Dead Blondes Tell No Tales

by Denise Swanson

  “You know you look beautiful whatever you wear.” Simon hugged her before tucking her into the passenger seat of the Lexus.

  Skye made a face. Simon was always a gentleman, but she knew she was far from beautiful. She had nice hair, when the humidity was low and it behaved itself, and great eyes. On a good day but she could be called “pretty,” but after less than eight hours of sleep, she was lucky to achieve “doesn’t frighten small children and dogs.”

  As they drove to the restaurant, Simon told her about the wake he had scheduled for that afternoon and evening. The deceased was a popular local man with a big family, which meant there was a lot of work to do preparing for the large crowd that was anticipated.

  Other than McDonald’s and a sandwich shop, the Feed Bag was the only restaurant in town. The owner, Tomi Jackson, had redecorated in 1984, using lots of mauve and brass, and hadn’t touched it since then. Over twenty years of hard wear were catching up with the interior. Rips in the vinyl seats had been repaired with duct tape, and smudges on the walls had been dabbed with a color that didn’t quite match the original paint.

  Skye and Simon snagged one of the last available booths, and both ordered as soon as the waitress appeared. They ate at the Feed Bag at least once a week and knew the menu by heart.

  While they were waiting for their food, Simon said, “I went with Hacker to the police station this morning.”

  “What did Wally have to say about his being attacked?”

  “It was a little strange. I could tell he was interested, maybe even angry, but he didn’t say anything. He just asked Hacker some questions, took a report, and thanked him for coming in.”

  Skye squeezed a lime wedge into her Diet Coke. “I sure wish we could get Wally to tell us what he knows.”

  Simon’s voice was mild, but there was an underlying tone Skye couldn’t quite put her finger on. “Have you tried to talk to him?”

  “No.” She fought to keep her expression neutral. This was dangerous ground. She and Simon had never discussed the “Wally issue,” and she certainly didn’t want to do it now. “I don’t think he’d tell me anything he hasn’t told you.”

  Before Simon could comment, the waitress served their food, and they dug in. Skye steered the conversation to safer topics, and they ended up discussing a trip they were hoping to take to the lake as soon as the weather got nicer.

  When they finished their meal, Simon excused himself to use the restroom. Skye sat back, sipping the rest of her soda and looking around the restaurant. It was nearly twelve thirty, and the place was packed. Most Scumble Riverites ate lunch strictly between the hours of twelve and one.

  Her gaze slipped over the diners until she came to a small table in the corner by the kitchen. It was generally reserved for the restaurant’s owner, who did all of her business from that location, but today a man sat there with his back to the wall.

  Skye squinted, but she couldn’t see his face. He was reading a newspaper that hid all of him but his hands. A huge diamond ring sparkled on his right pinkie.

  Wait a minute. She had seen that ring before. Had the gorilla-masked comic been wearing it? She closed her eyes, thinking back to Monday night. Yes, she could visualize it on his hand as he held the microphone. Then Tuesday she had noticed it glittering on the man standing in the shadows after the fire alarm went off. And last night the Elvis impersonator had had on the same ring.

  Skye wiggled in her seat. This could be the guy behind all the stuff that had been happening. She kept him in her sight until Simon returned; then she slid out of the booth and grabbed Simon’s arm, whispering in his ear, “Don’t turn around, but there’s a man at the table near the kitchen who I think has been hanging around the bowling alley since Monday. Maybe he’s the one after Ruby.”

  Simon took Skye’s elbow, and they started to walk toward the cash register to pay their bill. Suddenly he stopped and turned around, saying loudly, “Just a second. I forgot to leave the tip.”

  Skye turned too, glancing immediately toward the mystery man. The table was empty. She scanned the rest of the restaurant. He was nowhere to be seen. She touched Simon’s arm and said in a low voice, “He’s gone.”

  Simon put a few dollars on the table and moved back to Skye’s side. “How did he get past us?”

