Anointed

by Charity B.

  She was the third to Kelsey and Mia when they were children. When you saw one, you usually saw the other two.

  “Yes,” I respond, realizing I haven’t seen Serah since being back. Mia’s tone and expression make a heaviness drop in my belly.

  “A few years after you left, things changed with Serah overnight. She stopped talking to us and ignored everyone. Kelsey and I tried so many times to play with her, but eventually we gave up, figuring she would come to us if she ever wanted to be friends again.” She licks her lips and looks back at Kelsey. “Then one day, she was just…gone. She hung herself from the rafters in her barn.”

  “What?!” I don’t know why it bothers me that Benji didn’t tell me. It’s not as if it’s something that normally comes up in conversation. “Why?”

  Mia lets out an instable breath and pushes her bonnet off her head. “I don’t know. We never will, either, because for some reason, she didn’t trust us. We weren’t allowed to mourn her, publicly. Everyone acted as if she was never here, never existed. Kelsey and I were both in pain, and all we had were each other. Our friendship became deeper, and over the years I began feeling things for her…romantic things. It’s not gone past kissing, but that is more than enough. I begged Zaaron to take my love for her away. Maybe his refusal to do so is my penance. When I was bound to Zebadiah, I put an end to it.” She can barely keep her gaze off Kelsey. Sighing, she says, “Looking at her, watching her every day and not be able to touch her is so much to bear.” Wiping her tears, she stands straighter. “I wanted you to know that I’m also unable to be where my heart wants me to be, and I have known loss.”

  “Mia, I’m terribly sorry. I never wished you any suffering.”

  When I meet her stare, her eyes narrow, and I have no doubt she knows about me and Zeb. “You have a choice to make. Whether you confess it to me or not, I’m aware there’s something between you and my husband.”

  My body sways, and it’s as if every drop of blood has evaporated from my veins. My sins feel greater since coming home then they ever were on the outside, yet here I am continuing in my deception.

  “I don’t know what you think, but I am to be the wife of Benji Johnson.” Surprise flashes across her face. “Your husband is nothing more than my Prophet.”

  Her face hardens, and she gives one last look toward Kelsey before turning back to the common ground.

  “Lie to me if you wish, but he is my husband. Do not humiliate me, sister.”

  THE NEWS OF MINE AND Benji’s binding spreads through the Anointed Land like wildfire. It’s all anyone has spoken of to me for the last two days. Considering recent developments, Zebadiah makes the rational choice of assigning me to work with the Johnson family where I’ll eventually learn how to make all the hygiene products used in the compound. I spent the day yesterday in the greenhouse with Benji’s sisters learning about the plants and their uses, though little to none of it was retained.

  Zeb and I have kept our distance from each other. When he does look at me, I can hardly bear it. There have been moments in the last few days where I’ve questioned this decision. What more do I want from him? He’s done nothing wrong. It’s simply easier on my heart to be with a kind man that I don’t love than only have part of the man that I do. Maybe I would feel differently had I never left, I do not know. I just know how I feel, now. My jealousy would fester, and I fear I would grow to resent him for choices that weren’t even his. That would be no life for any of us.

  While my discussion with Mia did alleviate some of my guilt, it doesn’t affect my choice on the matter. I take a deep breath, because I can’t be seen crying on my binding day. The process of preparation has not been altered since the last time I was bound. The biggest difference is this time I’m not terrified. This time it is my choice.

  I wait in the bride room, enjoying being alone as I spin around in my beautiful binding gown. Since I am to be the first wife there are no children or sister-wives with me this time.

  My attention is whipped to the door at the sound of it being opened. Ezekiel stands on the threshold, motioning for me to follow him.

  “It’s time to present yourself.”

  I take a deep breath, pick up my bridal skirts, and step into the foyer. Hundreds of eyes are on me when I enter the meeting hall. I keep my head held high, finding Benji in a front pew, grinning. I don’t take my eyes off of him. Not only for appearances, but also because there’s no way I can do this and look at Zeb.

