by Erin Osborne
My gaze travels to the bar and I see Colt standing there, his eyes glued to me. There’s a sadness filling his eyes and I know he’s upset about yesterday. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to take the pain away for him. So, I don’t even acknowledge him. Instead, I turn my attention to the stage where Heaven and Delight are sitting on the edge talking.
There’s a loud slamming noise behind me and even though I jump in response, I don’t turn around to the man I know is now pissed and not upset. Colt never could hide his emotions. Whatever he’s feeling, everyone around him knows about it. Especially when he’s pissed. So, I continue on my way to the stage and don’t look back.
“How are you guys today?” I ask them, setting my bag down so I can strip out of my tee-shirt and sweatpants.
“I’m good,” Heaven says.
“Doing okay. How are you?” Sydney asks me.
“I’m okay I guess,” I respond, my stomach beginning to roll once more.
“You’re not looking too good. Are you sure you’re okay to dance today?” Heaven asks me.
“Yeah, um, I’m okay,” I respond, looking down and sliding my feet out of my flip flops and into the heels I’m going to wear today.
“Holy shit!” Sydney exclaims. “Those are some serious fucking heels. I love them.”
“These are the size I plan on wearing for my routines on stage, so I figured I’d better start practicing in them,” I say with a shrug.
I’ve been wearing them around the apartment so I’m used to them. The first few times I wore them while walking around, I tripped over every single little thing in my way. Hell, not even in my way. I swear I tripped over imaginary dirt on the floor. Now, I may not be able to run in the damn things, but I can dance and walk around in them good enough.
“Okay, I gotta see you dance in these shoes,” Sydney says, sitting in the chair in front of the stage.
There’s more slamming things and banging coming from behind the bar. Still, I ignore the man. If I look at him or try to talk, I’m going to break down and lose my shit. I’ll blurt out my feelings and then I’ll let it slip that I’m sick and why I think I’ve been sick. That’s the last thing either of us need until I’m absolutely positive about what’s going on.
Heaven motions for the music to be turned on and I start swaying to the beat of the music. At this point, I’m not even sure what song’s playing because I feel horrible and I don’t want to be sick. Heaven is watching me closely and I know Tonya would be too if she weren’t still talking to Bounce. Colt is also watching me; I can feel his eyes on me.
My body heats up because that’s my normal reaction when Colt’s eyes are on me. Today, it’s the last thing I need because my temperature rising is making it almost impossible to keep down the meager breakfast I ate before leaving the house. This is not going to be good.
Before I can tell Heaven I need to sit down, I hear the front door slam and notice Colt isn’t behind the bar any longer. Still, I need to sit down as my head begins to swim and I’m losing the fight. Without saying a word to anyone, I drop to the stage and put my head between my legs.
“Baby girl, I knew you should’ve stayed home today,” Tonya says, her voice washing over me. “Syd, get me a bottle of water and Heaven help me get her down into one of the chairs.”
I let them help me and gratefully take the cold bottle of water. Instead of downing it like I want to, I take a few small sips and set it on the table in front of me.
“Okay, we’re not having a meeting today. I’ve already let Blood and Bounce know. They’ll let everyone else know what’s going on. I’m going to be hiring some more girls to strip. Syd, you’re out as far as that goes and I know it’s only a matter of time before others are as well,” Tonya says.
Without looking at her, I know she’s talking about me. I don’t belong to anyone and I’ll dance for as long as I can if I’m pregnant. The second I start showing, I’ll have to figure something else out. Maybe I can work behind the bar and sling drinks instead of being on the floor or stripping. No one wants to see a pregnant woman take her clothes off for money.
“If either of you know anyone, let me know. Have them come in when I figure out when auditions are going to be. For now, I’m going to get Emmy home so she can rest. Just have to make a quick stop before then,” Tonya finishes.
