“You, too?” she asked.
“Hell yeah.”
“Like with what?”
He clenched his teeth and then squinted as he thought about the circumstances of this last mission and the fucked up intel. He could have lost Fort. Hell, they all could have died.
“Forget it, you don’t need to tell me anything.”
“It’s not that. It’s, well, this last mission. I can’t seem to get it out of my head. The others can’t either. Between the shit we saw and how the intel was fucked up…sorry, it was a mess and things could have gotten worse. It pisses me off that Fort was shot, but we all could have taken bullets, it was that crazy.”
“Is it usually so intense and dangerous?” she asked, sounding concerned.
He stepped closer, put his hands on her hips, and looked down into her eyes.
“It’s always dangerous, even the simplest missions could go a muck. It’s what we do though, I understand that, but this time things were different somehow. There’s a lot I can’t explain, but I get what you’re feeling. How you’re more than likely analyzing every remark we make, every move and comment, and trying to decipher if it’s real or not, if we’re honest. You may even be comparing us to him,” he said and felt sick to his stomach. He hated the guy. Would hate him even if he wasn’t a dick who hurt her, because he was a man who had her, and who she obviously loved and was betrayed by.
“I’m not comparing you or the others to him. I’m trying to be careful.”
“Because he may come looking to take you back and you still have feelings for him?”
She didn’t answer immediately and his concern, his jealousy, went up a notch until she looked up into his eyes and he saw the tears in them. When she whispered, her voice cracked.
“He’s a bad person, Breaker. Capable of terrible things. I don’t doubt that one day he’ll show up. I would be fooling myself, and I guess that’s part of why I’m holding back with you, Fort, Lux, and Scout.”
“Part of the reason?” he asked and stroked her hips. She laid her hands against his chest and eased them up and down. He felt his dick harden and his body ache for her.
“He said and did things that I just can’t forget, or put out of my head, and those things dictate decisions I make. It’s out of my control.”
“It doesn’t have to be. Maybe if you talk about them?”
She shook her head. “Do you talk about the horrible things you’ve seen that have given you a different perspective on the world, on people you meet?” she asked him. He thought about that.
“I’ve seen some pretty despicable things, but I know, or at least I hope, that I never meet or friend someone capable of such acts like those I’m thinking about.”
“But you see, you don’t know. There could be someone that you trust. Someone that should be there to protect you and watch over you and keep you safe, and really they’re not who they said they were or pretended to be. When you figure it out, and it’s too late, the damage is done, there’s no place to turn to and to trust. A place of safety, of truth, no longer exists. That’s where I’m at right now. That’s what I’m fighting,” she said to him. He slid his hand to her cheek and cupped it.
“I want you to trust me, to trust my brothers, my team. I want to know what this man did to you, so I can help you heal and move on and not feel the need to have a wall up, and to fight what is true, and real, and special. How can I help you, Mercy? How? Tell me please, because I love having you with me, and sharing your company with my brothers, too. It makes us feel complete, and we want more of that.”
She shook her head. “I wish I knew, Breaker. I wish I didn’t have nightmares. I wish I didn’t go over the circumstances of what happened and try to fix it, or think of ways I could have changed it, yet I know it wouldn’t matter. He did what he did. I did what I was forced to do, and what I escaped from and despite being free, he still has a hold on me I can’t sever. I have to figure out how to do that.”
“Well, for starters, you can stop fighting what’s happening between the five of us. You can let down that guard and maybe challenge some of the fears or barriers standing in the way of you achieving full freedom. I’ll be here for you. When you’re ready to tell your story and confide in someone, you can trust.”
She slid her hands up his chest and hugged him. He pressed one leg between her legs and held her close.
“I should head inside.”
He pulled back but didn’t release her. “We’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked.
“We’ll see,” she said, and then he walked her to her door, watched her go inside and waited to hear the lock engage and then headed to his truck.
Maybe slow was exactly what they all needed. What he knew was that she was worth fighting for, that was a definite indeed.
Chapter Five
“So are you heading there today?” Cherokee asked Mercy.
