Diane R. Jewkes

by The Heart You Own

  “Very amusing, Lord Peyton. Care to put your money where your mouth is?”

  “With pleasure, Miss Jonston. I will wager Hawke’s Titan can outrun your horse … no matter the distance. Shall we say fifty of your American dollars?”

  “Now wait a minute.” Hawke tried to intrude. “You seem to be betting my horse without asking my opinion.”

  Two pairs of eyes looked at him like he was daft.

  “I haven’t said I would be willing to race. Besides, Alec,” he glared at his friend. “I have heard of the breed. You’d be making a fools bet.”

  He saw Kara’s mouth quirk up mischievously. She was purposely baiting Alec. Hawke laughed when she winked conspiratorially at him. Well, if it would cost Alec fifty dollars to keep Kara this relaxed and happy around him, who was he to say no?

  “However, Alec, you might be right.” He tried to sound convincing. “Titan could probably outrun her horse, no matter what.”

  • • •

  “That’s more like it. So, Kara,” Alec turned back to her. “When would you like to lose your money?”

  Kara covered her mouth with her hand so Alec couldn’t see her laughing. The goofy look on Hawke’s face had her almost falling out of her saddle. She knew he would have as much fun as she taking the arrogant Alec down a peg.

  “Well, we are headed towards the training track. The quarter mile is marked from the starting point, so there would be no question of the exact distance. So now will suit me just fine.”

  Kara and her father had gained a reputation for breeding some of the fastest quarter-mile runners in the west. There was a straight extension joining the main track for the quarter-mile race. The dirt oval was outlined with an inner and outer rail similar to a real racetrack. A raised platform stood at the finish line so the trainer could watch the horses on the backside of the track. Kara had spent countless hours working with her horses on this track. She knew every square inch of dirt as well as she knew her name.

  Gally began prancing and tossing his head, feeling Kara’s mounting excitement through her legs. Reaching down she stroked his neck to settle him down.

  “So, Hawke, are you ready to take us on?”

  “Anytime, lass. Anywhere.”

  She felt herself blush. The sparks in his eyes weren’t over the race and she knew it. It sent a thrill streaking along her nerves knowing this man wanted her.

  “Let’s race then.” Alec interrupted her thoughts. “I will stand at the finish line. I look forward to collecting my winnings from you.”

  “Don’t count your money yet.” Kara laughed. “Come on, the starting line is down here.” She wheeled her horse around and started towards the end of the straightaway.

  “Hawke,” Alec called to him, “Don’t let her win just to try and please her. She won’t respect you if you do.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about that Alec.” Hawke laughed. “I just hope you won’t make to big a fuss about handing over the money.”

  “I expect you to run this to try to win,” Kara said as he joined her at the starting line. “I don’t want you to let me win just because I’m a woman.”

  “There is no way, Miss Jonston,” he replied indignantly, “I would make allowances because you are a woman. The fact is even though my horse is larger, he is carrying considerably more weight than yours and thus puts me at a handicap already.”

  “You are right. I want this to be fair. Can you ride bareback? You can take off the western saddle to help even the odds.”

  “That is quite all right.” Hawke laughed. “I am not worried the extra weight will slow Titan down.” Reaching down he patted the big gray affectionately on the neck. “Shall we?”

  Looking down the track she saw Alec holding a white handkerchief up. The horses were lined up next to each other at the starting post. Kara nodded to Hawke, then looked towards the end of track.

  • • •

  Alec saw each rider was ready. Hesitating just a moment he dropped his arm and both horses leaped forward.

  Alec was stunned. It was like Kara’s little red horse had been fired from a cannon. He exploded from a standstill off his powerful haunches and seemed to fly to the lead. He had already taken two strides before Hawke’s big horse even began to move. Alec could only stare in amazement at the speed of the smaller horse. His legs were a blur; he skimmed over the ground. Kara was leaning low over his neck, clinging to his mane as they flew past Alec, lengths in front of Hawke. Seconds later, the other horse came thundering past the finish line. Titan was stretched out, running hard and beginning to catch up. Kara’s face glowed with happiness and triumph as she pulled Gally to a trot and turned back towards Alec. Hawke had also slowed his horse down and turned to ride beside her.

  “That was amazing to watch. I don’t think I have ever seen an animal move so fast from a dead standstill. It must feel like being shot out of a gun.”

  “Oh, it does, especially on the really fast horses.” Kara reached down wrapping her arms around the sweaty neck of her horse. With her cheek resting on the horse’s mane, she looked up at Hawke, smiling. “Gally really isn’t the fastest runner I have. My real race horses are with our trainer in Albuquerque for some meets.”

  “He’s not that fast … .” Alec was stunned by what she was saying. It was the fastest he had ever seen a horse move. “I see,” he said slowly, still amazed.

  “It must be something,” Hawke said. “Well, now you are just going to have to take me to a real race so I can see it for myself.”

  Hawke moved his horse closer to Kara’s, reached over and tugged playfully on her braid. “It’s good to see you smiling and happy, lass. I always want to see you happy.”

  Sitting up in the saddle, she reached up and grasped Hawke’s hand. Smiling at him, she squeezed his hand and continued to hold it as they rode towards Alec.

