The Wrong Side of Kai

by Estelle Maskame

  Harrison and his dad are leaving the restaurant in a rush. They march across the parking lot to his dad’s BMW, and it’s clear from Harrison’s body language that he’s totally embarrassed. I can’t imagine it’s much fun having your meal interrupted several times by strangers looking to hook up, but that’s the whole point. Harrison Boyd isn’t allowed to have fun anymore. The BMW speeds out of the lot, disappearing across Uptown Westerville.

  “I bet he’s mortified,” I say as I sit up. “And who knows what his dad must think.”

  “Good,” Kai says. He whips out his little notepad and a pen, then scores a line through this task on the to-do list. We’ve slashed Harrison’s tires, hacked into his phone, and sent a triple act of randoms his way looking for fun times. “Tomorrow night we’re breaking into his house.”

  I look at him funny. Breaking into Harrison’s house seems like a step too far. “You were serious about that?”

  “Uhh, yeah.” Kai’s expression mirrors mine. He puts the notepad away. “Wear all black again, like that leather jacket you sometimes wear. It looks good on you.”

  “Kai . . .”

  “Yeah?”

  My lips move, but yet I can’t find my voice. What I want to say is this: Kai, this might be a little weird, but I really like you.

  But what I actually say is, “We should get going.”

  I adjust my seat then pull out of the Bob Evans parking lot. We’ve been parked here for over an hour, so my legs feel numb as I drive across Uptown toward Kai’s neighborhood. The glow from the streetlights races across the windshield, lighting up our faces every few seconds.

  “Stop worrying, by the way. I still think you’re a good person,” Kai says quietly, breaking the silence. His observation takes me by surprise. Is my guilt that obvious?

  “You’ve known me for three days,” I say with a small laugh. The past three days have felt like forever. “How could you possibly know I’m a good person?”

  “I think we’re all good people. Even Harrison, despite how shitty he is,” Kai explains. “We all just do bad things.”

  “And how often do you do bad things?”

  My eyes are fixed on the road ahead, but I can still sense Kai sheepishly smile next to me. “Not all that often. You’ve been a bad influence on me.”

  “Hey!” I abruptly swerve the car. “You approached me in that office, remember? If anyone’s the bad influence here, it’s you.”

  Kai grins at me, his blue eyes shining. I’m finding it difficult to concentrate on the road. “Are you glad that I did?”

  “Well, you’re not that bad.” The past few days, although they’ve been hell, have also been a lot of fun. And that’s because of Kai.

  “Even though you’re seeing the worst side of me? The side of me that’s choosing to do all the wrong things?”

  I pull up outside his house and look at him. The car is in park, the engine still purring, the two of us gazing at one another in the silence. “I like this side of you,” I admit quietly, glancing away from him as a flaming heat spreads across my face. I turn off the heating, but I don’t think that’s the problem. My stomach is doing somersaults.

  “You do, huh?” Kai teases. I sense him sit up, twisting in the passenger seat to fully face me, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. There’s a sudden pressure in the air around us, tension that’s brewing.

  “Yes, okay?” I snap. I can’t take it anymore. Exasperated, I swivel back to look at him, clutching the steering wheel. “I like this wrong side of you. I like you.”

  Kai’s playful grin immediately falters. His face screws up with confusion as he stares at me, absorbing my words as though I’ve spoken a foreign language. He blinks a few times. “You know this is how action movies usually turn out, right? The female accomplice always falls in love with their slick counterpart.”

  “I didn’t say I was in love with you,” I defend. Not yet, at least, but at this rate, I might just be in love with him by Monday. Although Vanessa Murphy doesn’t fall in love.

  “Not yet,” Kai says, voicing my own thoughts as if he can read them. He winks and reaches for my hands, removing them from the steering wheel. His skin is warm against mine. “Wait until you see my good side. I’m such a gentleman.” Kai’s smoldering gaze is locked on me as he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. He’s messing around, trying to lighten the mood after such a forward confession, but it triggers an impulse that’s unstoppable.