I slide off my heels and toss them into my bag that’s still sitting in front of the stage. Grabbing my sweatpants, I put them on and don’t bother with my tee-shirt. I’m not getting out of the truck until we get back to the house and I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of what I’m wearing right now. Honestly, all I want to do is crawl into my bed and sleep for a little while. Hopefully Zoey will take a nap.
Tonya leads me out to the truck and has Bounce help me inside before she backs out and points us toward town. I lean my head against the cool window and adjust the vent on my side so the air conditioning is pointing straight at me. If I’m cool, I hopefully won’t be sick before we can get back.
“Emersyn, wake up honey. We’re at the house,” Tonya says, gently shaking my shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” I tell her, my voice laced with sleep.
“It’s okay. You come on inside and relax on the couch. Don’t worry about Zoey or anything else,” she says, getting out and shutting her door before helping me out.
We walk in the house and I want to take a picture, but I don’t have the energy to find the burner phone I have. Blood is laying on the couch sleeping with Zoey fast asleep on his chest. Thankfully, Tonya takes the picture for me.
“You lay down and I’ll take care of her when they wake up,” Tonya tells me.
Instead of leading me to the couch, she leads me toward the kitchen. Right before we get there, she turns and heads down a hallway. The first door is a bedroom and I offer her a small smile before heading for the bed. Climbing in, I’m instantly back asleep without seeing her leave the room.
Chapter Thirteen
Colt Johns
AFTER LEAVING LEGACIES earlier, I came to the clubhouse. I’m not drinking or anything because I don’t want to be drunk in case I need to leave. Something is going on with Emersyn and I want to know what it is. She won’t tell me though so I’m waiting for my dad or mom to show up. They’ll tell me if she’s okay as long as it’s not breaking her confidence.
The only reason I left is because I want to comfort her and be there for her. Right now, she doesn’t want anything to do with me and I’m not sure how to make it right between us. Hell, if I’m honest with myself, I’m not sure of what I’m doing at all when it comes to Emersyn.
I want her in my life, but I’m not sure how to make it happen. Or in what capacity I want her. Emersyn isn’t a sweet butt, but I don’t think I’m ready to settle down either. I’m only twenty-two years old and there’s still plenty of time for me to settle down, get married, and have a family. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Before I can figure out what I’m going to do, the front door opens. Looking in the direction from my seat at the bar, I see my dad walking in. He doesn’t look happy as he notices me and changes direction to come sit next to me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him, not wanting to wait for an answer.
“I don’t know. First, you’re not at work. Second, Emersyn is sick. She’s sleepin’ at the house right now while your mother watches Zoey. Said she had to stop dancin’ at the club and sat down on the stage. Not sure of much else,” he says, tapping the bar for the Prospect behind the counter to give him a beer.
“Is Emersyn okay? Does she need to go to the doctor?” I ask, my mind swirling with possibilities of what could be wrong with her.
“Your mother doesn’t think so. At least not yet,” he answers me.
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. All I know is Em isn’t feelin’ good, but your mom doesn’t think she needs to be checked out just yet. Now, why aren’t you at work?” he asks me.
“Couldn’t be there seein’ how she looked and knowin’ she doesn’t want me near her right now,” I respond.
“Can you blame her? I don’t know anythin’ other than what you told us, but I can almost guarantee she’s hurt about what happened yesterday. Add in the fact she’s tryin’ to do everythin’ on her own and it’s a lot for someone to handle,” my dad tells me.
“No, I don’t blame her. But I want to be there to help her.”
“Okay. Why do you want to be there to help her?” he questions.
“Because she’s my best friend and doesn’t need to do everythin’ on her own anymore. Not now that she’s here. I want to help her and Zoey with everythin’ they need,” I respond without thought.
“Only because she’s your best friend?”
“Yeah. Why else would I want to be there for her?” I ask, confusion filling me.
