Instant Family

by Donna Gartshore

  “The journals are usually up by the front,” Lydia said, leading Frankie through the maze. “Ah, yes, here we are.”

  Frankie selected one that had a white cover with a monarch butterfly on the front—it reminded her that she, too, was on a long journey of sorts.

  “So, what do you think you’ll write about?” Lydia asked when they were back outside again. “Your goals? Never mind—you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  “I want to become a nurse,” Frankie said. Once again, it felt good to say the words out loud. She explained the work she had done up to this point and how she felt she had an affinity for it and could do more if she was properly trained.

  “Write it down,” Lydia urged. “If you write it down, you’ll have a better chance of really committing to it.” She looked at her watch. “I have to get back to the center. Listen, you should take one of the delicious cinnamon buns from the Beachfront Confectionery, go down to the beach, and take your journal there and just write. Maybe write your questions about him, too.”

  “Him?” Frankie asked.

  “Your friend, Ben. And don’t even pretend that you haven’t wondered if you could ever be more than friends. The air is pretty thick between you two.”

  Her head buzzing with Lydia’s comment about Ben, Frankie bought a cinnamon bun at the Beachfront Confectionery and carried it and her journal to a relatively quiet spot on the beach. She positioned herself half in the shade, rested back against a rather large rock, opened her journal and paused. She looked out at the water and took a reflective bite of the bun.

  It took some effort, but she pushed Lydia’s parting remarks to the back of her mind. She meant well, Frankie was sure, but clearly she didn’t always know what she was talking about. She took the last bite, and dusted the cinnamon and sugar off her fingers with a napkin. She opened her journal and quickly, decisively, wrote, “Become a Nurse” and circled it three times.

  Immediately, dissenting thoughts began to quarrel with her: Where will you get the money? What about Rae? Shouldn’t her needs come first? You’ve been out of school for a lot of years now, Frankie. Are you sure you’re not just setting yourself up to fail?

  She put her pen to the side and clenched the new journal, willing herself not to succumb to the negative thoughts. She looked out at the water and tried to use its gently rolling pulse as a way to focus and calm herself.

  Then she heard, faintly, a shout in the distance.

  She turned her head in the direction of the noise and could see Ben and Al standing on a dock, at the end closest to the water.

  It was funny, Frankie mused with a strange twinge in her stomach. She knew with complete certainty it was them, even from her vantage point. She would like to be able to say that it was only Al’s hunched, apprehensive posture, typical of those with Alzheimer’s, that gave them away. But the truth was that her eyes would know the strong lines of Ben’s physique anywhere. Lydia’s observation pushed its way back to the forefront of her thoughts again.

  She couldn’t help watching them to see what they were doing.

  It appeared that Ben was trying to draw his father’s attention to something. He had his hand on one of Al’s shoulders and seemed to be trying to gently turn him while he pointed out at the water.

  Al kept moving his shoulder out from Ben’s touch. Frankie could see by his body language that he was becoming increasingly agitated. His voice grew louder as he began to shift quickly, almost frantically back and forth.

  She could see Ben trying to soothe him, trying to take hold of his father’s arms, which Al had begun to thrash around.

  Then Al suddenly stopped and, in a quicksilver flash, his arms shot out, his hands pushing hard at Ben’s chest.

  Frankie gasped as she watched Ben stumble back, frantically spinning his arms to regain his balance. His efforts failed and he flew off the dock, landing in the water with a large splash.

  Chapter Five

  One of Ben’s first coherent thoughts was that he couldn’t believe he had forgotten just how cold a northern Saskatchewan lake could be. The icy shock of the water snatched away his breath and his reasoning, so it took a few panicked seconds for him to realize that the water wasn’t deep and that he could simply stand up.

  His second coherent thought was for his father, and he got out of the water as quickly as he could, calling out for his dad.

  Al had left the dock but, thankfully, he hadn’t gone far. His outburst had subsided as suddenly as it had come on and he looked at Ben, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.

  “Baptized,” he said.

  “Very funny, Dad,” Ben mumbled, but it was one of those moments that both encouraged and confused him. On the one hand, his dad never would have done something like this if the disease wasn’t advancing; on the other hand, if he could still make the connection between water and baptism...? How was Ben supposed to know the right decision in the matter of putting his father in a home?

  He heard the soft, smacking sound of bare feet on sand and turned to see Frankie as she hurried toward them.

  “Are you okay?” she gasped out as she neared them.

  Ben registered almost automatically how attractive she looked with her cheeks slightly flushed from her jog over and her sunrise hair tumbling around her delicate face. But what really caught his attention was the look of concern in her eyes. Was it possible that she wasn’t as guarded and aloof as she made herself out to be?

  “I’m fine,” Ben assured her. “I was just caught off guard and that water is cold, with a capital C!”

  “What happened out there?” she asked.

  “I’m not totally sure. I was trying to show Dad the water. When I was a boy we used to walk out on that dock all the time, and we’d sit and look out at the water and talk about God and life—whatever was on our minds.”

  Ben paused as appreciation and regret tussled for his attention.

