The Year They Fell

by David Kreizman

Archie was almost a half hour early. “I … thought it would take me longer to get here. I mean, I don’t know why. It’s less than a mile and I did a practice run in the morning to make sure I remembered how. But then I was sitting in the house and I started thinking what if there was traffic or some kind of police stop because of Christmas Eve and so I just decided to leave since I was just sitting there anyway and now here I am and you’re not ready. What’s the opposite of fashionably late? Unfashionably early? That’s me. Is Josie here yet? Of course not. Why would she be?”

  There was still time to swallow the pills, but I couldn’t bear listening to Archie struggling out there. I stuffed the pills in my pockets in case I needed them for later. But for now, I was going to face the night with all faculties intact. When I came out of the bathroom, Archie was sitting alone on the couch. He was wearing a dress shirt that was both too big and too small for him at the same time.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Oh, hi. Merry—um—Felice Navi—”

  “Yeah. You too. No Lucas?”

  “He’s with his boyfriend’s family. I invited him, but um … He chose them.”

  “Where’s your sketchbook?” I asked. “You look naked without it.”

  Archie looked down at his hand and dropped his head into his shirt like a turtle. I suddenly got an image of the first time I met Archie. Our mothers had shoved us in a room together, hoping that two kids who spoke different languages would somehow play well together. After a couple of attempts to communicate, Archie turned away and started drawing. When he finally turned back he handed me a drawing he’d made of me in my princess dress. We didn’t understand a word each other said, but I felt like he understood me.

  Archie picked up a couple of plátanos and popped one into his mouth. “This is cool,” he said. “Like cultural night in my house. Only real.”

  Mami made it home fifteen minutes before Jack and Josie arrived. Archie, who had been fidgeting silently on the couch, straightened his shirt and matted his hair. Jack entered first, and I noticed that he looked thinner, like a partially deflated parade balloon. He handed Mami a bottle of wine, which he said he took from their father’s collection. It probably cost as much as our house. Mami took the bottle from Jack and ran her hand back and forth over the label. When she sensed I was watching she set the bottle down and wrapped Jack into a hug. It was a bizarre scene on many levels. Did she have that kind of relationship with Jack, just from working with his dad? While Mami was still holding Jack, Josie moved in, wearing a red sweater and a plaid miniskirt. Her hair was down and uncharacteristically messy.

  Mami finally let go of Jack. “It’s lovely to see you, Josie,” she said. “Feliz Navidad. Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas,” said Josie. “Thank you for having us.” Mami suddenly reached out and grabbed her, too. Josie looked like she didn’t know what to do. But Mami hung on until Josie finally relaxed and put her hands on Mami’s back.

  “Mami—”

  When Mami dropped her arms, I spotted Archie staring at his feet and moving his lips like he was talking to himself.

  Papi cracked the tension by going into host-mode, offering drinks and snacks and taking coats and telling everyone how great they looked.

  Josie seemed a little shaken by the hug, so I brought her into the kitchen. “Sorry about that,” I said. “Things are intense around here.”

  “Things are intense everywhere.” She gazed out into the living room, where Archie was piling a tower of cheese onto a cracker.

  “So … what’s the deal with you and Archie? Are you, like…?”

  “No … I don’t know. He’s … Archie, you know. He’s not like any other guy I’ve ever been around. He’s not like this big athlete or all popular or buff…”

  “Might not want to say any of this to him.”

  “I’m saying it doesn’t matter. It’s the way I feel around him. He has this way of looking at things, like he’s drawing them in his head. Of making them better, you know. And like he hasn’t had the easiest life. People made fun of him … for his family and for carrying around the sketchbook and—”

  “People,” I said. “That’s what they do.”

  “Yeah. I guess you know about that. They do it to you, too.”

  “Some of those people are your friends.”

  “Daya—”

  “It’s okay. Everybody makes choices. So are you and Archie hanging out now?”

  “Not like you mean. At least … We’ve been trying to find out about the plane crash. And we were at my dad’s office, going through his files. Archie was at the computer and I was leaning over him and we had this … I don’t know how to describe it. I got a … vibe. A feeling. From being close to him like that. He’d always been, well, Archie, but I was touching him and … something happened.”

