Ruined

by Ann Barker

  ‘Would you prefer I pretended that I want the bloodless relationship that would no doubt have kept your erstwhile suitor happy?’ he asked her, his voice becoming a little rough. He turned away from her, running his hands through his hair. She watched him in wonderment. She had never seen him like this before, with his mind obviously in such turmoil. ‘When you first came to London, I still saw you as an acquaintance for whom I had a kindness. You kept getting into scrapes, and I found that I couldn’t stand idly by because I wanted to protect you. Then I kissed you at Vauxhall, and I found that you were a woman who could make my blood burn in my veins. You know my reputation. It exaggerates a little, but not very much. I’ve enjoyed intimate relationships with a number of women, although I’ve kept clear of despoiling the young and the innocent.’

  ‘Yes, I know it,’ Jessie replied, laying a hand on his arm, her heart beating wildly as she listened to his words.

  He lifted her hand to his lips, never taking his eyes from her face. ‘I wonder you don’t run away,’ he said softly. ‘After all, I’m dangerous.’

  ‘Handsome, wicked and careless was how I described you to your daughter-in-law,’ she replied.

  ‘Pretty is how she describes me,’ he retorted. ‘As for the rest, well, you just about hit the nail on the head. I’m evidently the kind of man to whom women turn for a thrill or two, but whom they would never dream of in a million years if they wanted a man they could depend on. You said it yourself.’

  ‘Yes, but I didn’t mean it,’ Jessie protested. ‘I was angry and I wanted to hurt you.’

  ‘All the same, I am very well aware that by so inconsiderately not dying as I should have done, I robbed you of your chance of marrying a decent man.’

  ‘But I don’t want a decent man; I want you.’ The words were out of her mouth before she had thought about how immodest they would sound.

  ‘Oh Jez,’ he groaned; then his lips were on hers, and she was held tightly in his embrace. The last time they had kissed, he had been delirious, dying as everyone had thought, and she had kissed him back, thinking that it would be for the last time. Now, the passion in his kiss offered a promise for the future, and in glad surrender, she returned his embrace with all her heart and soul. Their lips parted. He let go of her, but only to cradle her face gently between his hands. ‘I fell in love when I was sixteen. When she was taken from me, I swore I would never fall in love again, and I never did, until I looked at you and saw you as if for the first time.’

  ‘But I thought that you wanted to marry Lady Gilchrist.’

  He smiled wryly. ‘It was Penelope who made me confront my feelings for you,’ he told her. ‘I have known her for a long time, through Philip, but we have never been lovers. She has been my very good friend. It was she who encouraged me to hope that your love for me hadn’t died, as I feared.’

  She put her hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes. ‘I’ve always loved you, and I always will,’ she said, ‘But, oh Raff, are you sure that…?’

  ‘That…?’ He prompted.

  ‘That I will be enough for you? So many women love you …’

  ‘Ssh.’ He placed a finger upon her lips. ‘Sweetheart, I’ll not deny that there was a time when female admiration pleased me, but it’s been some years now since I’ve courted it. The trouble is that a reputation for raking once gained tends to stick.’

  ‘What about the women that we saw at Vauxhall?’ Jez asked. ‘Lady Agatha says—’ She broke off, colouring.

  ‘Yes, my heart, what does Agatha say?’ he asked her, his tone tender and amused.

  ‘She says that they are the kind of pretty … pretty … females that appeal to you,’ Jessie replied hesitantly.

  ‘I doubt that Agatha called them females,’ he answered wryly. ‘In twenty years on the town you get to know a lot of people. You must not imagine that I have been on intimate terms with every woman who greets me.’

  She caught hold of his coat and shook him gently. ‘Please don’t treat me like a fool, Raff. I’ve loved you for so long, and to hear you say that you love me too is beyond my wildest dreams. But if you were to turn to someone else because you were bored, it would destroy me, I think.’

  He was silent for a time. When he spoke again, it was in a voice that had the unmistakable ring of sincerity. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever felt really ashamed of myself until this moment,’ he admitted. ‘Since I’m being honest with you, I freely acknowledge that I have always enjoyed the thrill of the chase. The problem with that approach to life, though, is that sometimes, the chase becomes more exciting than gaining the quarry.’ She was about to speak but he silenced her with a gesture. ‘Jez, I have never seen you as quarry. To me, you were always a friend, someone to be cared for and watched over. Gradually, as time has gone by, you have become so much more, and the more that I get to know you, the more precious you become to me.’ He paused. ‘Jez, you’re going to laugh at me.’

  ‘Never,’ she answered.

  He laughed, a laugh that held a hint of self-mockery. Then he released her, stepped back, and went down on one knee. He looked up into her face, his own expression utterly serious. ‘Jez, you are my lady, my treasure, my guiding star, and somehow, you have become my reason for living.’ He paused. ‘I suppose it’s a little late to propose properly, but will you marry me?’

  For answer, she tugged at his shoulder, and he stood and took her in his arms once more. After a long, very satisfactory interval, she said, ‘In some ways, you have always been my gallant knight.’

  ‘With rusty armour and a soiled tabard,’ he said derisively.

  ‘Perhaps,’ she conceded. ‘But remember that I have positive proof of your gallantry.’ He raised his brows. ‘My figurine,’ she reminded him. ‘I have it still.’

  ‘And where is it?’ he whispered, just before he kissed her.

  ‘In my room, upstairs,’ she replied, as soon as she was able.

  ‘What made you come after me?’ Jessie asked some time later, as they lay entwined on her bed. She had dreamed of him here so many times. Never had she thought that they would lie here together as lovers, as man and wife.

  ‘It was a conversation that I had with my son,’ he told her. ‘He reminded me that if I really wanted you, really loved you, then I should be prepared to fight for you. He made me wonder whether we were each agreeing to an annulment in order to make the other happy.’

  ‘I love Ilam,’ mused Jessie.

  ‘Do you really, madam wife?’ asked the earl, tipping her on to her back and soundly kissing her.

  ‘Yes of course,’ she answered, as soon as she was able. ‘But not nearly as much as I love you. He’s not pretty enough for me.’

  He gave a shout of laughter. ‘What I know,’ he said, when he had stopped laughing and they were gazing into each other’s eyes, ‘is that I love you more than I would have believed possible.’

  She reached up with her left hand to touch his cheek. He took hold of her hand, and turned the wedding ring on her finger. He had removed it from the chain around her neck after he had unfastened her gown, and put it on her finger before they had made love. ‘I think that I am going to like being married,’ she murmured.

  ‘It has many benefits,’ he agreed, his lips very close to hers.

  By the Same Author

  His Lordship’s Gardener

  The Grand Tour

  The Squire’s Daughter

  Derbyshire Deception

  Fallen Woman

  The Wild Marauder

  The Squire and the Schoolmistress

  The Adventuress

  The Other Miss Frobisher

  A Gift for a Rake

  Lady of Lincoln

  Clerkenwell Conspiracy

  Jilted

  Copyright

  © Ann Barker 2009

  First published in Great Britain 2009

  This edition 2011

  ISBN978 0 7090 9468 5 (ebook)

  ISBN978 0 7090 9469 2 (mobi)

  ISBN
978 0 7090 9470 8 (pdf)

  ISBN978 0 7090 8815 8 (print)

  Robert Hale Limited

  Clerkenwell House

  Clerkenwell Green

  London EC1R 0HT

  www.halebooks.com

  The right of Ann Barker to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988