Death Love Lust

by Aurelia Fray

  Weightless, I was lifted from the cold ground and found myself standing beside the dark entity. Confused, I observed my surroundings and released a sob at what I saw.

  My body was lying on the ground, covered in blood, and Cole was holding onto me as gut-wrenching cries tore from his throat.

  I was dead.

  Chapter One

  Death. Understanding the finality of it was almost incomprehensible. One minute you’re here and in an instant, everything can fall apart. All of your dreams and plans for the future, all ripped away with no chance of tomorrow.

  My life with Cole had been amazing.

  We were young, in love, and never thought anything could pull us apart. Soul mates. That’s what we had been. Six years together. That’s all we were given. We shared a vision for our future; to spend each and every day in each other’s arms until the day we died. Little did we know that one of us would leave so abruptly and that dreaded day would arrive so fast. Our future had been taken from us.

  “I can’t leave him,” I said to the cloaked figure beside me.

  The entity didn’t respond. It turned toward me. The place where its face should have been was just a black mass. Holding out its arm, it pointed down the road.

  Turning my head, I saw what it was motioning to.

  A bright light flashed, causing me to put up my arm and block its rays. Once the light dimmed, I focused on it. It was like a veil was torn through the air. The area surrounding it was still the dark, winter night. But in the center of the hole, light seeped out as tall trees swayed and green grass rippled from the other side. Golden light shown through the veil, standing out in vibrant warmth compared to the cold, winter night surrounding it.

  “What’s that?” I turned back to the hooded thing.

  No answer. It just kept pointing to the light.

  I took a step back. “No. I’m not going.”

  The ambulance that I heard in the distance finally arrived at the scene. Men jumped from the vehicle and approached Cole, who was still clutching onto my lifeless form.

  “I’m not leaving him.” Squaring my jaw, I glared at the cloaked entity. In the back of my mind, I knew who the cloaked figure really was, I was just too afraid to admit it to myself.

  Slowly, it lowered its arm. “You cannot run from Death.” The whispery voice echoed all around me, not coming from any particular direction. But I knew that it had come from the figure. From Death himself.

  “I’m not running. I just…” My gaze landed on Cole. The responders had lifted my body on a stretcher, but I was a lost cause. They surrounded Cole, checking his wounds, and then motioned for him to get in the ambulance. “I’m not ready to say goodbye to him.”

  After Cole was placed in the back of the ambulance, the vehicle drove off, and an eerie silence filled the area.

  As I stood there, surrounded by darkness and death, warmth spread through me and I recalled the sound of Cole’s laughter. His laugh. Damn, I already missed it. Of the two of us, he was the jokester, always cracking jokes and making people smile no matter where he went. I had been the quiet and more reserved one. When I first met Cole, I didn’t have many friends because of my socially awkward man-dorkiness. Being gay, I’d always been afraid of trusting people and letting them get close to me but Cole had changed that. He helped me come out of my shell and really live for the first time in my young life.

  His eyes. Those mesmerizing baby blues were scorched into my memory. The unconditional love that showed through them when he locked gazes with me, the way they would cloud with desire when I touched him; all of these things would always stay in my mind and heart. Forever.

  “Let go,” Death whispered in an icy tone.

  “I can’t. I love him.” A lone tear slid down my cheek as memories flooded me. I’d never be able to hold Cole again, to feel his warmth against me. Never again would I feel his soft lips brush against mine or taste the salt of his skin. His laugh would never again reach my ears and his heart would never beat against mine as we lay wrapped in each other’s embrace. “Please, I need more time.”

  Silence weighed heavily for several moments.

  “Three days. Then, I return to take you.” For the first time, the voice wasn’t a chaotic whisper coming from all directions. It came directly from Death.

  Shocked, I nodded. “Thank you. Will he be able to see me? Touch me?”

  “You will be just a spirit. No real form.”

