now it looks like Cosmo knew that you were The Savior when he selected you. They think he couldn’t explain your selection to anyone because The Spring hadn’t published The Vision yet.”
“Oh, my Spring. That is so dumb that it hurts,” I say.
“Who knows.”
“You don’t believe that, do you?” I ask.
“Probably not. But it would make things easier if you would just publish your memory from Pax’s attack on MNOP. Pax published hers and everyone thinks it’s made up. She has zero credibility but you have all credibility in the world.”
“I won’t share my memory. There is stuff in there that’s between me and Pax. And people will realize that there is no such thing as The Vision when The Third Dark Time just won't come.”
“I get it. Besides, people believe what they wanna believe,” Vijay says.
“So how did you all wake up? And who put me on a bed in the middle of the entry hall?” I ask.
“Aleeya saved everyone. She wasn’t at the Islands when Pax attacked and removed everyone’s bug from CEBOS. Then Pax was put away and you were put on that bed. For days people brought you every small Glowing Stone they could find. There were people from all over Persadia who wanted to come to Cosmo’s Islands and bring you their most beautiful Glowing Stones but Cosmo told them to stay away. He told everyone his islands are for selected learners only.”
“Where is Pax now?” I ask him.
“The Chasteners put her in a cave under their dorm on the White Island,” Vijay tells me. “They don’t want her to cause any more damage until her Darkening tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow!?” I repeat.
“Yes. You must be relieved.”
“Who isn’t?”
“Well, I mean what has she done, really?” he asks.
“Vijay, she has tried to erase literally every single Islander, including you,” I remind him.
“Yeah, I know, but that happened after she was doomed. Anyway, what Xerxes and his chastes are doing to her is just as cruel. If she needs to get punished then so do they. Chasteners aren't any better. Why do they care anyway? … I don’t know… To me it looks like she hasn’t really done anything. She is human. So what? How is that her fault? Thousands, maybe millions of humans have invaded Persadia over time and I kn-… err… I guess that not everyone one of them went crazy and hurt other people. And she didn’t act all crazy before the chastes took away her future. I literally hadn’t heard about her once before Springday when she suddenly started talking to Ravi. Anyway, all of this sounds very unfair to me.”
It’s not until now that I realize that I've never told Vijay what happened in CEBOS — and I decide to leave it like that.
“Maybe she did more than we know,” I say. Vijay pushes himself up and slides back to the wall, next to me.
“What else could she have done?” he asks.
“I kept having those dreams. They suddenly started, they we’re a sequence of some sorts, perfectly blending into each other. First I didn’t understand what they were showing but tonight it all finally came together. Something, someone sucked the life out of all my relatives. One by one someone took my family… aged them in an instant - until I was alone. Well, not quite. My mother didn't die at first but tonight…” I say.
Silence. I wait for him to make a decision.
“You know, Moho, navees don’t have relatives … or a mother. They don’t age … or die," Vijay says slowly.
“I knew that. And you knew that, too,” I point out and stare at him. Vijay gasps and then his scared eyes confirm my assumption. I nod.
“Please, don’t —” he begins.
“Those were just dreams… maybe none of that has actually happened," I suggest. "However, I need to get into Pax’s CEBOS. Tonight. Before she gets darkened. I think she has something to do with those dreams."
“That’s impossible,” he claims.
“It better be possible,”I say and stare at him again.
“There is no way she is going to let you inside her mind,” he says.
“Not if she is conscious, no. We may not know how to create a bug to put her asleep but we know how to do it the old-fashioned way, you understand?” I ask.
“I’m afraid I do.”
We walk in silence back to the surface of the Black Island, through the tunnels of Maze Island all the way to the White Islands. Luckily, all Chasteners are asleep and we sneak into the caves without anyone seeing us.
“Dido! No!” Pax yells at someone inside her cave.
“Who is Dido?” I ask Vijay.
“You don’t wanna know, trust me,” he responds.
I help Vijay to remove the large rock from the entrance of Pax’s prison but then I let him put her to sleep by himself. When I no longer hear her, I enter the cave. The space is small and dimly lit by the cold light of a single small Glowing Stone. She is lying in semidarkness on the ground. Vijay is sitting down next to her. There is no one else inside the cave.
“That was quick,” I remark.
“It’s not like she gets any food down here. She couldn’t defend herself,” Vijay says. He doesn’t show it but I know he hates me for this. And I understand him.
I look at Pax and for a long moment I have qualms.
“Don’t let me have this committed for nothing,” he protests.
I walk over to him and Pax and lie down next to her, my head close to hers.
“Wait!” Vijay shouts.
“What? You just said —”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just that… it’s dangerous. You have to watch out for her Emotionclones. If they touch you, they will cause serious mental damage in your brain,” he warns me.
