by DRAYER, GINA
"I'll make it up to you with some naked begging?" He said, a wicked smile lighting up his face.
"No, right before that."
He tilted his head to the side with huge smile and those damn dimples, acting as if he had to recall the conversation that took place a few seconds ago. "Hmm. Do you mean the part where I was a prick or the part about being wrong?" he asked.
"Yes. That was it. I do appreciate you admitting that." Beth slowly closed the distance between them and traced a finger along his jaw. "But I want to clear the air. I can put up with a lot of things, but not silence."
Just then, the doors to her floor opened and Beth slapped his cheek several times with a firm pat that stung.
"Don't do it again," she said, and walked out.
She was several steps down the hall when she shot a look over her shoulder. He was still standing in the elevator, holding the door open. By the look on his face, Matt really thought he could just say he was wrong, flash those cute dimples, and all would be forgiven. No, she was going to make him work for it.
"You coming?" she asked.
He looked back at the empty elevator and shook his head. "I guess I have to," he said in a resigned voice.
They navigated the halls to her room. But if she thought being in her room was going to make him cool his jets, she was wrong. Matt was all over her before she could even start the conversation.
As soon as the door closed, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She let out a shocked yip of surprise at his sudden aggressiveness, but fuck, if it didn't make her wet.
With his hands plunged into her hair, Matt proceeded to ravish her mouth. She slid her own hands up to his shoulders and for a second he tensed as if he was waiting for her to push him away, not that the thought hadn't crossed her mind. She'd wanted to talk and he had practically jumped her the second they were alone.
But there was no use fighting their attraction. Beth yanked him closer, pressing every inch of her body against him, and rose up to meet his lips, her tongue wrangling with his.
She moaned her appreciation as he pushed her against the door. And instead of insisting they talk again, she slipped her hands into the back of his pants and squeezed his ass, pulling him forward to grind against his rock hard erection. It was his turn to groan his appreciation.
Matt trailed kisses down her neck, nipping at the throbbing pulse point in her throat. Then without warning, he snapped the strap on her left shoulder, pulling the top down to expose her breast.
"God damn it, Matt this was one of my favorite dresses."
"Mmmm," he hummed, eyeing her now bare chest. "Mine, too. I've wanted to do that all morning."
He bent down and found her nipple, sucking it into his mouth. The sensation shot right to her clit and Beth could feel her body tightened in anticipation. It had only been a day, but she felt like a woman starved while he was an all-you-can-eat buffet.
"Matt…" She tried to gather her foggy thoughts. They should wait, but damn his mouth on her felt so good. "Matt, we should talk. I want us to be on the same page with what's going on here."
"Well, right now I'm enjoying these fine breasts of yours," he said around a nipple. "Then I'm going to taste your pussy. And after that I want to fuck you until neither of us can move. Are we on the same page now?"
He went back to sucking, and she forgot for a second what she'd asked. But no matter how much she wanted to throw him down on the floor and ride him, Beth needed a better explanation. After the sucktasic day she had yesterday, she deserved at least that.
"Matt, please."
When he released her, Beth had to stifle a whimper of disappointment. Matt just laughed and made his way further into the room. If she hadn't felt the evidence of his arousal pressed against her thigh, she'd almost think he'd been playing with her. Clutching the torn dress to her chest, Beth tried to get her racing heart under control as she watch him plop down on the sofa and pick up a thin leather bound notebook.
"What are you doing?" She slumped against the door, not trusting her legs to carry her across the room yet.
"Well, someone burned our lunch and since I'm obviously not going to get to do what I want to do, I thought we could order in some food."
"I wouldn't have burnt the food, if you weren't so handsy. No one can be expected to work under those conditions."
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Now, how about a steak sandwich?"
He ordered lunch and Beth settled next to him on the sofa, since other than the bed there wasn't any other place for her to sit. Now that they weren't molesting each other, she felt unusually shy. She tied the broken strap together in vain attempt at modesty. It was silly. She should just take the damn thing off. The man had already seen and had his mouth on every inch of her.
"So?" he said. "What did you want to talk about?"
Now that he was ready to talk, no words came to her. The truth was she didn't know what to say anymore. Beth had known what she wanted from him two days ago, but waiting for Matt to call had been akin to Chinese water torture. Now she didn't know if a summer fling was all she wanted from him.
The problem was she didn't know what to expect after the cruise. He had been hoping to just move on, as if the last few days hadn't happened, but if they were going to move forward, even if it was just to leave one another on good terms, this conversation had to happen.
She might not know what she wanted, but she did know the truth about herself.
"I can't do relationships," she said.
"Okay," he said, warily. He leaned back and crossed his arms, waiting for her to continue.
With nerves getting the better of her, Beth decided to put it all out there. "Relationships just don't work for me. When I decided to devote my life to aid work, I made a choice. I knew having a long term relationship wasn't something I could have while doing the type of work I do. Not that I didn't give it a try. Hell, I was in a long term relationship that I thought was perfect, until it wasn't. Robert and I were together three years. We both went in knowing what to expect and still couldn't make it work. What makes you think things between us would be any different? If anything it's more complicated. You have your own company. You know what it's like to devote your life to work you love. I love my work. It's who I am, and I can't give it up."
