by Charity B.
“Are you sure it is evil?” The question comes out before I think.
The frown on his face is marred with confusion. “What kind of question is that?” He brushes past me to walk back to the common ground. “Of course sodomy is a sin.”
I sigh, following him past the tree line, in silence. A small group has begun to form in front of the tabernacle, and Zeb makes his way to join them. He laughs and smiles as he greets some of the followers. How quickly he can slip on his mask for them.
I leave him to go look for Benji and Samuel. I’m nearly positive Samuel is the other person who helped with the cellar. Making sure that no one is watching me, I walk across the open land to the compound’s edge.
My body aches, and all I want is to sleep. In fact, I kind of hope they aren’t there so I can lie on the mattress Benji has. I keep my eyes peeled for the two by fours, but because of the darkness the night brings, I’m really just looking for anything out of the ordinary.
I think I see it, and once I am close enough to make out the closed door on the cellar, light streams between the planks.
Softly tapping on the wood, I whisper through the cracks, “Benji? Sam? It’s Laurel Ann. Can we talk?”
There’s shuffling around before I hear footsteps on the ladder. “Get back, I’m coming up.” I do as he says when Benji lifts the door to poke out his head. “Come on.”
Samuel helps me down, and immediately after my feet hit the ground, I look at him. His gaze is on the floor when I reach out to touch his arm.
“Hey.” Lifting his eyes to mine, he’s barely holding back tears. I concentrate on my signing so I convey the right words. You don’t need to be ashamed with me. I love you. While I’m aware he can hear me, speaking in his language shows my sincerity. Benji silently climbs off the last step and scoots by us to go to the shelves.
Samuel’s eyes narrow in disbelief. Really?
I haven’t had a chance to properly look at him yet. His hair is still dark, but much longer, with wisps over his honey eyes. He’s considerably taller and broader than he once was, and his skin has taken on a tan. I cup his face and kiss him. My brother has grown to be very handsome.
Are you in love with him?
His smile stretches across his face. Yes, yes, yes.
I laugh. How can this keep them from the Paradise Star? This is love, not lust, and isn’t love the purest thing on earth? I look over at Benji who has made his way to the mattress. He’s digging through a box.
“What are you doing?” I ask, holding Sam’s hand and walking to the back of the cellar. Benji pulls out a tiny bottle with Jim Beam written across the front, holding it up with a grin. “Benji Johnson, is that alcohol?”
“I’ve been saving it for an occasion such as this. If I’m going to Hell, I’m going out hard.”
I sit on one side of him as Samuel sits on the other, leaning against the wooden wall, crossing his arms.
“Have you asked Zaaron if He’s angry with you? You said you can speak to Him at gatherings.”
Benji scoffs as he twists the cap. “I’ve asked Him every month for the past nine years, and He has never once given me a clear answer. I have no idea why I’m like this. I think women are beautiful, they just don’t make me feel that juddering pulsation from the inside out like he does.” He looks to Samuel and winks, causing him to blush. “We tried, Laur. We tried so hard to stay away from each other. We just can’t.”
I look to Samuel. “Have you asked Him?”
Squinting one eye like he’s trying to remember, he signs, He doesn’t speak like you’re thinking. It’s more of a feeling.
Benji takes a drink off the bottle and hands it to Sam as I frown at them. “How did you get a bottle of liquor?” Samuel takes a drink and tries to hand it to me. “No way.”
He shrugs and gives it back to Benji. He bought it.
Benji throws his arms up. “Sammy!”
“What? You’ve left the compound?”
He sighs and finishes off the bottle. “No, my Philistine friend bought it for me.”
“Benji...”
He pushes off the bed to return the box to its place. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I doubt our Prophet will allow us to remain here now.”
I cross my arms and shake my head. “He’s not going to excommunicate you. He won’t even cleanse you. He’s going to keep his mouth shut.”
Samuel pushes off the wall with wide eyes. What? How do you know that? Did he say that?