  “Like happened happened? For both of you?”

  “I don’t know. I panicked. I’m not sure why it scared me so much. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never been close to a guy before … but this was different. I, like, ran to the other side of the room. And since then when we’ve been together I’ve kept … distance. Sorry for rambling. That was a lot of info.”

  “You’re starting to talk like him.”

  Archie walked into the kitchen and when he saw us, his face got all weird and he started coughing.

  Harrison and his father showed up late. H stood quietly by the door as Bobby put on his usual show, cracking wise and telling stories as he oohed and aaahed over how grown-up we all were and how everybody’s parents must’ve been so proud just like he’s so proud of his Harry. The guy was a big, loud blowhard, but I have to admit it was hard not to like him. Especially when I saw how Harrison looked at him.

  I sidled up to Harrison and gave him a hug.

  “Feliz Navidad,” he said.

  “Why are you looking at me like that? You’re not gonna try to slip me the tongue again, are you?”

  “You look normal,” he said.

  “Huh?”

  “I mean not the way most people look normal. I mean you’re not high. You’ve got all these people in your house with your parents and you’re totally sober?”

  “Maybe I’m changing.”

  “Maybe we all are.”

  * * *

  Papi moved through the party with purpose, chatting people up and making sure everyone was having a good time. I knew he had to be holding on by his fingernails, but he didn’t show it. Hard to believe this was the same person who just a few months ago needed me to bring him peanut butter sandwiches in bed. In fact, everything was going well. It felt like what a family feast was supposed to feel like.

  Josie found me looking at the seashell on the Christmas tree. “Hey, do you have a hair band? It’s, like, an epically bad hair day and I’m tired of fighting it.”

  The moment she came to my table in the lunchroom was dramatic, but this was even better. Because it wasn’t some forced reunion or grand gesture. It was just Josie asking me for a hair band. The way friends do without thinking. The way friends do.

  “Sure, let me go grab one.” I walked slowly away and turned the corner before racing into my room without even turning on the light. I frantically rummaged through my drawers, looking for one measly band. I don’t usually put my hair up. It was too choppy. But I was sure I’d have at least one. Suddenly the desk light snapped on. I screamed and spun around to see Jack sitting at my desk with the lights off.

  “What the fuck, Jack? Might want to give me a warning next time.”

  “Sorry. Waiting for a headache to pass. Not that they ever do.” It was then that I noticed the papers spread out in front of him. Shit, I’d forgotten to clean off my desk before the party. It was stacked high with pictures I’d printed out from social media. Pictures of Jack and Josie and all of their friends. Evidence. Jack was looking at stone-cold proof that I was a weird and freaky stalker. He looked up at me and in that instant I saw it all slipping away. Noche Buena, the lunch table, the hair band, eve
rything. He’d realize what I’d been doing all along and who I really was. He’d tell Josie and they’d both run out of this house and never look back.

  I did my best to dance my way out of it. “I don’t do this shit anymore,” I swore, my voice tight. “My friends went away and I was alone, so I—I imagined.”

  But Jack didn’t accuse me of being a psycho. He didn’t run and rat me out to Josie. He just stopped to look at the picture I’d printed from their party the night of the crash. Jack and Josie, arms around each other on their front porch.

  “It’s weird,” he said. “I picked this up and I almost didn’t recognize us. It’s like it happened in a different lifetime.”

  He gritted his teeth as he squeezed his temples. “Want to know something? I always hated those parties.”

  “What? People would’ve given their left tit or ball to go to those freaking things. You just saw that I was basically stalking them. And you didn’t even like them?”

  “They were Josie’s parties. Her chance to put on a show.”

  “Yeah, but she loved them.”

  “If you say so.”

  I couldn’t believe what he was suggesting. Josie hated the parties, too. Is that why her smiles never looked genuine?

  Jack took the photo, folded it up, and slipped it into his pocket. “She needed them,” he said.

  I could hear dinner starting in the dining room. “You coming?”

