Seeds of War

by Fisher, Rachel

“When we met,” she explained, “I told Asher that I wondered about the animals in the zoos. You know, during the Famine. Would they escape, or starve, or what?”

  “So you think these elephants are from a zoo?” Sara asked.

  “Maybe, but I think that they could also be from one of those rescue organizations,” Fi said, and Sara’s brow furrowed in confusion. “There are people who rescue abused animals like those that people kept in captivity that shouldn’t have been…even retired animals from circuses and things.”

  Hmm, Fi thought, her mind suddenly running ahead. Even though the elephants had been dangerous, at least it was easy to hear them coming. There were a lot of other wild animals living on reserves or rescue sites before the Famine. She hadn’t given them much thought…until now. Crap.

  “This means we need to be even more careful,” she sighed. “If there are elephants on the loose, then there could be a lot of other things as well. Like big cats.”

  “Big cats?” Sara squeaked. “As in…”

  “Lions and tigers, yes,” Fi said

  “…And bears, oh my,” Asher murmured.

  Fi snorted. “And jaguars and cheetahs and things like that…also camels and llamas, though I don’t think any of us is worried about something spitting on us as much as ripping us limb from limb,” she joked, and the others relaxed a little.

  “So what, right?” Sean finally said. “Topside was dangerous before, and it’s dangerous now. What’s the difference? Besides,” he patted the staff strapped to his pack, “I’m sure I could hold off lions with this puppy.”

  “All right,” Fi chuckled. “Time to get going. I’m going to insist that we head in the opposite direction from our new friends.” The others nodded and joined her as they made their way deeper into the forest.

  “Hey, Fi…” Sara said. “Aren’t elephants like, tropical?”

  “Well, not exactly, Sara,” Fi laughed, happy to have an excuse to wax poetic about biology. “But it’s summer anyway. This is plenty warm. Besides, they migrate long distances, and now, without the grasses, they probably have to keep moving to get enough food from the forests. They’ll head south when it gets cold, I bet.”

  She prattled on a bit as they strolled, still somewhat stunned that she’d just seen elephants in the wild. That’s what Topside is now, she thought. It’s the wild.

  The next day, Fi awoke to a beautiful morning. It was still cool, but with the promise of summer’s warmth in its kiss. She’d slept fitfully and had finally settled late in the night, which must be why Asher hadn’t awakened her at dawn. Her stomach churned and she wondered whether her unsteady stomach was from something she’d eaten, or an actual virus. She’d have to remain vigilant about not sharing her water with the others.

  She stretched as she saw Asher approaching from the woods with Sean, her bow over his shoulder. In his hand were two birds: ducks or grouse or something, Fi couldn’t tell which from this distance.

  He waved. “We caught breakfast.”

  She sat up with a grin. Her stomach still ached a bit, but maybe a little meat would help.

  Sara stirred on the other side of their fire pit where she also had been resting. “Wow,” she smiled, as Sean knelt to kiss her good morning. “What did Fi and I do to deserve breakfast in bed?”

  Sean laughed. “Sometimes it’s nice to have a little time without you girls. Besides, Asher is always dying to try the bow.”

  Asher nodded, setting the birds beside the cold fire pit.

  “Impressive,” Fi said, and kissed him on the cheek. Her stomach gurgled and she made a face.

  “Stomach?” he raised an eyebrow.

  “Mmm, yes. It’s all right, I feel fine otherwise,” she assured him.

  She reached for the birds, which she now saw were ducks, and handed one to Sara. The girls got to work plucking while Sean fashioned a spit and Asher rebuilt the fire. It was always easiest to pluck a bird right away, while it was still warm, something Fi had learned over the years of hunting. In twenty minutes, the birds were roasting merrily over the fire, the fat dripping into the flames and sizzling.

  Fi’s stomach churned with hunger as she watched the birds cook. Maybe I really do just need some meat, she thought as saliva pooled in her mouth. Suddenly the wind shifted and the smoke blew into her face. The oily scent of duck slid over her and her stomach lurched. As subtly as possible, she got up and wandered away from camp with her hand over her mouth and nose.