  Clasping his jaw in my hands, I crash my lips against his. My heart hammers in my chest as I kiss him in the darkness of the car. My mouth against Kai’s, Kai’s mouth against mine . . . He moves his thumb to my chin, tilting my head up as he kisses me back, taking my lips between his own. Now it’s so soft, so gentle, so innocent. I slide my hand to the back of his neck, working my fingers into the nape of his trimmed hair and up into his thick curls.

  But then Kai reaches for my hands and tears his lips from mine. I freeze like a deer caught in headlights as he holds my hands still, both of us blinking at one another, our mouths parted open. For such a fragile kiss, I’m left breathless.

  “I’m sorry, Nessie. I gotta go,” Kai blurts, moving my hands away from him and scrambling to gather his stuff. He grabs his phone from the dashboard and reaches for his hoodie on the floor.

  “What?” I squeak in disbelief as I watch him slide out of the car. Did I do something wrong?

  Kai turns, one hand on the edge of the door. His expression looks stunned, almost panicked. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, his breath visible in the air, carrying his words. He shuts the door and rushes into his house, never looking back.

  I’m paralyzed with humiliation as I sit alone outside his home. He didn’t want to kiss me, I realize. Oh, God, why did I do that? Kai never said he liked me back. He was joking around with me, because that’s just how Kai is, and there I was, throwing myself at him like some crazed maniac.

  I groan so loud I’m convinced the car rumbles and I slam my head down against the steering wheel, absolutely mortified. If the ground opened up and swallowed me whole right now, I’d send it a thank you card.

  Kai was in love with a girl. He’s the type of guy who does fall in love, the type of guy who kisses girls because he cares about them. I’m not the type of girl guys like Kai go for, and there’s no doubting the fact that he knows the kind of girl I am, because he’ll have heard what everyone is saying about me. And I kiss people because it’s fun, because I want to, but I wish I could tell Kai that isn’t what I was doing with him just now. I don’t like him in the way of I like you because you’re hot and fun to hook up with. I like him more in the way of I like you because you’re gorgeous, and funny, and your presence seems to fill my lungs with the fresh air I so desperately need.

  I lift my head from the steering wheel, my whole body still flaming hot with embarrassment, and my eyes widen at the sight in front of me. Flurries of snowflakes are landing on my windshield. I glance all around, looking out every window of the car, and now excitement fills me. It’s snowing! Finally!

  I remain parked outside Kai’s house, watching the weather in true fascination, wrapped up cozy inside the car with my music playing on low. Snow is my favorite thing in the world. It starts off light, wisps of snow blowing in the air, then gradually grows heavier until I’m trapped in the middle of a snowstorm. My wipers aren’t fast enough to keep the windshield clear. The streets around me turn white, beautiful and crisp.

  I gaze helplessly at Kai’s house, its roof and windowpanes dusted with snow, and think of how perfect it would be if Kai was still sat here with me. I imagine us watching the snow fall together, exchanging kisses every once in a while. But when I glance at my empty passenger seat, my heart sinks. Kai doesn’t want to kiss me.

  I turn the music up to blast my thoughts away, pull on my seatbelt and drive away from Kai’s house, leaving behind fresh tracks in the snow.

  14

  “It was awful,” I whine, throwing my head back to t
he dull sky, a groan building in my throat. “Not the kiss. The kiss was amazing,” I say quickly. “But the circumstances . . . Oh God, I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life!”

  Chyna raises a questioning eyebrow at me. “Didn’t your sex tape just get leaked on Monday?”

  “You’re not allowed to make jokes about it until after Christmas,” I warn, jabbing a threatening finger at her.

  It’s first thing on Thursday morning and we’re trudging through the snow from the student parking lot toward the school entrance, wrapped up in warm coats. Even wearing boots feels weird, like suddenly we switched from fall to winter in the blink of an eye. It snowed heavily all night, covering the entire region of Columbus in a gorgeous white blanket for us to wake up to. Ohio weather doesn’t disappoint. I live for this. I’m decked out in my new navy cotton hat with matching scarf and gloves that I bought months ago and have been dying to wear.

  “I’m sorry,” Chyna apologizes. She shoves her bare hands into her pockets. “So, he really just got out of the car and left?”

  “Chyna, you should have seen his face,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut as I recall that awful moment last night when Kai was beyond desperate to leave. It was so clear he hadn’t wanted to kiss me, like he regretted even letting it happen in the first place. “He couldn’t have left quicker if he’d tried. Just grabbed his stuff and pretty much ran away.”