Matt looked thoroughly confused and more than a little bit angry. She was screwing this up. All she wanted was for him to understand why she wanted to keep thing casual. It was the best thing for both of them.
"No one's asking you to give up anything. Give me more credit than that. I don't want you to change. I just want you to give us a chance to find out if we could make it work."
"But that's what I'm saying. It won't work. I'm not being fatalistic here. I'm trying to be a realist. I've seen what happens when two people have different plans for their lives. It can work for a while, but sooner or later something breaks."
Beth sighed and rubbed her temple, the headache from earlier coming back. There had to be an easier way to explain herself.
"My parents were happy once. They both loved the work they did in Africa, but Sophia got very sick and we came home. After that, everything changed. Mom wanted to stay stateside. Dad loved her. He tried to change into a different person to save his marriage, and in the end it ruined them. He was miserable working in an office. They fought all the time. When they finally got divorced, it was almost a blessing."
Matt frowned, but didn't say anything. He just waited patiently for her to finish the verbal trainwreck the conversation had turned into. Beth got up, unable to stand his growing agitation, and started to pace. She was being honest, but hearing it out loud, the whole explanation just sounded self-centered and weak.
"Maybe it's cliché, but it really not you, it's me. You're such a great guy, with a great family. Anyone woman would kill to snag you. I'm not the girl you want."
"Isn't that for me to decide?" Matt asked, unable to hold his tongue any longer.
He coul
dn't believe the shit she was spouting. He wasn't quite sure what part of her little speech was most shocking. The fact that she thought every relationship she had would fail like her parent's marriage. Or maybe it was the sinking suspicion that she thought every man she'd date would be as demanding as this Robert guy.
"I get what you're saying. It's not going to be easy. But why can't we just see where things are heading?"
She stopped just inches from him and turned. "Because! Haven't you heard a word I've said?" she asked, flinging her hands into the air.
Her heavy breathing drew his attention to her breasts. The quick fix to her dress caused the fabric of the dress to pull up higher on one side, giving her a sexy disheveled look. Matt was suddenly tired of this conversation and he wanted to go back to the kissing portion of their day.
"Because why?"
"Because, if I let things go further than sex, someone will get hurt. I like you Matt, probably more that I should, and I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be hurt."
Matt couldn't take the pacing anymore. Ten steps, turn around, ten steps, turn around. It was like watching a caged animal. And he had a feeling she was just as likely to bolt.
He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his lap. She let out a delightful squeak and tried to wiggle loose, but Matt held on tight. Despite her idiot ranting, it was that simple statement that told him exactly what he needed to know. She was scared. And he could deal with scared.
"We don't have to pick out china patterns. Let's take things one step at a time. Right now, we have this time on the ship." He slid a hand up her exposed thigh. "When we get to Spain, we can talk about the rest."
She wiggled in his lap, causing his hardening dick to take notice. Matt pushed the dress higher, loving the feel of her smooth skin.
Matt found the edge of her panties with his finger and traced the soft lace with his thumb. Despite her protest, he could tell she was losing the impetus to argue.
"I don't… We need…" She was definitely losing the fight.
"Don't what?" he teased, nipping at her ear.
"Stop trying to distract me," she said, more breathy than angry, and tried half-heartedly to pull out of his arms. "Nothing is going to change in the next few days."
He yanked her back against him and buried his mouth against her neck, raking the tender curve with his teeth. "All kinds of things can change in few days."
"We'll see," she said. "I just don't want you to be disappointed when I leave."
"Well, maybe I just have to give you a good reason to come back to me."
"But—"
He turned her around and silenced her with his lips. It was fast becoming his favorite way to stop these ridiculous arguments of hers, and by the way Beth melted against him, she didn't seem to mind. With his hands now cupping her ass through the light cotton of her dress, Matt picked her up and made his way over to the bed, just as a knock sounded at the door.
"Room service."
"Fuck," he groaned. A few minutes ago, he thought food was a good idea, but now he was hungry for Beth.
"You'd better get that," she said. Chuckling softly against his ear, Beth loosened her grip around his neck and slid down his chest, causing his already excited body to go into overdrive. "I have a feeling you're going to need your strength."
With that tempting offer, she walked over to the bed and stretched out invitingly. He was about to join her, when the knock came again. Screw the food. Matt sat on the end of the bed ready to join her, but Beth frowned and pointed to the door.
"Fine."
Beth was right, they'd need to eat if the day went as he had planned. But that didn't mean he had to like it. He couldn't keep the scowl off his face as he signed for the food. He left a generous tip to compensate the waiter, because as soon as the food was placed on the table, Matt nearly tossed the poor man out.
Chapter 16
Modern Girl Tip #14: Ask for What You Want—You don't have years to get to know each other. That's why it's important to let him know exactly what you want. Keep in mind that "asking for what you want" extends to everything from sexual wants to emotional need. So be assertive and put it all out there. You'll be happy you did.