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “We were between him and the exit. You need to check the men’s room.”

  “I just came from there,” Simon protested. “People will think I have a bladder problem.”

  Skye gave him a little push. “Go.”

  Once Simon left, Skye approached Tomi Jackson. She was a tiny woman, though her platinum-blond beehive added several inches to her height. Ageless, she had been a part of Scumble River for as long as Skye could remember.

  During busy times, the restaurant owner often doubled as a waitress, and Skye caught her as she approached the kitchen with an order. “Hi, Tomi. Did you see that guy sitting at the back table?”

  “Sure, I waited on him.”

  “Did you notice how he left the restaurant?”

  Tomi looked at her a little strangely, but answered, “He asked me to let him go out through the kitchen. He said he wasn’t feeling well and his car was parked out back. Why?”

  “I thought I knew him from somewhere, but he disappeared before I got over to talk to him.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad. Well, if you see him tell him thanks for me. He left me the biggest tip I’ve gotten since the place opened.” Tomi waved a hundred-dollar bill in the air before returning it to her apron pocket. “He must be a real nice man.”

  Chapter 11

  Of Blondes and Men

  “You can’t go up there. Ruby’s still sleeping.” Bunny stood on the bottom step of the stairway with her arms straight out, blocking their way to her apartment.

  “It’s time she woke up.” Simon gently moved his mother aside.

  “Then I’m going with you.” Bunny followed Simon as he climbed the steps.

  Skye trailed them both.

  He tapped on the door and waited. Nothing.

  “Maybe she left through the outside exit,” Bunny offered.

  Simon didn’t answer, just pounded harder.

  Skye bit her tongue to stop herself from commenting. He was obviously not in the mood for chitchat.

  Finally, after a third round of knocking, the door was flung open, and Ruby stood before them rubbing her eyes. She wore baby-doll pajamas made out of an eye-catching electric-blue stretch lace. “Where’s the fire?”

  Simon’s face darkened, and he snapped. “I don’t know. Did you set another one?”

  For a moment Ruby looked sheepish, but she stood her ground. “I said I was sorry about that. Why did you wake me?”

  “We need to talk. Now.” Simon moved forward.

  “I’m not dressed.”

  “We’ll wait.”

  She started to close the door, but Simon put a foot out. “We’ll wait inside.”

  Ruby grudgingly moved back and allowed them into the apartment, but stopped Bunny. “It’s better if I talk to them alone.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Ruby nodded. “You and I’ll talk later.”

  Bunny patted her friend’s arm and went back down the stairs.

  Ruby closed the door and said to Simon and Skye, “I may be a while.” She started toward the bedroom, words floating over her shoulder: “And I could really use some coffee.” She turned her head toward Skye. “Bring me a cup when it’s ready, hon.”

  Skye ignored the blonde’s request, and tugged Simon over to the sofa to wait for her reappearance.

  A half hour passed, and Ruby still had not come out of the bedroom. Simon was pacing up and down the small living room, which looked like a tornado had gone through it, strewing clothes, shoes, cosmetic
s, magazines, and empty plates and glasses on every possible surface.

  On one of his passes by the couch where Skye was sitting, he gestured to the mess and said, “Bunny likes things tidy, so this mess must be Ruby’s. She’s not much of a housekeeper, is she?”

  Before Skye could ask where he got the idea his mother liked things tidy, Ruby swept into the room and stated, “There’s where you’re wrong. I’ve been married five times, and I always keep the house.”

  Ruby settled onto the chair facing the sofa. She was now dressed in a bright pink jersey. The pants were tight, though otherwise not too outrageous, but the top consisted of a rectangle in front and crisscrossed straps in the back.

  Simon raised an eyebrow at Skye as he joined her on the couch. She shrugged. The woman’s clothes were not their problem.

  Ruby relaxed back into her seat and yawned. “What’s so urgent?”

