“I appreciate the offer so much.”
“But…”
“No buts. I said I’d think about it. We don’t even know what’s involved yet.”
They were both quiet the rest of the flight. As much as she didn’t want to think about it, the truth was, Mantis had broken her heart, and Dutch had been there to pull her through a very dark time of her life.
It didn’t matter that she didn’t feel the same passion for him that she felt for Mantis; she couldn’t betray him. No more than she could risk Mantis breaking her heart all over again when the day came that she asked him not to go, but he left anyway.
The last time he had, she’d gone to a bar alone; something she never did. One glass of wine turned into another, and before she knew it, she’d polished an entire bottle on her own. Worse, she hadn’t eaten all day.
She hadn’t blacked out, but what had happened that night was fuzzy. By the time Dutch arrived, she’d ordered the first glass of her second bottle, and by the time they left, they’d both had a lot more to drink.
Both of them drunk, she’d cried on his shoulder while Dutch had professed his undying, albeit unrequited, love for her.
She shook her head, wishing she hadn’t left the house that night as much as she wished Mantis hadn’t either.
—:—
It was as though Mantis could hear Alegria’s thoughts, and each one was like a knife in his heart—one he’d put there himself. What had once been easy between them never would be again. They’d have moments, but a few minutes later, she’d remember that he’d left her when she asked him not to, and all the hurt would rise back to the surface. How many times could he say he was sorry?
Mantis shook his head, acknowledging to himself that he’d never actually apologized, because he still wasn’t sure he was sorry.
He wanted her back, though. Was it because she was with Dutch? Or was it because he’d finally gotten to the point in his life where he believed he might want the same things she did? The most important word in that thought was might. Even now he wasn’t certain.
“Alegria,” he murmured.
“What?”
“Nothing.” It wasn’t that he had anything in particular to say to her. It was that he was remembering the day she’d been given the call sign.
Sometimes, call signs could be almost disparaging, given at the comedic expense of the recipient. Like Stem, for example, who was given the name because after two beers, every part of his brain except the stem shut down. Or Frag, who was the social equivalent of a hand grenade. Alegria was the opposite.
Her call sign meant joy, happiness, and even freedom.
His first solo had been technically perfect. He told himself over and over again not to mess up. He was procedurally focused in his clinical approach. It was only after he saw the look on Manon’s face when she climbed out of the aircraft after her first solo that he realized he’d done it all wrong.
What he saw was unadulterated joy. She’d slipped the surly bonds of earth, and flown. When the Portuguese pilot standing next to him murmured alegria, Mantis immediately knew it should be her call sign.
When he stepped forward to spray her with the requisite Champagne, he’d also bestowed on her the name most knew her by.
Where was that joy now? That happiness? That sense of freedom? Where was the fiery Flygirl he’d done battle with again and again as they competed over everything from aeronautical engineering grades to PT scores?
That was the woman he wanted back. The last time he’d seen her was right before he told her he was taking the mission she’d asked him not to.
It was time to prepare for their descent and landing. Once they were on the ground, he planned to do everything he could to get that Alegria back. Even if she couldn’t be his.
His first landing of the SF50 was terrible. He flared too high, and his recovery was ham-handed, too. The entire approach was kin to Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, with multiple episodes of plus or minus ten-knot wind shear and squirrely, gusty winds once they arrived above the tarmac.
The good news was that even with the high flare, a short recovery, and a bit of a bounce, he still used less than half of the runway’s length—in spite of, not because of, his brilliant technique.
“That…was…pitiful.” Alegria was laughing so hard she could hardly speak, and soon he was too.
“Wait until you try to land this thing,” he challenged.
“I wouldn’t have to try very hard to do better than that,” she said, wiping away her tears of laughter. “Jesus, how long did you say it had been since you flew?”
There she was, he thought to himself as she continued spewing trash talk. By the time she got her clearance to fly again, instead of getting a momentary glimpse of the woman she used to be before he took away her joy, he’d do everything in his power to give it all back to her.
—:—
“I had to see your face to believe you were really coming with him,” Mantis’ mother shouted as she ran down the steps of their front porch. “Come here, sweet girl.”
When Minnie Cassman put her arms around Alegria, she almost cried. It had been almost two years since she last saw Mantis’ family, and until this moment, she hadn’t realized how much she’d missed their warmth and affection.
“Kip couldn’t wait up any longer. He asked me to tell you he’d see you both in the morning.”
“Hi, Mom,” said Mantis as his mom wrapped him in a hug like she had Alegria.
“I don’t care how he managed it, I’m just glad you’re here,” said Minnie, linking her arm with Alegria’s as they walked up the steps. “I heard you had quite an ordeal. When was your surgery?”
She really didn’t like to talk about it, or the gunshot that had necessitated it, but Minnie had a way of getting her to.
“I’ve been out of the hospital a little over a month. They couldn’t operate right away. They had to wait until my condition stabilized.” Alegria told Minnie about her time in the ICU and about how rigorous physical therapy had been.