  Once she was away from the fire, she took deep breaths of the cool, clear forest air. With each breath, she felt her stomach settle a bit more. Ugh, if this was a virus she hoped it would go away soon. She really was hungry. She continued into the forest to visit the latrine. Maybe if the food were cooked by the time she came back, the smell wouldn’t bother her so much. In the end, she was able to manage to keep down some of the duck, which alternated between tasting really awesome and really disgusting.

  After the meal, Fi picked her way through the forest to the nearby creek with her dishes. She crouched by the water, her fingers grabbing a pinch of sand to scrub the dishes in the fresh, cool water. Humming, she felt at ease until she felt a tap on her shoulder.

  She whirled and nearly knocked Sara over. “Jesus, Sara!” she scolded her. “You about scared me out of my shoes…”

  “Sorry, Fi.” She dropped to her knees beside her, dishes in hand. Fi returned to scrubbing with Sara, who kept peering back toward camp over her shoulder.

  She seemed weird, Fi thought, almost like she was nervous. “What is it, Sara? Is something wrong?”

  Sara kept her head down. “I’m sorry,” she said, rubbing the sand grains around her plate.

  Fi saw her flush and she grew more confused. Why would Sara blush?

  “I didn’t mean to make it seem like a big deal,” she added, flipping her dark hair in front of her face.

  “Sara, I think I know you by now. Why are you being so shy?”

  Sara looked up, her face twisted with indecision. Finally she leaned in and whispered, “How are you doing it, Fi?”

  “Doing what?” Fi whispered back theatrically, feeling impatient. She wanted to go back and get started with the day’s hike.

  “Not getting pregnant,” Sara hissed.

  Fi froze. Everyone was aware that Fi would die of embarrassment rather than discuss it, but it was no secret that she and Asher disappeared on occasion. The group simply did not discuss it. But here was Sara, dragging it out into the open. Well, that explains her nervousness, she thought. Despite her personal discomfort, Fi sighed. It was brave of Sara to ask.

  She patted Sara’s arm. “Let me get my pack.”

  Fi strode back to camp and grabbed her pack. “We’ll be right back,” she said, giving Asher a pointed look before she wheeled back into the forest. The boys stayed by the fire. Sean looked like he wanted to get up to follow her, but Asher shook his head at him, recognizing Fi’s cue.

  Fi led Sara to a small clearing and opened her pack, rummaging in a pocket before she pulled out what she sought. Sara reached to take the waving strip of condoms from Fi’s hand. It crinkled as she grabbed it, and Fi bit back a snort. Sara choked and dropped it, her shoulders shaking as she erupted in a torrent of giggles. “Oh my God, Fi! Where did you get them?”

  “Not from the docs in Eden, I’ll tell you that,” she laughed, as she scooped the condoms from the ground. God, this conversation was embarrassing. “I stole them on a Seek last year.” Sara’s eyebrows raised and Fi shrugged. “What can I say? I wanted to be prepared. I knew I was ready to be married. I can’t say I was ready to be a mom.”

  “Is it too weird?” Sara asked. “Talking about…you know, sex and stuff?”

  Fi shook her head and put her arm around Sara. “It sounds weird, but it’s like you’re my kid sister,” Fi said, realizing that she meant it.

  Sara was her best girl friend, but she was always behind Fi a little. Well, except in her ferocity. Fi pressed the strip of condoms into Sara’s hand. “Be
tter that you take precautions while you can.” She zipped her pack and was about to leave, when Sara grabbed her arm.

  “But, Fi,” she said quietly and then stopped, biting her lip. She dropped her gaze. “What will you do when you run out?”

  “That might take a while,” Fi joked, “but you have a point.” She pulled her pack onto her back. “When we run out, then I’ll have a child.”

  Sara gasped, but Fi turned her face to the heavens and took a deep breath of the moist morning air. She tried to push away the tiny, growing voice of doubt in the back of her mind. It was reminding her more frequently now…the memories of some peaceful nights when she and Asher had not been so careful.

  “I’m not afraid,” she added, though her heart was not so sure. Turning, she headed toward the clearing where the boys waited. Sara trailed behind her in the shadows, clutching her new possessions in her tightly balled fist.

