Her mind was so muddled at the moment. She had come to Angel Creek to start a new life and to find a husband. But if today’s indiscretions got out, could she convince a respectable man to marry her?
Thoughts of a husband pulled thoughts of Colin into the forefront. It had felt very nice to have him close to her. She liked leaning on him and teasing him. But he was totally unsuitable for a husband…wasn’t he? Just because he was her newfound purpose, didn’t mean he was someone she could depend on…or love. Right? “Oh my, goodness. What have I gotten myself into?”
A soft knock on the door announced she had a visitor. She hesitated for a moment considering whether to pretend to be asleep or not. Since she had never been a coward, she decided to face the situation head-on. Removing the pillow from her face, she called out. “Please, come in.”
Sarah quietly stepped inside the door holding a sleeping baby in her arms. “I thought you might need someone to talk to, but if I’ve misjudged the situation, please tell me and I’ll leave.”
“No, you haven’t misjudged the situation. I could certainly use some advice,” Emma admitted, and scooted over in the bed to give Sarah a place to sit down.
Sarah settled the baby on the bed next to her and both of them sat and watched the infant boy sleep peacefully for a few minutes. Then Sarah spoke.
“What happened, Emma? Quinn said he found you and Colin in the saloon drinking. The last I knew, you were going to find Quinn to get his help in finding Colin. Obviously, that didn’t happen. He also said you told him it was your idea, but it was Colin’s idea, wasn’t it? Do you think that was a wise decision considering you are hoping to find…” Sarah’s voice trailed off.
Emma knew what her friend wasn’t saying. “You mean considering I’m unmarried and new in town and hoping to find a husband? No, in hindsight it wasn’t wise at all, but my intentions were good. May I explain?”
“Of course. I’m not judging you, but we are concerned for you and for Colin. Quinn said you told him you needed an ear and had gone to the saloon to talk with Charity. Was any of that true? I hope I haven’t given you any reason to doubt that I’m here for you anytime you need to talk.”
Emma hesitated before she spoke. “When I went to find Quinn to tell him Colin had…gone out, I accidently saw Colin through the open saloon doors. He was sitting in the saloon and he was drinking. Alone. I felt he needed someone to talk to.”
“And you decided that someone was you. Go on. Tell me what happened.” Sarah encouraged. “I swear to keep your confidence.”
Emma knew she could trust Sarah. After all, weren’t they sisters of sorts? Both of them had suffered so much from a horrible war where no one was left untouched by the suffering it caused. If anyone could understand why she had placed her reputation on the line tonight, it was Sarah.
But, she also didn’t want Sarah to think she thought light of her actions today. “But when Colin left the house after our conversation, I recognized his pain as my own. I felt responsible for bringing up the past. It wasn’t my intention, but it seems I did it, nonetheless.
Emma continued. “I was headed to find Quinn when I caught a glimpse of Colin in the saloon. He already had a head start on his bottle, so I thought if I could commiserate with him, he might open up and tell me what’s on his mind.”
“And did he?”
“No, at least not specifically. But he did tell me I had no idea what pain and suffering were, so I politely told him he was full of cow crap.”
“I see.” Sarah’s sympathetic gaze brought tears to Emma’s eyes.
Emma rushed on with her retelling of the circumstances that led to her and Colin rolling in the front yard. “I knew if I told him not to drink, he would just drink more out of spite. I’ve only known him for a few hours, but I can sense a stubborn streak in the man.”
Sarah laughed and nodded in agreement. “Yes, Quinn has told me stories of his brother’s obstinance when they were children. At first, I thought he exaggerated for the sake of his stories, but since meeting Colin, I think he may have even underplayed Colin’s…shall we say independence from authority. So, what did you do then?”
“I sat down at his table and joined him.” Emma saw the look of surprise on Sarah’s face, so she hurried on with her explanation. “I thought if I appealed to his inner gentleman and put myself in a compromising situation, he would rescue me and bring me home.”
“And did he?” Sarah’s skepticism was evident in the frown marring her face.
“Yes. And no.” Emma grinned at the memory of Colin’s face when she downed her first glass of whiskey across the table from him. “Not at first anyway. I think he was caught off guard by my behavior and he wasn’t certain what to think of me at that point. He seems to be under the impression that all Charleston women were raised in the lap of luxury. He keeps calling me Little Miss Southern Belle.”
Emma knew a little of Sarah’s past life as the daughter of a wealthy plantation owner as well as the wife of a wealthy husband and she certainly didn’t want Sarah to think Emma held that against her. “We all know that no one, not even those with money, escaped the pain and suffering of the war. Anyway, once he saw that I wasn’t leaving, his chivalry eventually kicked in and he slowed down on his whiskey intake.”
“That’s good to know. I was beginning to wonder about him. So, how did you wind up in the yard…if you don’t mind me asking?”
“He was walking me home and I felt him shiver in the cold. He’s so thin and he had rushed out without a coat, so I feared he might catch a cold. I challenged him to a race back to the house. He didn’t want to at first, but it seems our Yankee Blue still has a spark of life somewhere down deep inside. I beat him to the gate, but he was about to rush past me when I tripped him. He tried to break my fall and that’s how we ended up on the ground together.” Emma hoped she had relieved some of Sarah’s concerns about her unconventional behavior.
