Stuck with a Stiff

by Scott, D. D.

  I had a feeling that Lucky Morello might not live up to his name.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  The salt-crusted sea bass really was delicious, I thought, back in the Captain’s squad following our working dinner. I’d really wanted to try their much talked about mint chocolate chip brownie but duty called. Specifically, the ME had called, and we needed to be back in Indiana as soon as possible.

  Almost three hours later, our speed rapidly reduced from hot pursuit to leisurely Sunday drive mode due to road conditions following another lake effect snow storm. Soon thereafter, we were making our way into the underground floor of the hospital, where the autopsy room and morgue were located.

  Why is it that MEs always work in cold, stark basements?

  Walking into the autopsy room, I shivered.

  Todd was already there along with a couple of guys who I assumed were from his department because they were comparing notebooks.

  “So, what has our dead man told you this time?” Captain Allen asked, keeping the humor I enjoyed right out front.

  Considering the ME was busy using some ghastly looking vibrating saw on her latest vic, we all needed the humor.

  “You joke, my friend, but you know any great forensic pathologist lets the victim tell his or her own story,” Dr. Tracey said, replacing the saw alongside a series of knives and scalpels.

  “And you’re the best I know,” Captain Allen said turning away as she resumed her work with her saw.

  “You got that right. Besides, I’m the only one you know,” she said with an ornery smirk. “I saw that one a mile away, Cap.”

  “I’m sure you did. Now, what’s the latest on our vic? No offense, but I don’t really enjoy watching you work.”

  “That’s a shame. I was just about ready to break for lunch. Hand me that tuna salad, would you?” She asked, taking a break and having a seat off to the side of her current subject.

  “I can’t believe you eat in here while you’re doing this.”

  “Keeps me sharp,” Dr. Tracey said, taking a healthy bite of her sandwich. “Listen. About your vic. I found some interesting results among the contents of his stomach. I’ve sent a few trace elements out for analysis, but it looks as though he may have been poisoned.”

  “Let me guess…in some wine?”

  “Very good, Captain. I’m impressed. Due to the high profile nature of your case, I’ve got a rush on the lab results. But, my gut tells me we’re dealing with perhaps an accidental poisoning.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because there was also some major bruising and scratching on his face that would be consistent with fingernails. And perhaps consistent with someone slapping him hard as if they were trying to keep him awake.”

  “So you’re saying the last minutes of Jack Collins’ life could have been full of drama? As if perhaps someone knew that he was about to expire?”

  “Exactly that. I won’t know the COD for sure till I get the toxicology report, but the story is there in his stomach contents, urine and blood. I do know that.”

  “Are we looking at a Mickey Finn here?” Todd asked.

  “Could be,” Dr. Tracey agreed.

  “What’s a Mickey Finn?” I asked.

  “It’s a drink laced with a drug to incapacitate someone or worse. Interestingly enough, named after a Chicago Underworld heavyweight,” Dr. Tracey explained.

  “So, our Lucky Morello would know all about slipping a mickey, wouldn’t he?” Todd concluded.

  “Probably so,” Captain Allen said.

  “Oh, and one more thing you should know. There was an interesting shape in the middle of one of the bruises on his face. See if you can do anything with this,” Dr, Tracey said, handing Captain Allen a photograph.

  He examined it, shook his head, and handed it to me.

  I looked at the photo and about lost what was left of my salt-crusted sea bass.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  I’d seen that bizarre shape before. Many times before. It matched a gigantic cocktail ring that Betty almost always wore to publishing industry events all around Manhattan.

  I don’t know how many times she’d rubbed it in that Jack had presented her with the Atelier Versace diamond and citrine dazzler after they’d attended the designer’s latest couture show.

  Bet he hadn’t counted on the damn thing about knocking him out after being slapped by the hand that was wearing it.

  We needed that ring. Oh, and a wig. And I knew how to get ‘em and when to use ‘em.

  • • •

  A week later, we were all seated in New York City at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for the gala Nicky’s publisher was hosting in honor of Jack Collins.

