by Tara Brown
I could see the weight of a lifetime of memories as the slaver city flashed through my mind. My father had spent a lifetime of watching everything and feeling everything and remembering everything, and it had made him strong and weak at the same time.
“But controlling everything and taking our choices and making us work for them doesn't feel like the right way to live. We’re no different from the cattle or the pigs or the apples on the branches. We’re a cog in the wheel that turns this place. We aren’t living. Living is worth fighting for. We can stop whatever it is that's going on here. I know we found things, evidence that this place is not what it seems.”
“This life is worth nothing.” When he lifted his face, I could see dread had filled his eyes. “This life and these people are not worth your death. We need to leave here.”
His words burned me inside; they created a storm. For every face I had passed on the streets or pictured in my memories all I saw was a servant to the system that had been created to support the few. But I knew there was no convincing my father, he saw people as weak-willed and simpleminded. He didn't see that he needed to end it. He wasn’t like Lyle who just wanted to help people.
Lyle’s face filled my mind as I realized I hadn’t seen him in so long, beyond him being the guard earlier. I missed him and I had come back because I wanted to help him end this place.
There were men like Lyle’s father and Bran’s, who wanted to stay hidden, hedging their bets against the system but not coming out about their hatred for it. Then there were men like my father who remembered everything but fought for nothing. He would choose to rescue my mother and I, and leave everyone else here. He would do that. Then there were the fools like me, Lyle, and Bran who believed we could save the city. Really, we were pawns of the men like Lyle’s dad. We were the ones who would be exposed and killed. We were the only ones with something to lose. When I looked back at my father I realized there was no arguing with him. I stood, sighing and nodding. “Meet me at the gate at midnight. We will leave together and make the journey to the kingdom. I know the way.”
He jumped up, wrapping himself around me, breathing me in. “This is their war, let them have it.” I imagined he meant Lyle’s father’s war.
Home is where the assassin is
I walked along the pathway, noting how our area didn't have the luxury of proper cobblestone. Not like the better areas. I wondered how many people had taken that into consideration after a long, hard day’s work. After visiting family or friends who lived poorly, how many people went back to their fancy houses and realized the difference? The system was set up to keep people striving but to me it was more about organizing us so we didn’t struggle.
I didn’t want to return to our cottage in the orchards but I knew I needed to. The time on the note in my undergarments wasn't for hours and I didn't want them to come looking for me. I didn't want to get anyone else in trouble. I needed to pretend I was still lost.
When I walked up to the small cottage, I paused, realizing I wasn't as scared of Murphy as I might have needed to be. He seemed sweet, handsome, and tender. He didn't seem like an assassin, even if he had lied to me about my family. I brushed my hand over the object in my pocket, the one my father had handed me as I left their house. It was my guarantee I would get away, even if I didn't want to do it.
He came running through the woods, barreling at me and lifting me into his arms. I remained frozen as he gushed into my neck, “Dr. Turner said you recalled a couple things!” He was excited?
I nodded, pressing my hands against his thick chest until my feet touched the crunchy ground again. “I did.”
He looked up at the sky as the sun started to fade behind the mountains. “Where have you been all day?”
“I wandered, hoping I would remember other things.” His dark eyes glistened with anticipation, but I sighed and lowered my gaze, almost certain I couldn't lie to his face. “Nothing. Still pretty lost.” It was a lie but in some ways it was true. I had no clue how I had ended up paired with him in the orchards. I had no clue how I had lost my memories in the first place. And I definitely didn't know how I was going to use the thing in my pocket against him.
He reached for my cheeks, cupping my face gently and pressing his soft lips against them. It was weird. Flashes of kissing Lyle and Bran filled my head, making me push hard against his thick chest.
“Sorry.” He wiped his mouth, breathing a bit harder than he was before. “I always forget you don't remember me from before.”
“It’s fine, I just don't want to do this.” I shook my head, wiping my face as well. My fingertips lingered where the warmth of his mouth meeting mine remained.
He reached for me, offering his thick, callused hand to mine. He didn't grab or pull, he waited for me to take his hand. “I have something I want you to see.” The moment I touched down on his hand, he closed his fingers and pulled me inside of our small house. He dragged me to the bedroom, instantly making me want to drag my feet. He snatched his handheld from the bedside table and starting combing through it, dragging his fingers and flipping screens. “Did you see them today?” he muttered low, like he was trying to hide something from someone.
I shook my head, confused. “Who?”
He lifted the handheld, flashing an image of Bran and Lyle smiling with their arms wrapped around each other. I gasped, instantly shocked. How had he taken it? “You shouldn't have that. It’s against the rules.” I grabbed the handheld from his grip, distracting him as I reached into my other pocket, grabbing the small syringe my father had given me. When he reached for the handheld I plunged the syringe into the back of his hand.
His movements stopped. His fingers twitched as he looked at the thin white syringe sticking from his ruddy skin. He winced. “What was that for?”
“I know who you are. I know what you are.” I stepped back, clutching his handheld, shaking my head.