“Oh, you don’t need to tell me. Actually, Pax told me that when we activated my CEBOS,” I say. Wow… that feels like forever ago. Maya, Pax and I set up my CEBOS. Together! That would be unimaginable now. So much has changed.
“And remember that the only way to get out as long as you are still conscious is to jump into the Memorystream,” he explains.
“I know, thanks,” I respond and close my eyes.
“Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, she has changed, you don’t know her any more. She is dangerous,” he says.
“You don’t say. I’ve met her, remember?” I say.
“No, you haven’t. Not this version of her. When you last met her, she had hope,” he says, pauses and adds, “You’ve crushed it. She has lost all hope— and her mind. She is mad.”
“Well, let’s hope she doesn’t wake up while I’m in her mind then,” I say.
“And Moho?”
“What!?” I ask impatiently.
“Good luck…” he says slowly. Then everything goes dark.
When the black fades to white and I open my eyes, a chill runs down my spine. I’m where I wanted to be but her Memoryspiral is ruined. The usually brightly glowing ceiling is almost entirely dark, making it very hard to see. Thousands of Essencestrings hang loosely from the ceiling instead of being imbedded in the walls. 'Memoryspiral' is also misleading
at this point because the Memorybubbles aren’t arranged in a spiral any more. They aren’t arranged at all. It looks like someone shook the whole space and left the Memorybubbles where they happened to come to a halt. That makes my quest of finding her memories from the nights when I had those dreams much harder.
I entered her CEBOS nearby the Memorystream but the Memorystream isn’t pouring out of the end of the space as it normally does. It looks like no memories are being created right now. I walk deeper into the space which normally leads deeper into the past. I’m not sure if I will find anything in this chaos, particularly because her Memoryspiral is many times bigger than mine and contains hundreds of thousands more Memorybubbles than mine does. But that makes sense since she was created long before me. It’s always quiet in any Memoryspiral but this silence feels spooky. Part of me wants to leave.
I approach the left wall to peek through one of the many holes in the mesh. It almost looks like Pax did the same she did to the wall in Aziz’s Imaginationweb and caused those holes herself. I can’t see anything. It’s dark on the other side.
For a split-second the whole vast space is illuminated by the ceiling but then darkness takes over again. Is she waking up already? How much time has passed? I’ve always wondered if time passes the same inside the mind as it does outside. For a moment I’m distracted, don’t look where I’m going and I immediately bump into a bunch of wobbly Essencestrings that are dangling from the ceiling. There are big Memorybubbles left and right. So I have to push the bunch of Essencestrings to the side. And when I do, Pax stares right at me.
“Ah!” I scream and press my hands against my mouth as if I didn’t want to wake her up. But then I realize that it’s not really her. What I’m looking at is just one of her doubles, a slowly walking, relaxed Emotionclone. I turn around to make room for it to pass but there is another one coming from behind. I’m stuck. There is one Pax in front of me, one Pax behind me and Memorybubbles to my right and my left. So I escape into the Memorybubble to my right and the Emotionclones walk away. That was close! But how weird that Emotionclones are walking around her Memoryspiral even though there are no Memorybubbles created right now for them to jump into. I have to be more careful.
“This cycle is going to be different, Dido. I just know it!” Pax claims and reminds me that I’m in one of her Memorybubbles. It shows Pax sitting in a dark space.
“No, it won’t,” Dido counters.
“Dido, you don’t understand! I’m not just saying it this time. No. This time I know it! I feel it in my heart!” Pax insists. She is beaming with joy. I can’t remember that I’ve ever seen her that happy. And she looks so healthy. Her hair is in order, her clothes are clean, her face looks fresh. To be honest, she looks good, downright beautiful. I didn’t notice that at the time.
“It’s going to be just like any other cycle, there and here,” Dido hisses.
“But there were cycles when things were different,” Pax argues.
“Different,” Dido emphasizes.
“And better. Both,” Pax argues. “Come on, Dido! Don’t be so negative! It’s a new cycle with dozens of new Selectees. They might like me. One of them at least. I’m telling you, from tomorrow on it’s no longer going to be me and I, it’s going to be we and us, and all will be well.”
“No one wants you here at Cosmo’s Islands. You will never become a part of it. You know it has never happened, neither on Earth nor on Persadia. It’s time to end it. Once and for all,” Dido yells.
“But only when I don’t find a human, okay?” Pax asks kindly.
“A human? Cosmo won’t select another human after what happened the last time. All you might find is a navee and that won’t end your misery. Stop pretending! Get darkened!” Dido shouts.
Then the memory starts over again. This conversation is disturbing enough as it is. But the fact that there is no Dido breaks my heart a little. She is Dido. She made up an imaginary friend - or enemy. That's just sad…
I leave the Memorybubble and stumble into another one.
“It happened, Dido! It did! He selected a human! I swear!” Pax exclaims.
“You don’t know that,” Dido argues.