Mercy ran her hand along the porch railing and then looked at Cherokee sitting on the lounge chair sipping ice tea. She looked a lot better, and seemed happy now.
“I don’t think so. Laci, Bo, Kendra, and Sam want to go see the races today. I think Scout, Breaker, Lux, and even Fort might go so Fort can get out a bit.”
“Oh…so you’re going to pretend to just happen to be there so you can bump into them?”
“No,” Mercy said and then looked away.
“Mercy, you like them so much. Why can’t you just accept them as your guardians, as your men?”
“I just can’t.”
“You like them and like when they hold you and kiss you or spend time with you, right?”
“None of that is the problem.”
“Then what is?” Cherokee asked.
Mercy looked at the closed door to the sliders and could see that no one was in the kitchen or nearby. Which was surprising, because Spartan, John, Brye, Nolan, and Hans were always around Cherokee and watching over her.
“Hans is right by the side of the house trying to fix the faucet for the hose so I can water the garden,” Cherokee said as if reading Mercy’s thoughts.
Mercy walked closer and took a seat on the lounge chair next to Cherokee.
“Talk to me, honey. We’re friends, hell, you’re my best friend and can trust me. What holds you back from taking a chance with them?”
She was hesitant and then whispered, “Fear.” She looked toward the side of the house where Hans was, and now she saw him working there. He glanced up and smiled at her and Cherokee, well Cherokee, and then looked back down at what he was doing. She liked how attentive the men were to Cherokee and how much they seemed to care about her.
“Fear that this ex of yours could come looking to take you back?” Cherokee asked.
“He will come looking to take me back. I wouldn’t be stupid enough to believe he wouldn’t.”
“Then you need guardians and to take precautions. Scout, Breaker, Lux, and Fort will protect you,” Cherokee told her.
She stared at Cherokee, not really able to say what she was feeling, what the problems were. Cherokee had almost been raped, it was pretty damn close, and by a man she didn’t really know, one she never dated. Mercy was raped, assaulted, struck reputedly by a man she thought loved her as much as she loved him. That deep betrayal was just too thick to overcome right now. Danger or not, she just couldn’t take this chance with the men. With any, even though her body seemed to be comfortable with their touches.
“This ex of yours hurt you pretty damn badly. What did he do, Mercy? Hit you, put you down, manipulate you?” Cherokee asked.
Mercy swallowed. She played with her fingernails and then looked back toward where Hans had been and she could see him. He wasn’t in earshot, and the sliders were still closed, the windows, too. No one would hear their conversation.
“All of the above, and then some, Cherokee,” she whispered. She was getting emotional, and also getting frustrated.
Cherokee reached out and covered Mercy’s hand with hers.
“I’m
here for you. No matter what happened, all I care about is my best friend being happy and having what I have. Men that will love you, care for you, cherish you, and never strike or harm you. My men, the commanders, say that your men are just like them. Scout, Breaker, Lux, and Fort are reliable, trustworthy, strong, and capable men. Their eyes are set on you, Mercy. They want to do whatever they can to make you happy and for you to accept them.”
“I know,” she said, her voice cracking.
“I don’t want to doubt their characters, to compare them to the man I loved and who betrayed me, but you don’t understand what stands in the way. Why I’m resistant and unable to let them close like that.”
“Then tell me why. What happened?”
She shook her head. Tears flowed and she sniffled.
“Awe honey, you are hurting so badly. You need to move on and put this man behind you. Take the necessary precautions, take as long as you need to get to know the men and learn to trust them.”
She wiped her eyes. “I used to be so strong, so independent and capable. His actions, what happened even changed me in that way, too.”
“You weren’t always quiet and soft spoken?” Cherokee asked.
“I was quiet but if provoked, I reacted.”
“Kind of like going after Jessy for revenge?” Cherokee teased.
“Hey, I feel really badly about that, and maybe if I hadn’t focused on that I would have been able to help you.”
“Don’t be silly. It was very funny, up until that monster grabbed me, of course.” Cherokee shivered.
