She Wants It All: Sheridan Hall Series, Book Three

by Calla, Jessica

  I always do. That’s what my father always tells me. You let everyone down by being so unmotivated. Can’t you show a little initiative? If you’re going to be a musician, fine. But put the work in.

  Yeah, yeah, I’d said to my father, time after time. I thought that someday a switch inside of me would flip, and I’d suddenly be mature and adult-like. That switch never flipped. Not until Suzi told me that Amber was pregnant.

  Now, Maggie isn’t realistic anymore. I hate that I got to have her just to lose her. My eyes tear, and my gut wretches, already missing her sweet smile, her sexy walk, and mostly how her voice sounded when she said, “I love you.”

  This is the heartbreak she talked about on our picnic. Everyone should have their heart broken so they appreciate love. She’s wrong though. I appreciated what she gave me. Every minute I spent with her was perfection. She filled my life with love, with meaning, but I can’t give the same to her. She’s gone.

  I click open the hotel room door. The dim light and welcoming silence invite me in. I lay my stuff on the small, round table in the corner and text Amber to tell her I’ve arrived, where I’m staying, and if she could meet me in the morning. Next, I call Maggie. She doesn’t answer, so I call Meg.

  Meg doesn’t answer either, but texts me instead.

  Not speaking to you.

  I tap out a text.

  I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.

  A ding signals her response.

  You didn’t have to break up with her.

  I reply with the only message that makes sense.

  Of course I did. She deserves the happily ever after.

  No response. Maybe I got through to her, and she can help Maggie understand.

  I plop onto the bed, wondering what’s happening at Sheridan right now. Is Maggie crying on Winston’s shoulder? Is he trying to convince her that I’m a jerk and don’t deserve her?

  He wouldn’t be entirely wrong.

  I grasp the phone and roll onto my side, fighting sleep, waiting, and hoping Maggie will call me back.

  * * *

  A tap on my shoulder wakes me.

  “Hey, Second Floor Dave. Wake up.”

  I use all my effort to open my eyes. My eyelids weigh a ton. As I do, a freckled face and red hair come into view.

  Frank? “Are you real?”

  “I’m dead. Did you forget?”

  I shake my head and sit up. He mirrors me on the bed. “What are you doing here?”

  He smiles. He had the same smile when he was tipsy, singing along with The Randoms. “I wanted to thank you for all fun times you gave me and my friends at the shore.”

  “Um, okay. You came back from the dead to tell me that?”

  “You’re on my radar these days.”

  “Why? I’m not going to…” I gulp.

  He shakes his head vigorously. “No, no. For other reasons I can’t tell you.”

  “Oh.”

  “For now, this is only a thank you. Some people have talent and never use it. It’s nice to see you using yours. And now original songs too? The world is in for a treat.”

  “Thanks. Um. Don’t you know about Amber?”

  “I do. That doesn’t mean you have to give up music. Or Maggie.”

  I shrug. “I hate to break it to you, but having a kid kind of exactly means that I have to give them both up—Maggie and music.”

  He reaches for me, but I can’t feel his hand. “Take it from me. Life is too short to give up things you want. You know, you grew up in privilege and wealth. Your parents gave you everything, except one thing.”

  “What’s that, Frank?”

  “Grit.”

  I roll my eyes. “Grit, huh?”

  Frank tries to smack me on the head but can’t reach. “Yes. Grit. Whenever shit gets tough, you power off.”

  “Oh really?”

  “You wanted to go to Juilliard but didn’t want to put the work in to get there. You came to NJU and wanted Maggie on day one, but as soon as Win snatched her up, you let her go. You write secret, amazing songs that will knock people’s socks off, but when your band asks you to perform them, you crumble into a mess of uncertainty.”

  “Fuck you. And a baby’s a different story.”

  “True. Baby is a big deal. But if you had some grit, you’d figure out a way to make things work regardless. You’re lazy about life, Davey-boy.”

  I give him the finger, and he laughs.

