by Erin Osborne
It seems as if the four of us take a collective sigh as we slow down slightly and continue the journey home. Instead of the forty-five minutes it took us to get to the mall, it seems to only take a matter of minutes on the return trip. I’m ready to hold my daughter in my arms, see Colt, and try to put today’s events behind me.
When we pull into Tonya’s driveway, the bikes all shut off. As soon as the truck is off, I’m out the door and on my way up to the apartment. I hope Colt is here and I don’t have to try and run back down to his parent’s house.
Opening the door, I see Colt standing at the stove with Zoey in his arms. He’s talking quietly to her while he makes dinner. Instead of the smells turning my stomach, I’m hungry as hell.
“Baby,” I hear his tortured word and pull from my stupor. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay. I’ve never been as scared in my life as I was today,” I inform him honestly. “He’s going to play mind games with me for a while. Until he’s ready to get me.”
“We’ll take care of it,” Colt says, pulling me into his arms and placing a kiss on my lips.
We kiss until Zoey decides she wants loving from me too. I pull her into my arms and hold her close as Colt turns and continues making dinner. While my nerves are still frayed, he acts as if this is a normal day for him. Well, I suppose in a way it is. Unfortunately, this is my life and I’m not used to the chase, being watched, and followed around like it felt today. I should be after being with Jeremy for so long, but I’m just not. Hopefully we all make it through this shit storm and come out unscathed on the other side.
“Spendin’ the night with my girls. Holdin’ you in my arms and not lettin’ go,” Colt tells me as he serves up dinner.
“Thank you,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his middle as I look at the plates.
He made us breakfast for dinner. When I was upset as a little girl, my mom used to make this for me. It’s my version of comfort food. I can’t believe he remembered. This is why I love this man with all my heart though; he remembers the small things and makes it happen.
Chapter Fifteen
Emersyn ‘Sky’ Wilkes
COLT AND I sit on the couch and eat our dinner while Zoey plays on the floor in front of us. Tears fill my eyes as memories of my mother making ‘my’ comfort food for me so often in the past. The last time she made it for me was when the Johns family left and moved away for good.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Colt asks, setting his plate down and turning to look at me.
“You remembered,” I murmur, not elaborating on my statement.
“I remember everythin’ about you,” he tells me, pulling me into his arms.
I melt into the side of his body. Colt doesn’t remember everything. Today is my birthday and no one knows. I’m actually grateful because I haven’t celebrated it since my mother passed away. It’s just another day as far as I’m concerned.
“Shit!” he suddenly says. “I’ll be right back.”
Colt walks off into the other room and I can hear him talking on the phone. I’m not sure what he’s saying as I eat the food in front of me. While I’m not hungry after the day’s events, I know I have to eat because of the baby. Otherwise I’m going to get sick and the baby I’m carrying won’t be healthy.
In minutes, Colt is back at my side and I know there’s something we have to talk about before I can be comfortable with us moving forward with whatever it is we’re doing here. If I don’t get my fears out of the way, I’ll be consumed by them and it will ruin anything we’re building. That’s not something I ever want to happen. Not when the solution is so simple and involves a conversation.
“Colt, we need to talk,” I tell him, finished with my food.
“What’s goin’ on?” he asks, his eyes filling with concern and a hesitation I don’t remember ever seeing before.
“I need to know that whatever we’re working toward here is real for you. I’m all in and I need you to be all in too. This isn’t something I can enter into lightly. I have Zoey to think about and she’s already attached to you and your family,” I begin, my voice wavering as I shrink back against the couch while pulling my legs up to my chest. “I know you’re not a monk and you’ve been with your fair share of women. Including the sweet butts at the clubhouse. But I can’t share you. If you’re with me then you need to be with only me. I don’t share and I won’t tolerate being cheated on. It’s a deal breaker for me.”
