Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  After several moments, Mollie pulled her right thumb into her mouth, sighed, and then began to suck on it in her sleep.

  Laura smiled as she gazed down at the beautiful baby. She waited a few more moments and then padded out to the hallway to use the bathroom with a lantern in hand. When she came out, she glanced down the hallway. Allen’s bedroom door was open. She took a step toward the stairwell and spotted a light downstairs. It moved, as if someone carried a lantern. A level of alarm buzzed through her. Was Allen okay?

  She stepped into Mollie’s room, pulled on Savilla’s pink terry cloth robe, and covered her hair with a matching scarf before walking down the stairs.

  When her feet hit the bottom step, she glanced toward the front door. It was open, leaving the screen door as her only protection from the dark night. As she looked around the family room, she felt a sudden, razor-sharp edge of unease. It tasted like panic.

  “Allen?” she called, her voice trembling. “Allen? Are you there?”

  “Ya.” His voice sounded from the front porch. “I’m out here.”

  She blew out a trembling puff of air as she stepped outside. Allen sat on the porch swing clad in a pair of trousers and a white undershirt. A lantern by his bare feet cast a soft yellow glow on his face, and the humid air held a faint scent of rain.

  He gave her an embarrassed smile as he looked up at her. “Did I wake you?”

  “No, I was up with Mollie, but I got her back to sleep. Are you okay?”

  “Ya. I just needed some air.”

  “Oh.” She shifted her weight from one bare foot to the other as she held on to the door handle. Should she go back inside and give him his privacy?

  “Would you like to sit?” He patted the seat beside him. “There’s room on the porch swing for you.”

  “Okay.” She gently closed the door and then sat down beside him, turning off her lantern and setting it on the floor. “Are you okay?”

  “Ya. Sometimes I just can’t turn off my thoughts.”

  She turned toward him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  He lifted his eyebrows as he faced her. “You really want to know?”

  “Why would I ask if I didn’t want to know?”

  He paused, and she held her breath, regretting asking such a personal question.

  “Sometimes I’m numb, and other times I’m drowning in grief, wondering if I can take another breath without her.” His voice shook and his eyes misted.

  She swallowed against what felt like sandpaper in her throat. An overwhelming urge to comfort him grabbed her by her shoulders. “Do you think talking to mei dat would help you?”

  “I don’t know.” He turned toward the front lawn, which led out to the main road. “Maybe.”

  They sat in silence for several moments, and she fiddled with the belt tied around her waist. A mixture of grief and exhaustion emanated from this man, and she longed to take away his pain.

  As the silence stretched between them, she searched her mind for something to say. When nothing special came to her, she just started talking. “Jamie’s haus is done.”

  “Really?” His expression brightened. “I didn’t realize he was that close to finishing it.”

  “I know. It seems like he just broke ground, but it went fast. He’s going to get the appliances this week and then move the furniture in on Saturday.” She stared down at the tie to the robe as she went on. “I’m going to move into his old room, which seems so strange. I’ve always shared a room with Cindy. I guess I never really considered this day would come so quickly, but he’s been with Kayla for a year now. Mark thinks Jamie is going to propose to Kayla soon. The wedding could even be this fall. I guess it makes sense since they’re froh together, and now he has a haus. Why wouldn’t they get married, right? But it will be so strange having a wedding without Mamm here.”

  She took a quick breath and went on.

  “I’m really glad Jamie found Kayla. He’s been alone for so long. Mark always teases him that he’s almost thirty, when he’s only twenty-six, but I think he met Kayla at the perfect time. God’s timing is always perfect, right?”

  When she realized she was babbling, she looked up and found him looking at her. She’d expected she was boring him, but his expression was full of interest. To avoid his stare, she looked out toward the road as a warm mist of rain kissed her face.

  “How did you meet Rudy?” he suddenly asked.

  “We’ve always known each other. We went to school together, and we’ve been in the same church district and youth group. We were freinden, and he asked me to be his girlfriend after I was baptized.”

  “And you’ve been together four years?”

  She nodded. “Ya.”