  So, I wouldn’t be able to touch Cole. I’d just be an invisible presence lingering in the shadows.

  “Yes,” Death spoke, answering my unspoken thoughts.

  Yeah, not creepy at all.

  “Take me to him.” Then, I added, “please.” Not a good idea to piss off Death, especially since he was doing me a favor.

  Death raised a cloaked arm and waved his hand, instantly disappearing into nothing.

  Blinking, I found myself standing in the hospital. White walls connected to white floors greeted me, momentarily blinding me for the second time that night.

  That’s when I heard crying.

  Turning my head, I saw Cole sitting on the hospital bed with his face in his hands as sob after sob overtook him. Scratches and cuts marked his beautiful skin, but he didn’t appear to be too badly wounded. Physically, at least. Emotionally, I knew how much he hurt.

  Approaching the bed, I reached out an arm and attempted to touch his wavy brown hair, but my hand went right through him. I ached to soothe him, to pull him into my arms and never let go. That was impossible, though. I was just a spirit now, and I would never be able to comfort him. Maybe this had been a mistake. Maybe I should have just followed Death to the afterlife and accepted my dire fate.

  “Caleb?” Cole suddenly lifted his head and looked around the room.

  Then his eyes locked on mine.

  Chapter Two

  At that exact moment, a nurse came strolling in the room. “You need to be lying down, hon. You got banged up pretty good.” She walked over to Cole, who was in a state of panic.

  “I just saw him! I swear I saw him!” His blue eyes frantically scanned the room, searching.

  “Shh, lay back. It’s just the trauma. I’m sorry about your friend, but you need to calm down.” As she talked, she injected something into Cole’s IV, causing him to slowly lean back and relax on the bed.

  Cole saw me? How?

  Once the nurse left the room, I walked over and looked down at him. His eyes were closed, but his brow was furrowed as if he were in pain. I’d do anything to touch you just one more time, I thought to myself. Hesitantly, I reached out my arm and caressed my fingers down the side of his face. Once again, my touch went right through him.

  So close, yet so far away.

  “I’m sorry, Cole,” I whispered to him.

  A quiet whimper escaped his lips and he stilled, the medicine wrapping him in a sleepy haze and finally taking him.

  I sat on the edge of the bed and watched him sleep for what seemed like only minutes, when in reality hours had passed. There was never enough time.

  The next day, when the doctor was satisfied that Cole was all right he filled out a prescription for pain medication, and sent Cole home. When he left the hospital, I followed him. I knew that every second beside him was precious and that my time was running out.

  In a few days, I’d have to say goodbye to him.

  Forever.

  ***

  There was no greater pain than watching the love of your life suffer. I thought dying was painful, but it was nothing compared to the sense of hopelessness and sorrow I felt at seeing Cole in such a state of despair.

  The home we had shared together was now broken. No longer a home, but a reminder of what once was and what could have been if the puzzle pieces of life had fallen differently.

  Cole lay in our bed, clutching onto my pillow as tears streamed down his handsome face. “Why’d you leave me, Caleb?” he asked, the pain in his voice slicing through me. “I’m so lost.”


  No matter what I did, Cole couldn’t see me. Maybe he hadn’t really seen me before, and he just thought he had. It could have been a coincidence.

  Eventually his cries turned into a soft sniffle, before he drifted off to sleep.

  He almost looked peaceful as he slept as if all of his troubles vanished and happiness found him once again. A small smile curved the corners of his lips right before he sighed my name. I wouldn’t be able to move on until I knew he was going to be okay.

  Leaving him behind devastated and broken was not an option.

  After watching him sleep for a few hours, I stood and wandered around our house, trying to take in as much as possible before my time in this world ended. Pictures of us from over the years lined the wall of the living room, acting as another reminder of how happy we had been and of the love that had been torn apart.

  Sadness filled my chest as I observed them.