Colt looks at me for a minute and doesn’t say a word. I fully expect him to get off the couch and leave the apartment. Instead, he lowers his head to mine and presses his lips against mine. Colt’s lips are firm yet soft, demanding and yet he lets me control the kiss. When he breaks the kiss, we stare at one another, our breathing sawing in and out of our chests. I always feel out of control when Colt touches me or kisses me.
“Sweetheart, I can promise you I’m all in. There’s no one else I want. Yeah, I could sink my cock into one of the sweet butts, but they’re not who I want. Not a single fuckin’ one of them compare to you. With you, Zoey, and our new baby I have a family; my family. I’m not goin’ to fuck it up intentionally,” he tells me with a small laugh. “You’re goin’ to get pissed at me, we’re goin’ to fight, and I’m not goin’ to be able to tell you everythin’ I do. The one thing I promise from this day forward is no one is goin’ to be ridin’ my cock unless it’s you. But I have to know what it is you actually want now that you’re here.”
While Colt’s words aren’t a confession of his undying love, they’re him; rough, raw, and the truth. I can see it shining from his eyes as he stares into my own and doesn’t look away or try to hide from me. When Colt lies, he can’t look anyone in the eyes; it’s always been this way with him from the time we were young.
“I’m here for now, Colt. I won’t let Jeremy bring trouble to your door. I have too much respect for your parents, you, Logan, and your club to do that. He’s already here and I have no choice to stay right now because I don’t have any money to leave,” I tell him honestly, tears filling my eyes. “Eventually, though, I want to get my own place, make sure the kids have what they need and want, and to get a college degree.”
“First of all, Jeremy isn’t goin’ to be a problem. Let me, us, take care of him. He won’t touch you or Zoey. If I have my way, he’ll be out of town before he even lays eyes on you again,” Colt tells me. “Secondly, you’re not goin’ anywhere. You’re carryin’ my baby, I just got you back in my life, my parents and brother just got you back and none of us are ready to lose you just yet. I’ll never be ready to lose you, Emersyn. You’ve been mine for a long time now and I was stupid about it. I pushed you away when I should’ve been bringin’ you closer to me and makin’ sure you were fine after we left. I’ll never be able to change the past or make it up to you. Instead, I live with the regrets on a daily basis of what you’ve been through. What Zoey’s already been through in her short life. I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you every single day. One last thing, you ever try leavin’ here, I’ll find you and drag you back here to me. Each and every single time.”
My heart races as I realize Colt is being truthful. He’s not going to let me go because I’m afraid of Jeremy or anything else. He’ll keep me by his side, and he’ll protect me the best he can. That’s where my fear comes in. I can’t lose him. Or anyone else I love and care about. Colt’s loss would absolutely shatter me, and I would never be whole again. He already owns me, heart and soul. The loss of Logan, Tonya, or Blood would devastate me too.
“There’s nothing for me to forgive or for you to regret. We can’t change the past and I wouldn’t be who I am if we could. You wouldn’t be the man you are now. All we can do is take each day as it comes and be thankful for what we have now,” I tell him, placing my hand on his cheek as he leans into my touch. “I’m going to try to trust you when you’re at the clubhouse and Legacies. You just have to understand I’m going to have days when I get in my head and there’s doubt.”
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“I’ll take all the doubt you throw my way,” he assures me. “And, I’ll prove to you each and every time that you’re it for me. Emersyn, you’re the only woman I want and I’m not going to fuck it up for loose, worn out pussy at the strip club or clubhouse.”
Nodding my head, Colt looks down at his phone. A small smile lifts the corner of his mouth and I wonder what the hell he’s smiling about. When he used to smile like that, it was because he was flirting with some random girl at school. Now, I don’t know what it could mean and I’m not sure if I want to find out.
“We have to get ready to head to the clubhouse,” Colt tells me, standing up and taking our plates into the kitchen.
He rinses them off as I grab Zoey and take her to change her diaper.
“Why are we going to the clubhouse?” I ask him as I walk back into the living room.
“Mom asked us to come over for a bit. I’m not sure if it’s just dinner or what,” he says, not looking me in the eyes.