“I do! I swear!” Pax repeats and adds, “Xerxes punched Moho and I could literally see the rage that took control over Moho.
“That’s no proof. You could have asked Moho. Get over your anxieties. You’re embarrassing,” Dido says coldly.
“Aziz and Aleeya were there. What if Moho had denied the attack, had lied to me… had rejected me?” She asks and waits for Dido to agree. But Dido just gives a loud, sneering groan. “Okay, you’re right. But I will get the proof for you tomorrow,” Pax says.
That must have been right after the party on Springday. I didn’t know anyone else saw Xerxes punching me. Maybe we could have held him responsible together… Does that mean she only tried to force me to reveal my secret because she was afraid to talk to me in that moment? I would have told her the truth then. I hadn’t taken The Vow then… Ugh, she really should have talked to me. I was desperately looking for someone who believed me in that moment.
I leave the Memorybubble and wander through the darkness for a while before I’m ready for the next piece of her past. It's one of the larger Memorybubbles and is quite grey which hints to emotions of disappointment and unhappiness.
“Why did you even select me?” Pax asks.
“It wasn’t my decision to bring you to Cosmo’s Islands. Liam selected you,” Cosmo answers.
The fact that it’s Cosmo talking to her throws me a little. How did she manage to talk to him?
The two are sitting on a red beach which leads me to assume they met on the Red Island.
“I want to go back in time and stay in that moment forever. Everything seemed possible right after my selection. Things were different before The Second Dark Time, you know?” Pax says.
“Things were different but not better. Don’t idealize the past,” Cosmo responds.
“For me they definitely were better. I’m getting darkened, remember?” Pax says and looks at the ground in between Cosmo and her.
“And who’s fault is that?” Cosmo asks and waits but both know the answer to that question. So he continues, “It would be best if you left Cosmo’s Islands.”
“Best for whom?"Pax asks but Cosmo doesn't respond. "You.” Touché.
“Maybe you can evade your Darkening in the forests of Fogmountains,” Cosmo suggests. Pax raises her head to look into his eyes. She is very disappointed. Then they look towards Fogmountains where big clouds are hanging over the foggy mountain chain in the distance. Flashes of lightening illuminate the dark-grey clouds every few seconds and yet it’s silent. Fogmountains is too far away to hear the thunder.
“You want to dispose of me? You want me to get lost in The Dark Forest? Me? And that after you tutored me all those cycles?” she asks. Her voice is shaky and she is probably about to cry, but the memory ends and I’ll never know.
Wow! Cosmo was her tutor as well? He knew that she hadn’t left Cosmo’s Islands after the announcement? Is he living on the Red Island as well? And why didn’t he select her? I thought only he can select people for his islands… When I first heard ‘Liam’ I thought about the mental engineer who designed Holo Holo Nalii for CEBOS and looked like Cosmo. But maybe that’s a coincidence and he was talking about a different Liam. I’d almost like Pax to wake up now so I can ask her those questions before she gets darkened.
I pick another big Memorybubble and find her sitting by herself, holding her stomach. Then someone approaches her. I had almost forgotten about that person.
“Are you alright, my dear?” Aleeya asks her. She kneels next to her and strokes her back.
“I don’t know… Ever since the announcement I’m having those pains all over my body. Sometimes I can’t even walk. I think I’m sick,” Pax answers.
“Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be in this awful situation of yours,” Aleeya says and squeezes her shoulders lovingl
y.
“Maybe it’s best when I do what Cosmo said and leave. Without all this here, without Cosmo’s Islands, without the stress, I might get better again,” Pax says, more to herself than to Aleeya.
“Are you sure my dear? Have you really done everything you set out to do this cycle?” Aleeya asks.
“Sometimes I think I don’t want to any more. The toll my plan takes seems too great.” Pax says.
“My dear, I feel with you,” Aleeya assures her and strokes her cheek. “But remember—”
“Great accomplishments come with great effort,” Pax says as if she was repeating a mantra for the millionth time. “I know.”
How is it that she got to see Cosmo and Aleeya when I didn’t see any of them all cycle? And why does Aleeya like Pax? I thought I was her 'dear'. And what plan was she talking about? Was she working on something good with Aleeya? Or did she fool Aleeya as well?
I’m so confused that I don’t look where I’m going, stumble over something and fall flat onto my face. A Thoughttree is lying on the floor. I’ve never seen a Thoughttree in a Memoryspiral. Everything is broken in this mind. Since memories often include other people, I consider thoughts more private than memories but I stick one ear into one of its branches.
“Shut up Pax! You’re so stupid! Oh… Pax, no! No one cares about that! Oh… you don't get it. Stop dreaming!” Pax — or hopefully Dido — thinks. But I’m pretty sure it’s Pax.
This place makes me sick and I kind of regret that I came here. And yet, when I see a big and unusually colorful Memorybubble, I can’t help it and enter the memory.