All I Need

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  Ellie: Somewhere secluded. Maybe by water, I guess. It sounds relaxing but I don’t really like people.

  I laugh out loud at her honesty.

  Me: It’s a good thing you work with animals then, huh?

  Ellie: Guess so.

  Me: Tell me something else.

  Ellie: Like what?

  Me: What did you get a degree in?

  Ellie: English. I always liked writing. I worked for a small company editing novels for several years.

  I can see her doing that. She loves reading and she just admitted to not enjoying being around people

  Me: Why’d you quit?

  Ellie: I had made a stupid decision.

  Ellie: Gary.

  My lip curls just reading his name.

  Me: He didn’t like you doing that?

  Ellie: Of course not. Then I had something for myself. He was… manipulative and I was vulnerable.

  Me: You are far from vulnerable.

  Ellie: Did you hear from Grayson’s dad? Is he coming?

  I let her change of subject go. She knows she’s moved on. I know she’s moved on. No need to keep beating that dead horse.

  Me: Yeah. He is. Sounds like I’m going to have to talk to him, though. Something’s up with him and Grayson is starting to get a little freaked.

  Ellie: That doesn’t sound good. Well, I hope you guys can have fun tonight. Miss Polly said she wants to watch the game so wave if you see a camera in front of your face.

  Me: Hahahaha Will do. I’ll text you later.

  Ellie: Okay!

  I want to keep the conversation going but I hear the water turn off in the shower so I know Grayson will be emerging from the bathroom soon. Best to turn off thoughts of Ellie for a bit and focus on Grayson and the rest of the weekend.

  I hear a knock on the door and I blow out a breath, thankful that Mick didn’t lie to Grayson about coming this weekend.

  “Is that Dad?” Grayson asks through the heavy bathroom door.

  “Assume so since it’s the adjoining door. Just finish getting ready and I’ll grab the door.”

  I walk the few steps it takes to get to the adjoining door to the room next to us. We’ve done this for years. Early on it was because Grayson liked having the extra room and quite frankly, it felt a little funny to sleep in the same room as Mick. Now it’s just become habit.

  Mick’s on the other side of the door when I open it. He props it open so it doesn’t lock and lumbers into our room. We shake hands in greeting and I want to lay into him for being a jackass where Grayson is concerned but it’s not my place. It’s Willow’s.

  “How’s it going, man?”

  “Good. Good. Been a busy year and lots of stuff changing around but it’s good. Where’s Grayson?”

  “Finishing up getting ready. He was excited you were able to make the trip.”

  “Yeah? That’s…” he rubs the back of his neck, “that’s really great to hear. I wasn’t sure. Lately we haven’t been able to talk as much. I know he’s feeling it, too. He’s getting so damn old and I’m missing it all. Every day it just gets harder and harder to be away from him.”

  “I can imagine. I don’t want to, but I can.”

  “I’m glad you’re there but I need to admit something. It makes me a little crazy. I know you’re close to him and you’ve never tried to pretend you’re his dad but…”

  His words trail off but I know where he’s going with it. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before from him. He’s grateful that I’m here when he can’t be but plain and simple, he’s also jealous. I don’t blame him. I’m man enough to admit that if something shifted in our relationship and I was suddenly on the outside looking in, it would be a hard pill to swallow.

  “Hey Dad,” Grayson says, interrupting our tense moment. I don’t know if he heard or not but by the sideways glance he offers me before giving his dad a hug, he did.

  I leave them alone to catch up for a few minutes while I shower and get ready myself.

  Thirty minutes later we’re walking down the sidewalk, Grayson snapchatting our trip the entire way, when Mick speaks up. “Willow tells me there’s someone new in your life?”

  I raise an eyebrow at him and he barks out a laugh. “Since when do you and Willow discuss my dating life?”

  “So you’re dating her now, huh?” Grayson says, turning around to walk backwards so he’s facing us and not paying any attention to where he’s going. “Dad, you should see Walker. He’s like so gaga over her. Every time he talks about her he gets this cheesy grin on his face. He even hired her to replace Linda.” He bursts out laughing.