“Well, that changes a few things.” His gaze softened as he sighed. “When I pass out, find Lyle and tell him what you did.” A cough slipped from his lips. “Oh man, is this arsenic?” He dropped to one knee, starting to shake and foam at the lips. My hands trembled harder as I instantly regretted what I had done. I grabbed him, holding him to me. “You’re not an assassin? You aren’t gonna kill me or Bran or Lyle?”
“GET THEM NOW!” He shook, not disagreeing but actually like he was having a fit, and dropped to all fours. His head tilted to the side like he might say something to me, but he drooped to the ground twitching and flopping. I shouted, nearly calling out for help, but then realized explaining why I’d poisoned my husband who I didn't remember wasn't going to be easy. He fell completely to the floor, his cheek slamming onto the floorboards. He slouched with his cheek pressed into the floor and foam seeping from his parted lips for a moment before he blinked. His brown eyes flicked to where I was and the loving smile he had given me earlier returned to his lips. “I still love you,” he whispered before he closed his eyes and stopped moving.
A sob tore from my lips as I leaned over, draping myself over his massive body. His pulse was slow but steady and I hoped it would stay that way. I knew the vial had contained something that would help me get away, but I didn't expect him to die. I didn't think my father was that sort of man. I grabbed a cloth and wiped his face, placing a pillow under his head and stroking his hair.
The sun set behind the walls, leaving us in the shadows of the trees and hills. I held him, closing my eyes and listening to the sound of his heartbeat. It slowed more as the night went on. I didn't know what to do but when the night fully had us, I knew I had to get to the Club of the Unknown. I had to find them so they could help him, before it was too late.
I looked down upon his sleeping face and pressed a single kiss on his warm cheek, letting my face linger there. He smelled like apples and again I remembered that I loved that smell.
I got up and walked out of the house for the tram, still shaking and scared. I didn't know what to do about Murphy. I didn't
know if I should believe him or not, but I felt awful leaving him there.
On the tramcar, I settled into the familiar feel of the vibration. It was then that Amber’s face seeped into my mind. It had been so long since I’d seen her. I missed her. I missed everyone: Greg, Lyle, Bran, and Amber. I missed the freedom of the open road. I missed everything, and yet being back in the city made me feel safe in the oddest way. I loved that there was a wall and the slavers couldn't get inside. I loved that everything about the city was organized. Food and water were readily available. Even if it all came at a cost I wasn't willing to pay.
I took my mask from the masked man handing them out. I didn't put it on; I wasn't even certain I was going into the club.
When the tram stopped at the city station, he was waiting for me. His green eyes were unmistakable. I almost smiled but I knew better. He didn't look like a factory worker anymore. He was dressed finely and had a lovely looking girl on his arm. I knew he likely had other eyes on him, eyes I didn't see in the crowd. And as far as the rest of the city was concerned, I didn't know his face. I didn't know anything. So I walked past him, not even avoiding his stare. I smiled politely and continued past him, blank faced but heart pounding inside of my chest.
When I rounded the corner from the tram I followed the other kids, just as I had once done with Amber and Lyle. They were dressed in fancy clothes and wearing the masks they had each been given. Everyone looked excited and mysterious. Everyone but me.
When we turned at the next block I recognized the spot instantly. I had been here before to go to the club.
A hand slipped into mine as a person stepped close to me. “Just keep walking. When we reach the club we’ll slip inside and then past it all. Bran is meeting us in the tunnels. He has eyes on him.” The voice belonged to Lyle. My heart jumped a little when I realized I had missed his warm hands.
“I need your help.”
“Not here. In the club,” he whispered harshly.
It dawned on me then that Bran was still the superior engineer in training. He was still the man who would father the children of our city. He and his rogue DNA traits that forbade him to reset every day with the rest of us. That seemed like such an unlikely fix to the situation now that everything was out of control.
As we entered the club I slipped my mask on and walked to the very back where I knew the hallway was—the one Bran had led me down to kiss me every time we came here. It felt weird going down there with Lyle, even more so when I realized I had been paired with Murphy, sleeping in the same bed with him. Every night he had somehow convinced me to get into his bed. I wasn't even certain I wanted to know how he had done that but flashes of his smile and dark eyes made me well aware. He had charmed me the same way Bran had, the same way Lyle had. I was a simpleton when it came to boys. I was easily charmed, easily led. I let them lead me around by my nose—no, by my heart.
By the time Lyle and I were staring at each other through our masks, I was annoyed with him just for being a guy. “That guy, Murphy, I poisoned him.”
His jaw dropped. “What?”
I nodded. “I gave him something from my dad.”
“Do you have the poison?” He swallowed hard, making his dimple pop in his cheek but with a grimace this time.
“No. He thought it might be arsenic. Murphy asked me if it was arsenic right before he passed out.”
“Oh, bloody hell. I knew this was a terrible idea.” He winced. “We have to leave now. You go to the tunnels and I’ll go back to your house and find Murph.”
It was my turn for my jaw to drop. “How do you know him?”
“He is the assassin for the superior engineers and planners, but is working covertly for our side. He does the dirty work when they need it done. He’s a friend of Bran’s. Very good friend.” He nodded, his blue eyes glistening in the flashing lights of the party behind us. “He’s been protecting you for months.”