  Uh, Oh, Daddio

  -----------Fi----------

  Fi’s eyes flew open as a wave of discomfort roused her from sleep. It was dawn. The sky had barely yawned awake and the air was cool. She sat up and felt her stomach roll like an unsteady ship. She gagged, covering her mouth and taking shallow breaths until she felt her stomach settle.

  When she uncovered her mouth, she immediately smelled the lingering smoke from the fire pit, and the fresh greenness of the forest. She stretched and yawned, and smelled…ugh, fish! Her stomach squeezed. Oh God. She leapt up, turning back only to grab her gun before she tore away from camp.

  She fled through the forest in her tank top and panties, her left hand clamped over her mouth, and her right clutching her gun. Low, steamy fingers of fog ripped and swirled as she passed. She ran without any purpose except to avoid waking the others, but she stopped dead when she detected a familiar smell, a calming smell…mint.

  Following the scent, she found a large, fragrant stand of spearmint growing beside a tumble of boulders. She grabbed handfuls of the mint and pressed them to her nose as she sank onto her knees. The clean, clear scent filled her brain and her nausea subsided for a moment.

  Lightheaded, Fi sat back against the rock pile and dropped her head into her free hand. God, she was so hungry. She wished she’d brought some jerky from camp. Saliva pooled in her mouth at the thought of the salty, meaty jerky. Her stomach gurgled and suddenly tightened, seizing up again.

  She choked and gagged, turning and spitting up into the shrubs. Thank goodness her stomach was actually empty, she thought, as her breath came in ragged gasps. Still retching, she sat up and wiped her mouth, trying to slow her breathing. She relaxed a bit and rested her head against the rocks. Suddenly her stomach seized again and sweat broke out on her brow.

  Jesus, she thought, her mind racing, counting the days. It had been a while, but she was never exact. Still, it had been a while. She retched again, her stomach squeezing until it doubled her over. Suddenly, the past few weeks of her shaky stomach were starting to make sense: terrifying, unimaginable sense. Oh God, she thought, sitting back up and gasping for air. She was so damned hungry. Her mind swirled and her head felt like it was pounding. She rubbed her forehead and pressed into her eyelids. There was no denying it any longer. It had to be the Lyrids…

  They had been sleeping in a beautiful spot by a lake. Lulled by the loons, and the soft lapping of the water, Fi had awakened to Asher gently shaking her shoulder.

  “What? What is it?” She remembered feeling alarmed.

  “Shhhhh.” He hadn’t needed to say anything more because as she’d turned toward him, she’d seen the reason he’d awakened her. A cascade of lights streaked across the night sky, their sparkle reflecting on the shimmering lake. “Is this the Lyrid shower?” His question was a murmur breathed into the side of her neck, making her shiver.

  “Yes,” she’d whispered.

  “Well,” Asher’s fingers had traced along her spine, and she’d felt her desire come to full wakefulness, even if she hadn’t yet. “That’s practically our first anniversary. C’mon,” he got up and pulled her with him toward the lake.

  It had taken a lot of convincing, bordering on kidnapping actually, for him to get her into the freezing water. But once he had, she’d been too lost in his arms to think clearly. It wasn’t until they needed protection that it occurred to her that it remained safely inside her pack, on the shore.

  Remembering it now, Fi could feel that moment again. The way that she couldn’t bear the thought of stopping. How she’d thought about the consequences and simply dismissed them in her moment of desire. How they both had. So stupid! She couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid. Her stomach lurched and she rolled onto her hands and knees and retched again. A branch cracked behind her and she whirled, landing on her butt, with her gun pointed.

  “Fi?” Asher appeared from the shadows, his sword in hand.

  She sighed. Obviously her plan to slip away unnoticed had failed. When he saw her aiming her gun at him in her underwear, he rushed to her and dropped to his knees.

  “Fi, what’s wrong? What the hell are you doing out here?”

  His questions tumbled out of him anxiously and her stomach tightened again, but this time it was with guilt. How worried would she have been if she’d gotten up and found him gone without a trace? She smiled weakly. “I’m fine, Ash.” Sort of, she thought.

