Too Close to Resist

by Nicole Helm

  Barry had grown up here, too. A double-wide. His dad had been an alcoholic, but his parents hadn’t been junkies. They might have been abusive; that Kyle didn’t know. What he did know was that Barry and he came from the same place.

  But Kyle had gotten out and stayed out. This beginning might live deep inside of him, but didn’t he get to control what that made him? So Barry had chosen to beat up women and possibly set fire to houses. Kyle had chosen something else.

  And it didn’t include coming back here. And it didn’t include feeling all the violence he was capable of. He’d developed a control only his father could still unravel. He’d grown that control so big it was an entity of its own. If he could control his fate enough to get him out of here, who said he couldn’t control the bad enough that he could have a little good?

  “I won’t be like you,” he whispered. If anyone came upon him they’d think he was crazy. Maybe they wouldn’t be wrong. “I won’t let you win.”

  Maybe there was the potential for evil inside of him, but he would bury it so deep it could never make its way out. He wouldn’t belong here. Not now. Not ever.

  * * *

  GRACE LAY ON the bed, staring at the ceiling. She should get up. She knew she should get up. She just wasn’t ready to face everything yet. She needed a few more minutes to find strength. Fight. Somewhere between two o’clock in the morning and now, exhaustion had carved any fight out of her.

  Being gritty eyed from lack of sleep and having a headache the size of Texas brewing behind her eyes didn’t really help.

  When the door creaked open, Grace lifted herself up onto her elbows. Jacob slid in. Grace let out a long sigh.

  His hair was a mess; stubble dotted his jaw. He’d obviously come home in a hurry. His guilt-ridden expression tied her stomach into a knot.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Jacob, you didn’t set that fire.”

  He shook his head, moving to the end of her bed and taking a seat. “I should have been there. I should have been at home so I could drive you here. I mean, what if Kyle hadn’t driven you back to Carvelle? What if he’d been out running or at the gym? What if he’d flat-out refused?”

  Grace wanted to laugh because what Kyle had been doing was pretty far removed from running or being at the gym or refusing anything. “He was there. He did drive me. It doesn’t matter.”

  Jacob shot to his feet. “It does matter! I should have been there. Leah’s right. I’m a self-absorbed asshole. I was so busy thinking about me—”

  And then Grace did start to laugh.

  “What?” he demanded, raking fingers through his already crazy hair.

  “You’re kind of making this all about you right now, you know?”

  His jaw dropped and he sank back onto the bed. Then he cursed. “You’re right. Christ, you’re right. I...” He shook his head. “Here’s the deal. I haven’t been taking care of you like I should, and that stops now. You’re going to come home with me, and I’m going to be with you 24/7.”

  It was Grace’s turn to push off the bed. “I don’t want that.”

  “Too bad.”

  She glared at him. “I am not going to be a prisoner. I don’t care if he did this. I don’t care if he’s after me. I’m not going to...” She couldn’t finish, because it was laughable. Of course she was going to be afraid. She’d been afraid before he’d done anything.

  And she didn’t even know for sure he had done anything.

  Except the police had informed her Barry was nowhere to be found. He’d broken parole, and, well, that couldn’t bode well.

  Grace squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want a shadow. I don’t want this.” But here it was. “The police are taking care of it.”

  Jacob snorted. “Pardon me if I don’t put a lot of faith in Garret Simmons. Maybe twenty years and a hundred pounds ago, but now?”

  “What are you going to do if Barry comes after me?”

  Jacob stood up. “Protect you.”

  Grace laughed bitterly. “You and what army? He’s twice your size. I have just as much a chance of fighting him off as you.”

  “Listen—”

  “No. No, you listen. You want to stop being a self-absorbed asshole, listen to me. This sucks, and it’s scary. But I’m not going to hide behind you or Mom and Dad. I can’t keep hiding.” Her voice threatened to give out, the fear threatened to strangle her, but she had to fight it. She had to fight for herself and her life this time. She wouldn’t go back to being so scared she couldn’t leave her parents’ house. She wouldn’t go back to needing therapy just to smile at a stranger.