  Everywhere I looked, camera lights blinded me while tabloid and mainstream press alike captured the evening.

  I searched the room for Betty, but so far hadn’t found her. I’m sure she was backstage getting ready to address the crowd.

  Lily Vaughn, our lead Mom Squad-er for this case, had used her fabulous connections as a former Manhattan socialite to alert us to the fact that Betty would be presenting a large monetary gift from Jack’s estate to the museum. It was billed as a night the museum and its patrons would never forget.

  Little did they know how right they were…

  The lights lowered in the room and conversations hushed. A large spotlight flooded the podium, and within seconds, Betty and her big ass ring filled in the space. Hell, that ring shone brighter than the lights.

  I looked at Captain Allen and Todd, who Lily had managed to get invited to the event, and then to all my Mom Squad-ers, as well as their commanders Vito and Veruschka, Roman, Zoey and R. I couldn’t have been prouder of my family and friends. Talk about a truly rare moment.

  As Betty picked up the remote to cue her PowerPoint presentation and clicked on the first image, the crowd gasped in unison.

  There, on the giant screen, was the photo Dr. Tracey had given us. And this was an art crowd. They all immediately recognized that the shape and form of the bruise in the image matched the huge bling on Betty’s finger.

  “I don’t understand,” Betty mumbled, staring at the screen, then down at her finger and back again.

  “Perhaps we can help you with that,” I said standing up, wearing an exact replica of the wig Betty wore that dreaded Saturday night in Chicago.

  “Betty Sneed, you are under arrest for the murder of Jack Collins,” Captain Allen said as he and Todd approached the stage led by a phalanx of undercover New York City officers.

  Betty fainted. It didn’t appear she’d be putting up much of a struggle.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  With Lucky Morello and Bitchy Betty behind bars, the rest of us could head back to the farm and try to finally put together all the pieces of this disastrous hit.

  Molly fixed us up with her famous cocoa and cookies. I added the brandy, and we settled in to begin fitting the puzzle pieces into place, one by one.

  I’d read over both Todd and The Captain’s reports several times, but I still couldn’t get over the idea that Betty actually thought she could pull this off.

  The scary thing was, though, she almost did. If it weren’t for Lucky Morello’s fatal error, she just might have gotten what she thought she’d paid for.

  In her messed up mind, getting dumped by her on-again off-again boyfriend because he needed to spend more time on his work than his relationship meant she simply had to take out his competition.

  “I’m telling you, there’s something to be said for sticking with escorts,” Nicky said, raising his mug and donning his best shit-eating grin.

  “How ‘bout there’s something to be said for meeting your deadlines?” I cut-in, feeling the familiar squeeze since we’d wasted so much precious time that should have been spent readying Nicky’s latest novel for publication.

  “Look, if it weren’t for my release date being moved up to begin with, none of this ever would have happened.”

  “Hey, it’s
not my fault Betty went bat shit crazy when Jack chose his deadline over her. He dumped her to write, and for that, he paid dearly.”

  “Well…that part was sort of an accident. After all, it was me she meant to off.”

  “Exactly. But you know I’m a whole helluva lot smarter than Betty. So, perhaps you should think long and hard before you decide to push back another deadline.”

  Everyone in the room laughed. Except for Nicky.

  His loss, I thought, then raised my glass for a grand toast, just glad it was only his ego that was damaged.

  With the sound of Napoleon and Grendel both going crazy at once, the laughter and the good cheer stopped.

  Beulah mooed so loud she gave new meaning to the cows coming home. Napoleon gave up his cock-a-doodle-doo for a horrifying shrill shriek. And Grendel’s normally happy go lucky, so glad to see ya bark had been replaced by an all-business growl.

  I quickly took account of everyone in the room. The only person missing, that I knew of, was…Aunt Liza.

  As that realization set in, a massive boom shook the windows. Then another. And another. Since it was unlikely there were any artillery units firing howitzers in our vicinity, such blasts could only be emanating from one source, the end of Sweet Pea’s barrel.

