Kristin Hardy

by Her Christmas Surprise (lit)

  “So you just ride on the wind.” Unable to sit still, she rose and went to the window. “And I guess if I start to feel anything for you, that’s just my problem.”

  “I’m not trying to hurt you.”

  “But you’re sure as hell doing a good job, aren’t you?” She turned back to him, eyes bright.

  “I just don’t see how it makes sense for us to try to keep this going when I’m going to be all over the place, probably for months at a time.”

  “There’s a way if you want to. You could do something crazy like stay.”

  Lex closed his eyes and shook his head. “No, I can’t. Believe me, I can’t.”

  “You can’t or you don’t want to? It really comes down to the same thing, doesn’t it?” And it was killing her, killing her. “So I guess we stick with the program, then—we find the files, Olivia and I get to stay out of jail, thanks to your heroic efforts and you get to ride off into the sunset. Except that part’s ahead of schedule, isn’t it?” Her voice sharpened. “You’re already gone.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Last night at the gala, when we were dancing. I saw it in your face. You were there and then mentally you were just…gone. Like you went away in your head. Like today. We haven’t even brushed hands, we haven’t even touched.”

  Temper flickered in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I thought we were focusing on keeping your butt out of jail.”

  “Sure, because then you can go.”

  “And why the hell not?” he snapped. “I had a nice happy career before all this happened, Keely. A life and an interesting job that kept me thousands of miles away from here, which is just where I wanted to be. That’s me—that’s the way I am. You want a guy who’s going to stick around? What you’re looking for isn’t me. I can’t step into Bradley’s shoes.”

  “I don’t want you to be Bradley,” she said furiously.

  “Sure you do.” He stalked across the room. “Everybody does. My mom wants someone to sit on the Alexander board, manage her finances, escort her to events, be her company at breakfast. You want that sturdy, dependable lover, a guy you can substitute on your honeymoon trip. Settle in and maybe rearrange some flowers when we get back. Sorry, I can’t do this.”

  “I want a lover?” she repeated incredulously. “You were the one who pushed this, you were the one who made it happen. What happened Lex, did you scare yourself?” she demanded. “Is this all too real for you? Oh, I forgot, you’re the guy without connections, the one who walked away from his family, his home.”

  “Dammit, I’m sick to death of everyone trying to tell me about where my home is and what I owe to my family,” he exploded. “Everybody’s grabbing at me to stay—you, my mother, Darlene, Flaherty. I’m not some domesticated animal you can strap to a waterwheel and lead around in circles. I’m not my father, I’m not Bradley. I can’t replace him or put a ring on your finger and make it all better, or be the guy that he wasn’t.”

  “I’m not looking for a replacement for Bradley,” she said hotly. “I didn’t love Bradley. I love you.”

  He turned from her, closed his eyes. “Oh, God, Keely, don’t do that. It just makes it worse.”

  Keely felt the blood drain from her face. And that quickly, the anger dissipated into a frozen mist. “It’s not your choice,” she said, strangely calm. “You can’t keep people from caring for you, Lex. You can tell yourself that you cruise through life without connections all you want. You’re lying to yourself. And you’re lying to yourself if you try to say it makes you happy. Now, where’s that iPod you said you saw?”

  She went to rummage for it on the coffee table, knowing she had to concentrate on finding the familiar blue player, on something, or go mad.

  “Keely?”

  She looked up and saw Lex holding out the player. “We have to—”

  “Thank you.” She cut him off and pushed gently past him, heading for the door. “Now, I think we’ve done all we can do here. I’d appreciate it if you’d take me home.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  She didn’t cry. Instead, she was eerily calm. She might have felt absolutely frozen inside but she didn’t cry. Not while they packed away the computer, not during the silent drive home. Not even when he pulled up before her parents’ house and turned to her.

  “So what happens now?”

  Keely studied the glove-compartment latch. “We’re running out of things to check and time’s running out on us. Let’s give it until after Christmas. If we haven’t found the password by then, we turn the laptop over to Stockton and let him take it from there.”

  “What if they don’t find anything to exonerate you?”

  She gave a humorless smile. “Then we hire good lawyers. That’s one place connections come in handy.”

  He winced. “Keely—”

  “No.” She opened the door. “I think we’ve talked enough for one day, Lex. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  “But I—”

  “No.” And she got out.

  She might have sworn she could hear the shattering of her heart as she walked away, but her eyes were dry, and her eyes were dry when she walked into the house to find her mother at the dining table.

  “How did everything go?” Jeannie asked.