  “Oh, thank God!” In his relief, he embraced her too roughly, and her right hand dropped instinctively to cover her belly. He caught the motion and raised an eyebrow. “Fi…what are you doing?”

  She smiled ruefully and bit her lip. What would he think, she wondered? This was such a liability, such a mistake. Still, her hand tightened over her stomach, there was no going back now.

  His eyes widened. “Is that why you’re sick?”

  She nodded, her eyes welling up. Oh God, he was mad. Her heart began to pound. What if he was mad? I mean, it’s his fault too, but still, even she was mad at herself. The tears burned in her eyes. “I think so,” she whispered, as a single tear fell. “At least, I’m pretty sure. It’s not like I would know.”

  Asher shushed her and crushed in close. Turning his back to the rocks, he pulled her into his lap. His cupped her face and kissed her cheek. At times she would have fought him for being so protective, but now she was incredibly grateful. She buried her face in his neck and breathed in his clean scent, grateful for yesterday’s chance to bathe. Though she often joked with him that he smelled like rosebuds because he seemed to never sweat, the truth was that his scent was better than rosebuds. It was like a freshly washed cotton t-shirt pulled off the clothesline, still warm with sunshine. The smell eased her nausea and she pressed herself into him.

  “Oh Jesus, Fi, I have to get you home,” he whispered. “I have to get you both home.”

  She wrapped her arms over his and shivered. Though she was warm enough, the gravity of the situation was really hitting her. There was no more denying it. She was definitely pregnant. She took a couple slow, deliberate breaths and felt her heart start to slow down.

  “It’s still early, Ash. Very early, maybe six weeks. My mornings are rough, but I can go on.” She met his eyes, knowing full well that he could see the naked plea reflected in hers. “Let’s keep Seeding. It will be a while until I’m truly a liability. Besides a little retching, I’ll be good until the end. We’ll get back to Eden just before I’m ready.” Yes, she thought, appreciating her own plan. There weren’t a lot of other options anyway at this point. She snuggled back into his neck.

  He stroked her hair and took a deep breath. “The Lyrids?”

  “Probably,” she admitted, “but…”

  “It could be…”

  “Yeah.” Fi suppressed a nervous giggle.

  That had to be the shortest, strangest exchange they’d ever had. It was weird to feel shy with someone she’d already been so free with, but she did. It was still hard to talk about…girl stuff. She wondered if she’d always feel this way with him, at least a little.

  “So this
is it, huh?”

  She nodded silently. They were both scared.

  “Are you happy, Fi?”

  “Yes. I am.”

  As she said it, she realized that she really was happy. It was dangerous, it was scary, but she was a brave girl. No, not girl! She was a brave woman, and someday soon, she would be a brave mother. Asher squeezed her tighter. They sat together in the early morning fog with their backs against the rock, Fi’s hands over her belly, and Asher’s arms around her. For just a moment, she felt completely at peace.

  The value of life was cheap in this new world, she knew, but she’d never felt anything as strong as the pull of this life, this one single life in her belly. No matter what else happened, she knew that she would fight for this baby, this little piece of them both. Even as she’d been thinking that it couldn’t possibly be true, her mind hadn’t been able to resist imagining it. If it were true, would it be a boy or a girl? And what would she name it?

  Still, every time she thought about happy things, the dark thoughts would follow. It was one of the reasons she’d been more comfortable denying the truth. Each time that she pictured herself reading to her child, the two of them safe inside the pods of Eden, she would also see herself teaching the child to fire a weapon, his fat baby fingers fumbling with the safety.

  She squeezed her eyes shut, as if that would scrub the image from her mind, and shook her head. No, it didn’t matter that the world was hard, she thought. She was happy to have a chance to do something good, to add another good life to the list of human survivors.

  The rising sun reminded them that they had to get back to camp. They walked slowly through the lightening forest holding hands. Fi’s heart jumped from emotion to emotion. “Ash,” she said. “Let’s not tell Sean and Sara. They’ll only worry.”

  Asher stopped. “I’m worried, Fi,” he admitted. A muscle twitched along his jaw.

  She was surprised by the sudden tension in his face.

  “How am I supposed to live with the worry knowing you’re out here in this place and, well…Seeding for two?”