My insides tightened. “Why did I pair with him?”
“To keep you out of harm’s way. Don't you remember? He said you were remembering these last couple days so we’ve been sending you the code word that was supposed to bring you out of the mind fog. But it couldn't be used until you had started to remember some things.”
“What code word?”
“Run away.”
I shook my head. “I don't remember anything after leaving the kingdom and arriving here. I remember Bran cutting Lisabeth’s thumb off.” I looked around us. “I remember coming here to the club and seeing Bran. He gave me the thumb. That’s the last thing I recall.”
“Great.” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up a little. “You and I met Bran at the pier just like we were supposed to. But my father showed up. He didn't want us to abandon the city or the plan. He wanted Bran to stay. But Bran had decided the best course of action was to kill all the engineers and free the people and let them live free. He told my father that he could run the city. Murphy had already assassinated Lisabeth and cut her thumb off, which was how they were able to have full access to the city and the system.” He glanced down the hallway, noticing some people staring at us.
He stepped in closer to me, trailing a thumb down my cheek. My spine crawled with shivers as I gulped in his breath. He smiled, making the dimple stick out more. My stomach ached with the want to kiss him but the fear of everything else, including a dying Murphy, was too much.
“Then what?” I asked, disrupting the look he was giving me.
“Lisabeth’s body had been found and the guards were coming to find Murphy; he’d gotten a message on his handheld. He was to investigate the whole thing. Bran escaped before they came, making certain he wouldn't be linked to anything. He was still superior engineer in training and they still trusted him—he didn't want to risk that. I was on the other side of the dock, talking to my father and fully hidden. But you were there with Murphy, right out in the open. So he smashed something over your head, drugged you and carried you up the pier. When they got there, he told them he’d found you wandering about with a head wound and no memories. He said he’d recognized you as the previous engineer.”
“How did I lose my memories?”
“He always keeps a vial of something he calls the memory stealer. He uses it on people he doesn't want to assassinate. He erases their memories and sends them beyond the wall with the guards.”
I gasped. “That's terrible.” The way I woke was frightening. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
“It’s better than death.”
“Don't count on it.” I shook my head.
He lifted his hands, cupping my face. “I missed you.”
I shook my head. “How did I end up paired with Murphy?”
“He convinced the engineers the best way to bring back your memories was to make you feel safe but also to protect you from the rebels who had clearly done something to you. Obviously, you couldn't go home. Your parents would have wondered about what had happened, and that would be putting them at risk. They would be scared because you had been in the city, held as a captive for months. That would show people the engineers didn't have a hold on the rebel situation. The engineers believed you had been abducted by the rebels so his plan worked perfectly to prevent anyone from knowing about your fate. The people in the orchards didn't know you. You worked and rested and recovered in peace and protection. Your parents couldn't come looking for you so they were made to believe that you were working in the city. It was never advertised that you were replaced.”
Part of the story stuck out for me. “The engineers believed I was abducted, as in taken by your father? He’s the only rebel I know of.”
“No.” He laughed too close to my face, making my skin tingle with his breath. “There are no real rebels in the city. My father and the people like him have made that rumor up to ensure that the engineers are always looking for rebel activity. It keeps my father in the loop and the engineers on edge. Sure, they find people who disagree with the life or people who remember yesterda
y, and then there is the whole other matter we need to discuss—those people are dealt with by Murph—but other than that, there are no rebels. The crimes committed are staged to ensure the engineers fear the collapse of everything. The more afraid they are, the better it is for the real rebels, my father and Bran’s. They are the people plotting the demise of the system. But they never act on anything. They always plan for the future and do things systematically.”
I realized then that I was annoyed with him, maybe even worse. “But you let me stay with Murphy for a year.”
His brow pinched. “It’s been three months.”
“Oh.” My eyes dropped. I had clearly been lied to on a regular basis. “You let me stay for three months.” My voice lowered.
He lifted my face, shaking his head. “I watched you every minute I could but we needed time to get rid of the superior engineers and discover the premise of the city.”
It didn't feel like that was enough of a reason. I had been scared, lied to, tested, and alone. It didn't feel like enough at all.
He lowered his face to mine but I shook my head, leaning into his shoulder. I closed my eyes and shivered a bit from the overwhelming sense of security I found there.
I didn't want him to kiss me. I didn't want to continue from where we had left off. I was angry. But I wanted to be safe, and there with him I was warm and free from all of this, and with my eyes closed, we were back at the castle. I could almost feel the heat and hear the crackle of the fire. Almost.
Instead, I heard the loud music that made attempts at forcing my heartbeat to sync with it.
“I love you, Gwyn,” he whispered into my hair.
I nodded, not doubting his love but not forgiving him for doing that to me either. It was a terrible fate to wake to a stranger every day.
I pushed off of him, turning away and walking back into the party of writhing youth. I couldn't see it as fun anymore, the illusion of the club. I saw the system in every corner. We were being programmed, even here in the dark where we thought we were escaping it.