  Keely’s throat tightened. How could she possibly answer that? “It was a bust. We didn’t find what we were hoping for.” She’d hoped for love and instead she’d found a man whose life was built around avoiding it. She’d fallen for two Alexander brothers. One, the good brother, had proven to be bad through and through. The other, the bad brother, had turned out to be good.

  And she had lost them both, one by walking away, the other by wanting him to stay.

  “I think I’m going to take a swim,” Keely said quickly but something had gone funny with her voice.

  Jeannie rose slowly from the table and put a hand to Keely’s cheek. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Everything,” Keely said.

  And then, finally, she did cry.

  The darkroom had always been his place. Even during the crazy times growing up, it had been a sanctuary. There, among the safe light and the tongs and trays, he could warp time and space. He could walk in and hours could bleed away while he played with different exposures and papers, with dodging and burning, until the image in his mind emerged. It was his own form of meditation. No matter what was bothering him, when he stepped into the darkroom, it went away. Things might have gone to hell with Keely, he might be getting covered in icicles every time he walked near Olivia, but the darkroom would make it all okay.

  Except that this time around, it wasn’t working. Lex stood in the rental darkroom trying to think about how he wanted the prints to look and all he could see was Keely, that soft, vulnerable mouth and that gut-shot look on her face at the end. Because it was the end, he knew it.

  He’d wanted, God, he’d wanted more than anything to wipe that look away. Unfortunately, the one thing that would do it was impossible. There was no point in asking why she couldn’t understand because there was no way she could unless she was standing in his shoes. It was ridiculous to think about trying to keep something going between them. It wasn’t fair to her. That was the only reason.

  Not because it scared the hell out of him.

  He glanced down at the tray of developer in his hand and cursed as he saw the blotches on the prints. Once again, he’d gotten distracted. He’d been at it for over an hour without getting a single print that was usable by his standards. He just couldn’t make it work.

  Like things with him and Keely.

  His cell phone rang and he flipped it open, happy for an excuse to stop.

  “Alexander.”

  “And what are you up to this fine day, me bhoyo,” asked Flaherty.

  “Developing prints. You remember me, Flaherty, the photographer?”

  “Ah, that I do. Though barely. It’s been a week since I talked to you.”

  “’Zat right?” Lex ali
gned a sheet of linen paper on the enlarger.

  “Did it ever occur to you to call me?”

  “You said take some time and think about it. I’m thinking.”

  “For a week?”

  With one hand, he pressed the button that exposed the paper. “I’m a virtuoso thinker. Take’s time to do these things right.”

  “I’ll say. So what did you decide?”

  “Did I say I’d made a decision?” He slid the print into the bath of developer and checked his watch.

  Flaherty snorted. “If I know you, you made a decision within fifteen minutes of me telling you about it.”

  Actually, for about the first time in his life, Lex hadn’t. Habit screamed for him to turn the spot down but he couldn’t quite do it. How was it that after so miserably bollixing things up with Keely in the name of his freedom, the idea of spending a year stateside could suddenly be so appealing?

  “Tell you what, Flaherty.” He sloshed the developer around. “I’ll come into town next week and we can talk about it some more, start getting more specific.”

  “Does that mean yes?” Flaherty asked eagerly.

  “Not yet,” Lex said, “but it’s a start.”

  Keely stroked down the length of the pool, feeling the water move over her body. She swam a lot these days; something about the activity and the soothing flow of the water made her feel less like screaming. And it was the one place she could weep without anyone asking questions.

  Her parents did their best to be sympathetic without hovering. Lydia’s brand of sympathy ran more to ropes and gelding with dull knives, but in the interest of wearing her New Year’s dress versus being in prison, she’d agreed not to do anything drastic. But Keely didn’t have a place of her own to curl up in misery. Oh, she could go to her apartment, but all she’d face there would be memories of Lex. Anyway, it was best not to give into it any more than she had to. She was still working at the shop. She needed to keep things on an even keel.

  And hide the fact that her heart was broken to pieces.

  It was a funny thing about heartbreak. When you were shattered inside, it was hard to care about much of anything. The issues that had troubled her for weeks somehow seemed minor. She couldn’t muster up the emotional energy to worry about Bradley or Stockton or any of the trouble at her doorstep. The only thing that mattered was the loss and emptiness that made the days endless.

  And so she swam. She swam and she wept and she waited for the days to go by. Eventually, Lex would leave again. Time would pass and maybe there would come a day when he wasn’t the first thought on her mind in the morning and the last thought at night. Maybe someday she would get over him.

  But she didn’t see it happening for a very long time.