  “Grace. We want you to be safe.”

  “Of course you do. I want to be safe, too, but I need...I need to know I can be alone and stand on my own two feet, too. I wasn’t there before, but you know what, if this was Barry? Well, he pissed me off enough to be more angry than scared.” At least, she hoped she’d still feel that way the next time she was alone.

  Well, even if she didn’t, she’d try. No more cowering. No more living life on the fringes without even really realizing it. She was going to take risks. She was going to stand up for herself. And she was damn well going to keep her gun within reach at all times.

  Grace looked at the caricature of Kyle she’d placed on her nightstand. There were things she wanted, things she’d been afraid of, and she wasn’t going to do it anymore. If it took every ounce of strength and bravery Kyle seemed to think she had.

  “Look, I’ll go home with you because I want Mom and Dad to go to work. I want them to have some semblance of normal.” And maybe, just a little bit because Kyle was there, because she didn’t want to give up or forget whatever was growing between them. “I’ll go with you because your house has an alarm system, but you won’t be by my side all the time, okay? You’ll do your job and I won’t be scared into hiding behind my baby brother until Barry comes after me. I won’t trade one prison of worry and suffocation for another. Okay?”

  “Grace.”

  “Otherwise I won’t go. I won’t go just to have you hovering over me like Mom and Dad. Someone’s got to give me credit for being strong and smart enough to do this.” Starting with herself.

  “It’s not about you. It’s about him.”

  “That’s not fair. Something has to be about me.” For once in her life. This was going to be about her. About what she wanted and how she wanted to live. “Things are going to be different. I want to live knowing I can be happy even if Barry is out there. He broke parole. He’s going back to jail, but I want to know I can live knowing he’s out there because even if he goes back to prison, he’ll be out again someday.”

  Jacob rubbed a hand over his face. “I—”

  “Not about you, remember?”

  He laughed without much mirth. “We’re all going to worry until he’s back in jail. We’re all going to want to protect you.”

  “Of course you are. Situation reversed I’d worry and want to protect you, too, but I’d also give you enough credit for being smart enough to protect yourself.”

  Jacob snorted. “Easy for you to say. This is about a man who’s hurt you, not how smart or brave or strong you are. It’s about a threat to you.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. That’s what it is.”

  “All right, all right.”

  “Now, Mom made a crazy big breakfast. We’re going to go eat, convince them you’ll be safer with me and then we’re going to head to Bluff City.”

  Grace had to bite her tongue. She hated that bossy, ordering tone he used. Hated that, despite what he said, he was still treating her like an incapacitated idiot. Hated mostly that a tiny part of her wanted to let him and her parents take over while she hid until Barry was in jail again.

  But there was no point in admitting that or arguing with him.
He couldn’t understand. Neither could her parents. No one understood. She looked at the caricature again. Well, maybe Kyle understood, at least enough to give her what she needed.

  Imagine that.

  So Grace would let her family fuss over her and think they were doing something.

  The truth was, if Barry really wanted to hurt her, he would. It didn’t matter what Jacob or Mom or Dad did. He’d find a way.

  Instead of fearing it, of letting it ruin her, she had to accept it. And live anyway.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “YOU STILL HAVEN’T told us why Jacob can’t make the meeting.”

  Kyle frowned at Leah. “You’ll need to be at the Martins’ by one. Take notes on everything and email them to me.”

  “I need a reason the contractor isn’t there, Kyle. Even if most of what we’re dealing with is electrical and plumbing, there needs to be a reason Jacob isn’t there.”

  “Something came up.”

  “Kyle.”

  He let out a breath. “Tell them Jacob has had a family emergency. They can reschedule for later in the week if they’d like, but you and Henry can go over most of the meeting today.”