  Benji smiles at me as I take my place next to him. “Hello, bride,” he whispers.

  “Hello, groom.”

  I don’t think I’m imagining Zebadiah’s sermon being aimed toward me. He talks about selfishness and greed. About being thankful for the things we are blessed with instead of dwelling on things we are without. It doesn’t help that our eyes meet on multiple occasions while he projects across the meeting hall, making my heart stop each time. I wonder how long it will hurt like this. The tears rim my eyes no matter how hard I push them back.

  At the end of the sermon he invites everyone to mine and Benji’s binding, instructing them to take a candle on the way out.

  Soon the meeting hall is empty other than me, Benji, and Zeb. Benji takes my hand as we turn to our Prophet. Glowering down at us, he makes his way across the stage.

  “You two really want to go through with this?”

  I squeeze Benji’s hand as he says, “Of course, Prophet.”

  “Yes, Prophet,” I respond.

  “Fine.” He brushes past us, and we turn to follow. “Let’s get this over with.”

  “Yes, lets,” Benji says, pulling me behind him. “I can’t wait to see under this dress.”

  He’s trying to rile Zeb up, and it’s working because Zeb gets more tense with every step. I lightly smack Benji’s arm to get him to stop taunting him. I’m not doing this to hurt Zebadiah.

  We follow him to the common ground where the followers are waiting in their circles, breaking their clasped hands only to allow us through. The binding pyre is already lit, and as Zeb blesses the flames, he spits out the words like they taste bad on his tongue.

  Benji and I begin lighting the first circle before they turn to ignite the candles in the next ring, creating the five circles of fire around us.

  Benji ties the ribbon around my wrist, and I around his, vowing our false promises to each other. When he slips on my binding bracelet and Zeb announces us officially husband and wife, the cheers burst around us like Philistine fireworks.

  I’m surprised I feel nothing. No fear, no happiness. I am simply going through the motions to survive in this life.

  “Are you still happy with your choice, Laurel Ann Johnson?” Benji asks as he glances at our bound wrists.

  “I am. Are you, husband?”

  He smiles. “There is no other woman on this compound I’d rather be bound to.”

  The music plays around us while he leads me to the middle of the followers to dance. And dance we do. I’ve never been much of a dancer, even as a child, but Benji has me jumping around and laughing in no time. He spins me in a circle to see a grinning Samuel. I haven’t had the chance to talk about this with him. However, Benji said he was on board, and from the look on his face, he’s more than thrilled. He hugs me tight before brushing his fingers over Benji’s hand.

  Unable to wipe the smile off his face, he signs, I’m not sure why you did this. Just know it means everything to me.

  You’re welcome in our home anytime, brother.

  His cheeks pink because he knows what I’m implying. He pats Benji’s shoulder, quickly running his fingers across his neck, making Benji grin. Congratulations on your beautiful bride, Brother Benji.

  “Thank you, Brother Samuel.”

  Sammy backs away with a wink as the smells from the food hit my nose, making me realize how hungry I am.

  We eat and laugh with my old classmates, and even though I’ve tried to ignore my thoughts of Zebadiah, I find myself searching for him throughout the ev
ening. He stays as far away from us as possible while still participating in the celebration.

  It’s grown late into the night, and we both know we must make our leave to our binding bed. We haven’t had much time to talk the last couple of days and not at all about how we are going to spend our binding night. As I was saying my vows, the fact that children are going to be expected slid into my thoughts and has stayed there all evening.

  Leaning over to his ear, I whisper, “I think it’s time we announce our leave.”

  I’m certain his face pales a shade with his nod. “Of course.” He stands and speaks loud enough to be heard across the common ground. “Brothers and Sisters, thank you for your kindness toward me and my bride on this joyous night. Please enjoy yourselves as we retire for the evening.”

  My attention is on Zebadiah with the clapping and rejoicing sounding in my ears. He doesn’t do either. He doesn’t smile or nod. He just watches my new husband lead me to our home as flowers are thrown around us.