  “Well, isn’t that lovely.” Alec snipped. “I lose fifty dollars and you just sit there on that big lump of a horse, grinning like a fool.”

  “I’ll just go now, beginning to feel like a third wheel. Besides if you can’t find me, then I don’t have to pay you.”

  He laughed as Kara swung her head around, leveling him with a glare. “Now just a minute, a bet is a bet. You owe me fifty dollars.” Wagging a finger at him, she grinned. “And believe me, I always collect on my bets. I’m worse than Madame Varnish at making sure losers don’t welch on bets.”

  “Madame, you misheard me.” Alec put his hand upon his chest with mock dismay. “I would never dream of not paying you. You might shoot me with that gun you have strapped on.” He gave her a broad wink.

  Kara laughed. “I’d have to get Bob’s shotgun and put a load of buckshot into you to make an impact on your thick hide.”

  “Enough.” Hawke laughed. “I can assure you he is good for the money. Now that you have put us in our place, why don’t we return to the house for luncheon?”

  Chapter 28

  It had been more than a week, and no one had spotted Black. Kara needed a break from being escorted everywhere she went. She wanted somewhere quiet to think. The events of the last few weeks were a swirl in her mind and her emotions were ricocheting like a bullet in a steel room. After telling Consuelo her destination, she walked to the barn to get her horse.

  Pushing past the unease crawling along her skin, she entered the barn. Putting only a halter with a rope on the gelding, she led him out into the afternoon heat. Grabbing a handful of the horse’s mane she stepped back and swung herself onto his bare back. She saw Hawke standing on the porch as she was mounting.

  “I can honestly say you are the first woman I have ever seen mount a horse in such a fashion.” He smiled as he walked over to her. “You never cease to amaze me.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Where are you off to without a saddle? I thought only the
Indians rode without saddles.” His teasing voice coerced a smile from her. He stepped closer, resting his hand on her knee.

  “Lass, we need to talk.” All traces of teasing had left his face.

  “Hawke,” she pleaded softly, “I … I can’t yet. I know I can’t run away forever, but please, I need time, time to sort out all the confusion. Since you came to the ranch and into my life, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” Tears of frustration welled up blurring her vision. “So many emotions are pulling me. I know that I am very attracted to you, and what happened between us is very special.” She dropped her head, trying to gain control. Taking a deep breath, she looked into the face of the man she knew she was in love with. “I just need more time to decide what I want, and need to do about us.”

  “I respect your desire, lass.” Hawke lightly squeezed her thigh. “It’s torture for me to see you so unsettled. I can wait, but we will have to discuss it sooner rather than later. It may be a matter beyond our control.” He lowered his voice “You do not yet know if there is the possibility of a babe?”

  Kara felt the blood run out of her head. So much had happened she had actually forgotten. Mentally counting the days, she replied, “I won’t know for sure for another week. Even so,” her voice was resolute. “If I were, it does not automatically mean we have to marry.”

  “There is where you are wrong, lass. I take my responsibilities very seriously. Do you truly think I would allow you to bear my child without my name — alone?” He took a step back. “Now where are you off to in the heat of the day?”

  “I have a place where I go to think. Consuelo and my father know where it is.”

  “Are you sure you should be going anywhere unescorted?” Hawke’s concern was plain. “I know you are still armed, but if you wait a moment, I can escort you. I respect your need for solitude but your father wouldn’t want you to put yourself in harm’s way.”

  How was she supposed to have time to sort this all out if she could never be alone?

  Kara felt the warmth from his hand radiating throughout her body. Unwanted thoughts of how his hand felt sliding over her skin crowded her mind. Sensual heat began winding around her senses, and a desire to be in his arms again, to feel the heat of his bare flesh against her own overwhelmed her. The hooded look of desire in his eyes told her he was feeling the same way. She needed to break away from the spell he seemed to be casting over her. Lightly squeezing her legs she commanded Gally forward.

  “I’ll be fine.” She assured him. “Really. It’s not far from here, and once I’m there, I’m practically invisible. No one will see me. Now I really must go.” Before he could say anything more, she dug her heels into the horse’s side and galloped away from the house.

  • • •

  Hawke watched her ride off. Admiration for her horsemanship was his first thought. His second was he couldn’t let her go out alone. Even though everyone believed Black had headed for Mexico, Hawke couldn’t shake a feeling that he had stayed close by, waiting for an opportunity for revenge.

  Returning to the house, he quickly found Consuelo. Worried about Kara venturing out alone, she readily told him how to find her. He would follow to assure her safety, but he told himself he would let her have the space she needed.

  • • •

  Kara rode slowly, the relentless heat of the sun drawing all the breath from her. As the summer wore on there would be days that felt like living in a blast furnace. The air would shimmer with heat as the desert baked. The ground would crack like a cake left overlong in an oven. Tilting her head back, she watched a hawk riding lazy circles on the air currents. It almost looked like he was following her. Maybe Hawke had transformed himself, she thought whimsically. Laughing at her own silliness, Kara dropped the rope around Gally’s neck and lay back. She tried to organize her thoughts. The steady clop of hooves and the gentle sway of her mount relaxing her.

