by Hattie Jude
Chapter Four
The next day in the bathroom, I overhear a few girls talking before I flush the toilet. It doesn’t take long to know exactly who it is. I would recognize Heidi’s baby girl voice anywhere. I imagine her swirling her fingers around her long blond hair. Her hands are constantly in her hair.
“I am missing Raf’s cock so bad.” She laughs and my mouth drops open.
I guess that answers my question about them being a couple.
A pang of jealousy rips through me and I try to shake it off. I’m not interested in Raf Barron. Not even close. Just no.
“I hate school. My parents haven’t let me go out all week. I’m counting on the party Friday night to have a little catch-up session.” Heidi giggles.
“You sure you two are still a thing? I thought you weren’t around him all summer.” I’m not sure which girl it is. Melanie and Amber sound alike. Oh, maybe it’s the one who doesn’t talk as much…Jen.
“We’ll get back to normal now that we’re back at school.” Heidi doesn’t sound as sure of herself now and it makes me smile.
One of the others says something I don’t quite catch about Henry and Ashton.
“I’m needing some diversity in my life,” she says. “Henry is the hottest Milaysian I’ve ever seen.”
I roll my eyes so hard they hurt.
“I’ll take Ashton. I can’t wait for the game Friday. He is so hot when he plays.” Pretty sure that was Jen.
“You’ll have to fight Becca and Heather for him. Becca gave him her number.”
I try to peek through the little crack through the door but I can’t see anything. Come on, hurry up. I’m antsy waiting in my stall for them to leave before I go out.
I hear something rustling and then the smell of weed fills the bathroom. I stare up at the ceiling. Great. If I come home smelling like weed, my mom will throw a fit.
“Want some of this?” Heidi asks.
“Nah, I’m good with the pot.”
“This is way better, I swear.”
I try again to see what they’re doing out there.
“What do you guys think of the new girl?”
“Skank.” Heidi laughs and grabs a paper towel. “I don’t know why the guys are all about her boobs and ass. It’s not like either are even all that big and she’s not even as tall as you or me, Melanie.” Their footsteps fade and when they walk out of the bathroom, I loosen up. I spritz body spray in the air and walk into it, hoping it wipes out the smell.
I’m not too bothered by them. Raf is harder to handle than the girls are. I’m more used to girls being mean than a hot guy who’s mean to me for no reason. In my old neighborhood in Vegas, the mean girls were plentiful.
You did put a dent in his car, I remind myself. But no, it feels more personal than that. I look around before I step all the way out of the stall and wash my hands, hurrying through the soap so I don’t miss the bell.
Lunch is even more of a disaster than the day before. Girls swarm our table. I can’t figure out why Raf insists on sitting by me when he dislikes me so much, but it’s become a thing. I’m ignored by the girls, except for little snubs here and there. Nothing too over the top. Jen tries to sit between Ashton and me and I stand up and walk away. I’m not in the mood to compete over a guy.
I’m surprised when Ashton follows me out.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“What? No, you didn’t,” I tell him, reaching in my bag for a piece of gum. I offer him a piece and we walk to our lockers. “Your friends don’t like me. Hey, what did you mean when you told me to watch my back?”
“Just that we’re not the most welcoming group at Longlake.”
I snort. “You think?”
He grins.
“You’re not so bad.”
He shrugs. “I’m not much better.”
“Why are you being nice to me? You seemed like you could go either way that first day…”
“Your mom has been nice to my mom and she…needs more friends. It’s hard being black in this neighborhood.” He shuts his locker and looks away. “I do all right. Playing football helps. I watch out for Jen, make sure those girls treat her right. Only one other black kid here—freshman dude, Josiah.” He chuckles but rolls his eyes. “Not as easy for my mom, so I was grateful when your mom reached out, had us over.” He pauses and turns to face me. “I’ll work on Raf, okay? He’s not that bad.”
“You know what? It’s okay. I get that everyone has known everyone forever. Don’t worry about me. I just want to get through this year...I don’t need a bunch of friends.” I wave my hand and shake my head.
One or two friends would be nice…
I keep that to myself.
I slam my locker door and jump when I realize Ashton has moved next to me. He leans against the locker next to mine.
“I think he’s into you.”
Something slams across from us and I turn around. Raf’s watching us, arms folded.
“This is cozy.” He’s staring at Ashton like he wants to pummel him into the floor, but Ashton just grins.
A guy walks by and when he sees Ashton and Raf, he reaches out and they all bump fists.
“Have you met Toby yet?” Ashton asks.
I shake my head, although the guy does look vaguely familiar. I can’t figure out where I would’ve seen him. He checks me out. Ugh. Guys are so predictable. In Toby’s defense, he moves on a lot quicker than most of the other guys here have.
“Hey.”
Toby nods.
“I’ve gotta get to class.”
“Playing hard to get,” Raf says, sticking a thumb in each pocket.
“I’m not playing anything,” I call over my shoulder.
“Maybe not yet.” His voice is closer than I expect and raspy. “But when you do decide to play, it’ll be with me.”
I don’t even bother guessing what he means by that.