  “Listen, I’m going to tell you a secret.” He wiggles his finger, indicating for me to move closer. I lean in. “Everything will work out with Amber. You’ll see. But promise me something.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t give up on Maggie. Happily ever after is never like it is in the books she reads, but it does happen. And another thing.”

  I sigh. “Yeah?”

  “Don’t give up your music. It’s your fuel. Kid or no kid.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not going to promise any of that.”

  He laughs. “You’re a cool guy, Second Floor Dave. I liked you from the minute I met you. I’m sorry I didn’t get to know you better. You take care of my crew, okay?”

  I lose sight of him, but then he reappears, like a blinking light. My heart beats faster, wanting him to stay. “Wait! We all miss you.”

  My eyes blink open when I hear a tapping noise. I jolt up, not sure of where I am. I look around the room for Frank. New Haven. I’m in New Haven, and Frank is dead.

  Again, a light tap raps the door. “Dave? Come on, wake up.”

  I jump out of bed and look at my phone. It’s morning. With a quick look in the mirror, I make sure I’m decent and walk to the door. I take a deep breath before opening it.

  Amber’s long dark hair with a purple streak now, lies over one shoulder. “Hey. Sorry I woke you.” Her hands twist in front of her belly. It looks about the size of a basketball.

  “Hi,” I say, but I can’t take my eyes off of her round stomach. A baby is in there. A baby half made by me. I point to her belly.

  “That would be him,” she says. “The doctors tell me he’s in good shape.”

  “H…He?” I stutter.

  She grins. “Can I come in?”

  I shake my head. “Oh…yeah… of course.” I hold the door open, and she walks past me into the room. I’m not sure what to do, if she needs help or not, so I just stand and stare.

  When she looks around the room and rubs her belly, I realize I’m being a weirdo. I have to say something.

  “You look great,” I mutter. Besides the belly, she looks the same. Suzi and Amber spent a lot of time working out. I wonder if she still does. But that’s a question for later.

  “Thank you,” she says. “I want to tell you, you know, I’m really…” her eyes start to tear, “…sorry.”

  Her voice shakes. I have to pull it together. I’m out of my comfort zone, but it’s obvious that she is too. And she’s the one with a baby inside of her. Frank said it will all work out. I’ve got to have faith that it will. That I can handle this. Nothing about me and my insecurities matters anymore. For once, it’s not about me. It’s about the baby, and the girl with the purple streak in her hair carrying him. Frank was right. I’ll need some grit here for Amber. Still, all I can think about is Maggie. What she’s doing. If she’s okay.

  I hold the chair. “Please, sit.” She does, and I kneel in front of her legs then grab her hands. She looks down at me through teary, brown eyes. I’m so used to seeing Maggie’s playful blue eyes. Amber’s brown ones jar me back to reality. I rub her palms with my thumbs. “Don’t be sorry.”

  She pulls her hands away and wipes a tear. “I’m super emotional with the hormones and all that.”

  “Can I?” I point to her belly.

  She nods.

  My hands shake as I reach to touch her and don’t stop until I press them onto her stomach. “Oh, not what I expected.”

  She giggles. I remember the giggle from that night and from the early days in th
e dorm. It’s like a high G vibrato. I move my hand down over the curve of her belly, rubbing the ball of baby. “It’s so hard. Is he huge?”

  She wipes away another tear. “The doctor says he’s normal.”

  I have a million questions. What else does the doctor say? Are you eating right? What will you name him? Are you going to keep him? Instead, I look at her teary face and ask, “Why don’t we go for a walk and get some fresh air? You’re okay to walk?”

  She laughs and rolls her eyes. “Yes. I can walk. I’ve actually been running a bit on the treadmill. Doing a little prenatal yoga too.”

  “Wow. How… I mean, is that safe?”

  She nods. “All cleared by the doc.”

  “Oh good. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself.” Maybe if Amber tells me more about the baby and her pregnancy, I’ll be able believe that this kid could be mine. I can try to focus on her and let my thoughts of Maggie go. Because even though it seems I got this girl in front of me pregnant, every fiber of my being is dedicated to the girl I left behind in Sheridan Hall.