  “I’m going to stay in here a little while longer if you’re cool with it. Harrison’s dad’s stories are rough for me.”

  “I’ll bring you a plate,” I said.

  Jack never made it back out to the feast, and I ended up delivering him three helpings. But overall the feast was a success. People asked for seconds of tamales and casado and complimented the chef. Mami found a red hair band for Josie and even helped her put it in. As a kid, Noche Buena at my tío’s was a way of revisiting what life had been like back in Costa Rica. This night was something different than that. Most of my life I hadn’t felt fully Tica or Americana. I was neither. But now, watching my friends sit around the table eating the traditional food Mami prepared, I felt like both, maybe for the first time.

  After dinner I pulled on my wool cap and went outside to look at the stars and vape. It was a cloudy night, and the moon barely gave off any light. After a few minutes, Harrison wandered out into the yard. Archie followed him. Josie even led Jack outside.

  “I thought it would be good to have a discussion out here,” Harrison said. I offered the vape pen to everyone. They all turned down my offer except for Harrison, who was, these days, game for whatever. He took a big drag, let it out in a humid cough.

  Inside, Bobby was telling another story, and I could actually hear both of my parents laughing. Loud, genuine laughter. We all heard it outside. For me, it warmed up the cold night. I don’t think it did the same for Josie, Jack, and Archie. It was Christmas Eve and my parents were actually getting along. It was Christmas Eve and theirs were gone. For them, there would be no presents under the tree on Christmas morning, no happy celebrations. It would be their first Christmas as orphans, the first of forever.

  “I think I found something,” Harrison said. Josie and Archie perked up.

  “About the crash? You found evidence?” asked Archie.

  Harrison pulled out his phone, where he’d made notes. “You know about Michael Boddicker, the investigator for the NTSB. We’ve been exchanging emails. He’s made trips to Anguilla and St. Martin on behalf of the US government. He was scheduled to make another trip last week but I never heard from him. Since then, Boddicker has fallen off the map. When I tried his office number at the NTSB, they told me he’d taken an emergency leave of absence. I asked what that meant, and they started asking me questions—personal questions—so I hung up. I believe Michael Boddicker knows what happened to that plane. I also believe Michael Boddicker is missing.”

  “What are you doing?” snapped Jack.

  “I’m explaining that I think Michael Boddicker—”

  “I mean what the hell is the point of this?”

  “We want to find the truth,” said Archie, blowing into his hands.

  “Why?” said Jack. “Who gives a shit? Does it make them any less dead?”

  Josie took Jack’s arm. “Jack, stop.”

  “You’re acting like it will change a goddamn thing.”

  Harrison looked confused. “Don’t you want to know the truth about what happened?”

  “I know what happened. The plane crashed and they all died. And maybe you can’t let that sink in because your mom fucked with your head so much and turned you into a freak.”

  “Don’t say that to him,” said Archie.

  Jack spun around to face him. “And you, you just want to use this to get with my sister.”

  Josie was furious. “Shut up, Jack! Stop it!”

  But Jack wasn’t stopping. “You want to know the truth about my parents? Dad didn’t care about anyone but himself.”

  “Don’t say that!”

  “All he did was tell me I didn’t work hard enough or live up to my potential. And Mom never said a word about it. So you know what? I wouldn’t be surprised if he is the reason that plane crashed. When he wanted something, he never cared who got hurt.”

  “Please,” begged Josie. “Please stop.”

  I felt everything that had gone right that night slipping away. “Can’t we all just go back inside?” I offered. “There’s tres leches cake.”

  A cloud bank cleared and I could suddenly see Jack’s face in the moonlight. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He wiped them away, over his shaved head, which gleamed in the darkness. It was like he’d completely lost control of his emotions. It was scary to see that happen to someone as big and strong as him.

  Josie stepped in front of him. “Stop it, Jack! This isn’t you. You can’t just keep losing your shit and using your head as an excuse. Mom and Daddy were good people. We loved them. You may not care about the truth, but I do. It’s all we have left.”