  Simon growled, but got control of his temper when Skye dug her nails into his thigh. “We want to know what’s going on. It’s obvious someone is after something you have.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Ruby examined her manicure, making a moue of displeasure when she spotted a chip in the hot pink polish.

  “First the incident with the police; then your car is vandalized; this apartment is almost set on fire; and yesterday Hacker was mugged. We may live in a small town, but we aren’t stupid.”

  Ruby continued to avoid their eyes. “I never thought you were.”

  “Then tell us what’s happening,” Skye said, having decided to play good cop. “We just want to help.”

  “There’s nothing to tell.” Ruby picked at an imaginary piece of lint on her pant leg. “I’ve just had a run of bad luck since coming here.”

  Simon grunted. “Does that ‘bad luck’ have a name?”

  “No. I must have broken a mirror or something.”

  Skye got up and knelt by the other woman’s chair, taking her hand. “Ruby, I know you think you can handle whatever the problem is on your own.”

  Ruby nodded.

  “I know you’re a strong, independent person, but everyone needs help at some point in their lives.” Skye paused and looked into Ruby’s eyes. “People are starting to get hurt because of you, and I’m sure that’s the last thing you intended.”

  A single tear rolled down Ruby’s cheek. “I didn’t think they’d bother anyone else.”

  “When it was just your car or a false fire alarm, we could let you deal with whatever is going on by yourself. But yesterday Hacker was attacked. What if today it’s Bunny or one of the children coming for the Easter-egg hunt?”

  Ruby sniffed. “I’ll leave, then everyone will be safe.”

  Simon offered her his handkerchief and said gently, “No, I’m sorry, but they won’t. Whoever is doing this might still think you’re here, or that you left behind what he’s trying to find.”

  “Please, please, tell us what you’re hiding.” Skye squeezed the other woman’s hand.

  “Okay.” Ruby heaved a sigh. “I’m turning them over to the FBI tomorrow anyway.”

  Skye and Simon exchanged an alarmed glance and asked simultaneously, “Turning what over?”

  “Some computer disks that just happened to fall into my possession.”

  Simon ordered, “Tell us from the beginning.”

  “It all started when a friend of mine, Benny, who worked on the cleaning crew in one of the new casinos, got busted by the feds for selling land through the mail.”

  “That’s illegal?” Skye questioned.

  “It is when there’s no land. He put ads in the paper, sent any sucker who answered a slick brochure, and then if they took the bait and wrote him a check, he sent them a fake deed. Most people who bought were yuppies looking for investments, so they never realized all they owned was a worthless piece of paper. Unfortunately for him, someone found out, got the feds involved, and next thing you know poor Benny is back in the slammer.”

  “How can you say ‘poor Benny’?” Skye asked. “He was cheating innocent people.”

  Ruby shrugged. “People with the kind of money to invest like that are never innocent. No one gets rich without screwing someone else.” Ruby shook her head at Skye’s naïveté. “Anyway, this was Benny’s third offense, and he was going away for a long time, so he made a deal with the feds. He would turn over a lot bigger fishes if they let him skate on his jail time.”

  “He stole the computer disks from the casino, right?” Simon guessed.

  “Right.” Ruby smiled. “The casino owners were up to something shady, and Benny figured it out.”

  “What were they doing?” Skye asked.

  “I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.” Ruby crossed her arms. “I was just holding the disks for Benny. Nothing else.”

  “I thought it was almost impossible for a casino to do anything illegal anymore.” Simon’s face was set in hard, tight lines.

  “Like I said, I don’t know the details.” Ruby shrugged. “But you know what they say—invent a better mousetrap and the mouse just gets smarter.”

  “Why didn’t Benny give the disks to the FBI when he made his deal?” Skye demanded.

  “Benny’s been around the block a few times, and he doesn’t trust the government. He gave them to me to hold until he and the feebs could come to a mutually satisfactory agreement. I got a message from Benny yesterday that it was okay to turn them over now.”