  “Anyway, I thought he might still like to look at the water, even if we couldn’t visit the way we used to. Clearly, I was wrong.”

  “He’s probably afraid of the water,” Frankie suggested gently. “I don’t know why it happens, but many who have Alzheimer’s are.” She chuckled rather dolefully. “I can tell you that bath time at the home where I work isn’t always a lot of fun.”

  “I can imagine.”

  Suddenly conscious of the water streaming off him and pooling around his feet, Ben tore his eyes away from Frankie’s face.

  “I guess I’d better get back up to the cabin and change,” he said. “Good thing it’s such a warm day.”

  She gave one of her snorts, which caused Ben to grin. He still wasn’t used to the incongruity of that sound coming from her rosebud mouth. A moment later, when he looked at her face again, she was pensive.

  “Are you okay?” Ben asked.

  She shrugged and tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

  “Yes. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

  “On holidays?” he prodded gently.

  Frankie chewed her lip and looked like she was pondering how much she should tell him. Then a grunt from Al signaled that he had run out of patience. Besides, Ben’s clothes were still dripping.

  “Do you want to walk back up with us?” Ben asked. Briefly he wondered if he should ask for her input on how she thought his dad was doing, but he dismissed that idea quickly. Clearly, they both had their own issues to work through.

  Frankie shook her head. “No, thanks. I came over here so fast to see if you were okay that I left some things where I was sitting. I’ll have to go get them and I’ll probably check on Rae soon.”

  Ben nodded. “I hope she had a fun morning—I mean, after the way it started.”

  “I hope so, too,” Frankie said. “I walked by the center again, but there wasn’t much going on. I saw Lydia.”
r />   “I hope you watch your step around her,” Ben grumbled. He was still struggling to get past his first impression but felt bad for that at the same time. Wasn’t he supposed to be a person who had learned how to forgive, especially since he was a person who needed forgiveness?

  “She’s an okay person,” Frankie said. “I promise.” She reached out and gave his arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Then she dropped her hand suddenly, as if something had electrocuted her, mumbled something about the time and hurried away.

  The warmth of her touch seemed to penetrate through the dampness of Ben’s skin and set off an explosion of questions in his mind.

  As he walked along with his father back up to their cabin, keeping an eye out to make sure that Al didn’t wander off or become confrontational with anyone, Ben experienced an acute pang of sadness and longing. He missed being able to talk to his dad about whatever was on his mind.

  Experimentally he said, “So, Dad, what’s your theory on what’s been going around here? Who do you think might be doing it?”

  Silence.

  “What do you think of Frankie, Dad? Did you see the way she came rushing down to the dock to see if I was okay?” Did you see the way she touched my arm? he added silently.

  But Al just looked at him and worked his face into a fret.

  “Okay, Dad,” Ben said. “It’s okay. We’re going back to the cabin.”

  Then he asked one last, silent question: Have you forgiven me for not being here for you and Mom when you needed me?

  But it was too late for his dad to answer, and not knowing for sure felt worse than anything else that was going on.

  * * *

  Frankie’s journal and pen were right where she had left them. She still had time to add to her list, if only her mind would cooperate.

  It was something she would have done with anyone, she told herself. Countless times she had touched Rae in a reassuring manner or offered comfort to the residents where she worked. It didn’t mean anything more than that.

  So, why did her hand continue to tingle and pulse as if it had a life of its own?

  With a sigh, Frankie acknowledged that the right mood for goal setting had passed. Still, the one goal she had written down flashed at her just before she snapped the journal shut.

  Firmly she pushed the remaining arguments aside. If there was any good thing to be found about her being left, it was that she had discovered her own strengths and that she could accomplish whatever she needed to. If she really wanted to be a nurse, she would make it happen.

  In finding the inner strength to come to that realization, she felt she’d taken a significant step forward. She thought about the way she’d hurtled down to the docks when she had seen Ben get pushed into the water. Did her caregiving instincts fully explain that, as well as the intense urge she’d had to touch his arm? Frankie cautioned herself to keep her focus where it needed to be.

  She’d never been a do-nothing kind of person. That’s what the problem was. If all she did was loll around on the beach or do crossword puzzles or read on the deck, no wonder her mind was open to whatever thoughts wanted to make themselves at home there.

  Crossword puzzles... That made her think of the light that danced in Ben’s eyes when he teased her about not using a pen.

  Frankie lifted her chin and set her shoulders. Enough was enough. Holiday or not, she was going to do something productive with the remaining couple of months they had here, and she could start by exploring the resources at the library while she waited for Rae’s art class to finish.

  As she walked to the library, Frankie noted that the number of people out and about was sparse, no doubt because of the upsetting incident of the morning. Frankie’s heart pinched. With its assortment of shops, variety of places to eat, the beach and water, tennis courts, and other places for vacationers to spend their time, Silver Lake was designed to be the perfect place for a relaxed, carefree holiday. But someone was ruining that for everyone.

  Well, she wasn’t going to let that happen! She wouldn’t let anyone ruin this summer and what it meant for Rae and her.