At one point, she looked over at Mantis, whose expression was one of awe.
“What?” she asked.
“I didn’t realize how bad it was,” he said quietly.
“Well, it explains the neuropathy, I guess.”
“What’s this?”
Soon Alegria was explaining what had happened at her last checkup, something she hadn’t gone into detail with anyone about.
“I’ve volunteered to help her get her medical clearance.”
Minnie looked at her son with skepticism. “How will you do that?”
“I have healing powers,” he joked.
Minnie’s gaze fell on Alegria. “You were always the one with healing powers.”
His mom was talking about how hard she’d worked Mantis when he was in a similar position. However, his surgery had been so much less severe than hers. She should probably be thankful she could walk rather than lamenting the fact that she couldn’t fly.
“Let’s get you settled in,” Minnie said, standing and pointing to Alegria’s bag. “You probably want to get some sleep.”
Alegria looked at Mantis, hoping he’d clear things up for his mother.
“I think Alegria will be more comfortable in the guest room on this floor. I’ll sleep upstairs.”
Minnie looked back and forth between them. “Of course she would,” she finally said. “Gehring, set her bag on the cedar chest, and I’ll air the room out.”
“Thank you,” Alegria mouthed to Mantis.
“Gehring did tell you that Jonas and Theresa had another baby, right? A girl they named Alana. Isn’t that beautiful?” Minnie was babbling while she turned down the guest room bed. “Get some rest, sweetheart,” she said, kissing her cheek.
“Thank you,” she said out loud, this time to Minnie. “I am very tired.”
Had it only been ten hours since she was grappling with meeting Dutch and Mantis at the airport? Yet, here she was with him at his parents’ house
. How in the world had that happened?
She looked up at the ceiling, knowing sleep wouldn’t come anytime soon, especially since Mantis was in the room right above hers.
Chapter 13
Dutch
The call from Doc came when Dutch stopped at a truck stop to get a cup of coffee. Serendipitously, he had a mission for him. One he had to leave for immediately.
“I got a call from the agency. There’s a situation back in Mogadishu, and they’re asking for K19 support.”
“I’m in.”
“Where are you now?” he asked.
“About an hour from Langley.”
“Roger that. I’ll arrange transport from there.”
He hung up and breathed a sigh of relief that he’d dodged the bullet of walking into his house alone while the scent of Alegria still wafted through its closed-up rooms.
Before he got back on the road, Dutch had one more call to make. He’d known Minnie Cassman since he and Mantis were teenagers; he knew she’d never be in bed before midnight.
“They arrived a little over an hour ago,” Minnie told him.
“Good. I’ll check back in a few days.”
Things couldn’t have worked out better if he’d planned it himself.
“Dutch?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re like a second son to me, and I know you’re hurting. Are you sure about going through with this?”
“I don’t have any choice.”
He had to give Mantis and Alegria time to figure out whether they still loved each other as much as Dutch believed they did. The only way that could happen was if he was out of the picture for an extended period of time.
Chapter 14
Mantis and Alegria
Mantis tossed and turned most of the night, unable to think about anything other than the way he’d felt earlier when he took Alegria’s hand in his. As brief as the moment had been, having his skin touch hers, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand, filled him with longing.
He had to keep reminding himself that the road they were tentatively headed down would only bring hurt to them both. She and Dutch were together, and he had no business getting in the middle of their relationship, no matter how rocky it appeared to be.
What kind of man would he be if he seduced his best friend’s girlfriend? He could justify it by saying Dutch had done the same to him, but he hadn’t. Nothing had happened between them until Dutch was certain she and Mantis had broken up.
He wished he could go back to their time in Mogadishu when Dutch had asked if Mantis wanted him to take a step back so he could try to work things out with Alegria. He’d said no at the time, and now he was cursing himself for it.
“What the hell, Dutch?” he murmured into the darkness.
When he saw the sun on the horizon, Mantis decided there was no point in staying in bed any longer. He got up and went downstairs to make a pot of coffee.
Once it was brewing, he walked into the living room and stood in front of the wall of family pictures. In the middle of all the high school yearbook shots, hung the photo of Ian, his older brother, taken the day he was sworn in as a firefighter for the city of New York.
Mantis rolled his shoulders and took a deep breath. The pain of missing his brother never went away. He wasn’t alone in that; his parents felt it too. Hell, everyone who’d ever known Ian, missed the hell out of him.
The coffee’s aroma beckoned him back into the kitchen. On a day like today, when he’d gotten no sleep the night before, his body needed the caffeine.
“Mmm,” he heard Alegria say from behind him. She took his breath away when he turned around and saw her standing in the doorway.
She was barefoot, wearing an Air Force t-shirt that fell almost to her knees. If he remembered right, she’d had it since their academy days.
“Is it almost ready?” she asked, opening the kitchen cupboard where his mother kept the coffee cups.