  Chyna thinks for a minute as we head through the school entrance and into the warm hallways. “Maybe it’s not you,” she says inquisitively, and we exchange a look. “Maybe he’s still in love with that ex-girlfriend of his.”

  Her words take me by surprise, because I’d totally forgotten all about Sierra Jennings. I’m silent as Chyna and I walk down the hallway together. Kai did say he was no longer in love with Sierra, and that he doesn’t want to be with a girl like her anyway, but he could be denying how he really feels. It’s not like it was his choice to break up – by the sound of things, it seems Kai would have happily stayed in that relationship with Sierra if she hadn’t cheated. Besides . . . why would Kai be going to such lengths in the first place to ruin Harrison’s life if he didn’t care about Sierra anymore?

  “Crap,” I whisper under my breath, my head spinning. I. Am. An. Idiot.

  We stop by Chyna’s locker – there’s never been any graffiti on hers, because Chyna doesn’t make mistakes like I do – and blow one another a kiss before separating. We’ll meet up again at lunch as always. It sucks that this semester we don’t share a single class together.

  I head further down the hallway to my own locker – great, someone’s drawn the outline of a naked woman on the door – but before I get the chance to enter my combination, someone’s hands are on my shoulders. Firm and with a tight grasp, their thumbs digging into my shoulder blades.

  “Vanessa,” a familiar voice hisses in my ear, breath hot against my cheek. Harrison.

  I steal a glance over my shoulder. Harrison’s body is pressed close against mine, holding me tightly, and Noah and Anthony hang back behind him. Noah fires me a wicked smirk.

  “Get off me,” I order with as firm a tone as I can muster. I try to elbow Harrison away, but he doesn’t budge.

  Suddenly, he squeezes my shoulders even harder and pulls at me, yanking me away from my locker. We’re in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by the final stragglers who have yet to make it to class, but no one is paying attention the one time I need them to. Noah lurches forward and wraps a hand around my wrist. Alarm bells are ringing in my ears and my chest tightens with an awful feeling of doom.

  “We just want to talk,” Noah says, but the laugh that escapes his mouth begs to differ. It’s menacing and sadistic, borderline evil.

  “Get the hell off me!” I demand, this time louder. I try to shake Noah’s hand off my wrist, keep trying to elbow Harrison in the chest, but they won’t let go. They’re grabbing me too tightly, pulling and pushing me down the hallway. I feel powerless, and my mind’s racing with terrified thoughts. Where are they taking me?

  Anthony opens the door to the janitor’s closet, and I’m dragged inside. The three of them join me, closing the door behind us and flicking on the dim light. I’m finally released from their grasp, but the lack of space in here feels suffocating. I glance around, surrounded by shelves and mop buckets, and decide that, if necessary, I will bear arms and use a mop.

  “Did you think it was funny?” Harrison asks, folding his arms across his chest as he looks me up and down. His face turns ugly when he glowers like that. “Sending those weirdos to Bob Evans last night? I know it was you. Were you watching?”

  “I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Harrison,” I say as calmly as I can, my gaze evenly matching his. Feigning innocence seems like the logical path to take, but the snort of disbelief Harrison lets out makes it clear he already knows it was me behind last night’s scheme. Who else would it be? But he still isn’t aware that he has an enemy in Kai Washington too.

  “Quit playing games,” Harrison snarls, taking a step closer to me. His arms are still crossed, but I notice that his hands are balled into fists. “I’ve told you. You’re going to regret messing with me if you don’t stop.”

  “Haven’t you thought just for a second that perhaps you’re the one who should regret ever having messed with me?” I challenge, and I’m shocked by the power of my own words. They roll off my tongue so naturally, so confident and so fierce. I raise a daring eyebrow at Harrison and press my lips together. My hands are trembling, but he and his friends will not intimidate me.

  “Is this still about that video?” Harrison asks. He lowers his head so that we are eye-level with one another. “It would have been kept private if I actually cared about you.”

  Noah reaches for my hat and swipes it off my head despite my best efforts to stop him. I can feel the static in my hair. “Yeah, that video was good though,” he sneers with a wink. Anthony cracks a smile.