“And how do you feel about Colin?” Sarah’s question caught Emma off guard.
“How do I feel about him? I…” How did she feel about him? “I think he has a lot of baggage he must unpack and put away before he will be the man I sense he used to be.”
“I didn’t ask you what you think about him. I asked you how you feel about him?”
Emma hedged. “Is there a difference?”
“Yes, there’s a big difference and I have a feeling you know that.”
Emma thought about her answer. “Yes, I know that. I honestly don’t know how I feel. I’ve only known him for a few hours. I don’t know how I could possibly have feelings for him in such a short time. I can’t, can I?” she asked Sarah the question; although, deep down inside she realized she was asking herself for an answer.
“It’s something you will have to decide for yourself. Just remember, Colin is a man who has convinced himself that he doesn’t deserve his second chance at life, and he’s set himself on a path of destruction. Please be careful, Emma. If you should develop feelings for him, don’t let him take you down with him if you can’t turn him around.”
Sarah rose from the bed and gently lifted her sleeping son. “Becca is spending the night with a friend and Quinn and I are meeting Nick and Melody for dinner at Mr. Oliver’s restaurant. We’re taking the baby with us so you will have the house to yourself.”
“What about Colin? Won’t he be here?” Puzzled, Emma frowned. Where would he go this time of night except back to the saloon and she doubted Quinn would allow that to happen, unless.... “Quinn isn’t planning on arresting Colin…is he? Because if he is, he’ll have to arrest me too.”
Sarah grinned at her. “No, Quinn isn’t arresting anyone. At least, not tonight. And yes, I suppose Colin will staying home for the evening too. I’d forgotten about him. Perhaps this will be a good time for you and he to spend some time together. You know, getting to know each other better.”
Emma’s heart hiccupped in her chest at the thought of being alone with Colin.
Sarah stood to
go. “Now, I have to go get ready. It’s been weeks since Quinn and I had a chance to visit with friends.”
Sarah left the room to prepare for her evening out on the town with her adoring husband. Emma thought about something Sarah said and realized she needed to decide what came next.
Did she have feelings for Colin? And if she did, could those feelings be real? What could she do if they were real? After all, the man was not the most reasonable man she had ever met.
She knew Sarah hadn’t forgotten about Colin being in the house tonight so what was she up to? Surely, she wasn’t playing matchmaker after her warning for Emma to be careful of Colin, was she? Or, could it be Sarah was looking for a babysitter of a different kind? That was certainly possible considering Colin’s propensity for getting into trouble.
Whatever the reason, Emma knew one thing was for certain. She would very much like to get to know the brooding man who had moved in across the hall from her. She would like to understand what had happened that made him believe he didn’t deserve to be loved. But how would she get him to open up? She knew casual conversation would never discover his secrets. It was then a brilliant idea came to mind.
Emma glanced in the mirror and smoothed her hair back away from her face. Deft fingers raked out a couple of pieces of dried grass and a pine needle from her hair, courtesy of her frolic in the front yard with Colin.
Large blue eyes with long straight eyelashes peered back at her. “Emma Bowen, you are walking a dangerous path.” She sent a silent prayer heavenward. If this was God’s plan, she feared she was going to need all the help he could give her.
“All you have to do is convince the brooding, handsome Mr. Cassidy to join you in the kitchen.”
Chapter 11
Colin sat in the parlor after his brother and Sarah left for dinner. He chose a big leather chair across from the fireplace and stared at the flames flickering in the grate. The heat of the fire and the pop and crackle of the wood burning soon lulled him into relaxing. It had been a long day full of drama and he had to admit he was physically and emotionally exhausted with all the changes in his life.
First, had been his arrival to Angel Creek after spending who knew how long on that riverboat. His remembrance of the rocking of the ship made his stomach roll. At least now, he didn’t have whiskey on his empty belly and he could admit, if only to himself, he was glad of it. He hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Not since he had decided he didn’t deserve to live.
Pushing past the ghosts that haunted him when he thought too much, he focused on this afternoon’s arrival when he and his brother had scared the hell out of Emma. He grinned at the memory. The little southern belle wasn’t like the usual pampered princesses he had run across during the war. No, this one had a bite and a stinger even if they were in the form of a heavy glass paperweight and a letter opener.
He recognized her determination and knew without a doubt if she had really been in danger, she would have made her aggressor pay a steep price.
Colin also thought about this evening’s visit to the saloon. His sole purpose in going was to get mind-numbingly drunk. He was hoping to be well on his way before someone found him, when again the unpredictable southern miss waltzed into the saloon, sat down with him and proceeded to drink him under the table. He wasn’t convinced she could have for she didn’t seem to be comfortable with the place, or the booze, but he admired her for wading into the trenches with him and taking the blame for his actions.
And then there was the race home and the tussle in the yard. Thoughts of Emma falling on top of him…the way she felt when she touched him, made him think of things he hadn’t even considered since that day. He shook his head. He had no business thinking things like that. He was a poor excuse for a human being, and he wasn’t staying around. She deserved better than someone like him, and yet…the thought of her marrying someone else bothered him. “Damn.”