  Amber takes a tissue from the box on the hotel dresser and wipes her face. Her eyes are puffy and her lips quiver, but her smile shows me that maybe I’ve put her at ease. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

  I pull the keycard off the dresser and tuck it into my back pocket. “Do you mind if I use the bathroom, wash up a little first before we go? I think graduation, or something’s, going on. The lobby was packed last night.”

  She twists her hair around her fingers and tilts her head. “Oh… it’s an alumni event. My parents work for the university—”

  “Are they professors? My dad’s a professor at Cornell. Latin.” Could we have that in common?

  She waves her hands. “No, no. My parents aren’t professors. My dad, um, he’s an electrician for the school. My mom, she… well, she works for the cleaning crew.” She squints and her cheeks redden. “I remember you told me your parents have money. I don’t want you to think—”

  Now I’m waving my hands. “Of course not! No. I mean, of course I’ll help financially. Well, my parents, I guess. Hopefully.” My head starts to hurt, and I rub my temples. “I hadn’t gotten to thinking about my parents or the money part yet.”

  “This is all sort of sprung on you last minute. I know you’ll probably want a paternity test after he’s born.”

  I take a deep inhale, unsure how to respond. I point behind me to the bathroom. “Give me a minute? Then we can talk more on our walk.”

  Amber smiles and puts her hands on her back, sticking out her belly like pregnant ladies do. “Yes. Go. I’ll wait downstairs, okay?”

  “Thanks. I’ll just be a minute.”

  I hold the door for her, and she glances at me, her stomach rubbing against mine as she squeezes past. “Dave?”

  “Yep?”

  “Thanks for not being a dick about this. You’d have every right to be. A lot of other guys would. I…I know I made the right decision telling you.”

  Her words warm me, making me think that somehow I handled this first interaction with the soon-to-be mother of my child the right way, even though I want to run and hide in a hole. Maybe that’s grit.

  I pull her close and hug her. “I’m glad you think that.” Amber has no clue what a mess I am. Of course I’m not going to be a dick, but I have no idea what to do or say, or how to help her. All I can think about is how I broke Maggie’s heart and left her in New Jersey. I’m no better than Winston.

  Chapter 24

  Maggie

  Waking up in a mansion on the beach in Miami is pretty much heaven, even alone. I listen to the waves crashing against the shore outside my window and then twist on the bed to look out the window. The sun shines, the clouds float by, and a sailboat drifts by in the distance. There are definitely perks to having a roommate whose father is loaded.

  At some point in the first ten seconds of being awake, I remember that Dave is gone. I’m never going to wake up with him again. I roll over and pull the pillow over my head. Maybe if I fall back asleep, I can forget.

  My phone chirps. It’s barely six a.m. and Meg’s texted me three times already. Win’s left me four voicemails and ten texts. Other floormates’ messages are scattered over my home screen. I ignore all of them, except for Meg.

  She picks up on the first ring. “Hey. How are you?”

  I appreciate the concern in her voice. “I’m okay. Please don’t worry.”

  “This isn’t like you to want to disappear. Even after Win.”

  She’s right. It’s not. Usually I’m stronger than this, but my heart needs a break. I need a break. “It’s only for a couple of days, then I promise I’ll get back on track. What’s going on there?”

  “Nothing huge. Tucker came down looking for you.”

  My heartbeat speeds up. “What did you tell him?”

  “That you went home to study for a few days.”

  I exhale. “Good. Did he say anything else?”

  She hesitates. Uh-oh. This can’t be good. I squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for her next words. She huffs through the phone. “Well….”

  “Meg. You can tell me.”

  After another audible deep breath, her words come out fast. “Dave went to see Amber last night. He’s up in Connecticut.” I picture her cringing, waiting for my response.

  I roll onto my back and look out of the skylight, watching the clouds pass over. A tear I didn’t know was forming falls down my cheek. “Oh.” Of course he did—he’s a good guy. He’s going to do the right thing.