“You’re lying,” I tell him, hiking Zoey up on my hip and holding her close to me.
Colt just smiles at me. I love seeing him smile, it lights his entire face up when he offers someone a genuine smile. The sides of his eyes crinkle up and his eyes seem to sparkle. It’s also the only time you see the Johns dimples on his face. All the men in the family have them and I love seeing them. Though I can’t see them on Blood with the beard he now sports.
“That what you’re wearin’?” he asks me as his eyes rake up and down my body.
“Do you think I should change?” I question him.
“Nope. You wear whatever you want to wear, sweetheart,” he tells me.
I’m wearing a short pair of shorts with an oversize tee-shirt that hangs off of one shoulder. There’s a pair of sneakers on my feet and I left my hair down earlier. I don’t see anything wrong with what I’m wearing, so I shrug my shoulders and place Zoey in her car seat.
Once the diaper bag, Zoey, and myself are ready to head to the clubhouse, Colt picks my daughter up and leads us from the apartment. He waits while I lock the door behind us and then we head down to Tonya’s truck. He doesn’t have his own cage as he calls it.
“Need to get a truck,” I hear him mumble to himself as he finishes buckling Zoey in.
“Why is that?” I ask him. “You have your bike.”
“If I have the kids and you, I don’t want to borrow my mom’s car or have to take one of the SUVs from the clubhouse. It will be easier for me to have my own to cart our daughter, you, and the new baby around in,” he answers me, turning on the truck and backing out of the driveway.
“Our daughter?” I ask him, tears filling my eyes.
“Yeah, sweetheart, our daughter. Zoey may not be mine biologically, but she’s my daughter. Your ex is nothin’ more than a fuckin’ sperm donor as far as I’m concerned,” he informs me vehemently.
“I love you,” I tell him, not being able to stop the words from flying from my lips.
“I love you, too,” Colt says, grabbing my hand and entwining our fingers before placing our joined hands on his thigh.
The short drive seems to fly by in a blur. As Colt pulls into the compound, I see the parking lot filled with bikes, cars, and trucks. I’m not sure what the hell is going on, but I’m not exactly in the mood to party or anything else at the clubhouse right now. I’d much rather be curled up on my couch with Colt and Zoey watching mindless TV.
Colt helps me out of the massive truck before getting our daughter out of the backseat. Once we have Zoey and the diaper bag, we head inside the clubhouse. Before the door even opens, I can feel the bass of the music already blaring inside. Colt opens the door and I’m hit with a wave of people and shouting.
“Happy birthday!” everyone in the clubhouse shouts as we stand just inside the door.
“What is going on?” I ask, as Tonya, Blood, and the women I was shopping with earlier rush forward.
“While I originally forgot today is your birthday, I’ll never forget the date you were brought into this world. You’re my angel and we’re celebratin’ you,” Colt tells me, pulling me into his side and wrapping his arm firmly around me.
“Happy birthday, baby girl,” Blood says, pulling me from his son and wrapping me up in one of his humungous bear hugs. “Happy as fuck you’re here with us again and you’ve brought that little girl into our lives.”
Tears stream down my face as I take in all of these people who are here to celebrate my birthday just because the Johns have brought me into their family. Instead of having my dad off in his own grief-filled world and someone who sees me as nothing more than a possession in Jeremy, I now have a family. Something I’ve always longed for; something I haven’t had since my mother died.
“Don’t cry, baby girl,” Colt says into my neck. “I hate seein’ tears in your eyes.”
“These are happy tears,” I tell him, as Colt looks at me and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears away.
“Alright, the birthday girl is here,” Tonya shouts and everyone shuts up. “Turn the music back on, eat, and soon we’ll let her open her gifts. Don’t turn the music too loud with my granddaughter here.”
Everyone laughs as Tonya takes Zoey from her son and walks to the closest table. Zoey is smiling at her and her little legs and arms are moving a million miles a second as she waits for Tonya to pick her up. My daughter absolutely loves her grandparents. As long as Blood and Tonya are in the room, everyone else ceases to exist.