“He said he doesn’t want to, but I will make sure of it. Our Prophet is not as holy as he seems, and I will remind him of it if he attempts to punish you.”
Benji’s laugh is loud in the small room. “You’re extorting the Prophet for us? I’m touched. Any chance you’ll tell us what he did?”
My cheeks heat up at the memory of his kiss, his touch, and his words. “He has been unfaithful to his wives.”
They both drop their jaws. At the same time Benji says, “No way,” Samuel signs, With you?
I nod, and my face burns. Sam is still standing there shocked as Benji laughs and puts his thumbs beneath his suspenders.
“I have a feeling that things are about to get interesting around here.”
Though I’m not a particularly tall girl, I’m not short either, and standing between Sam and Benji makes me feel like a child. We are all assembled in front of the tabernacle as Zebadiah stands above us on the steps.
He’s removed his hat, and the wind blows the hair from his face. He holds up the skull of the ox head that represents Zaaron’s original form. He speaks of the first encounter, between Zaaron and the human vessel. How the arrival of electricity pushed humans into a spiral of sin, forcing Him to earth where He appeared as an ox to the man who would become His vessel. The vessel heard His voice in his mind and accepted Zaaron’s request to inhabit his flesh. Zeb speaks of the body of the vessel erupting into Anointed flames as he was overtaken by the holy energy of Zaaron.
I try to concentrate on his words, but my eyes are watching the way Zeb’s jaw looks when he speaks and the way his arms fill out his shirt as he holds up the skull.
“Tonight, we will go to the most sacred place on this earth: the burial grounds of Zaaron’s human vessel.” Suddenly, I’m focused on what he’s saying. I’ve always known that when Zaaron returned to the Paradise Star, His human vessel perished and was placed beneath the earth. What I didn’t know was that the body of the vessel lied within the compound. “Although you pray to Him, and He receives your prayers, you can’t hear Him as I can. But tonight, my children of Zaaron, tonight you will hear Him!”
The followers clap and howl, yet I stand frozen. This won’t be my only chance to speak to Him since this is apparently an occurrence at every gathering, but it is my first. This is honestly something I’ve never really thought about because I never knew it was possible.
Leaning over to Samuel, I whisper, “I’m scared. What am I supposed to say to Zaaron?”
He glances at Zeb to make sure he isn’t paying us any attention before he signs, He’s not how you imagine Him. Don’t be afraid.
I smile and lace my fingers through his. “I love you, Sam.” He kisses my temple as Zebadiah’s voice breaks through the crowd.
“Think on your struggles, your heartaches, what causes your mind to drift from the glory of Zaaron. Reflect on these things, and bring them with you tonight as you taste a piece of Him. Now come, and let us rejoice on our way.”
Once again, the followers let out their praises, laughter and chatter bubbling around me. Zeb gives the ox head to Ezekiel, and I watch him kiss my sister before taking his place beside her. While I’ve felt jealousy in the past, it was of another girl’s hair, face, or clever wit. I’ve never felt it because of a person, and this is a whole new level of it. It’s more than wanting my sister’s husband. I don’t feel like he’s hers at all. He was mine before everything went so wrong.
I shake my head, feeling the urge to cleanse myself for my evil thoughts. That won’
t work anymore though because now I must confess my transgressions to Zeb.
I’d much rather do a personal cleansing.
Mia, Zeb, and his child-bride make their way to the front of the followers. As he passes, he softly brushes my arm, and I hate the tingles that run across my skin.
“Laurel Ann!” a man’s voice calls. I turn around, and once again my stomach flips at seeing those I love for the first time in years.
“Robert!” I run to my brother who picks me up, twirling me around. I squeeze his neck tight, and he chokes with his laugh. He places me back on the ground. “You look completely different. You’re not such an ugly duckling anymore.”
I snort, looping my arm through his as we walk with the followers. “Thanks?”
He’s gotten tall and looks so much like Father it’s a little unsettling, but then he smiles, and our mother shines through like a sunbeam. “I’ve attempted to talk to you all night. You keep slipping off.”