  “You’re a dog,” I mutter, snatching my hat back. I shove it into the pocket of my coat and turn to Harrison. “And yeah, this is about the video. That video is going to follow me forever. Don’t you get that or are you too self-obsessed to realize that what you did was wrong? I thought I could trust you.”

  “I don’t care!” Harrison snaps. Noah’s face lights with glee, entertained by the animosity. “I’m warning you . . . If you don’t stop these games, I’ll make your life a living hell.”

  “Maybe I should warn Sierra about the kind of guy you really are,” I spit, glaring back into his face. It’s hard to believe that last week I thought Harrison was a genuine guy, that I actually felt bad about not wanting to go on that ski trip with him. It’s clear now that I had a lucky escape.

  “Who’s Sierra?” Anthony asks. His and Noah’s heads swivel around simultaneously to look at Harrison.

  Harrison’s eyes widen. He looks at his friends, then back at me. I wasn’t aware that his hookups with Sierra were a secret, but the stunned look on Harrison’s face has me smiling. The realization dawns on him that I now know the name of the other girl he was seeing at the same time as me. “How the hell do you know about her?” he demands, his voice seething.

  Suddenly I’m the one who’s in control. “The same way I know you cheated on your SATs. Was that information supposed to be private? Private just like that video of us?” I taunt, smiling. “Yeah, sorry. No privacy around here.”

  Harrison lurches forward, grabbing my arm and moving his face to mine. His lips are inches from my own, spitting venomous words rather than kissing me. “I’ve warned you,” he growls. His blue eyes are blazing with resentment, his expression so hard and cold, but still I see a flicker of panic cross his face.

  “Stop touching me,” I hiss, squirming beneath him. My back is pressed against the shelves and Harrison’s body is trapping me in place. I feel threatened, just like he wants me to feel. As he bends my arm back, I realize that I am no match for Harrison. I’m just a little over five feet tall, and he’
s a football player. There’s no real way I can fight back.

  I try, though. I shake my arm, desperate to pull myself free from Harrison’s hold, but the more I struggle, the tighter he squeezes. I curl my free hand into a balled-up fist and slam it into his chest as hard as I can, over and over again, until Noah grabs my wrist to stop me. The two of them pin me back against the shelves.

  “Hey, c’mon,” Anthony mumbles, but no one listens to him.

  Harrison and Noah hold me in place, sneering down into my face, and my limbs stiffen. My heart is pounding in my chest, beating way too fast. Bile rises in my stomach.

  I stare at Anthony, my terrified eyes silently begging him to do something. The three of them are best friends, always have been, but they aren’t all equal. Noah is the alpha, the quarterback on the team, the leader in every group. Harrison is his second-in-command; important enough to have people listen to him, but also with enough of a spine to make his own decisions. And then there’s Anthony, the nicest of the three, the one who tags along and doesn’t say much, whether or not he agrees with what his friends are doing. If anyone is to put a stop to this, it’ll be Anthony. He stands quiet in the corner, avoiding my eyes.

  “I thought you liked attention from guys,” Noah snickers, edging in closer. “Isn’t that your thing?” His lips are so close I can feel his breath against me.

  Harrison’s laugh is vile as he holds me still, but I’m too paralyzed to move even if I could. I squeeze my eyes shut as I hold my entire body rigid in the face of their cruelty. Harrison is far too close to me, his hand is still bending back my arm.

  Then there’s the metallic click of a door handle being tried, and Harrison and Noah abruptly let go of me just as the door swings open. I’m panting as we all look over at the janitor.

  Mr. Kratz scratches his bald head, deep lines of confusion forming across his forehead. “What’s going on in here?”

  I don’t wait to offer any explanations. Instead, I take off, barging past Mr. Kratz and breaking out into a desperate run for safety. Classes have started, so the hallways are empty as I sprint down them. I burst out through the school’s main entrance and dive into the snow, my footsteps weighed down as I drag myself away. The cold air bites at my nose and ears, but I don’t waste time putting my hat back on. I just keep running, trudging through the snow toward the student parking lot until I’m off the school campus. My strides are long, my breathing heavy.