  Parties, vacations, holidays, celebrations; all of them were just distant memories that would soon fade with the passage of time. For him, at least. Memories of him were all I would ever have. I wasn’t sure which one of us had it worse. He lost me in the accident, but I also lost him. For Cole, new memories would be created as he lived his life, but for me, I’d forever be stuck in a state of heartbreak, forever craving something I could never possess again.

  I preferred it that way. I’d rather it be me who had the worst part, instead of him.

  One picture hanging on the wall caught my eye and I smiled. In it, Cole was laughing and looking my way as I lay beside him on the grass. I remembered that day. We made a pallet outside in the backyard because the weather had been incredible. Fall was both of our favorite seasons, so right when the leaves started changing and the crisp air swept through we liked to do as many outdoor things as possible. Cole took that photo of us in typical selfie fashion, with us scrunched close together to fit in the frame. I accidentally smacked my head against his right before he took the picture, so the expression on my face was one of discomfort while his was one of sheer amusement. He found the picture to be hysterical, mostly at my expense, and insisted on framing it.

  Secretly, I loved it.

  Something I never had the chance to tell him. And now I never would.

  Chapter Three

  Six Years Ago

  Freshman year in college. While all of the other guys were out partying and taking full advantage of college life, I was in the library with my nose buried in a book. It was safer that way, being on my own. No one could taunt me or give me hell for being gay, and I didn’t have to justify myself to anyone.

  I was in my own little world where nothing could get to me. Heck, just call me the boy who lived in the damn plastic bubble. And that bubble was about to be popped.

  “Hey, what’re you doing?” a smooth voice asked from in front of me.

  Not even bothering to look at the man who spoke, I answered, “Oh, you know. I’m just hunting elephants.”

  That’s when I heard it. His laugh. It was such a rich and heartfelt sound that caused my heart to skip a beat.

  Lifting my gaze from the book, I looked at him. He had chestnut brown hair that fell in soft waves around his face, stopping in the middle of his ears, with swooping bangs that partially covered his left eye. High cheekbones laid in a perfectly sculpted masculine face that would have put most models to shame. Blue eyes, framed by dark lashes, stared at me with such intensity that my breath hitched in my throat.

  As I stared at him, he returned my gaze, both of us silent as we observed each other.

  I couldn’t explain the feelings stirring inside of me or why I felt that way. In my gut, I knew that the beautiful man in front of me would play a starring role in my life. I didn’t know how I knew, but I did.

  He spoke first. “So, what are you reading?” Pulling out the chair across from me, he took a seat and propped his elbow on the table, waiting for me to respond.

  “Umm,” I stammered out, sounding oh so intelligent. Lifting the book, I showed him. “The Lord of the Flies. I’ve read it before, but it’s one of my favorites. It’s a classic.”

  Nodding, his bangs bounced a little and he ran his teeth across his bottom lip, shooting sparks to my groin. “Isn’t that the book where all those guys are stranded on that island together?”

  “Yes.”

  “Sounds like a kind of paradise to me.” His blue eyes were bright as a smirk formed on his lips.

  Wait, what? What did he mean by that?

  The confusion I felt must have shown on my face because the grin he wore faltered a fraction. Then he changed the subject. “So, what’s your name? I’m Cole.”

  “Caleb.”

  “Well, Caleb, what are you doin’ tucked inside the library on a Friday, when the weather is so damn nice outside?” The grin reappeared on his handsome face.

  “I could ask the same of you.” Why was he talking to me? It wasn’t like I was interesting or anything.

  At my response, Cole lightly chuckled. “Touché. I’m in here because it’s not even halfway through the semester and I’m already failing my British Literature class. I’m an awful reader. Not because I can’t, it’s just ‘cause I think it’s a waste of time.”

  “Reading isn’t a waste of time,” I responded, shyly glancing at him. “It allows you to open your mind and travel to places that you’d never be able to, even if you lived a hundred lifetimes. Books aren’t just filled with words on a page. They’re filled with portals to different worlds, where anything is possible. Kind of like magic.” Damn, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. He thinks I’m a massive loser now.