“Son, you’re not a fuckin’ idiot. You love that girl and have since you were teenagers. Hell, you didn’t even know what love was and you loved her. Everyone saw it but her because she’s younger than you. She’s been in love with you just as long and you don’t see it either,” my father imparts like it’s some huge secret he’s sharing with me.
“I don’t . . .,” I begin to say.
“Don’t lie to me. You can lie to yourself all you want. But don’t sit here and lie to me. I see it. Your mother sees it. Logan sees it. Half the fuckin’ club saw it when she was here. Colt, what’s holdin’ you back?” he questions again.
“I’m not ready to settle down. I’m only twenty-two, Dad. That’s too young to know if Emersyn is the woman for me. Yeah, I love her and Zoey. Right now, though, I don’t think I’m the man she needs to settle down with,” I say honestly.
“So, you’d be good with her findin’ another man?” he asks me, tipping his beer bottle up and draining the rest of it.
“What are you talkin’ about? She’s not lookin’ for a man,” I argue.
“She might not be lookin’, but I know of more than one man here who wouldn’t hesitate to make Emersyn his ol’ lady and treat Zoey as his own blood. She’s a beautiful woman and has a heart of gold. You better figure out what you truly want with her and make a decision now,” he says. “If you honestly believe you’re too young to settle down, then leave her alone. I’ll tell you right now, I knew your mother was mine at the age of seventeen. You’re not too young, just too dumb to realize what you have in front of you.”
“Dad, what if I’m not good enough for her? It’s not as if I don’t have blood on my hands already. Yeah, I want Emersyn and Zoey to be mine. She comes with baggage and so do I. Why should I think it would even work between us?” I question, not caring who hears me voice what I feel to my dad.
“Because it takes work. You two have a love that’s been goin’ for years. Even with the both of you apart, you still love one another. Zoey may not be yours by blood, but that little girl was meant to be yours. Fix your shit and make her yours if that’s what you want. I’m tellin’ you now, she’s ready to run. Doesn’t want to bring her shit to our door,” he says.
“Not gonna happen,” I grit out.
My dad gives me a slap on the back and gets off his stool. He walks toward his office as I get off the stool I’ve been keeping warm and head out to my bike. I want to go check on my girls, but I need to get back to work and finish my shift out. I’m not going to slack off just because my head’s up my ass. I’ll work out what I need to do with Emersyn as I go about my business.
I’ve been at work for a few hours now. The bar is stocked, the dancers are here, and customers are starting to file in the door for tonight’s show. I’m just waiting for my brother to show up so I can get the hell out of here. Usually, I’d be here until closing, but I’ve been here all day, so I get to leave early.
Logan and I switch out. Whichever one of us comes in while the dancers rehearse gets to leave just after we open our doors for the public. The other one closes the club; that way we don’t get worn out and one of us is always here with the other members of the club.
Normally I don’t mind staying late and helping out or taking in the show. Tonight, I’m itching to get out of here so I can go talk to Emersyn and find out what’s going on. As I think of going to see her, my phone vibrates in my pocket. Pulling it out, I see the picture of Em and Zoey sleeping I took after Logan and I stayed the night with them.
Emersyn: Please come to the apartment when you get out of work. We need to talk. Your mom said you have a key if I’m passed out. Wake me up.
Me: I get off in an hour or so. Hopefully you won’t be passed out by then. Are you okay?
Emersyn: I’m fine. Just need to talk.
Since a customer walks up to the bar, I shove my phone back in my pocket and help him out. There’s no reason to respond since I’ll be there soon enough to see her for myself.
Waiting for Logan to get here, Vanish and I are busting ass trying to keep up with the demand for drinks. The waitresses are running back and forth, dancers are helping out between sets, and even my mom is on the floor. She’s only out here when she absolutely needs to be.
I’m debating leaving the guys when Logan and my dad show up together. My dad looks at me and tells me to go talk to Emersyn. He’ll stay long enough to get the bar caught up. Really, he wants to keep an eye on mom. One of the guys must have let him know she’s on the floor right now. He doesn’t stay away if she’s working the floor. Never has and never will.