  “Do you want me to find him? I swear, I’ll go up there and drag his ass down to Miami faster than you can say ‘dickwad.’ Or do you want me to come down and bring you ice cream?”

  I appreciate her offer. She’s become my best friend. Still, I need to hide for a few days. “I kind of want to be alone, if you don’t mind.”

  “Are you sure?” I hear the hope in her voice. “We can hit up South Beach, two roomies on the town?”

  “I—”

  The phone rustles, and I hear Meg talk to someone. When she comes back on the line, she says, “Shit.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Win. He walked by when I said that. He may have heard me say you were in Miami.”

  “Oh no.” I look at the time. “That means he’ll be down here in T-minus….”

  “He’s a dickwad too. I’ll cover. Or I’ll talk him out of bothering you, I swear.”

  I say a quick prayer, hoping Win didn’t hear and had his mind on something, anything, else. He’s been so aggressive with me lately that I wouldn’t be surprised if he hunts me down. “If he asks, don’t give him the address. I can’t deal.”

  “He’ll remember from spring break. It was only a few weeks ago.”

  “God, that feels like a lifetime ago.” My floormates and I hung out on the beach, enjoying the warm weather and the wonders of south Florida. Win and I stayed out of each other’s way.

  “I’m sorry things with Dave didn’t work out. I know I pushed you together.”

  “Maybe you gave us a nudge. But he said he loved me. I said it too. Neither of us could have expected…this.”

  “Yeah,” she says. “In a million years, I’d never have expected this.”

  “The whole thing is stupid anyway. There’s no way a relationship would have worked out. We’ve been hanging out for a few weeks, and here I am, acting all dramatic.” I roll my eyes, hating myself a little. “Who do I think I am?”

  “Who do you think you are? You’re the one he’s wanted since September and the first week of school. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it wasn’t real just because it wasn’t years of drama.”

  “Drama? All of a sudden, we are drowning in it.” Tears well so I change the topic, hoping to end the conversation. “Do me a favor? If Win tries to do anything crazy, could you give me a heads up?”

  “Sure thing, Mags. I’m hugging you through the phone. Call me later.”

  “Tha
nk you. You’re the best. I’ll keep in touch.” I tap my phone off and pull the blanket back over my shoulders. The sound of the waves lulls me into relaxation.

  * * *

  A hot guy walks up the beach toward me. His bodybuilder frame drips as he shakes the ocean out of his thick, ginger hair. I squint to make out his face.

  Frank?

  He smiles as he approaches.

  “What are you doing here?” I leap off the sand for one of his signature hugs. I don’t land in his arms how I usually do. I end up an arm’s length away.

  He’s unfazed as he tilts his wet head to the side and rubs his ear. “Me? What about you? What are you doing here? You have finals, and you’re in the middle of your paper.”

  I grimace. “I needed a break.”

  “Now? You never need breaks. What about my charity thing?”

  I look into his green eyes, and the guilt squeezes my heart. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  He shrugs. “It’s okay. But I thought Meg was the runner, not you.”

  I smirk at him and jut a hip. “Everyone needs a break once in a while, Frankie.”

  He waggles a finger at me. “Not people who want it all. If you want it all, you have to work for it.”

  “Maybe I don’t want it all anymore. Maybe I want to sit on this beach and let the world revolve around me. I keep trying and keep failing. Winston, Olympia, now Dave.”

  “Wah, wah, wah,” he whines. “When did you turn into such a wuss? You used to have grit. You’re a farm girl for Christ’s sake.”

  I try to smack him but can’t reach. “I’m also a human being. A sensitive woman whose heart can only take so much—”

  He lifts his giant palm to stop me from talking. “Which book is that from? Stop with the romance novel shit and live in the real world. So two guys broke up with you. You got waitlisted for your internship. You know you still have next year for Olympia. And it’s not like there aren’t other guys around who’d be into a hottie like you.”

  “But I liked Dave,” I whisper more to myself than Frank. “I love him.”

  He bends to look me in the eyes. “Then sitting around here isn’t going to do you any good, is it, sweetheart? Go get him if he’s the happy ending.”