  At the library, Frankie found helpful resource material online and felt encouraged when she discovered that she could take some of her prerequisites by correspondence, which meant she could fit the classes into her and Rae’s schedules.

  “Is there any way I could print some information?” she asked the librarian. “Or bother you for a piece of paper and a pen to jot a few things down?”

  “Of course,” the woman said. Frankie saw that her name tag read Heather.

  Heather nodded and came around to the front of the counter to show Frankie how to print from the computer. She appeared to be in her fifties, and with her trimly cut graying hair and glasses looked like the typical image people often had of a librarian—that is until Frankie noticed the small jeweled stud in her nose and that her ears were double pierced.

  Here was a woman who looked like she wasn’t afraid to be her own person, and that gave Frankie a boost.

  “I noticed you dropping your daughter off earlier,” Heather said. “She looks like a sweet girl. I’m Heather, like my tag says. I don’t think I’ve seen you around. How are you enjoying our little community so far?”

  “I’m Frankie,” she introduced herself. “It’s lovely here, although, of course, I wish...”

  “The vandalism,” Heather said. “Yes, don’t we all?”

  She sat down at a computer and plugged a password into it, then stood up. “It’s all yours,” she told Frankie. “Let me know if you need me for anything.”

  “I will. Thanks so much.”

  “Are you on a working holiday, then?” Heather asked.

  “Not really,” Frankie replied. “Well—in a manner of speaking. I have some things to figure out that I haven’t made the time to do yet.”

  The librarian nodded sagely. “It’s important to make time to figure things out. I’ll leave you to it.”

  Frankie got absorbed in exploring the nursing courses that were offered by correspondence, which she thought would be the most viable option for her, and before she knew it, she looked up and saw Rae beelining for her, with a small smudge of crimson paint on her chin and a look of bliss that caused Frankie’s heart to expand.

  “Hi, Mom!”

  “Hi, Sweet Pea. Looks like you had fun.”

  “I did! I can’t wait for tomorrow!” Rae fell into her arms and Frankie hugged her, inhaling her scent of paint and suntan lotion.

  “I’m so glad to hear that. Can I see what you made?”

  “It’s not ready yet, Mom,” Rae explained with slight exasperation. “It takes time to do these things properly. How did you spend your time, Mom? Did you enjoy yourself?”

  “I did.” Frankie tucked in a smile at her daughter’s mature-sounding question. “Thanks for asking.”

  She relayed to Rae the story of Ben’s impromptu dip in the lake, playing up the humor and, of course, did not mention her conflicted feelings about her own reaction to the situation.

  Rae giggled. “Can we maybe go to the beach after we eat?”

  “Oh, I’m pretty sure we can do that.”

  “Yay!” Rae gave a happy little hop, which caused a strand of hair to slip out of one of her braids. Frankie tucked it back behind Rae’s ear and, in that moment, she was more content than she had been in a long time.

  Back at the cabin, they ate a simple lunch of peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches, along with carrot sticks, a glass of milk for Rae and a cup of coffee for Frankie. The restaurants in town were trendy and likely served great food, but they were also expensive, and Frankie was keeping a diligent tally of the money she spent.

  Rae was in the small bedroom she’d claimed as hers changing into her bathing suit when Frankie heard a tap on the door.

  “Hey, it’s me,” Ben called through the door. “Yo
u busy?”

  “Um, just getting ready to go to the beach with Rae,” Frankie responded, watching her hands automatically smooth her shorts and then reach up to her hair.

  “Okay, I won’t keep you long, but do you have a minute?”

  “Is it your father? Is he okay?” Frankie flung open the door. She forced herself to ignore that he looked decidedly enticing with a fresh shirt and his tousled hair.

  “What?” Ben looked slightly startled at her sudden appearance. “No. I mean, no, it’s not about Dad. He’s okay—he’s having a nap.”

  “What, then?” Frankie asked.

  Seeing Ben brought her rush of confused emotions back. She attempted to mask them by a brusque tone, folded arms and a tapping foot.

  “I just wanted to thank you for earlier. I mean for coming over to see if I was okay.”

  Frankie shifted and looked at her feet, trying to compose her face.

  “Anyone would have done the same, I’m sure,” she said, looking up again and willing herself to meet his eyes firmly. “And,” she added for good measure, “I would have done the same for anyone.”

  “I’m sure you would have,” Ben said, and she couldn’t quite interpret his tone. Frankie refused to cave in under the intensity of his blue-eyed scrutiny.

  “I came here to talk to you about something else, too.”

  Frankie kept a nonchalant exterior, despite the questions that swirled through her.

  “I just wanted to let you know that they’ll probably be calling another community meeting soon for anyone who wants to help with cleanup and painting and such. There’s no pressure, but you mentioned that you’d like to help in some way, so I wanted to let you know you’d be welcome to come if you’re interested.”

  “I was...” Frankie hesitated. “I mean, I am interested.” She considered her renewed determination to meet her own goals. But, more than that, she had to admit she was uneasy about purposely choosing an activity that could mean spending more time with Ben.

  “I do want to help,” she said. “I’m just not sure how much I should expose Rae to.”