  Jack put his hands to his head and winced. Then he turned and ran down the street toward his house. Josie started to follow him, but Archie put a hand on her arm. “Josie,” he said. “I’ll go with you. There’s um, there’s something I need to tell you.” Whatever he was about to say to her, it seemed very important.

  I called after them, trying to get them to come back. But it was too late. The magic of our Noche Buena feast was over. Jack, Josie, and Archie were gone, and I had a feeling we might never find a moment like that together again.

  * * *

  When Harrison and I went back inside, his pop was helping my parents clean up. I took the broom from Papi’s hand.

  “Let’s drive up to St. Augustine’s for midnight Mass,” I said. “All of us.”

  “We haven’t been to Misa de Gallo in many years, Dayana,” Mami said.

  “I know.”

  “It’s a wonderful idea, Daya,” said Papi.

  “Why don’t we head home, Bud,” said Bobby. “They’ve been excellent hosts and we’re not exactly good Catholics.”

  “You’ll be our guests,” said Papi. “Come. Everyone is welcome.”

  “I’d like to go, actually,” said Harrison. “I’m not tired at all.”

  We arrived at the old church before Mass had started. Papi opened the huge wooden doors for us. When Mami hesitated before entering, Papi gave her his arm and led her in. I took Harrison’s hand and walked him down the carpeted aisle to the front, where I’d had my First Communion a million years ago. I picked up a match and dipped it over the wick of a lit votive until it caught fire. I said a silent prayer, and together Harrison and I used the flickering flame to light five tiny candles.

  13

  JOSIE

  “Josie’s back, bitches!” I raised the plastic cup of cheap champagne over my head and drank to New Year’s Eve with the rowdy crowd in Cody’s basement. They all screamed back my name. How good did it feel to be back at the heart of a pa
rty, surrounded by my real friends, the ones I’d worked so hard to collect? Siobhan and I danced and drank and sang along with every song. I was hot and dizzy, but the drinks had never gone down easier.

  “You have no idea how Gucci it is to have you back, girl,” Siobhan shouted over the beat. “I thought we’d totally lost you.”

  “Never!”

  “What?”

  “Never!”

  “What?!”

  “Never mind!”

  Cody came by with a bottle to top off our drinks. He wore a tight white T-shirt and striped board shorts. He leaned down, his lips almost right against my ear. “I missed you.”

  I tensed up, but pushed the feeling away and flirted back. “So did I.”

  Cody kissed me on the cheek and disappeared into the sweaty crowd.

  “He’s been asking about you all night,” yelled Siobhan. “Not a bad way to bang in the New Year! I mean ring! Did I say bang?!” She reached up and tried to smooth down the hair on the side of my head. “I’m totally shipping you two. But you need to tame that nest!”

  I patted my head and felt the bulge of hair. “I’m going to hit the bathroom.”

  “What?!”

  “I need to fix my hair!”

  “What?!”

  My ankles wobbled on Mom’s spikiest heels as I weaved my way through the mass of bodies.

  “It’s so savage you’re here!”

  “Don’t ever go cray on us again, Josie!”

  It was twenty degrees outside, but Cody’s basement had to be a hundred, thick and sticky. I grabbed the bathroom door handle, but it didn’t turn. Someone was already inside. I leaned against the wall and soaked in the party. It wasn’t as perfect as one of mine. Too crowded. Too hot. But nobody seemed to care. I didn’t realize how much I missed all this. How much I needed to feel good. And to not care. Not about my parents. Not about the Sunnies. Or Jack. And especially not about Archie.

  The bathroom door opened and Cody came out wiping his hands on his shorts. He smiled when he saw me. “I’m gonna be looking for you at midnight.”

  Why would I want to be anywhere else? Everything was here. Everyone was here. And anyone that wasn’t … That was their problem. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. The music was still loud, but the door and the fan muted it some. I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed and my eye makeup a little smudged, but I still looked pretty decent. All except that one chunk of hair on the side that wouldn’t lie flat. No matter how much I smoothed it down or pulled it back, it wouldn’t straighten out. I splashed it with water, but still the freaking thing. Would. Not. Stay. Down. Where was my flat iron when I needed it? My hair had a mind of its own. Just like on Christmas Eve.