Before You Were Gone

by Sheila Bugler

  No time for small talk, then. Fair enough, Dee thought. It couldn’t be easy starting a new job in a new city, having to prove yourself to a whole bunch of people who didn’t know you. No wonder Emer sounded stressed.

  ‘I wanted to ask you about Lucy Ryan,’ she said.

  ‘Anything,’ Emer said. ‘Do you really think there could be a link between what happened to both of them?’

  ‘I’ve read everything you sent me,’ Dee said. ‘And anything else I could find too. It doesn’t look as if the police ever thought the two things were connected.’

  ‘I think they did look into it,’ Emer said. ‘Although, from what I can remember, they never really found anything.’

  ‘Maybe there was nothing to find,’ Dee said, not really believing that.

  ‘My mother’s always been convinced it was nothing more than a sad coincidence,’ Emer said. ‘But I know that’s not what Lucy’s parents thought. Her father, in particular, was convinced Kitty knew what had happened to Lucy.’

  ‘If that’s true,’ Dee said, ‘why wouldn’t she have said something?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘It’s certainly odd that two girls from the same town both disappeared within a few weeks of each other. Two girls, moreover, who were close friends.’

  ‘They were very close,’ Emer said. ‘Kitty was completely cut up when Lucy disappeared. It was horrible for everyone. That’s why our mother took us on holiday. Because believe me, Dee, we weren’t the sort of family who took regular holidays. My parents never had any money. And if they had, they would have spent it on themselves, not a holiday for their daughters.’

  ‘I read that your father stayed behind,’ Dee said. ‘Is that right?’

  ‘That’s right,’ Emer said. ‘He was offered some work and he couldn’t turn it down. He was in and out of work all the time. So I suppose when a job came along, he had to take it. Even if it meant missing out on the holiday.’

  ‘I see.’ Dee made a mental note to follow that up, check what job Eamon Doran had been doing and see if she could find anyone who’d confirmed his story at the time.

  ‘What was the hotel like?’ she asked.

  ‘Lovely,’ Emer said, ‘from what I can remember. Why are you asking?’

  ‘I’m thinking aloud,’ Dee said. ‘Sorry. I’m just wondering how a family with no money could suddenly afford a seven-night holiday in a hotel. Especially if, as you say, it was a nice hotel.’

  ‘Does it matter? Dad probably borrowed the money. He was always borrowing money from people and never paying it back. Maybe that’s why he didn’t come with us – because they couldn’t afford for all four of us to go away. Anyway, I thought you wanted to ask me about Lucy, not how much money my parents had.’

  ‘I’m trying to build up a picture of everything that was going on in Kitty’s life,’ Dee said. ‘Because if you’re right, and she didn’t drown, then there has to be a very good reason for why she disappeared.’

  ‘Okay,’ Emer said, after a moment. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Tell me about Lucy.’

  ‘No one knows what happened to her. She went to bed one night, and the following morning when her mother went to wake her up, she was gone. The Guards had all sorts of theories at the time. Their favourite one was that Lucy’s dad killed her and then hid the body. It was bullshit, of course, and they were never able to prove it. But unfortunately, the story stuck. As if the family hadn’t already gone through enough, they then had to deal with all the gossip and nasty rumours that started up.’

  Emer stopped speaking, clearly upset. Dee didn’t blame her. Graham Reed had been the victim of a similar campaign to destroy his reputation, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong.

  ‘I assume Kitty was questioned after Lucy disappeared?’ Dee said.

  ‘Of course,’ Emer said. ‘Everyone who knew her was questioned. For all the good it did. They never found her, and after a while they stopped caring.’

  ‘You said Lucy’s father believed Kitty knew what had happened to Lucy?’

  ‘He was convinced of it,’ Emer said.

  ‘Maybe it was his way of deflecting the attention away from himself,’ Dee said.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Emer said. ‘He didn’t kill Lucy. It was the press, more than anyone else, who tried to prove that he had. As far as the Guards were concerned, Kitty didn’t disappear. She drowned. Her own mother saw her going into the water that day.’