But why am I excited by the idea of it?
The girl that sits across from me in Mr. Johnson’s class is already there when I arrive.
“Hey, I should’ve introduced myself already. I’m Luci.”
I smile, grateful for what seems like a normal interaction. Everyone else has been so weird. I’m either invisible or I bring out the hostility when I walk in the room. I don’t get it.
“I’m Gabriela.”
“I know.” She smiles back. “You’ve created quite the whiplash around here.”
“What do you mean?”
“The most popular guys sit by you at lunch and the most popular girls already hate you.” She holds up both hands. “Whiplash.”
I frown. “Yeah, not what I set out to do. Where do you fall in all of this?”
“I’m smart.” She laughs when I stare at her blankly. “Meaning I don’t get caught up in all that shit.”
I smile then. “I’m glad to know there’s at least one normal person here.”
“Don’t get your hopes up,” Raf says, dropping his books on the desk in front of me.
“You worry about you, I’ll worry about me,” I say. “I wish I knew what your problem was…”
“According to you, no one here is normal…except for Luci, so…there’s your excuse.”
Luci watches the conversation with her mouth wide open, her gaze ping-ponging back and forth between Raf and me.
“You coming to my party, Luci? Friday after the game?”
Her mouth clamps shut and she swallows hard. “I didn’t realize you knew my name. Uh—”
“I’ll see you there,” he says, laughing.
“Creep,” I whisper.
I know he hears me by the way his jaw ticks and I feel a tiny rush of satisfaction. It helps take away the sting of him wanting everyone but me at his party.
Chapter Five
I wake up with the worst headache the next morning. My mom had a charity breakfast to go to and I text her asking about meds, but I don’t hear back. By the time I leave the house, I’ve ransacked the cabinets and
haven’t found anything. I’m running late and my head is screaming. I should’ve just bought something on the way and dealt with the late slip.
I get out and slam my car door, taking a long swig from my water bottle. I stumble when I step inside the school and am a bit unsteady when I bump into someone in the hall.
“Shit.”
“You just can’t stay away, can you?” Raf holds onto my upper arms with both hands and I feel like I’m spinning.
“Oh.” I clamp a hand over my head.
His forehead creases together in the middle and he looks at me in confusion. “Gabi, are you drunk?” he whispers.
“No. Don’t be stupid,” I groan and close my eyes in agony. “Migraine,” I whisper.
“Come with me.” He grabs my arm and drags me through the hall and to the theater. A few students are leaving and look at us with curiosity. He texts something and then grabs me again, rushing me out the side door of the theater.
“Slow down. I’m gonna be sick.”
“Almost there. This way.” We go through the hall and to the back exit, slipping outside.
The air is brisk, like fall is deciding to skip ahead to winter, and he puts his arm around me, holding me against him. We walk behind the school and stop at the first of the sports fields. I push him away and throw up in the grass. I feel his hand on my back and motion for him to leave me alone. I hate being sick in front of anyone, but it’s a next level of humiliating to be sick in front of someone who hates you. I stay bent over with my hands on my knees even after I’ve stopped throwing up, when Ashton and Henry pull up and Raf helps me into the car.
“You okay, Gabriela?” Ashton asks.
“Migraine,” Raf says softly and no one else speaks as we drive. I try to will my stomach to stop turning and cover my eyes with both hands.
When we stop, Raf helps me step out of the car and I could swear his eyes soften as he glances at me, but he presses his lips firmly together in the next second and looks his normal growly self.
“Anyone home at your place?” he asks.
“No.”
He changes direction and holds onto me as we walk down the driveway and then go through his gate.
“I should just go home. Please. I’ll be fine.”
“Come to my house. At least until your mom is home.”
“You’re almost being nice,” I whisper.
“Shut it,” he says under his breath.
We go in the front door and I lean sluggishly on the banister, looking around.
“Pretty. Everything’s spinning though.”
“Come here.” He swoops me up in his arms and carries me up the stairs. I close my eyes and inhale his neck. He smells like soap and leather and cinnamon.
It smells like him in his bed too. When he tucks me in, lifting the blanket up to my neck, my stomach settles. He walks away and comes back with a bottle of pain meds, water, and a cold washcloth.
“Here, take this.” He opens the bottle of medicine and drops two pills into my hand.
I swallow them and lean back.
“My mom used to say the cold helped.” He places the washcloth on my forehead.
“Thank you, Raf.”
He doesn’t say anything. I stare at him for a long time, wishing I could figure him out, until the meds kick in. And then I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
In my dreams, I hear the sound of a guitar playing off and on. It lures me in and out of consciousness and is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.
I wake up with a start when Raf jumps out of bed. I didn’t even realize he’d fallen asleep next to me.
“It’s my dad,” he whispers. “Shit. I don’t know what he’s doing here.”
I sit up and the headache is still there but nothing like it was.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better. It’s bearable now. I’ll sneak out and go home. Don’t worry. Your dad won’t know I’m here. Okay?” I bend down to grab my shoes and wince as the pain slices through my skull.