  Lex walked into the house. Christmas was just days away. It was a time for houses to be jumping with life and joy, not silence. Olivia hadn’t even bothered to put up a tree, he realized suddenly. The decorations were up, but no pine stood in its traditional spot next to the mantel.

  There was something a little melancholy about that.

  “Lex?” It was Olivia’s voice. He turned to see her at the entrance to the room.

  They’d barely talked since their altercation the previous Sunday. The few times he’d tried to initiate a conversation, Olivia had frozen him out. It was easier just to flee to the bakery or the darkroom.

  Or the safe house, where he sat on the steps and stared out into the woods.

  “What do you need, Mom?”

  Was it his imagination or did she wince a bit at the question?

  “Can we talk a minute?” She nodded to one of the couches. After a pause, he sat. Olivia let out a breath. “I need to apologize.”

  “No more than I do. I flew off the handle Sunday. I shouldn’t have.”

  She shook her head. “You had every reason.”

  “I’m supposed to be here to help, not kick you when you’re down.”

  “I’m an adult. I should start learning how to help myself.” She studied her hands. “It’s not easy to admit but you were right. I spent my life letting Pierce take care of things, then when he was gone, Bradley.”

  “It was a bad time.”

  “I let it go on too long. Deep down I knew better but it was so much easier to let Bradley handle it all. And it was a comfort, having him around. Life didn’t seem so…empty.” She glanced around. “It’s a big house. Too big for one. I didn’t want to sell it because it’s the family home and because, well, I always hoped you or Bradley might want it. But your life isn’t here. I realize that now. And wishing won’t make it so.”

  “Mom,” he said helplessly.

  “Don’t.” She squared her shoulders in that motion he’d seen so many times. “I need to take charge of my own affairs.”

  “You can,” he assured her. “You will. If you can pull off that gala, you can do anything you want to do.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yeah.”

  A hint of a smile glimmered then in her eyes. “You know, I think I’m going to test that theory out. I’ve called Bill Hartley.” She paused. “I’m taking that seat on the board.”

  “You what?”

  “I’m taking that seat on the board.”

  “Attagirl.” With a whoop, Lex grabbed her up and spun her around. “I’ll give you three years before you’re running the place.”

  “Two and a half,” she corrected with a smile. It was a shaky one but it was a start.

  Lex grinned down at her and then he had an idea. “So do you have any place to be right now?” he asked.

  Olivia frowned. “No. Why?”

  He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I noticed this room is missing a little something. How about if you and I go out and buy ourselves a Christmas tree?”

  “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” she asked, wrapping her arms around him.

  And the smile was back full force.

  “Okay, the forms are all in this folder, ready to be signed.” Keely pointed down to the IRS forms, neatly clipped to envelopes, sitting on Darlene’s desk. “You send them in and be sure you do your electronic deposit and you should be all set.”

  “That’s great,” Darlene said, scribbling her name at the bottoms. She glanced up. “Where’s the invoice? What do I owe you?”

  “A cruller.” Keely laughed. “You don’t owe me a thing. I’m happy to do it.”

  “I’m happy that you’re happy, but I’m in business and so are you. If you do work, then you charge me.”

  “I’m not in business.”

  “Why not?” Darlene asked. “We need another accountant here. George left a lot of people high and dry when he moved. Tanya at the salon and Lenny at the DVD rental place, Andover Hardware, they’ve all been complaining. If I put the word around, I could get you a dozen clients right away.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Keely hedged. “It’s been nice being here but I’ve got an apartment and a job in Manhattan. It’s a big leap to—” She stopped.

  “What?”

  Was that what it felt like to Lex, this sudden sense of being hustled into a big decision that she might not be ready for?

  “It’s just a big change,” she finished lamely. “Manhattan’s where my job and home are.”

  “But what about your heart?” Darlene watched her closely.

  With a pair of green eyes and a quick laugh. With a man who didn’t want her love. Keely swallowed. “Crullers,” she said brightly. “My heart’s with crullers.”

  If he was going to play Santa, Christmas Eve was as good a time as any to do it. Especially when he was stir-crazy. Lex skipped the red suit and white beard and just stuck with his jeans and black jacket. He figured the sticky snow that had been coming down all evening would do the rest.

  He stood on the front doorstep, feeling a little uneasy as he knocked. After all, she didn’t know he was coming. He wasn’t even sure she’d want him to be there. Maybe she wouldn’t be home. Maybe
he’d be better off just setting the box on the doorstep and going.

  But just as he was turning away, the door opened.

  He swallowed. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas!” Darlene beamed. “Come in, come in. What a surprise.”

  He’d never been to her home before. It was small and cozy, with the same warm clutter as the bakery, with one exception. Actually, several exceptions.