  We were all on our feet heading out the door when the fourth and fifth shots rang out, followed by an explosion that shook the ground beneath our feet.

  “I knew I should have kept that damn shotgun,” Captain Allen swore under his breath as he grabbed my hand, and we headed in the direction of the ruckus.

  I had a feeling Liza was now into much more than casting spells on unsuspecting plants. And I also got the distinct impression that this time, we were going to be stuck with much more than a stiff…

  THE END

  NOTE FROM D. D. SCOTT

  Welcome to my new series…The Stuck with a Series!

  I hope you’ve gotten a kick out of Book One, Stuck with a Stiff.

  For all you superfab Castle fans out there…

  The Stuck with a Series is – Castle gone-country

  And each of the Stuck with a Books release first in Serial Format!

  What does that mean?

  Think D. D. Scott and David Slegg do Charles Dickens.

  Okay…

  I know what you’re thinkin’…

  Who’s David Slegg?

  And what do D. D. Scott and this David Slegg have to do with Charles Dickens?

  David Slegg is my new Co-Author. He’s the Castle to my Beckett.

  You can get the scoop on him on his website:

  http://davidslegg.com/

  Now then…about D. D. and David and Dickens…

  Charles Dickens began his writing career by publishing his novels in Serial Format, which meant that each month, another installment (aka chapter) was released.

  How fun is that?!

  One of the questions I’m asked most by my readers is:

  “How long do we have to wait for the next book?”

  Mind you I write damn fast – it takes me about three months to write a full-length novel – but, I know, that’s not fast enough, right?! LOL!

  But “what if” I treated you to a new bit of D. D. Scott-ville, along with David Slegg’s down on the farm, each week?

  As in…one or two new chapters per week?

  Ala Dickens!!!

  Each week then, just like Dickens did each month, David and I treat ya to the next chapter in our Stuck with a Series books.

  For just $2.99 per year, you can subscribe to our Stuck with a Series Subscription Service and receive your weekly installment of our next book.

  We plan to release at least two books in this series per year, with some fabulous short stories too.

  So, you’re getting two full-length novels and more for just $2.99!!!

  Simply send a PayPal Payment of $2.99 to the following address:

  ***

  dd(dot)scott(at)live(dot)com

  ***

  And, we’ll subscribe you to our Stuck with a Series Group, where you can continue your Stuck with a Series experience with a weekly, chapter-by-chapter peek at STUCK WITH A SPELL (a Halloween Stuck with a Series Short Story) and then our first Stuck with a Series Christmas Novella…STUCK WITH SLEIGH BELLS:

  ***

  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/scottandsleggstuckwithaseries/

  ***

  Happy Ereading!!!

  And Welcome to our Stuck with a Series of Serial Ebooks!!!

  ***

  The Best of Ereading Wishes ---

  D. D. Scott & David Slegg

  ***

  P.S. In the mean time, I’ve also got another super-sonic thrill-ride of a Cozy Cash Mystery comin’ soon – THE ROYAL DIGS (Cozy Cash Mystery #4) – featuring Samantha’s cousin Zoey Witherspoon and her for-real prince-of-a-mate Roman Bellesconi.

  And in case you’re brand new to my Bootscootin’, Cozy Cash and Samantha Aldredge Stuck with a Series Mystery Worlds, start with my Amazon and Barnes and Noble’s Top 100 Bestselling Boxed Set, which includes my first 6 books for just $2.99!

  ABOUT D. D. SCOTT

  ***

  D. D. Scott is an Amazon and Barnes & Noble Top 100 Bestselling Romantic Comedy and Humorous Mystery Author. She’s a Writer’s Go-To-Gal for Muse Therapy, plus the #1 Amazon Bestselling Author of Muse Therapy: Unleashing Your Inner Sybil and the Co-Founder of The WG2E – The Writer’s Guide to E-Publishing - your destination site for Everything E-Publishing, and Founder of The RG2E – The Reader’s Guide to Epublishing – the destination site for all-things Ereading. You can get all the scoop on her, her books, her Muse Therapy Online Classes and Live Workshops, plus juicy tidbits too from her website D. D. Scott-ville.

