Return to Paradise

by Simone Elkeles

Page 12

 

  "We can hug later," Lenny says to me.

  I shake my head. "Dont count on it. "

  Im definitely on Dexs shit list, thats for sure. He shoots me these looks probably designed to make me feel bad, but they dont. After what happened with Maggie, Im done with feeling remorse.

  Dex tells us well be expected to complete a bunch of Victory Bound tasks that have us working together as a team. The first task is a puzzle we have to complete while three of us instruct three blindfolded members of our group on how to organize the pieces. The next task is a maze we have to wind through while attached to each other with rope. Then we have to build a race car using items found in nature. Maggie doesnt look my way the entire time.

  After lunch, Dex leads our group into the woods behind the main office. He stops when we get to a thick oak tree with a small platform nailed to the trunk about a foot off the ground.

  "This is a trust exercise," Dex explains. "Ill split you up into pairs. Each of you will turn your back to your partner while standing up on the platform, then fall into your partners arms. Then well switch who falls and who catches. "

  He pairs Lenny and Trish, then Matt and Erin, then me and Maggie. I stand next to my frowning partner. "Dont look so depressed," I tell her.

  "Im not depressed. Didnt you hear him say this was a trust exercise?"

  "Yeah, so?"

  She shakes her head. "Forget it. "

  Before I can respond, Trish cries out, "Lenny will flatten me! I hope you have medical insurance, Dex. "

  Lenny laughs. "Youre not a lightweight yourself, Trish. If I drop you, will your boobs burst when they hit the ground?"

  Dex holds up his hand, which weve all learned by now is his special signal for "shut up. " "You can all do this, I assure you. Youll be attached by a bungee cord secured to the tree, which will lessen the weight load. Lenny and Trish, you two go first. "

  "No, way, Dex," Trish says. "What if he drops me?"

  "He wont. "

  "How can you be so sure?"

  "Because the entire group is counting on him, and he wont let us down. Right, Lenny?"

  Lennys eyebrows are furrowed in confusion. "Is that some psychobabble bullshit youre using on me?"

  "Yes. Now stand on the platform and attach the bungee around your waist. Show Trish how easy it is. "

  Lenny does as Dex instructs. With the bungee taking the brunt of the weight, Trish has no problem catching him. They switch places, and to our relief Lenny catches Trish and doesnt test his theory about her boobs.

  "Okay," Dex says, moving on. "Caleb and Maggie, you re up.

  FOURTEEN

  Maggie

  step to the edge of the platform, hook the bungee cord attached to the tree around my waist, and look down. Caleb is standing there with his arms out, ready to catch me.

  Suddenly, somehow, this exercise goes beyond whether I believe hell catch me or not.

  Thats why Ive been so angry with him since that night last week . . . the thought brings me up short. I havent been mad at him since just that night. Ive been mad at him for eight months. Since I found out he lied. Since he left without telling me the truth.

  I think of all the things left unsaid . . . all the things I should have said. Theres so much dishonesty between us. I back myself against the tree and wrap my arms around myself. "I cant. "

  "Why not?" Caleb asks.

  Everyone is staring at me, waiting for an explanation. And while I dont want to talk about this in front of the group, Im so tired of the secrets. I desperately want to say what Im feeling right here and now because I might just lose the nerve to say it later.

  I unhook the bungee cord and step off. "I just dont want to do it. "

  "Im not gonna let you fall," Caleb says. "I promise. "

  I look into his piercing blue eyes, which get darker when hes upset.

  "Its not about whether youre going to catch me or not," I tell him. "Its about the accident. "

  Caleb looks wary and confused, and Im pretty sure his mood is about to get even worse when I tell him, "This whole exercise is about trust. The truth is, I dont trust you.

  "This is gettin good," Lenny says, rubbing his hands together. "And all along I thought you two were gettin it on while nobody was watchin. "

  Caleb shoots the guy a glare. "Shut your mouth for once, Lenny, or Ill shut it for you. " His hands are now in tight fists at his side and the muscle in his jaw is twitching. I think hes ready to take Lenny on, but this isnt about Lenny. Its about us.

  Dex holds a hand up, but I dont think Caleb cares.

  "After all weve been through, I think you owe me trust," Caleb says to me.

  He doesnt get it. Oh, how I want him to tell me the truth about the accident on his own. Its the only way we can move past this. I need to move past the lies and deceit.

  Thinking about the accident and all thats happened since makes my body shiver. Ill never be the same physically. Ill always be looked at as a cripple. I wanted to believe Caleb wanted me despite my injuries, but maybe it was just a tactic to encourage me to keep my mouth shut.

  The only person who can bring the truth out in the open is standing here with me now.

  "Face the cold, hard facts, Caleb. You dont trust me, either. " I cant stop now. Tears roll down my face as I walk right up to Caleb and jab my finger at his chest. "You lied to me! You deceived me! The least you could do after we started getting close was be honest. "

  He stares at me, his eyebrows drawn tight over his confused eyes.

  "Tell me the truth about the accident, Caleb. I dare you.

  I see the moment he gets it and stiffens, shocked.