“I’ve been trying to get my bearings back. It’s all a bit overwhelming.”
We walk toward the direction of the Fitch ranch as those around me break out in a hymn.
“We are the Anointed,
Those cleansed by fire.
We are the Anointed,
Those of holy desire.
We are the Anointed,
We will cast the final stone.
We are the Anointed,
We will follow Zaaron home”.
I haven’t sung this song in many years, and still, I remember every word.
“I want to have you over for dinner soon. I’d like you to meet my wives and children,” Robert says between verses.
I can’t believe how much I’ve missed. I won’t ever get back the chance to be there for his first binding or the birth of his first child.
I squeeze his arm. “Oh, I would love that. How many children do you have?”
“Three children with our newest, and two wives, however, my second wife has yet to conceive.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Take comfort in the knowledge that Zaaron’s plan is true.”
“That it is.” He kisses my cheek and smiles. “Have fun tonight. May the holy fire of Zaaron cleanse you, Laurel Ann.”
“May the holy fire of Zaaron cleanse you, brother.”
On his way back to his family, he passes Samuel and squeezes his shoulders.
The crowd’s singing lowers to a quiet hum as we leave the Fitch ranch behind us and continue on to the river. Lit torches stick up from the ground, casting a haunting glow on the field and woods. As we come up to a large tree, I notice Zebadiah’s mothers handing Mia and her sister-wife each a wicker basket. They both carry them away from the crowd and behind the tree.
Zebadiah stops, and in turn, so does everyone else. He holds up his hands, smiling his ‘Prophet’ smile before projecting his voice onto the crowd.
“Brothers and Sisters, welcome. Zaaron has gifted us such a beautiful night to bask in His presence. Tonight is a special night because we have a Sister who will be experiencing His voice for the first time. Laurel Ann, will you come up here please?”
There is a small amount of light from the lanterns, and I am thankful it isn’t bright enough to show the color of red my face must be. I swallow and grip Samuel’s hand before I obey. The stares of the followers adhere to me like sweat as I walk between them to get to Zeb.
He reaches out for me and takes my hand when I emerge from the crowd. “You have been through many trials and tribulations, yet here you stand, with a soul as pure as snow.”
The crowd cries their praises with their hands raised to the evening sky. Zeb gestures behind me, summoning my sister to us. Reaching into her basket, he speaks loud enough to be heard over the crowd.
“When Zaaron finished writing The True Testament, He knew His mission on earth had come to its close.” Since I have no desire to look at Mia, I don’t understand why I do. She smiles at me before passing through the crowd with her sister-wife, handing out whatever they carry in their baskets. Zeb continues, “He had completed His task of laying out His desires for us and was to return to the Paradise Star. He told His wives that He would be leaving the mortal realm, and they were to place His empty human vessel in the ground beneath this beautiful Bur Oak. When His words came to pass, they honored His request, burying Him right beneath this very tree. Though His firstborn son, Lazarus Fitch, became our first Prophet and could hear Him, His wives felt lost without his presence. They visited His burial site every day, mourning and praying for Him to speak to them. On the fifth day after His passing, they discovered that He had left them a gift.” He holds what he took from the basket between his thumb and his forefinger to show the crowd. “Out of pure faith, the wives consumed His gifts and found themselves once again in the presence of their husband and God.” He turns to show me, and it still takes me a moment to figure out what it is… Is it a mushroom? “Open your mouth, Sister Laurel Ann.” Wait. Are these what I think they are?! Kaila took mushrooms once, and that was the longest six hours of my life. I have never heard anything like this before, and I know every verse in The True Testament. I don’t know what to do. How are these in the Philistine world if they are a gift from Zaaron? I don’t understand. How is this not a sin?
Everyone is looking at me, and Zeb’s jaw is ticking. I do what he tells me and open my mouth. He places it on my tongue and whispers, “Eat it.” I bite down, and the taste is so vile I cover my mouth to keep from gagging. Oh, this is bad, so bad. He finally turns away from me and back to the crowd. “To this day, He still bestows us this gift. Now, go my children, and speak to our God.”