“You don’t need to leave. Just hang tight. I’ll see why he’s home so early.”
“No, really. Thanks for the bed.” I finish putting on my shoes and slowly stand. Yay for non-spinning rooms. I pause when I see a guitar leaning against his desk. “Were you playing that earlier?”
He doesn’t say anything for a moment and when he speaks, it’s quieter. “Yeah.”
“It was beautiful.”
“Thank you. Just a little hobby. Not something my dad will ever be okay with me pursuing.”
“I didn’t realize. Would you want to pursue it, if he wasn’t against it?”
“It’s everything.”
Something about the way he says that breaks my heart. “I’d love to hear more of your music. I’m sorry for pulling you out of school. I hope you don’t get in trouble for it.”
His eyes widen. “That’s why he’s home early. Fuck. I fell asleep—I forgot to remind Henry to fix our absences.”
“Fix our absences? What are you talking about?”
“It’s nothing. No big deal.”
“Uh, yeah, it is. Don’t let him get caught doing that or he’ll get kicked out—”
His look pins me to the wall. “Why? Can’t keep your mouth shut?”
“I’m great at keeping my mouth shut.” I scowl back. “I was just trying to be nice. Don’t get caught.”
He’s smug as he opens his window and motions for me to climb out. “I’m too smart to get caught.”
I shake my head and put my legs over the window, latching onto the tree. “Then why did you look so terrified when you realized Daddy is home? And you’re seriously making me climb out a window…”
“Shut it,” he mutters behind me.
I crawl down and glance both directions before running home. I take a chance and go out the back gate, ending up on the beach. Their view is as breathtaking as ours and I lean against the gate enjoying the waves and trying to catch my breath before making my way to our backyard. I step inside and am relieved when my mom still isn’t home.
I check my phone and see a missed call from her and several texts from Ashton asking if I’m okay. I look online to see what assignments I missed and start on my homework.
I brace myself when I hear the garage door opener. My mom doesn’t waste any time. I can tell by her face that she’s not happy with me. I sit up taller when she comes into my room, shutting the door behind her.
“I was alerted that you left school today. Care to explain?”
“Did you not get my text about meds? I had a migraine and got a ride home. I’m sorry I didn’t clear it first. I threw up at school.”
She studies my face to see if I’m telling the truth. “You do look pale. Next time, do it the right away. We can’t afford to draw attention, Josephine. If they think I allow my daughter to skip school, they’ll be breathing down my neck. I thought this is why we moved across the country…so there was less of a chance that everyone would know about your past and mine.”
“If you could just call the school and let them know what happened, I think it will be okay. I’ll make sure not to do it that way again. Sorry.” When her expression is still one of distrust, I add, “Hey, guess what? Ashton Cromwell asked me to his game on Friday night and to go out afterward. Is it okay with you if I go?”
What’s a few little lies to make her happy? It’s not exactly a date with Ashton, but I think it could be if I wanted it to be…if I wasn’t afraid of how angry it would make Raf if I showed up at his party with Ashton.
I think of how sweet Raf was this afternoon and decide I’ll go if my mom says it’s okay. He doesn’t need to dare me. I want to go.
And if I get too uncomfortable, I know how to sneak out of his window. I cover my grin with my hand.
Sarah Sinclair does not excite easily, but she squeals with this news. “I knew the two of you would be perfect together. Yes, of course, it’s okay with me. You take after me with your way of luring a man in.” She
mimics pulling something closer. I cringe, the notion that I take after her in anything disturbing, but I nod. As long as I don’t turn into her when I’m older. I stayed as far as I could from her pornos online, but I accidentally saw a clip of her when I was obsessively searching Luke’s films.
Scarred for life.
She smiles at me and I give my head a little shake, trying to mentally erase that view of her mouth parted as she was impaled. I guess I should be glad it wasn’t Luke doing the impaling, but yeah, there’s no positive way to spin it. Some scars can never be erased.
I nervously smile back. It’s strange to have a conversation go well with my mom since Luke…I mean Before. It feels upside down to make her happy.
“I tell you what. You do look pale. How about you lay low tonight, stay home tomorrow and rest, and then by Friday, you should be as good as new. I’ll take care of all of it with the school, don’t worry.”
My mouth drops open a little, shocked at how she’s bustling around like a new woman. Who knew agreeing to a fake date with Ashton would make my mother pleasant?
I pull out my journal. As I start to write about Raf, my pen pauses and I leave a sentence hanging. The last time I wrote about him was the day we met. Every time I try to fill in what’s happened since, I can’t. It’s too humiliating. Too confusing.
Some things are better left unwritten.
And not wanting to tempt fate after having a decent day with him, I close my journal with a snap. I watch movies in bed, while my mom orders takeout soup. It’s the best night I’ve had in a long time and so is the next day when I skip school and catch up on all the sleep I’ve been missing lately.
Chapter Six
I get to school early on Friday and go to the library to return a book. When I reach my locker, Raf is waiting for me.
His eyes are that startling light blue today. Unsettling and beautiful; it’s hard not to get hypnotized in them…especially when he looks as mouth-watering as he does this morning.