I practically run out the back door and jump on my bike. After starting it up, I take a few seconds to calm my nerves and racing heart, and try to ensure I’m not about to crash my bike on the way there. Once my helmet is in place, I pull out of my spot and head for Emersyn’s apartment.
It takes minutes to get there, but it feels as if it’s hours. My thoughts are racing all over the place and I’m not sure what to think or feel as I pull in the driveway and quickly shut my bike off. I don’t know if Zoey’s sleeping already and I don’t want to wake her up. Making sure the kickstand is down, I climb off the bike and make my way up the stairs. Before I can knock, the door is opening, and Emersyn is standing right before me.
I want to pull her into my arms and hold on tight. She looks like shit and that’s being nice. Emersyn’s face is pale, her hair is up in a messy bun, and she’s wearing one of my tee-shirts with a pair of oversized sweats on. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they were mine or Logan’s. Hell, she used to swipe our shirts and hoodies before so who’s to say she’s still not doing that.
Letting out a small laugh, I step in the apartment and shut the door behind me.
“Are you okay?” she asks me, looking at me as if I’ve grown a few extra body parts.
“Yeah. I was just rememberin’ when you used to steal Logan’s and my clothes when we were younger. The outfit you’re wearin’ could be all my clothes if I didn’t know any better,” I tell her honestly.
“Well, that’s because they are your clothes,” she tells me, a small smile on her face. “Um, do you want anything to eat or drink?”
“No thank you. I do want to apologize for yesterday. If I had been thinkin’ I wouldn’t have sat with Vanish and her. I need you to know that after you left, I chewed her a new ass and told her if she keeps shit up, she’s out. I’m so sorry,” I say, following her into the living area and sitting next to her on the couch.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry I caused a scene,” she says, twisting her hands in her lap and refusing to look at me. “Um, there’s something I need to tell you and I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it.”
“What’s goin’ on?” I ask, turning more to look at her.
“Well, I haven’t been feeling good. Your mom brought me home early today and ended up getting a pregnancy test. Or three. After I woke up, I took them and I’m pregnant,” she says, rushing her words at the end because she’s nervous.
It’s a trait she’s always had. If I could concentrate on anything other tha
n the last two words she uttered, I’d pull her in my arms and tell her how adorable she is. Instead, I’m trying to figure out what I’m feeling right now while Emersyn sits there and waits for me to say something to her.
“Okay. Well, have you made a doctor’s appointment?” I finally ask her.
“Not yet. I’ve been trying to process all afternoon. You’re not going to ask me if it’s yours?” she asks, finally looking up at me.
“No. If you’re tellin’ me you’re pregnant, then I know it’s mine. We did have sex when you got here. How are you feelin’?” I ask her. “Wait, that’s a stupid question. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say or do here.”
“It’s okay, Colt. You don’t have to say or do anything. I’m just lettin’ you know because you have the right to know you’re goin’ to be a father. If you don’t want to be a part of the baby’s life, you don’t have to be,” she says, her eyes filling with tears as she looks away from me.
“I want this baby,” I tell her, knowing in my heart I truly want this baby with her. “It’s just a lot to take in. I wasn’t expectin’ you to say that. What do we need to do now? Because I want to be here for you, Zoey, and our new child. Emersyn, I want to see what this is between us and where it goes.”
“I think I’d like that too. But, it has to be more than about the baby, Colt. I won’t be with you if that’s what I feel this is,” she warns me.
“It’s not. Em, you know there’s always been this weird connection between us. So, we’ll figure this all out. Together. I’ll be here for you all no matter what you guys need. Now, can I make you somethin’ to eat?” I ask her.
She shakes her head no as her face turns a shade of green. Is this why she’s been sick?
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask her again, pulling her into my side and placing a hand against her forehead.