“Another minute or so,” he said, turning his back on her and opening the refrigerator as much to cool off as to get out the milk. As it was, he was a breath away from picking her up, setting her cute butt on the kitchen counter, and kissing her good morning the way he longed to.
When he turned back around, she was right in front of him with two steaming cups of coffee in her hands. He poured a little milk in each, set the container back in the fridge, and took one cup from her.
“Still no sugar, right?”
Alegria sat down at the table and rolled her eyes.
“What?”
“It hasn’t been that long.”
Actually, it felt as though it had been an eternity since they’d shared a cup of coffee while the rest of the world still slept. He took a seat across the table from her and watched as she closed her eyes and took a sip.
“This is really good,” she murmured. “You always did make a great pot of coffee.”
“I hope that wasn’t my only talent, Flygirl.”
Alegria’s cheeks pinkened and her eyes met his. God, he wanted to take her hand, pull her to his lap, and kiss her harder than he ever had before.
“I heard we had a visitor,” said his dad, coming into the kitchen at either the best or worst possible moment.
Alegria stood and hugged him. “Hey, Kip. How are you?”
“Better now that you’re here,” he said.
“Hey, Dad,” said Mantis, hugging his father after Alegria had.
“Missed you, Son,” he said, thumping him on the back. “You too, pretty girl.”
Alegria smiled and sat back down.
“Can I get you a cup of coffee?”
His dad waved him off. “I can get it, Gehring. Take a seat.”
“What’s all the racket in my kitchen?” said his mother, joining them.
“I hope we didn’t wake you,” said Alegria, standing to kiss his mother’s cheek.
“Of course you didn’t. You know I’m always up with the hens.”
Mantis never understood why his mother used that expression; she’d never owned chickens in her life.
“I’ve always wondered where you keep these hens,” he said.
“I love having you in my kitchen, even with your smart mouth.” She pinched his cheek and then poured herself a cup of coffee as well. “I thought the two of you would sleep in today.”
Mantis met Alegria’s gaze. “Some habits die hard I guess.”
“You’ve both always been early risers.”
Alegria didn’t look particularly uncomfortable, but Mantis wondered if their conversation was making her feel that way. His mother was talking as if the two of them were an old married couple.
“Who’s hungry?” his mom asked, opening the refrigerator he needed to cool himself off again already.
“I am,” said Alegria, jumping up. “Can I help?”
“Always, sweet girl,” his mother said, smiling at her with all the love Mantis felt himself. How many times had she and his mother made breakfast in this kitchen? Countless.
“Got a minute, Son?” his father asked.
“Of course.” Mantis followed him out to the front porch.
“Fill me in,” he said once they were seated.
“On?”
“You and Miss Frenchie.”
Mantis laughed. “We’re friends, and she hates being called that, Dad.”
His father leaned forward and shook his head. “Where did I go wrong?”
Mantis laughed again. “We’re meant to be friends, that’s it.”
“Bullshit,” his father muttered before getting up to go back into the house. “Open your eyes, Gehring. The woman helping your mother make breakfast is head over heels in love with you. Do something about it before you lose her again.”
“Dad, wait.”
His father turned around.
“She’s with Dutch now.”
His dad looked left and right. “Nope. She’s not. Unless he’s hidin’ around the corner.”
“You know what I mean.”
Kip walked back over to him. “And you know what I mean.”
Mantis stayed on the porch after his dad went inside. As much as he wished it were that simple, it wasn’t. He couldn’t be that man any more than he could be the man who could stand by their side as a couple.
“Breakfast is ready,” Alegria said, coming out to join him on the porch. “Everything okay?”
Mantis stood in front of her. “Not really.”
“I shouldn’t be here. I knew this was a bad idea.”
“That isn’t it,” he said, reaching out to cup her cheek. “They’re having a hard time accepting we aren’t together anymore. To be honest, they aren’t the only ones.”
“Mantis—”
He took his hand away. “I get it, and I’m sorry. I promised not to cross the line, and I just did.” He met her gaze. “Forgive me?”
—:—
Before she opened the door to go back inside, Alegria looked over her shoulder. “It isn’t easy for me either.”
She didn’t stop in the kitchen. Instead she went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face.
She’d almost kissed him. It was only his apology that had stopped her. If he hadn’t said it, she would’ve put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him as hard as she knew he wanted to kiss her.
How in the hell were they going to keep this as “just friends”? They hadn’t been together twenty-four hours, and she was ready to kiss him. Not just that—she was ready to crawl into bed next to him.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Minnie asked when Alegria came back in and joined them at the table.
“Yeah. I’m fine, thanks. So, coach,” she said, looking at Mantis. “You ready to hit the gym today?”
He smiled that million-kilowatt smile of his, and she was ready to go back and splash her entire body with cold water. Heaven, help her. Mantis was the sexiest man she’d ever known, and she was about to go to the gym with him and his too short shorts and his too tight t-shirts.
Mantis (K19 Security Solutions Book 4) Page 6