  Caleb shakes his head and steps away from me. "Dont do this. "

  "Tell everyone here what really happened that night. " I open my arms wide and look up at the sky. "Scream it out loud and set us all free from the lies!"

  Lenny holds his hands up as if hes in church. "Hallelujah!"

  Caleb rushes Lenny, and tackles him. And punches him. Lenny punches back. Im scared, and Im screaming for them to stop wrestling, especially because Caleb is a trained wrestler and Lenny doesnt stand a chance against him. In an instant, Damon pulls Caleb off Lenny and starts yelling for Caleb to calm down. Caleb is in a rage now, and Im not sure he can hear anything though his anger.

  "Caleb, get a hold of yourself," Damon orders.

  Caleb breaks free of Damons hold. His hands are in fists, ready to fight. "No!"

  "This isnt about Lenny!" I yell, trying to get his attention. "Its about you and me. "

  Caleb looks at me. His breathing is ragged and his eyes look intense and fierce. Hes not ready to back down, not by a long shot.

  "Im the one who got hit by that car, not you," I tell him. "Dont act like youre the victim here. You made choices I didnt ask you to make. Im not sure anyone asked you to make them. " Im screaming the words, not caring that the entire world can probably hear me. "You think I like limping everywhere I go? I dont. Im the victim! Be honest with me! You didnt care about me enough to trust me. I gave you my heart, but it wasnt enough. " I start to walk away, the leaves crunching hard beneath my shoes.

  "Lets get one thing straight, sweetheart," he says from behind me. "I never asked you to be my girlfriend. "

  I stop and turn back to him. "No, you didnt ask. But you sure did everything in your power to make us a couple. You kissed me by the tree in Paradise Park. You were the one who told me at Mrs. Reynolds house that you wanted to be where I was. You were the one who. . . " My throat feels like theres a lump the size of a baseball inside. "You said what we had was real, but it was all a lie. Admit it. "

  "What do you want me to say, Maggie?"

  "The truth! Thats all Ive ever wanted. "

  "I cant. "

  "Cant or wont?"

  "Whats the difference at this point?"

  I swipe my eyes with the back of my hand because tears are blurring my vision. I dont care at all about our st
unned audience. "Youre nothing but a coward! Every guy in my life has disappointed me. First my dad, now you. "

  He looks at me like Im the enemy. "Im nothing like your dad. Dont insult me by putting us in the same sentence. "

  I give a short laugh. "He left me. You left me. He betrayed me by leaving and never turning back to see if I was okay. You betrayed me by leaving and never turning back to see if I was okay. He lies to me. You lie to me. Youre exactly like him. "

  "You have no fucking clue, Maggie. "

  I continue limping away, heading for the office, or the van, or . . . I dont know where Im headed except that I know I need to get away. Maybe if I put some space between Caleb and me this crushing pain in my heart will subside.

  "Lies are easier to swallow than the truth, Maggie," Caleb yells. He doesnt follow me this time.

  I stop but I dont turn around. "Youre wrong. "

  "The truth is that I didnt want to have anything to do with you when I got released from jail and came back to Paradise. I blamed you for being the reason I went to jail. I blamed you for ruining my life. And even through all the blame and all the resentment, I fell for you. Your damn humming, your damn insecurity, your damn vulnerability . . . and that time you cried in my arms and held onto me like I was your pillar of strength, I was lost because I knew whatever was brewing between us was real. I hated myself for falling for you. "

  "So you left. "

  "What did you want me to do? We had to hide our relationship from your mother, my mom was on drugs, my dad was a damn doormat, and my sister . . . well, you saw her. She looked like death warmed over. "

  "If you just told the truth-"

  "The truth sucks!" Caleb yells, anger and frustration dripping off his words.

  "So youve decided to hide behind the lies, right?" Now I turn to face him across little patches of grass and dirt and leaves. I look him right in the eye. Im not backing down.

  Tense seconds tick by.

  Caleb pounds his fist hard into the tree trunk. His knuckles are bleeding from the force, but he doesnt seem to notice as he storms up to me.

  "The truth is that I didnt hit you with that car! I went to fucking jail for a whole fucking year for something I didnt fucking do! And you know what? It sucked. I resented every moment in juvie because I wasnt supposed to be there in the first place!"

  His eyes go wide, his breathing is fast and furious. He turns around and focuses his attention on an outwardly shocked Damon, then scans the other members of our group, all of whom are equally shocked.

  Caleb squeezes his eyes shut and winces, as if he wants to take back every truthful word he just spouted. When he opens his eyes, theres no emotion in them anymore. Hes masked it.

  "Happy now?" he growls.

  FIFTEEN

  Caleb

  f my life wasnt complete shit before, its definitely shit now. I just gave away the secret I promised to take to the grave. I betrayed my twin sister, and myself, all because I couldnt stand the way Maggie looked at me as she peered down from that damn platform. Her eyes were like glass, and the disappointed furrowing of her eyebrows made me want to scoop her up and take her to a place where nobody would deceive her or hurt her. A place where even I couldnt hurt her.