I’m pushed further into the room and Colt never leaves my side as we head to the table with food. Yeah, we just ate, but Tonya made the pasta salad I love, and I want to get some before it’s all gone. Colt loads up his own plate and I just move through the line of hungry bikers and women until I make it to the salad.
“That’s all you’re eatin’?” Blood asks.
“Yeah. We just finished eatin’ at the apartment,” I say, eyeing Colt’s plate.
“Tonya made you your own bowl of the salad. It’s at the house,” he informs me as Colt leads me to the table where his mom, Logan, Sydney, and Bounce are already sitting.
“Happy birthday, squirt,” Logan tells me, placing a kiss on the top of my head.
“Thank you,” I reply, looking down at the plate in front of me.
“Still hate celebratin’ your birthday?” he asks me.
“Yeah.”
“You’ll be celebratin’ it every single year now. You’re part of the family and Mom and Colt aren’t goin’ to let you get away with hidin’ out away from everyone,” Logan says, not letting me know something I don’t already know.
Nodding my head, I eat my salad as the members of my family talk and laugh at Zoey’s antics. She’s making all sorts of noise and waving her little feet in the air as she laughs. When Blood finally makes his way over to the table, she only has eyes for him, and we all laugh at her.
This party is bringing forth so many memories of my mom, of both my parents really. I miss the way my mom would hold me close when I was upset. Or the way she would celebrate every small achievement I ever made. It didn’t matter what it was, I was the highlight of my mom’s life and she made sure I felt her love to the depths of my soul.
Feeling myself get choked up, I excuse myself from the table and make my way outside. I need just a minute to myself so I can regain my composure and go back in to join the party in my honor.
As I round the corner of the building, I lean up against it and bend myself in half. I’m taking deep breaths when I feel strong arms wrap around me. It’s not Colt by my side, it’s Blood.
“What’s the matter, darlin’?” he asks me.
“It just reminds me so much of happier times. When my mom was alive, and I was shown what love is. My dad pretty much checked out. I don’t even know if he’s alive anymore,” I answer.
“He’s alive. I’ve got him checked into a rehab center. Went and met with him and he was in bad shape, darlin’. Talked to him and he wants to get better. He wants to be here for
you and that little angel. So, he’s in rehab and he’s gettin’ counselin’ to deal with the loss of your mama,” Blood tells me, pulling me in his arms and holding me tight as I cry on his shoulder.
I let out the tears for the family I lost, the family I have now, and the possibility of getting my father back. Zoey and the new baby I’m carrying need to have their grandfather in their lives. I need to have my only remaining parent back in my life.
“Thank you, Blood. I’ll never be able to repay you for this,” I tell him, wiping my tears away and standing up straight.
“Nothin’ to repay, darlin’. You’re family and your dad is family. If I had known sooner, he would’ve been taken care of sooner. Now, all we need to do is worry about your ex. Then, we’ll rest easy until the next storm pushes through and we confront it,” he says. “Yeah, I know about you wantin’ to leave here. Already know my boy won’t let it happen.”
“I know he won’t. He told me he’d drag me back here,” I tell him as we both begin to laugh.
“That he will darlin’. You’ve brought my boy to life again. He’s free, happy, and he loves you. You’re the other half of his soul, his heart, and the light to his dark,” Blood says. “Let’s get back in there before Tonya comes out and drags both our asses in there.”
We walk back into the clubhouse and I see everyone standing around the table with Tonya, Colt, and Logan. One of the sweet butts is standing next to Colt and I can see the want in her eyes as she looks at him and only him. Jealousy runs through me as Blood’s hand squeezes my shoulder. Colt only has eyes for me. He’s not looking at our daughter, the woman, or anyone else. His eyes are firmly on me and I nod my head slightly to let him know I’m okay.
“Time for gifts and cake,” Tonya says as I take my seat next to Colt.