  “Have you discussed marriage?”

  Without thinking, she snorted. Then she clapped her hand over her nose and mouth.

  “I’m sorry. I had no right to ask you that. That’s much too personal.”

  “It’s okay.” Laura paused while considering how to respond to the question. A part of her wanted to confess her doubts about Rudy, and even longed to ask Allen his opinion about how Rudy avoided the subject of a future with her. But discussing something so personal would be inappropriate. Allen wasn’t her best friend, but she suddenly felt so comfortable with him. Perhaps it was because they both missed Savilla so much?

  Taking a deep breath, she confessed the thoughts that had haunted her for months, but had come to the surface in the last couple of weeks. “We’ve never discussed the future. In fact, the few times I’ve brought it up, Rudy has changed the subject. Sometimes I feel like he’s too afraid to even consider a future with me.” When she finished speaking, an invisible weight lifted from her shoulders.

  Allen shook his head and then looked away. A staggering desire to read his thoughts burned through her.

  “What are you thinking?”

  He leaned back on the swing, and his leg brushed hers. “I knew I wanted to marry Savilla the moment I met her in person. We’d been writing letters for about a year.”

  “I remember that.”

  His expression softened. “I don’t understand stringing someone along for four years, especially someone as sweet, kind, generous, and schee as you are.”

  She sniffed as tears stung her eyes.

  His face contorted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad.” He started to reach for her hand, but then stopped. “It’s not my place to interfere in your relationship.”

  “You’re not interfering.” Her voice sounded thick even to her own ears. “You just confirmed what I’ve been thinking but have been too afraid to say out loud.”

  He frowned. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I should have kept my opinion to myself.”

  “No, you did what I wanted you to do. You told me the truth. That’s what freinden do, right?”

  “Ya.” He nodded, but sadness and regret seemed to fill his eyes.

  “You should get some sleep. I stayed over so you could rest.” She took up her lantern and stood. “How about I make you some warm milk?”

  “It won’t help. I can’t turn off my brain at night.”

  “Why?”

  “Nothing for you to worry about.” He gave her a smile that seemed more forced than genuine.

  “Okay.” She respected his need for privacy, but worry continued to thread through her. She hoped someday he’d open up, ready to tell her what was burdening his heart and his thoughts.

  Without thinking, she held out her hand. “Come upstairs. You need your rest.”

  He stared at her hand and then took it before standing. They stared at each other for a moment, and Laura felt something pass between them. Their friendship felt deeper, more meaningful, and an unexpected tremor, like the one she’d felt this morning, shivered through her.

  She released his hand and pulled open the front door, desperate to put some space between them.

  He’s Savilla’s widower, and you’re Rudy’s girl
friend. Don’t get too close to him!

  She entered the house and Allen closed and locked the front door behind them. She started up the steps, and soon his footsteps echoed behind her. When they reached the second floor, she swiveled toward him.

  “Gut nacht,” she said.

  “Gut nacht,” he echoed before stepping into the master bedroom and closing the door.

  She tiptoed into Mollie’s bedroom and peeked into the crib. Mollie was still asleep. As she climbed into bed, Laura whispered a prayer, asking God to help Allen sleep too.

  NINE

  On Friday morning, Allen hung his hat on a wall peg in the mudroom and smiled as a sweet voice filtered in from somewhere inside the house.

  “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine . . .”

  He walked through the kitchen and came to a stop in the doorway to the family room. Laura was singing and rocking Mollie.

  “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine . . .” Her eyes were closed as she held Mollie against her chest and rocked back and forth. “Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.”

  Her beautiful voice filled his ears and curled through him, settling deep in his soul. Leaning against the doorframe, he took in the serene scene as his chest ached with a mixture of appreciation and fondness for Laura.

  For the first time since Irma Mae’s fall, he was rested and relaxed. Laura had stayed overnight again last night, and he had slept for almost seven hours. He woke up once, but then he managed to go back to sleep. Laura told him Mollie had only awakened her once during the night, but she was able to calm her and get her back to sleep. Laura had a gift when it came to caring for Mollie, and Allen was grateful for her help.