They devoured their lunch, and then each other. And that's how the rest of the day was spent, locked in her stateroom. They ate. They had sex. They slept. There was a misguided attempt at co-showering that ended up causing some minor bruising and flooded her bathroom again. But even with all the sex, she and Matt talked more than they had the entire last week.
Beth learned more about Matt's life back in Chicago and his business. She found out more about his business partners. Simon and he had become friends when both of their moms were being treated for cancer. And then Peter, who'd joined their group after defending Simon's sister from bullies. Together, after college, the three friends had started a business. Matt was in charge of the designs and technical aspects. Peter charmed the clients. And Simon managed the business side. She could tell by the way he talked Matt enjoyed his work and loved his friends.
The other thing she discovered was that Matt was an expert listener. He seemed to know intuitively just the right questions to ask. Beth talked a lot about her work with the Clean Water Project and the increasing pressure from the board to accept the position of Project Director.
"Isn't that what you do now? I thought you were in charge of the projects," Matt asked.
"I am for my project on the ground, but there are usually half dozen going on throughout the year. The Director manages all of them."
"That sounds great. From everything you've said, I bet you'd be great at the job. Why don't you take it?"
"It would mean working in an office most of the year, instead of in the field."
"Would that be so bad? I mean, if you worked in one location full time, you wouldn't be gone for months at a time. You could spend more time with your family. You'd have more time for the other people in your life."
She could see a hopeful light in his eyes and knew it had been a mistake to bring up the job offer. She loved fieldwork, and wasn't overly thrilled with the idea of an office job. But being back in Chicago full time did have its appeal. These days, she felt like a stranger coming home. And now that Sophia was getting married, Beth wanted to be part of the next milestones in her sister's life, even if the thought of Robert and Sophia having children made her a little queasy.
But oddly enough, for the first time, thinking about it didn't make her want to run away. Was accepting the Director's position and staying in Chicago the answer she was looking for? Maybe the idea wasn't as scary as she once thought.
It would give her a chance to build a life. Time for a relationship, not the shell of one she'd had with Robert. Maybe she could even have a real relationship with Matt.
But was that what she wanted? Could she really give up the work she was passionate about for a man, even one she thought she might be falling in love with? She didn't want to end up like her father, bitter and stuck in a job he hated. But maybe…
Lying naked in Matt's arms wasn't the right place to contemplate that choice.
Neither of them had spoken for a long time while Beth mulled over their future. Matt was the one who finally broke the silence by asking her a question she wasn't expecting.
"Does your decision have anything to do with Robert?"
It was like Matt could read her mind. "What? Why would you think that?"
"This morning, in your long speech about not doing relationships, you said your job came between you and Robert. Did you leave him because he wanted you to take the Director Job?" Matt held up a hand to stop her from answering and continued. "It would be great if you were in Chicago full time. I've already told you I want this to be more than a one time thing. But I understand your passion. I'd never ask you to make that choice. Even if you're gone for months at a time, I want to be the guy you come home to."
"Matt, you don't know what you're asking." Beth shook her head, sudden
ly tired of fighting about the subject. Maybe, if he knew what happened with Robert, he'd understand why a relationship wasn't a good idea. "To answer your question, no. I hadn't been offered the job when Robert left me."
"Then are you still in love with him? Is that why you don't want to see me when we get back home?"
"In love with Robert?" Beth laughed, dismissing the idea. "I'm not pining away for some guy I use to date. Honestly, I don't think I ever loved Robert. I liked him. What we had… I'm not even sure what to call it. It just happened. Neither of us had time for anything serious. We met as undergraduates. I tutored him in Chemistry and we became friends. I finished off my Masters and he went on to medical school. Then one night, I was home from an assignment and we had dinner, and it ended up back at his place. He was a resident at the time and worked insanely long shifts at the hospital. I was gone for months on site. What we had wasn't love. It was convenience."
"But you were with him for three years. It had to be more than just convenience."
"In hindsight, I guess things lasted so long because neither of us really cared. If I was there, great. If I wasn't home, there was always a million other things that kept him occupied. Don't get me wrong, we enjoyed each other's company, but it lasted because it was easy."
"What changed?" Matt asked.
She shrugged, starting to feel a bit awkward talking about her ex-boyfriend with her current lover. "We grew apart. Grew up. Had different goals in life. I don't know," she said, hoping that would end the subject.
Beth rolled over to face Matt. He was stretched out beside her, naked. The setting sun casting a golden hue over his lean form. She was done talking. She reached out and stroked a finger down his chest.
She continued her exploration, caressing and trailing her fingers along the plains of his muscular body. Her hands ached with muscle memory as she recalled her fingers digging into his flesh as she climaxed while straddling him.
"Beth?" She looked up to catch the knowing smirk spread across his face. "You didn't answer me. What changed? Those are all good reasons to break up, but after three years, something must have changed between the two of you that ended the relationship."