  “What happened with Linda?”

  “She’s retiring. Roger found out he has cancer.”

  “Ah, shit. That’s terrible.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Anyway. So he hires her to take Linda’s place only… he’s like so freaking wild over her that he asks her to spend all this time with him. He even had her help out at Sanders’s farm and stuff. It’s so hilarious.”

  I raise a finger to make my point. “One time that happened! Once. And I did it so that she could meet Courtney and Brett. I knew they’d hit it off.” That’s the first time I’ve admitted that out loud. Yes, I wanted her with me. Yes, I knew it’d be a great experience for her. But, I know Courtney and knew enough about Ellie to know that they’d get along really well. I like having another person in town that Ellie can feel comfortable with.

  “So you decided to sick Courtney on her too so that she’d stay around? You didn’t think Miss Polly would be enough?” Mick asks, shockingly insightful. He might not live in Liberty but he’s visited enough over the years that he’s gotten to know all the people in Grayson’s life.

  Grayson buckles over, laughing. He spins around just in time to slam smack dab into a group of girls who look about his age.

  He fumbles with his phone as he struggles to stay upright and not knock any of them down in the process. Mick and I stand back, watch the shit show of him trying to look cool while simultaneously asking them for their snapchat handles.

  It’s quite the show. The rest of the weekend goes by way too fast and not fast enough. We end up not leaving Chicago until later than we had initially planned. By the time we get back to Liberty, I drop off Grayson at his mom’s and pick up Brutus, it’s too late for me to swing by and see Ellie.

  Me: Just got into town. Sorry I can’t stop over and see you.

  Ellie: It’s totally fine. Did you have fun? I loved all the pictures you sent. I was bummed we never saw you on the screen, though. You guys must not have been interesting enough for the cameras. LOL

  I sent Ellie a few pictures of Grayson and I together at the game, one where he was sticking a foam finger up my nose because we’re mature like that. Aside from that, though, we weren’t very interesting. We laughed and had a great time and by the end of the weekend, it seemed like Grayson and Mick had both relaxed a lot around each other. Which is part of the reason why we left so late.

  Me: I know. Grayson threatened to moon the crowd just so we’d get on camera but we managed to talk him out of it.

  Ellie: Well now I’m not disappointed at all that we didn’t see you.

  Ellie: What are you doing now?

  Coming to see you… is what I want to type. Instead, I follow up with something safe.

  Me: About to hang out with my Brutus. I missed the little guy.

  I missed you too. Did you miss me? Did you think of me as much as I thought of you?

  Ellie: Aww. Give him a hug for me.

  I wouldn’t mind getting a hug from her.

  Me: Will do. I’ll see you in the morning?

  Ellie: You will. Bright and early. Last week for Linda then you’re stuck with me. You ready for that?

  I can picture her biting the inside of her cheek or fiddling with her fingers after typing that, nervous as to what she’s implying.

  Me: I’ll miss her, no doubt, but I’m not worried about being stuck with you. Looking forw
ard to it.

  Me: Sweet dreams, Ellie.

  I add in and hit send quickly then drop my phone next to me, scratching at Brutus’s ears. I glance over when I hear my phone chime again with an incoming text.

  Ellie: Sweet dreams.

  Monday morning I arrive at the clinic earlier than normal, hoping that Ellie has the same idea. Just minutes after I hit brew on the coffee pot, I hear a car pull up and then she’s walking in the back door.

  I rush down the hallway, ignoring the whimpers from the vacationers along the way. The weekend staff were here playing with them and I already took care of their needs this morning. As soon as Ellie spots me, her face lights up. I itch to take her in my arms, spin her around and show her exactly how much I missed her but her hesitation causes me to stand my ground.

  “I’m early.”

  “It’s okay. I was here early too.”

  I wonder if she hears the implication in my words. That I couldn’t wait to see her either.

  She nods and I watch as she fiddles with the strap of her purse that’s slung over her shoulder. “I…” she blows out a breath, seemingly both nervous and excited.