  The walk to our house is a short one which we spend on meaningless conversation, recounting the evening’s events. Once we approach the old farmhouse however, our mouths fall silent. I follow him up the steps and inside the house where he lights a lamp.

  Ruffling his hair, he lets out an awkward chuckle and asks, “Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?”

  “We need to talk, Benji.”

  He gives me an unamused expression. “Really, woman? We’ve been bound five minutes and I’m already in trouble?”

  I wish I could joke about this, but this is something we really need to figure out. “Take me to our room.”

  His Adam’s apple bobs as we walk to the back of the house and into a hallway. Opening the second door we come to, he places the lantern on the tallboy and stuffs his hands in his pockets. I turn my back to him, lifting the rogue curls off my neck that fell down when I was dancing.

  “Will you help me with my buttons?” A moment later, I feel his fingers fumbling with my dress. “We have to talk about it, Benji. While I want you to be able to be with Sammy, people will eventually question why we haven’t conceived. I hear what the followers whisper about Zeb and his wives not yet having children.”

  My binding gown loosens as he sighs. “I know. You’re already doing so much for us. I want to do this for you…if this is what you want.”

  I nod. “It is.”

  I’m not sure why I’m lying to him. Pushing off my dress, I let it fall to the floor. When he doesn’t move to touch me, I remove my bodice petticoat, baring my breasts to him. I have no idea what I’m doing. Zeb was the one who led things. Taking a big breath, I lower my bloomers, revealing my naked body to my brother’s lover, my cousin, and one of my oldest friends. I take slow steps toward him. He looks at me as if I’m about to inflict pain upon him. I reach my hand over his trousers, and feel embarrassed at his lack of arousal. Not wanting to keep eye contact any longer, I focus on unfastening his pants. I lower his long johns enough to release his flaccid cock.

  I have no idea how to instill desire in a man that has none. I remember watching him with Samuel in the forest, and I fall to my knees. Wrapping my hand around his base, I open my mouth and lick the tip before inhaling through my nose and putting my lips around the head. Mimicking what I saw him do to my brother, I take him into my mouth, slowly sucking along the way. He quickly hardens against my tongue as a tear falls down my cheek. I feel like I’m betraying Zeb and Samuel. I don’t understand how I can feel more guilt being with my husband than I did committing adultery.

  He places a hand against my head and thrusts between my lips. This is my duty. I’ve done a lot of things that defy Zaaron, and this is my penance. Letting a choked moan out from his lips, he grows larger in my mouth. If I bring him to completion this way, then this would have been for nothing. I look up to see he has an arm draped across his eyes. Humiliation makes my ears burn, but I take it in stride as I stand.

  I lie on the bed, opening my legs for him. A moment later, he climbs on top of me, and his now hard cock is heavy against my clit. I watch him reach down and attempt to wet the tip with my entrance, eventually opting to lick his hand to lubricate my hole. I thought I could be okay with this.

  I’m not.

  This feels grimy and wrong. The tip of his cock begins to open me as a sob frees itself from my lips, and the tears break through my lashes.

  His eyes shift up to mine. “Oh, Laur.” Rolling off of me, he lies on his stomach, resting his head on his crossed arms. “Why are you pushing this? It’s clearly not what you want.”

  Self-conscious about my tears, I wipe them from my face. “I don’t understand why I can’t accept Zaaron’s plan for me. All I can think about is wanting to be with Zebadiah.”

  He laughs. “I’ve said that exact same thing so many times.” He scrunches his nose and adds, “Except not about Zeb.”

  I laugh despite being more confused than before. I lean over, kissing his cheek. “Thank you for being such a wonderful husband.”

  My eyelids are heavy, and still, I can’t sleep. Benji, however, is having no problems as he snores next to me. Pushing off the quilt, I slip out of bed. Everyone will long be asleep by now. I button up my bodice petticoat and take the sheer housecoat off the back of the door. I decide against bringing the lantern because it will make me more easily spotted.