  Cole surprised me, though. Instead of mocking me like everyone else did when I showed my vibrant colors of epic nerdom, he smiled.

  “Never thought of it like that before.” He stared at me for so long, I had to avert my gaze to something else. “Maybe you could teach me to appreciate this so-called magic sometime, and show me what I’ve been missing out on.”

  Looking back up, I locked gazes with him. “I’d love to.”

  And that’s how it all started.

  From that day on, Cole and I saw each other almost every day. What started out as casual hangouts eventually blossomed into the kind of love that was only spoken of in sappy romance novels that ended with happily ever after. Love conquers all and will always find you in the most unexpected of places. That couldn’t have been any truer.

  I hadn’t just fallen in love with Cole, I had jumped willingly, throwing away all self-doubts and fears that normally held me back. A leap of faith. And not only had he caught me, but he had enveloped me with the purest of love that tore down every barrier I had ever built and showed me that trust was possible and a thing of beauty.

  I thought it was almost poetic that in a place surrounded by books, filled with words of love and magic I had found true love.

  My happy ending.

  Chapter Four

  Present Day

  The book in front of me brought forth the memory of when Cole and I had first met. The Lord of the Flies. How odd that a book such as that had been the key to an undiscovered passion between the two of us, that it would set us on a path that led to unrequited love and eventually devastation. Reaching out my arm, I ran my fingers over the spine of the book, not feeling anything except for the small rustling of air.

  Dejected, I turned and walked off to find Cole.

  It was my second day. Only one day left before I had to leave him permanently. Was I ready? No. I would never be ready to leave him.

  But, when Death returned for me, I would have no choice but to go with him.

  Since my death, Cole hadn’t eaten or drank anything. It was like he had given up on life. He stayed curled up on our bed, his thoughts a billion miles away.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I looked down at him, memorizing every line of his face, the curve of his lips, that damn freckle below his right eye that I loved so much.

  Everything about him was perfect.

  H
is eyes were focused straight ahead, as he continued to grip my pillow, holding it to his chest.

  “I’m sorry I left you,” I whispered to him and leaned down to brush my lips across his.

  However, it was different this time. This time they touched.

  Cole jerked and brought a hand to his lips. “Caleb?” His blue eyes searched and looked right through me.

  At first, I didn’t think he was going to be able to see me. But, after a few seconds, his eyes stopped wandering and landed directly on me.

  Cole’s face paled and his mouth slightly popped open. Clearly unable to believe what he saw, he closed his eyes tightly. “I’m just seeing things. You aren’t really here.” Slowly, he opened them and once again, his gaze found me.

  “Cole, it’s okay. I’m really here.” My voice sounded odd, as if the breeze carried it along. With a shaking hand, I reached for him.

  My hand clasped around his. Finally, I was able to touch him. Kind of. It wasn’t a firm grasp. I seemed to still be somewhat transparent but I was solid enough to feel the warmth and silkiness of his skin on mine.

  “How is this possible?” Cole stared at me incredulously.

  “Anything is possible. Remember?” Honestly, I had no idea why he was able to see me now, when he couldn’t before. Death had told me that I would be invisible the entire time. Just an observer of the living, and not actually among them.

  His eyes filled with tears at my words. “This isn’t one of your fairy tale books, Caleb. If it were, you would really be here and we wouldn’t have ever gotten into an accident.”

  Scooting closer to him, I leaned down and gently pressed my lips against his. The contact was just enough to set my soul on fire, even though my touch wasn’t as firm as I would’ve preferred. But, I was touching him. That’s all that mattered in that moment.

  A soft cry escaped his parted lips as he brought his hands up to grab onto my shirt and pull me closer. “Am I going insane?” he asked against my lips.

  Chuckling, I shook my head. “If you are, then I am too. Maybe we watched Casper one too many times.”