  ‘What about you?’ Dee asked. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that the two things are connected. Which is why it’s so important we find out who that woman in the pub really is. If she’s Kitty, then she might be able to tell us what happened to Lucy.’

  ‘If she’s Kitty.’

  ‘I know.’ Emer sighed. ‘Lucy’s family never recovered, you know. Her parents lived out the rest of their lives never knowing what had happened to her… It was a living hell for them.’

  ‘Is that what it’s been like for you?’ Dee asked.

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘And if I find out that the woman in the pub isn’t Kitty?’ Dee said. ‘What then? Do you think you’ll be able to finally accept that she really did drown?’

  ‘I’m not stupid,’ Emer said. ‘I know there’s almost no chance that woman is Kitty. But I have to know for sure.’

  Dee thought of Ella. When Dee first got to know her, Ella was living under an assumed identity. Hiding from someone she believed wanted to hurt her. Waking up each day terrified of being found out. If someone had faked Kitty’s drowning and smuggled her out of Ireland, then they must have had a very good reason for doing it.

  ‘Have you found anything more about her?’ Emer asked.

  ‘Not yet.’

  In fact, Dee had got an email earlier this morning from Leonard. He’d been back to the pub several times and, so far, hadn’t seen anyone matching the description of the woman Dee had asked him to look into. He’d keep trying, he told Dee, but she shouldn’t hold out hope. When he’d asked one of the other bar staff about Annie, he was told she didn’t work there anymore.

  ‘I’ve got a few more questions,’ Dee said, ‘about what happened that day on the beach, and also about what life was like in the weeks leading up to the holiday. Do you want to do that now, or would it be easier if I send you an email with all my questions? That way, you can take your time over your answers, making sure you don’t leave anything out.’

  ‘Definitely an email,’ Emer said. ‘Thanks, Dee. For everything you’re doing. I really appreciate it.’

  ‘Just one more thing before I go then,’ Dee said. ‘I read that Lucy had a younger sister. Do you have any idea how I could find her?’

  ‘Maeve? I don’t think you need to drag her into all this.’

  ‘It would be good to hear her account of what happened the night Lucy disappeared,’ Dee said.

  ‘Okay,’ Emer said. ‘I know Maeve. I’ll ask her if she’ll speak to you. But don’t hold your breath, Dee. She’s a very private person. She may not want to speak to you.’

  ‘But you’ll try?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Great,’ Dee said. ‘And let’s try to get together soon. We’ve got so much catching up to do. Please consider coming to Eastbourne. It really is lovely here.’

  ‘I’m sure it is. Sorry, I’ve got to go. Send me those questions and I’ll take a look at them as soon as I can. You take care, okay?’

  After she hung up, it struck Dee how little she still knew about her cousin. She had no idea, for example, where she was staying while she was in London, what friends she had, or even what she planned to do for the rest of the weekend. It was almost as if Emer was deliberately keeping her at arm’s length, making sure Dee didn’t get too close or find out too much about her.

  It wasn’t something she had time to dwell on. Ella had asked Dee if she’d look after Jake for a few hours this morning, so she could get some packing done. Dee co
uld hear them now, the crunch of their feet on the shingle as they approached her house.

  Putting everything else out of her mind, Dee went to meet them. As always, her spirits soared as she opened the back door and saw Jake’s face. He was holding Ella’s hand, but when Dee called his name he pulled away from his mother and ran towards Dee.

  ‘Hello!’

  She leaned down as he hurtled into her, scooping into her arms for a cuddle.

  ‘What do you want to do this morning, Jakey?’

  ‘Ice cream!’

  He started wriggling and, reluctantly, she put him back down.

  ‘You okay if we get ice cream?’ she asked Ella.

  ‘Of course.’ Ella smiled. ‘We’re going to Julie’s for lunch later. Would you mind getting him back home by twelve thirty?’

  That gave her three precious hours. Not enough, but better than nothing.

  ‘Right,’ she said to Jake. ‘How about we go get some ice cream first? Then we come back here to make pancakes?’

  ‘Yaaay!’ Jake turned to go, but Dee called him back.

  ‘What about your mum? Aren’t you going to say goodbye to her first?’