  She reached a canyon stretched into the low hills. The sheer rock faces were barren of plants. When she was younger, her father had shown her the secret within the canyon walls.

  He told her the Mescalero Apaches who lived in the region had known of this place, and used it to hide from the soldiers during raids. She slowly rode to a large boulder that looked flush to the canyon wall, until you got right up to it. She dismounted and led Gally around the rock. Hidden behind the boulder was a narrow slit in the canyon wall. It was wide enough for her to lead her horse through, but not tall enough to ride into. As they went in further, the cave widened, and she could hear the sound of water. This was the underground source of one of the streams running through the valley. Kara could see the shafts of sunlight piercing the darkness. The cavern widened as they approached the water.

  Above the cave were breaks in the rock, where over the centuries rainwater had worn paths from the ground above, leaving natural skylights that allowed slender shafts of light to bounce off the water below. Kara loved coming here. It was the one place she could shut out the world completely. The only sounds came from the water gently running through the cave.

  Dropping the lead rope and giving Gally a pat, she stepped around an outcropping of rock to an area with a small ledge in the rocks. On it was a towel. She usually brought a fresh towel each time she came here.

  She loosened her hair from its braid, stripped off her gun belt and her clothes and stepped into the pool. The cool water felt good against her heated skin. She could feel her hair wet and heavy fanning about her in the water. Her troubles, like the desert dust washed away in the spring water. Swimming easily, she rolled over on her back and stared at the dust motes dancing in the sunlight above her.

  That’s how I feel, like I have no control over anything happening to me. I just seem to be floating around at the whim of any breeze.

  Hawke. What am I going to do about him? Or better yet, what am I going to do about my feelings for him?

  She continued floating as she worked through her dilemma. Every time she came back to the same question. Was she in love with him?

  I know he’s the most fascinating man I have ever met, she thought. In spite of her desire to dislike him, she found she enjoyed talking with him. After he told her about his sister and the pain he felt for her, she was forced to look at him in a different light. There was none of the pampered soft aristocrat she thought him to be. At every turn he surprised her with his willingness not only to try something many in his position would consider beneath them, but to laugh at himself if he failed. His compassion to townspeople he didn’t even know during the fire forced her to see him as a whole man, not someone out to steal her ranch. He was not a shiftless remittance man. He was not some caricature, but a man of many depths. She desired him. His touch made her feel in ways she had never felt before. But did she love him? And did he love her?

  She swam over to a rock outcropping illuminated by sunshine. Pulling herself out of the water, she stretched out on her stomach, the heat of the sun-warmed rock relaxing her. Her mind turned to the night at the hotel and her response to his touch. She lightly ran her tongue over her lips, remembering the feel of his mouth on hers. Heat suffused her body thinking how his hands felt on her skin. How the weight of his body pressing her into the mattress felt so right. The memory of his mouth skimming over her breasts was so vivid she felt her nipples pucker in response. The heat from the rocks made her long for the heat of his body. Need to feel him touching her, loving her, overtook her. Lying in the warmth of the sun she let her mind run free.

  Her body ached for his touch. It was one thing she was sure of.

  I wish he were here.

  Whoa there, missy, she reined in her wayward thoughts. You are here to decide what you are going to do, not indulge in overheated fantasies.

  With a mental shake she closed her eyes.

  Admit it. You are in love with him.

  She had known it for a long while, but
her stubbornness refused to let her admit it, even to herself. What she needed to sort out in her own mind now was what she was going to do about it.

  Rolling over to her back, she folded her arms behind her head. The heat of the sun caressed her skin, reminding her of Hawke’s incredibly warm hands. Once again she could feel his hands caressing her, arousing her. Desire heated her flesh and pooled low in her belly, between her thighs. She wanted him. She could no longer lie to herself. The thought rang clearly in her mind. I love him, and I don’t know what I have been so afraid of.

  It felt like she’d been in a dust storm, unable to see, and suddenly it stopped and the air was clear again. It all made sense to her.

  I’ve been such a fool. Here I thought I was a modern woman not afraid of change. But change is what I feared most. I love him and I want to be with him. It doesn’t matter where.

  Saying those words, even silently, brought comfort and she felt the tension leave her body. All she had to do was love him. That was the only important thing. The rest — her fears about change, her fears about leaving the ranch — weren’t important.

  Deep in her thoughts, she did not hear the quiet nicker of greeting from Gally to the other horse.

  • • •

  Hawke stood transfixed by the vision in front of him.

  The entrance to the cave had been difficult to find. He now understood Kara’s remark about being invisible. Once inside he was amazed at the size of the cavern.

  Shafts of sunlight cut the gloom and illuminated Kara’s naked form on the rock. She lay with her head resting on her arms and one leg bent at the knee. He thought of the selkies in Scotland. Magical seals who turned into beautiful women to tempt human lovers. She lay on the smooth red rock, her skin gleaming in the sunlight, soft and golden, begging for his touch. Her lips were parted softly and her lashes lay dark against her cheek. Quietly, he removed his clothes and entered the cool water, swimming silently to the rock where she lay.