“Are you still having nightmares?” Mercy asked.
“I am, but they aren’t as bad because one if not all of my men are there or nearby. I don’t seem to have them as strongly when one of them holds me at night.”
“That’s nice,” Mercy said, and then remembered falling asleep next to Fort that one time. She had been surprised that she hadn’t woke up gasping from a nightmare, but it was a short nap.
“I fell asleep next to Fort one day. I was exhausted because the night before I couldn’t sleep a wink.”
“And?”
“And it was incredible. I felt safe, comfortable, and…”
“And you wanted more?”
“And I knew I couldn’t handle more. That it had been a mistake. That letting them kiss me, hold me, caress my skin, or get close is not a good idea because nothing more than that can happen. I won’t be able to handle it, Cherokee. I mean if they try to touch me, intimately I—”
Tears flowed and she covered her face with her hand.
Cherokee slid to the edge of her seat and drew Mercy into a hug.
“You’re ex, did he sexually assault you? Did he use sex to dominate and control you?” she whispered, and Mercy was shocked. She started to sob as Cherokee held onto her.
“He raped me, Cherokee. He hurt me so badly I couldn’t walk for days. Days.” She couldn’t breathe and started to hyperventilate.
“Easy breaths, honey. Easy now.”
When Mercy looked at Cherokee and saw her expression of compassion and care, she felt a sense of relief having told her what Canton had done.
“No wonder you’re so scared. Of course if the men touched you intimately you would have reservations after experiencing such trauma and disrespect,” Cherokee said and caressed Mercy’s hair from her cheek.
“But obviously you got away,” she continued. “You didn’t accept what he did, his control, his manipulation, and abuse, and instead you took off to be free, and to be safe, and thank goodness your brother is here.”
“Channing doesn’t know, Cherokee.”
“What? Why not?”
“I was embarrassed, and it hurts so badly. I’m just trying to put it behind me and to not fear that Canton will come looking for me.”
“You think he will, Mercy?”
“Yes.”
“Then you need Channing, and you need Scout, Breaker, Lux, and Fort, too. They care so much about you already.”
“I know that, but I’m broken, Cherokee. I’m not that strong woman I used to be. The wild one, the one ready for action and to fight to be recognized for my abilities and talents. I’m different and I can’t get back that person I used to be.”
“That’s silly. You’re the same woman, but stronger than before.”
“Stronger? How? I can’t even get involved with another man. I’m afraid of Canton and what he will do when he comes here to find me.”
“No, you’re a survivor, Mercy, just like I am. We overcame obstacles, violence, and fought to be free. We have battle wounds, scars that run below the skin, that we only deal with alone, yet somehow find comfort in certain people’s presence or embrace. You find comfort and security in their arms. That’s special and not something to take lightly. You need to find that person you were before all the violence and the pain and take back all the things you loved about that person. Do away with the weaknesses, and the mistakes, and start anew. Expand upon the person you are now, and take back your life.”
Mercy stared at Cherokee and digested her words of wisdom, taking them to heart and starting to feel something brewing in her gut. A fight was stirring. An energy she thought she lost a year ago.
“Take you time with the men. They’ll wait until you’re ready. I’m here for you if you want to talk more or bounce off some ideas or get back on track, and to not feel so out of control and helpless. I’m hoping to overcome some of my own fears and obstacles this week.”
“What would that be?” Mercy asked.
“I’m going to go back into work for half a day on Monday. I haven’t spoken to the guys about it yet. Tonight I will.”
“Are you sure you’re ready?”
“I’m ready and I want to see the kids. They’ve been sending such beautiful cards and treats and things. The bruises on my face don’t look so bad, and I think I, too, need to overcome some fears.”
Mercy smiled. “Good for you, Cherokee, and thank you for the pep talk and the idea.”
“What idea?” Cherokee said, squinting.
Mercy smiled. “Oh, just something to light a match under my toosh, and perhaps make me a little else of a worry-wart and more like the daredevil I once was.”
“Oh boy, why does that sound like I may be getting into trouble for this pep talk?”