  “Then it’s an FBI agent who’s been trying to get the disks?” Simon’s brow wrinkled in disbelief.

  “No. I told the FBI I would turn over the disks on Good Friday—that I couldn’t get ahold of them until that day. Agent Dodd will be here tomorrow morning at eight a.m.”

  “That’s why Wally didn’t arrest you,” Skye deduced. “You had him call the FBI and they told him to let you go.”

  Ruby smiled serenely. “It was purely a delight to see that boy’s expression when he realized he couldn’t put me in jail.”

  “So what did you burn when you set off the alarm?” Skye asked.

  “I didn’t burn anything.” Ruby’s expression was puzzled. “Someone else burned some of my personal correspondence.” She bit her lip. “He must have thought it was from Benny, but it was only a couple of notes from my fiancé.”

  “It must be the casino owner, or more likely one of his goons looking for the disks, but why would they burn your love letters?” Skye questioned.

  “Who knows?” Ruby’s expression turned serious. “How anyone figured out I even had the disks is beyond me. I would never have come here if I thought for a minute I’d put Bunny in danger. We’ve been like sisters for nearly twenty years.”

  “But you must have had some suspicion, since you came a day early and tried to have your hair dyed.” Skye suddenly remembered what her godfather and brother had said during Sunday night’s dinner.

  “I was just being cautious.” Ruby tossed her head. “I figured better safe than sorry.”

  “I wonder if whoever is after you lost your trail, and didn’t realize you stayed at the motor court rather than here Saturday night, and that’s who vandalized the bowling alley.” Skye was starting to put the recent events together.

  “Maybe.” Ruby squirmed in her seat.

  “Who knew you were going to visit Bunny?” Simon asked.

  “The only person I told was my fiancé.”

  “Have you spoken to him lately?” Skye questioned, not liking the way the situation was shaping up.

  “Yesterday. I wanted to know how his daughter took the news of our engagement. He told her the day I left Las Vegas, and I hadn’t been able to catch up with him to find out her reaction before then.”

  “And he hadn’t told anyone where you were?” Skye chewed her lip.

  “No.” Ruby paused. “
Well, he gave his daughter this phone number so she could call me, so we can get to know each other, but he didn’t tell her where I’m at.”

  “Maybe she told someone?” Simon suggested. “It isn’t that hard to get a location if you have a phone number.”

  “There’d be no reason for anyone to even question her.”

  Simon shrugged. “So where are the disks?”

  “It’s best if you don’t know.” Ruby got up and straightened the material of her top. “I’ll give them to Agent Dodd tomorrow morning, and that will be that.” She smiled at Simon. “See, problem’s solved.”

  Chapter 12

  Misery Loves Blondes

  “Did you know about Ruby and the FBI before today?” Skye asked Bunny as they worked setting up the egg-dyeing stations.

  Skye, Simon, and Bunny had discussed whether or not they should shut down the bowling alley and cancel the Easter-egg hunt, but finally made up their minds to go through with it. Bunny had clinched their decision by pointing out that a bad guy among the kids would stick out like a librarian at a book burning.

  “Some of it.” Bunny had been subdued since hearing what Ruby had told Skye and Simon. “I’m glad Sonny Boy had to leave. He was making me nervous pacing around here and grinding his teeth.”

  Simon had reluctantly returned to the funeral home. Ruby had agreed to stay in the apartment until she turned over the disks the next morning.

  “Did Ruby tell you where she hid the disks?” Skye probed.

  Bunny paused and looked over the station she had just set up. Each one would hold five kids and a teen supervisor. Each child would get to dye four eggs.

  “No.” Bunny moved on to the next table. “And I didn’t ask her. Asking too many questions is what gets you into trouble.”

  The women worked in silence while Skye considered what Bunny had said. Finally, she said, “Why didn’t you tell us about Ruby’s predicament?”