Those who have already gotten their ‘gift’ disperse, and the last few are waiting to reach into a basket for theirs.
“Do you not partake?” I ask him.
“Why would I? I’m the Prophet.” I wish I could hate the smugness in his voice and how handsome he looks. I also wish I could see him as the holy man he is.
“As you continue to remind me.”
Once I say it, I know it’s disrespectful, and when I look up into his eyes, I’ve clearly angered him. “I suggest you spend the evening asking Zaaron to help you remember your place here. I want you in the tabernacle tomorrow morning at seven, sharp. There are things we clearly need to discuss.”
He stiffens and turns to walk away from me to go to his wives. My heart aches to watch them, so I look up to the sky and sigh. Maybe he’s right. My soul may be pure, but my mind has lived outside of grace for half my life.
I want to be alone and somewhere that has happy memories. I walk through trees until I break through and reach the bank. My feet take me in the direction away from the Bur Oak, and it isn’t until I cross over the hill that I realize where I am. The last place where everything was perfect. The last time I was blissfully without doubt, was in this very spot. Taking off my boots and stockings, I set them next to a rock. I lift my dress, careful of my Anointing mark as I walk into the creek.
The water is cold on my feet and makes me shiver, but I sigh at the memories I have of this place. There is a movement beside me, and I turn to see a fawn behind a tree. I hold my breath and don’t move an inch. She makes her way to the creek only a few feet from me. As she bends down to drink the water, I very slowly move toward her. Holding out a tentative hand, I get mere inches from her when she looks up at me. We lock eyes, and when I close those last few inches, she allows me to touch her sweet little head.
A wave of emotion rolls over me, and in this moment, I know she was sent by Zaaron. I feel connected with her in a way I never knew was possible.
I can feel the wind as she runs through the fields, taste the berries she feeds on, and sense the desire she has to find her mother. A burst of incredible joy overtakes my body, and I weep because I can’t contain the intensity of this feeling. This is Zaaron. He’s talking to me.
My sniffle startles the deer, causing her to run back into the trees. I hope her mother finds her. The water laps around my feet, and
I’ve never realized how magnificent it feels. I want the incredible pleasure all over my body.
I lie flat on my back in the shallow water, and I gasp at the sensations of tingling across my skin. The water lifts my dress as I look up at the stars coming out for the night. I can almost touch them.
MARYBETH GIGGLES HYSTERICALLY WHILE MIA combs her hands through her hair.
“It tickles, just different,” Marybeth says, rubbing the fabric of her dress between her fingers.
Mia smiles at me and shakes her head with a soft laugh. Before seeing Laurel Ann in town, spending time with my wives would be a fairly pleasant evening. They are both kind, holy women, and any man on the compound would be blessed to be bound to them. Now though, I can barely be in their presence. All I can think about is getting some time with Laur.
Things are not going as I had planned. Not that I really had a plan, I simply assumed she would be much more obedient. I’ve done what I needed to do to keep things peaceful on the compound, yet she shows up fighting me at every turn. I know I’m being hard on her, but that’s only because if I appear to be giving her any special treatment, my credibility, along with her chances of acceptance, will be obliterated. I understand that she’s upset about Mia and Marybeth, but I have done nothing that wasn’t within my duty as Prophet. She acts as if I was bound out of desire. And I only kept it from her because I didn’t want to alter her choice.
Then this shit with Benji. How does he expect me to react? Being a sodomite is one of the worst sins out there. And with Samuel Henderson of all people. When Benji first told me of his perverse desires, I tried to find whatever I could about it in The True Testament. It makes it clear that a man being with another man is an abomination. Zaaron’s orders for atonement are clearly written: And for three days, the sodomite must pay the same penance as that of an adulterer. Closing the orifice used with thread will prevent more sins from being committed before the cleansing of their soul. –12:16B.