  Full Bio:

  D. D. Scott’s bestselling romantic comedies are all about sexy, sassy, smart, career-driven women and the men who complete them. They’re a bit chick lit with a gone-country twist…and now a humorous mystery, comedic caper twist too. Her Bootscootin’ Books - think Sex and The City meets Urban Cowboy – debuted August 2010, on Amazon’s Kindle, Barnes & Noble’s Nook and at Smashwords, with BOOTSCOOTIN’ BLAHNIKS, followed by STOMPIN’ ON STETSONS and BUCKLES ME BABY. Now, The Bootscootin’ Characters are gettin’ “cozy”…as in Comedic Caper cozy, with the release of THUG GUARD, LIP GLOCK and CARATS & COCONUTS, Books One, Two and Three of her new, Cozy Cash Mysteries, featuring all of your fave Bootscootin’ characters plus tons of quirky new characters too.

  She’s a two-time Amazon Movers & Shakers List Author (making it all the way to #2 on that prestigious list) and has been both a featured author and her books have been top picks – including one of the Top 10 Books for Mother’s Day 2011 - for such superfab Ereader-centric Blogs as Ereader News Today (ENT), Kindle Nation Daily, Cheap e-Reads, Pixel of Ink, The Frugal eReader, Indie Books List, Only Romance, and Bargain eBooks. Her blog posts on the Indie Epub World have been picked-up by fantabulous blogs like Bufo Calvin’s I Love My Kindle. She can be spotted all-week long on her one-million-hits-per-month grog The WG2E, a writer’s destination site for all-things-Epublishing. She often can also be found hangin’ on both the Kindle and Nook Boards, her new site The RG2E, a reader’s destination site for all-things Ereading, and has an active blog of her own on her website.

  Also a Writer’s Go-to-Gal for Muse Therapy and now the Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of MUSE THERAPY: UNLEASHING YOUR INNER SYBIL, D. D. debuted her Muse Therapy Online Classes in 2009 and her Live Workshops in 2010. Thanks to the fabulous endorsement of Stephen Windwalker’s Kindle Nation Daily, there’s a ton more fun and fascinating MUSE THERAPY adventures in development.

  D. D.’s first two short stories - The Mom Squad Mini-Mayhem Mysteries – FLUID FULFILLMENT and LICENSED FOR LOVE – released in October 2011, and a D. D. Scott Special Edition Ebook Boxed Set followed in December 2011, which included all three Bootscootin’ Books plus the first two Cozy Cash Mysteries. Her brand new Serial Novels THE STUCK WITH A SERIES released in March 2012,
with STUCK WITH A SCHMUCK and STUCK WITH A STIFF, along with a total of 14 additional releases throughout 2012 and many more to come in 2013.

  Declaring 2011 to be “The Year of the E-Book & Cross-Pollination”, D. D. co-founded and launched The Writer’s Guide to E-Publishing, your destination site for Everything E-Publishing. Whatever you want to know and/or cuss and discuss about E-publishing, it’s right there at The WG2E waiting for you as well as in her latest bestselling non-fiction book 10 YEARS AND 24 HOURS TO INDIE EPUBLISHING SUCCESS.

  Declaring 2012 “The Year of the Reader”, she founded The RG2E – The Reader’s Guide to Epublishing – a sister site to The WG2E, which launched February 1, 2012 and is “the” new destination site for the Best in Ereading, Ebook Gifting and Ereader Giveaways too.

  When she’s not writing, she’s busy luuuvin’ on her real-life hero “Sweet Man” and their beloved shelter-rescued dog Buckley and his new playmate Siggy the Affenpinscher.

  For updates on her books, her sexy, sassy, smart neurotic writer’s life blog, and for a schedule of her appearances, including Muse Therapy and Indie Epublishing Sessions, visit her website D. D. Scott-ville.

  BOOKS BY D. D. SCOTT

  Welcome to D. D. Scott-ville, where “The First One is On Me!”