  ‘Bye Mummy. Love you.’

  ‘I love you too,’ Ella said. Then, to Dee, ‘Thanks so much for this.’

  ‘You know I don’t mind,’ Dee said. ‘I want to make the most of the time we’ve got left together. Heck, if I had my way I’d ask you to let him move in with me until you were ready to go.’

  ‘That’s a tempting offer,’ Ella said. ‘He’s been really difficult the last few days. All this upheaval isn’t easy for him.’

  So why do it to him? Dee wanted to ask. Why not let him carry on living here, where he’s happy?

  She didn’t say that, of course. Instead, she told Ella not to worry, that Jake’s difficult moods would pass soon.

  ‘I know that,’ Ella said. ‘But it doesn’t make it any easier when he’s having a full-on meltdown and you’re looking at all the things you’ve got to do before we leave. Anyway, I’m sorry. It’s not your problem. Have a lovely morning with him, and I’ll see you later.’

  They did have a lovely morning, but it ended too quickly. At twelve thirty, she was back at Ella’s house, hugging Jake goodbye and promising they’d do some more fun things together soon.

  ‘Love you, Jake,’ she whispered.

  ‘Love you too,’ he said.

  Then she had to let him go. She waited for him to turn around and wave, like he usually did, but he didn’t do that today. After a moment, she said goodbye to Ella and left quickly, before Ella noticed the tears forming in the corners of Dee’s eyes.

  Eleven

  Later that afternoon, Dee walked back into town to meet Louise. They’d arranged to meet at the West Rocks Beach Bar, one of several bars dotted along the seafront. Like the others, this one had outside seating on the beach. Louise was already there when Dee arrived, sitting at a table outside. Dee ordered a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and went to join her cousin.

  The sun was blasting down, and it was too hot for Dee’s liking. But Louise was a sun worshipper and, so far, had rejected all Dee’s efforts to persuade her to sit inside.

  ‘It’s all right for you,’ Louise said. ‘You can spend your entire day on the beach if you want to. But I’m stuck inside an office most of the day.’

  Dee didn’t point out that this wasn’t exactly accurate. As a local journalist, Louise seemed to spend most of her working life attending events, or driving around the place to interview people for the paper.

  ‘If you’re going to make me sit outside,’ Dee said, ‘then I’m ordering another drink. Can I get one for you as well?’

  ‘Just a water.’ Louise pointed at her barely touched glass of wine. ‘This will do me for a while longer.’

  Dee finished her wine, and went inside to order another glass. When she came back outside, Louise was talking to someone on her phone.

  ‘Martin,’ Louise said, when she hung up. ‘Wanted to know what time dinner was going to be.’

  Dee opened her mouth to say something, then, seeing the warning look on Louise’s face, shut it again.

  ‘He’d cook dinner if I wanted him to,’ Louise said. ‘He’s always offering to do it. But the truth is, I prefer doing the cooking. That way, at least, I know I’m going to get something I like.’

  ‘Well more fool you,’ Dee said, smiling to take the edge off her words. ‘If I had someone willing to cook my meals for me, I wouldn’t try to talk them out of it.’

  ‘You had someone more than willing to do that. But you got rid of him, remember?’

  ‘Ouch.’ Dee pretended to flinch. ‘Can we not talk about Ed for once?’

  Because it was a topic Louise refused to let go. In her opinion, dumping Ed Mitchell had been a mistake, and she never wasted any opportunity to remind Dee of this fact.

  ‘How about the menopause, then?’ Louise said. ‘I haven’t had my period for over six months. I thought at first it was stress. You know, after all that business with Derek.’

  She was referring to Derek French, a man Louise had had a short-lived affair with. An affair which had very nearly cost Louise her life. Although they rarely talked about it, Dee knew the event had marked both of them in ways they’d probably never fully understand. It had brought them closer, too. Dee’s relationship with her cousin was one of the constants in her life. She couldn’t imagine a time Louise wouldn’t be in her life.

  ‘But I went to my GP last week and apparently it’s nothing to do with stress. I’m menopausal, Dee. She checked my hormone levels. Isn’t it awful?’