“Is there something you want to talk about? I’m a good listener, you know.”
Emma’s voice startled him. “Where did you come from? I thought the house was empty.” He saw her standing near the fireplace. He had been so deep in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed when she had come into the room.
He watched her put another log on the fire. She stood with her back to him watching the flames catch hold of the new log. “I thought I would come down while the house was quiet and bake some cookies. Baking always relaxes me when I’ve got something troubling on my mind. Would you like to join me?”
Was she serious? He searched her face for clues to her intentions and found nothing but honest eyes and a beautiful face. “I don’t cook,” he grumbled. Although, he did find the thought of sharing time with Emma—appealing.
“It isn’t cooking exactly. It’s baking. Are you telling me you’ve never baked anything in your life? Not even as a kid helping your momma in the kitchen at home?” Her look of disbelief amused him, and he decided to play along. He liked the banter between them. But he shouldn’t.
“Never. Not once. Besides, my mother wasn’t the cooking, or baking, type although she did instruct Cook to bake cookies at different times of the year.” A sudden pang of homesickness punched him in the gut and he shot a look toward his brother’s liquor cabinet.
“Well, well. So your family was wealthy enough to have a cook? And I’ll bet you had upstairs maids and downstairs maids along with a butler, a carriage house, and an estate sitting on a well-groomed lawn somewhere.”
How did she know that? “Have you been asking questions about me and my family?” He didn’t know if he was glad or suspicious.
Emma laughed and the sound soothed his nerves. “No, silly. I just assumed since you’d never helped your momma in the kitchen. But, based upon your reaction, it seems my guess was very close to the truth. And you call me a pampered southern miss when in fact it is you that was the spoiled master of all you surveyed. Am I wrong?”
He met her amused gaze and relaxed. She was teasing him again. Why did he like it so much? “While it is true that my father was very successful at breeding horses and could afford a lavish estate with well-groomed lawns near the Hudson River in upstate New York with a paid staff, it is not true that I or my brothers were allowed to be spoiled. Our father was a man of principles. He worked hard and built his fortune through his own sweat and blood and he expected his sons to do the same.”
“Well, then, I wish I could have met your father. What’s the point in giving your children everything they could ever want if they can never appreciate where it came from or what kind of effort it took to get it. Your father was a smart man and a good father. He sounds so much like my own.” Emma offered him a sad smile. “And your mother?”
The uncomfortable pinch of regret hit him deep inside his chest. “She was a beautiful woman. She and my father were so much in love. I…wish I had been home when they…passed.” He hadn’t even bothered to ask Quinn how they died.
“I’d rather not talk about them anymore if you don’t mind. Let’s talk about you. Tell me about your life in Charleston.” He had heard similar stories before. Daughters doted on by wealthy fathers with ostentatious displays of greed and excess.
Emma left the hearth by the fire and came to sit in the chair next to him. He could see that sadness had replaced the humor in her eyes. “What do you want to know?”
“Tell me about your fancy balls and horse races across tobacco fields,” he joked.
“I didn’t have any of those. My family didn’t live in the country. We had a house in town. That’s how I met my friend, Caroline. And then she introduced me to her friends.”
“Tell me about this grand home in the middle of Charleston then. Did you have sweeping magnolia trees with fragrant white blooms and—”
“I know you are poking fun at me, Colin, but I would sincerely appreciate it if you wouldn’t. My family’s life was never the fairy tale you are painting it to be.”
Colin could hear the emotions in her voice, and he saw the barest h
int of a tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I admit I have a tendency to take my humor a bit too far sometimes. Please, forgive me.”
The tear slid down her cheek and he felt like an ass. “I’m so sorry, Emma.” He stood and pulled her to her feet as she wiped the tear away. He held her hands and looked down into her eyes. “Please forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. It’s not your fault. I’m usually not so fragile. I guess it’s just…being so far away from home and trying to find my place in the world. I miss my family something awful…” Her voice trailed off and another tear slid down her cheek.
Colin didn’t know what else to do but comfort her as best he could since it was his careless words that had caused her emotions to surface. He pulled her into his embrace and held her close against him. She didn’t resist as he had feared. Instead, Emma lay her head on his chest, her arms hung limp at her side. Together they stood in silence gathering comfort from each other as best they could. The fire crackled and popped as if to offer its encouragement too.
Colin listened to his brother’s house settle around them. Its creaks and groans embraced them while he held Emma. It was a good feeling to be comforted by something other than a whiskey bottle.
A few more moments ticked by with him holding Emma. Each of them leaning on the other for comfort. Neither said a word. This felt—good. But he knew this couldn’t last forever and he wasn’t even sure he wanted it to. He felt things when he was with this woman. And he shouldn’t. He couldn’t because…he didn’t deserve happiness. Not when he had cheated so many people out of theirs…the voices inside his head reminded him.
Reluctantly, he released her and stepped away. “I’m sorry. I hope you weren’t offended by my forwardness. I was just trying to comfort you.” He stammered his explanation.
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