  “Come here, Ellie.”

  Her head jerks up and a slow smile overtakes her face. I meet her in the middle, taking her in my arms.

  “I missed you,” I murmur into her hair.

  “Me too,” she whispers.

  Peppering kisses along her jaw, I smile when I feel her press deeper into me. She tips her face up and with urgency, I take her mouth with mine. Sliding my hands down her back, I grip her butt and squeeze with just enough pressure that it brings out a sexy moan. Swallowing it down, we make out like we’re the last two people on earth and it’s our responsibility to repopulate the earth by kissing.

  It feels so good—so right—to have her in my arms. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let her go. By the way she’s holding me back, I dare believe she feels the same way.

  IT’S BEEN A LONG DAY. What started out as wonderful, being wrapped up in Walker’s arms as we held on tightly, quickly unraveled into a pit of uncertainty because of one instance.

  This morning he continually found reasons for me to either be in the exam room with him and his technician, most of which were completely unfounded, or was sitting next to me as Linda went over various policies and procedures with me. He claimed that he just wanted to be in on whatever we were talking about but I knew better. The soft touches and looks made me want to shove Linda out of the way while I climbed on Walker’s lap. The desire I have for Walker is so strong and a bit overwhelming at times. As much as I love being around him, it’s a lot to take in. Working together, the constant flirting. It’s exhausting.

  He asked me to join him for lunch and at first I considered saying no. We were together a lot as it was and I didn’t want either of us to get sick of each other. He noticed my hesitation and dropped it but he looked so dejected I felt like I needed to explain.

  I tugged him into his office and he leaned on his desk facing me. “I want to go to lunch with you. But you… what we have is intense. I’ve never experienced something like this before and honestly, it’s a bit much.”

  “You mean I’m a bit much? Am I coming on too strong?”

  “Not really. It’s hard for me to explain.”

  “I’d like you to try. I think we have something incredible here, Ellie. If there’s a problem, let’s get it sorted.”

  “I’ve never been very affectionate with people before. It’s hard for me to give that part of myself to anyone but with us, it’s the exact opposite. It’s… easy. I don’t know how to handle that.”

  His smile is blinding. “So you don’t know how to handle the fact that I’m irresistible?” I laugh and roll my eyes. “I know what you mean, Ellie girl. I feel it, too. It is overwhelming but I’d rather be overwhelmed by my feelings for you than lukewarm. But I refuse to do anything that could potentially screw this up so if you need me to back off a little while we’re working, I will.”

  And that’s how we ended up at a little diner in town, scarfing down one of the best burgers I’ve ever had. It was nothing fancy but the food was amazing and it was nice to have some time to ourselves. He told me a little more about their weekend in Chicago and he asked me what Polly and I did. The conversation was light and fun.

  “I’m going to dinner with Courtney tonight,” I had told him. “Some Mexican place in town. She’s making Brett drive us so we can indulge in their Monday night Margaritas.”

  “El Charro,” he said, nodding his head. “It’s one of my favorite places to eat so I hope you like it.”

  “What’s not to like about Mexican food?”

  He smiled and we chatted some more. An hour went by far too quickly and soon we were back at the clinic.

  Then…

  An hour before closing time it happens. I knew it was coming. No one can look at Walker and not expect him to have hordes of women flocking for his attention.

  I’m walking down the hall from the supply room to bring more treats into one of the exam rooms when I stop in my tracks.

  Walker’s back is to me but I can see the woman’s face plain as day.

  “Brooklyn, I’m telling you, Matilda is fine,” Walker says, grabbing the small fluff ball out of the supermodel’s arms.

  “Oh Walker, how do you know for sure? Maybe if you’d come over tonight and see for yourself what I’m talking about,” the clingy viper says.

  “I’ve told you before that’s not necessary.”

  “Okay, then forget about her, why don’t you come over and just… you know…” she runs a fingertip up and down Walker’s arm and I have to grip the bag of treats tightly in my hands to stop myself from storming over to her and ripping out her extensions one by one.