  ‘More awful than PTSD?’

  Louise scowled.

  ‘You know what I mean.’

  Dee didn’t. Not really. She’d started her menopause in her late forties and hadn’t had a period in over three years. Apart from the really rubbish symptoms – hot flushes, mood swings and an inability to remember the most basic information – the only reason she’d really cared was because it was final proof that she could never, now, be a mother.

  ‘I think I’m through the worst of it.’ Dee said. ‘At least, I sincerely hope so. It is horrible Lou, but look on the bright side.’

  ‘What bright side?’

  ‘No more periods.’ Dee clinked her glass of wine against Louise’s glass. ‘Now that really is worth celebrating, don’t you think?’

  ‘What about the rest of it?’ Louise said. ‘How did you cope? You barely mentioned it when you were going through it. Why don’t women speak more openly about this stuff? I’ve been feeling awful recently. Tired, emotional, ratty with Martin and the kids. God, I hate being a woman sometimes. And what happens afterwards?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You know.’ Louise leaned across the table as she lowered her voice. ‘Sex. Is it still the same? I’ve heard your libido drops to literally zero. What am I meant to do if that happens?’

  ‘Relax,’ Dee said. ‘It may drop a bit, but it will come back again. You know, when Ed and I first started having sex…’

  She was interrupted by Louise, putting her hand up.

  ‘Stop right there, Dee Doran. I do not want to hear about your sex life.’

  ‘You were the one who brought it up.’

  Louise pulled a face.

  ‘I didn’t expect you to start going into graphic details.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Dee lied. ‘Listen, Lou, you’ll be fine. It’s not pleasant while it lasts, but you’ll get through it.’

  And at least you’ve been lucky enough to have had two beautiful children, she thought.

  ‘I don’t have a choice, do I? Anyway, I’d rather not think about that now. Tell me about Emer. You said meeting her was complicated. What do you mean?’

  Dee took a sip of her wine as she considered the best way to answer that.

  ‘She was different to how I expected. Although I don’t know how, exactly. I mean, I’d never met her before, but somehow I’d let myself believe we’d have thi
s instant connection.’

  ‘It must have been awkward for her,’ Louise said. ‘For both of you, I guess. What do you say to someone you’ve known about all your life but you’ve never met?’

  ‘It’s sad, really,’ Dee said. ‘She’s my cousin. I should have been part of her life before now. But because of some stupid feud between our fathers, we’ve never had the chance to get to know each other.’

  ‘What happened between your dad and his brother? It must have been serious if they stopped speaking to each other.’

  ‘Dad wouldn’t ever talk about it,’ Dee said, ‘but over the years, Mum told me bits and pieces of what happened. From what I gather, Eamon – Dad’s brother – was a bit of a scoundrel. He was a heavy drinker who also had a gambling problem. He was always getting involved in dodgy deals that he thought would make him lots of money. At one point, he stole a lot of money from my grandparents. I don’t know how much exactly, but he left them with nothing. They had to sell their house – my dad’s family home. He was never able to forgive Eamon for what he’d done.’

  ‘How sad,’ Louise said. ‘For your dad, I mean. Not Eamon. He doesn’t sound worthy of anyone’s pity. At least you’ve got a chance to get to know Emer now. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’

  ‘She’s had quite a troubled childhood,’ Dee said. ‘I think she’s a bit messed up, to be honest. Not surprising, I guess, with a father like that. And everything else that happened on top of that.’

  ‘Go on.’

  Dee told Louise everything, starting with Emer seeing the woman on the Underground, and ending with what Dee had learned about Lucy Ryan – the girl who’d disappeared a few weeks before Kitty.

  ‘Wow,’ Louise said, when Dee finally stopped speaking. ‘That’s quite a story.’

  ‘What do you think?’

  ‘The whole thing sounds bonkers,’ Louise said. ‘The best way you can help Emer is by convincing her that her sister really is dead.’

  ‘I know that,’ Dee said. ‘But there are too many things that don’t add up. That woman – Annie – she’s clearly hiding something. Then there’s the strange coincidence of two young girls disappearing from the same town within a few weeks of each other.’