  Leah chewed on her bottom lip. “Family emergency? Is everything okay?”

  “Everything will be fine.” The lie he hadn’t been able to vocalize to Grace last night seemed imperative right now.

  “Is that why Grace isn’t around? And why we suddenly have the security system on 24/7?”

  “Yes. Now, do you have any questions about the meeting?”

  “No, I have questions about Jacob. About Grace.”

  A door downstairs closed loudly. Perfect excuse to escape Leah’s inquisition. As far as Kyle was concerned, what happened last night wasn’t his business to spread. Maybe Grace wanted to keep it quiet. Everyone in Carvelle knew about it; that was how small towns worked. She deserved a place to come where everyone wouldn’t be harassing her about how she was holding up.

  God, he wondered how she was holding up. And hoped, however foolishly, she would come back here instead of staying at her parents’ house.

  Kyle grabbed his file on the Martins and stalked into the hallway. “I’ll give the papers to Henry, since who knows where they’ll end up if I let you take them into your disaster area of a truck.”

  “I’m not letting this go, Kyle.”

  “Of course not,” Kyle grumbled. As he got closer to the stairs, he could hear someone’s footsteps. Now that he’d mandated that the alarm be in place, only those with a code would be able to enter. Since Susan, Leah, Kelly and Henry, MC’s plumber, were all inside, only Jacob was left.

  But it wasn’t Jacob who stepped into the hallway. Kyle fumbled with the file in his hands, managed to squeeze them closed before the papers spilled onto the floor. “Grace. Hello.”

  It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since he’d seen her last, but she looked different. Still pale, still withdrawn, but less like a breeze would shatter her or bring her to tears.

  “Hi.”

  “Y-you’re back.”

  She stuck her hands in the pockets of her baggy jeans. Baggy enough he wondered if they were even hers. “Yup. That’s okay, right?”

  “Of course it is.” His voice cracked. Christ, his voice had actually cracked like he was prepubescent.

  “Well, isn’t that interesting.”

  Kyle glared at Leah, who was studying Grace. “Don’t you have work to do?” he said, holding out the file to her.

  Leah took it from him but didn’t leave. Instead she crossed to Grace. “Is everything okay? Kyle said you guys had a family emergency but is being obnoxiously tight-lipped. Is Jacob okay? Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. We’re fine. Everyone’s fine. Jacob’s downstairs.”

  “The meeting, Leah?” Kyle knew he was being pushy, but Grace wasn’t offering details and he didn’t want Leah pressing for them.

  Leah considered Kyle, then Grace. “All right,” she said. “Do you still want to come to book club tomorrow? We won’t be offended if you want to skip. There’s always next week.”

  Grace pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and then straightened her shoulders. “No. No, I’d really like to come. If that’s all right?”

  “Of course it is. I’ll pick you up at six.” Then, finally, finally, Leah left. And it was just him and Grace.

  Silent.

  In the hallway.

  “So...” Kyle moved back onto his heels. He was usually pretty good with silence. Good with extricating himself from an uncomfortable situation. But apparently he wasn’t all that interested in extricating himself.

  She didn’t smile and she didn’t say anything. He took a hesitant step toward her. “Are you all right?”

  She nodded, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, which made him remember the moment before the phone call about the fire, which was not what he needed to be remembering right now.

  She glanced down the stairs, then nodded toward her room. “Can I talk to you in private for a second?”

  Since he didn’t trust being able to speak like the damn twenty-eight-year-old adult he was, Kyle simply nodded and followed her to her room.

  She stepped inside and let the bag slide off her arm and land with a thump on the ground. Slowly, she walked over to her bed, trailed a finger across the rumpled cover, not once talking to or looking at him.

  It made him jumpy. Uncomfortable enough that the silence he was usually so good at was unbearable. “So, um, any news?”