  Maybe that’s a little judgmental because I don’t actually know if she has extensions and I truly don’t really care if she does, but she’s touching Walker like she has the right to. It drives me crazy to think that maybe she does.

  He takes her hand and gently removes it from his arm, making me breathe out a sigh of relief. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Why not? Walker, we’ve been dancing around this for months now. I know you want me as much as I want you.”

  “Brooklyn…” he starts to say on a sigh but I’ve heard enough. I can’t bear to listen to another word. My heart’s lodged in my throat and I make a mad dash to the break room as tears burn the back of my eyes, willing them not to fall.

  For the next hour I do my best to avoid Walker and his questioning looks and when five o’clock comes around, I dart out of the clinic like the hounds of hell are riding my ass.

  Now I’m sitting on the front porch swing, waiting for Courtney to arrive so I can get tanked. Well, not really tanked but yeah, I plan to feel pretty good before we leave the restaurant.

  My phone buzzes for the fifth time in my hand and I know it’s Walker.

  Finally gaining the courage, I look at it.

  Walker: Everything okay? You left work kind of in a hurry.

  Walker: Did something happen?

  Walker: You’re making me nervous. Please reply so I know you’re okay.

  Walker: You have dinner tonight with Courtney, right? If you don’t want me showing up at the restaurant, reply so I know you’re okay.

  Walker: Last chance, Ellie, then I’m coming to find you.

  Shit.

  I quickly shoot off a quick text to him.

  Me: I’m fine! I’m fine! Sorry. Just had some things come up.

  Walker: Are we okay?

  If me being a crazy pants is okay, then yeah. I saw Walker brush off that Brooklyn girl but she was just… ugh. It’s hard to come back from two failed relationships because the men in your life turned to someone so much… more than you.

  How do I explain to him that it’s hard for me to see him being so clearly wanted by other women and not feel that irrational fear that he’s going to cheat on me just because of the
attention he’s receiving from her?

  Me: Why wouldn’t we be?

  Walker: We’re going to talk this out. I don’t know what happened this afternoon, but tomorrow night after we close up the clinic, don’t make plans.

  Double shit.

  Me: I promise nothing is wrong.

  Walker: Don’t make plans.

  Me: Alright.

  Walker: Have fun at dinner with Courtney tonight. If you need a ride, please call me.

  Me: Brett already said he’d drive us.

  Walker: I repeat. Call me if you need a ride home.

  Triple shit. Why is it that him being demanding is such a turn on? And worse yet, why does it make me want to do the opposite to see what he’ll do?

  “I hate that girl. It’s a terrible thing to say, that you hate someone, but it’s true. She’s such a pushy bitch,” Courtney grumps, causing me to hiccup through a laugh.

  The margaritas have been going down far too easily tonight, especially considering that I’m not a big drinker. I don’t have a high tolerance for alcohol and now on my third refill, I’m already feeling pretty tipsy.

  “It’s not her fault, though. I mean, have you seen Walker? He’s like… gah! All the heart eyes,” I draw an imaginary heart in the air then make my hands flash. She giggles and nods her head.

  “I know. He so is. I love Brett, I really do. He’s sexy and un-fucking-believable in bed but damn… I bet Walker will be able to give you alllllll the orgasms.”

  “Oh man, I hope so. Did you know that I haven’t had sex for over TWO months?” I shove two fingers in the air and she slaps the table.

  “No way,” she cries out, eyes bulging. “You didn’t tell me that!” she exclaims like we’ve been best friends our whole lives and I’ve been holding out on her, rather than the basically strangers that we are. Inebriated and talking about sex like we’re at a high school sleepover.

  “I know,” I sigh dramatically. “Although, Gary was baaad in the sack. I’m talking little wiener, saggy balls, skinny arms bad.” That’s not entirely true, but he doesn’t deserve praise of any other kind so I’m sticking with it. Plus, she’ll never meet him anyway so what’s it gonna hurt? Is it mean? Yup. Do I care? Nope.