  I leave my new home quietly, and it’s not long until I’m coming upon the common ground where the evidence of our binding celebration is still apparent.

  I need some real answers because every decision I’ve made since stepping foot in the Anointed Land has been the wrong one. I push the large door open as I slide inside the tabernacle. I need to pray alone, and this is where I feel closest to Zaaron.

  The meeting hall is dark besides the moonlight shining across the pews. I head for the altar when I see a figure move and hear feverish murmuring.

  “Why bring her back to me only to rip her away again?” Zebadiah’s angry voice booms in the previously silent meeting hall, making me jump as I slowly climb the steps to the stage. “I don’t understand! Talk to me, goddammit!” He slams his fists against the sanctorum before swiping his arms across it with a growl, sending ritual implements clattering to the wooden floor by my feet.

  “Prophet?” I whisper.

  He whips around to face me, staring at me as his features darken in the moonlight. He moves across the stage so fast, he’s suddenly standing in front of me. His cheeks are wet, and his chest is heaving. I’ve never seen him like this. My heart breaks at the knowledge that he’s in pain because of my choice. I reach out, touching his face, and he leans into my hand. Suddenly, he grabs my wrist, yanking me against him. He slams his mouth hard against mine and our teeth clash. He kisses me as if he’s desperate for breath. My back arches while he fists my hair and pulls my head back.

  “What are you doing here?” he growls.

  If he were anyone else I would be frightened by the look in his eyes. “I need guidance.”

  He forces my housecoat off my shoulders, pressing his forehead to mine. “Then let me guide you.” The light fabric falls to the floor, and he grips my waist to pick me up. I wrap my legs around him, dizzy in the moment. Our lips collide, and he lowers us to the floor. He lays me on my back while he remains on his knees, staring down at me. The throbbing between my legs drives me mad when he pulls off his suspenders and rips off his shirt. Shoving my petticoat up my torso, he lifts my arms to pull the clothing over my head, his sigil pendant trailing across my chest. With shocking force, he grabs my wrist and yanks off my binding bracelet, tossing it clattering to the floor. He’s violent with his kisses. His lips trail their way down my arms to my chest. His hot tongue laps at my nipple as my wrists fight in his grasp. His forcefulness and desire have me arching against his mouth.

  “Nothing happened between you and Benji after your binding,” he states it in a lazy way, in between licks.

  I stop breathing, and my body stills. I never imagined confes
sing what transpired between us with anyone, least of all with Zebadiah.

  He slowly lifts his head, and it feels like he’s looking into my mind, seeing what I’ve done. His jaw ticks as his body trembles above me.

  “We didn’t consummate,” I choke.

  His eyebrows relax ever so slightly though his words come out slowly. “What did you do?” I can’t bear to speak it aloud. It’s perverse, and he will surely be disgusted with me. “Tell me.”

  I try to calm myself because he technically did the same thing to me at the creek when he kissed me between my thighs. “I…I t-took him in my mouth.”

  He flies backward, jumping to his feet as if desperate to get away from me. I have the urge to cover my body due to the fury emanating from him. He paces the floor, tugging at his hair. Sitting up, I try to explain, but my attention is at his hands jerking open his pants and pushing them down his hips.

  “Get on your knees.” There’s something hidden in his voice that somehow forces me to obey. He touches his swollen cock with violent strokes, and I can’t take my eyes off the action. “Did you swallow his seed?”

  I shake my head, immensely grateful I can give him this answer. “No.”

  “Open your mouth, and show me what you did.” I lean forward, a thick vein beneath my lips. I kiss the side of his shaft, and he combs my hair with his fingers. Some Philistine men leave the skin that they were born with around their manhood, but not men in the Anointed Land. It states in The True Testament that every boy must have the excess flesh removed at their Anointing ceremony as it inhibits reproduction. Because of that, I can see the smooth tip of his head where wetness is seeping from. I have the intense desire to lick it. Brushing my tongue over the hole, I taste the slightly salty liquid before once again kissing his pulsing flesh.