  She shook her head. “Police are looking for Barry. Fire investigator is looking for cause of fire.” She kept her back to him. “It’s fine, really. I mean, he had to know I wasn’t there. Everyone in Carvelle knows I’m not home right now. So if he did do it, it’s just petty revenge.”

  Kyle crossed to her. “Nothing about burning down your house is petty.” Taking in her profile, he could see her throat move as she swallowed.

  She expelled a loud breath. “No, I guess it isn’t.”

  Since her voice wasn’t steady, he knew he needed to soothe her. It was his first instinct, but he’d also become used to ignoring those instincts, so the move to touch her arm was a little jerky, a little rusty. Until she turned into him and her head rested against his chest; then it was no problem at all to wrap his arms around her and hold on tight. Nothing jerky or rusty about it.

  She tilted her head up. Though her eyes looked suspiciously bright, no sign of tears was on her face or his shirt. “Before I kiss you, I need to say something.”

  He normally did quite well with surprising information. So little about life fazed him. But this... “Um.”

  “You did something really sweet for me last night. Actually, a couple really sweet things, but mainly you went back to a place you didn’t want to go, and chances are, it’ll happen again. Not the fire stuff, I hope, but going back to Carvelle, being reminded of bad things. I...I don’t know what happened to you when you were a kid, Kyle, but I know it was bad.”

  Kyle released her, took a step away. There were new things he was willing to do for Grace. Talking about that wasn’t one of them.

  “If you’ve changed your mind about...you know, where things were going last time, I understand.”

  Since that wasn’t at all what he wanted, he opened his mouth to say so. But he didn’t know how to verbalize it. Still, he stepped toward her again, knowing he needed to say something, to respond. To show...something.

  “Just tell me and I’ll, you know, back off. I can stay with my parents. I can—”

  He couldn’t take it. The way she wrung her hands, the way she tried to put to words something downright stupid. So he kissed her before she could talk anymore. He could feel the tension release from her body, his own tension at her bringing up his childhood disappearing.

&
nbsp; She wound her arms around his neck; he pulled her close and forgot about pretty much everything else.

  When she pulled away, just an inch, her lips curved into a smile. “I’ve decided to soak up all the good I can get, Kyle.”

  “That sounds very smart.”

  She chuckled, her breath fluttering across his mouth. “As much as I’d love to continue this, Jacob’s going to be stomping up here momentarily. He’s determined to be my 24/7 bodyguard now. I only got a few seconds of peace because he didn’t want me to hear him call the police station for the eight millionth time.”

  Kyle’s grip tightened around her waist. “When will they know for sure?”

  Grace shook her head, leaned it against his shoulder. “I don’t know. Barry broke parole by not checking in, though, so he’ll go back to jail for sure. That’s what matters. The police will find him eventually. The chances of him doing anything else are slim.”

  Kyle smoothed his hand over her hair, testing how it felt. Soft and silky, yes, but the action itself was new. He’d never offered someone physical comfort before. Never been the one to soothe. So the feeling was new. Nice.

  “You know, you could tell Jacob that you’ll take care of the 24/7 bodyguarding and then we can just have, like, a 24/7 sex marathon.”

  Kyle choked out a laugh. “Well, that is an idea. I really don’t think it’s one Jacob will get behind.”

  Grace sighed. “I know. Does he have to be so unreasonable and overbearing?”

  “He cares about you. He wants to protect you.”

  Grace tilted her head, studied him with serious brown eyes. “Do you care about me?”

  It was surprising how hard one word was to say. “Yes.”

  “Do you want to protect me?”

  Since she sneered at the word protect, he doubted going with a yes here was the right angle to take. “I want you to be safe.”

  “Isn’t that the same?”

  “No. I can’t protect you from bad things, Grace.” He smoothed one hand up her back, pushed some of her hair off her shoulder. “No matter how much I might want to.”

  “Why can’t the rest of my family be as reasonable as you?” She traced her index finger over the bottom of his lip. “Let’s stop talking about this.”