Mercy chuckled. She had a plan of action to try and find that go-getter, tough girl she used to be. Now she had to do a little recon and get her shit together. She needed help from Channing.
* * * *
“Where is she?” Fort barked as he tried to get comfortable in one of the seats in the stands around the obstacle course. The races were going on and it was getting dark. They were adjusting the track, bringing in the more dangerous jumps and obstacles that were a tight fit. Cars were crashing left and right, and suddenly one burst into flames. Everyone stood up, gasping, and then the driver emerged unscathed as men put the fire out with extinguishers.
“God damn that’s the most dangerous track they’ve ever had here. That’s like the fifth crash,” Philippe said to them.
“Anyone driving on that course is crazy,” Thor said, and other men, their friends, agreed.
“Nothing like a bunch of psycho soldiers trying to prove shit,” some guy added.
“Hey, over there. It’s Bo, Kendra, Laci, and Sam. Shit that’s Cherokee with the commanders, too,” Lux said and smiled.
“I’ll be damned,” Scout said, and they waved over to them as they headed straight toward the guys. Fort was looking for Mercy.
“Hey, guys. This is crazy stuff. I can’t believe anyone would want to drive that course,” Laci said, greeting them.
“Where’s Mercy?” Fort asked.
“We don’t know. She said she would meet us here.”
“Maybe she’s with Channing? He isn’t here either,” Bubba said before offering his chair to Bo. She smiled shyly and Fort wondered if they liked her. She was petite and very pretty.
“Ladies and gentlema
n, it’s time for the masquerade challenge and stunt race.” The announcer started to introduce the highlighted event. It was where anyone could enter to challenge the current finalists in the race, but they needed to do crazy stunts and speedy daredevil moves to win.
“Now these are the real nut jobs of the racing event. They have no fears, that’s for shit sure,” Philippe stated.
“That’s true. You remember Corey did it last year and nearly got himself killed trying to win. Screw that,” Bubba added, and they all talked about how crazy of an event this was but how so many soldiers attempted it out of dares or to try and get an adrenaline rush.
There were six contestants only this year, more than likely out of fear from last year’s tricky and dangerous obstacle course. As the engines roared, the first person took the course and everyone cheered and carried on for them. It seemed they were inexperienced as they took the course slowly and the crowd booed them. The announcer made jokes, and finally the driver ended his run.
The second guy was faster and bit more brazen, taking the turns quickly and then taking the jumps a little slowly. The crowd cheered, and Fort looked around for Mercy and Channing, but didn’t see them. He pushed himself to come out tonight despite the aches and pains and how tired he still was. He hoped to see Mercy and then spend some time with her and his team. Maybe she wasn’t coming after all.
As the contestants continued, they got more daring and wilder. The third and fourth contestants crashed midway, and the fifth contestant went the fastest and the crowd cheered and roared at how crazy that driver was and they felt they were the best so far. Then the announcer announced the sixth and final driver. A jeep with roll gates and netting came up to the starting line roaring its engine, then honked its horn, making a sound more like the tune to music than a horn honking, and the crowd cheered.
“Check out this guy. I think he’s challenging the last driver. Wonder if he’ll crash and burn,” Bubba said.
“I wonder if he’ll avoid that double jump and curve like the others did. That would be super impressive if he tried them,” Philippe stated. They all watched, Fort included, getting pulled into watching. As the flag came down the jeep took off full speed, hitting the jumps first and then turning, sliding and revving the engine, spinning into a circular motion before jumping the next two hills. It was pretty damn obvious to all of them that this driver not only was talented, but out of his mind as he took the double jumps then spun to the right, taking the turn at full speed, nearly going onto two wheels before hitting the next ramp, flying through the air and hitting the next turn. Everyone was cheering and screaming. The soldiers chanted at the driver and oohs and ahhs echoed throughout the place. The driver kept going and going, making the crowd scream and chant for more. The announcer was beside himself laughing, cheering, and wanting to see who the masked driver was that definitely took first place tonight.
Sons of Justice 2 The School Teacher Page 9