  Today Laura wore a purple dress and black apron. Cindy had stopped by yesterday to drop off clothes for her. Cindy had also taken Savilla’s dresses and aprons since they were the perfect length for her. And with his permission, the two women had discreetly packed away Savilla’s shoes, purse, and other garments. He trusted Laura to know what to do with them. He also appreciated her offer to determine if Mollie might want an article of her mother’s clothing as a keepsake.

  Allen, of course, would keep items that meant the most to him, like the framed picture of a rose, believing they would one day be meaningful for his daughter too.

  Laura’s eyes fluttered open, and she gasped when she turned and saw Allen. “I didn’t know you were standing there.” She stopped rocking and swiveled toward the clock on the wall. “Ach, no. It’s almost twelve. I haven’t even started your lunch. I’m so sorry.”

  Mollie stirred, and Laura sat her on her lap. When Mollie whimpered, Laura handed her a bottle, and his daughter immediately began to drink from it.

  “It’s fine.” He held up his hands to reassure her as he stepped into the room. “I just wanted to tell you Milton called to tell me Irma Mae is feeling stronger and has been asking about Mollie. I want to take her to see Irma Mae this afternoon. I already closed my shop and hung a sign telling customers I’m closed for the rest of the day. Since you’ve been stuck here since Wednesday, you’re welcome to have the afternoon off.”

  “Oh.” Laura paused. “Would you mind if I went with you to see Irma Mae?”

  “You’re welcome to come, but you don’t have to. I can handle Mollie.”

  “I know you can, but I’d love to see Irma Mae. She’s been like my second mother since Savilla and I were kinner.” Her face seemed hopeful. “Would it be okay if I tagged along?”

  “Of course it would.”

  “Great. I’ll make our lunch.” She started to stand.

  “You sit and relax. I’ll make lunch for us.”

  She studied him. “Are you sure?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “I can make sandwiches.”

  “I bet you could make a casserole too.” She grinned.

  He snickered. “You’re still enjoying taunting me about that.”

  “I think I always will. And it’s gut to hear you laugh.”

  The gleam in her eye sent a strange sensation racing through his veins. He stilled as confusion washed over him. No, he was mistaking his feelings. She was his friend, his very good friend, and that was all.

  Laura rubbed Mollie’s back as his daughter drained the bottle.

  He pointed toward the kitchen. “Lunch is coming up.”

  The aroma of bleach overwhelmed Laura’s senses as she pushed Mollie’s stroller toward Irma Mae’s small room at the end of a long hallway in the rehabilitation center. Mollie had taken a short nap on the way there, but she was awake now.

  “Dat?” Allen called as they entered and saw an empty hospital bed. The whole space looked unoccupied. “Mamm?”

  “We’re over here. By the window,” Milton responded on the other side of a curtain.

  Allen gestured for Laura to go first, and she pushed the stroller past the curtain to where Irma Mae sat in a recliner beside another bed. Milton was next to her in a chair, a newspaper in his hands.

  “Mollie!” Irma Mae smiled, and Mollie squealed in response. “I’ve missed you.”

  Mollie reached for her. “Mmmmmmm-Ma! Ma!”

  “How are you feeling?” Laura unsnapped the stroller belt and lifted Mollie into her arms.

  “It’s been painful, but I’ll make it through.” Irma Mae sighed.

  “Mei fraa is tough.” Milton gave her a smile full of pride and adoration. “She can handle it, and she’ll come out stronger.”

  “Oh, Milton.” Irma Mae waved off his comment.

  Laura’s heart warmed at the love and respect Milton and Irma Mae held for each other. Would she ever have that kind of deep relationship with Rudy?

  Mollie whined again and reached for Irma Mae. “Mmmmmmm. Ma-ma-ma!”

  “She’s been calling for you ever since you got hurt.” Allen stepped over to Mollie.

  “Ma-ma-ma!” Mollie squealed.

  “Do you want to hold her?” Laura moved closer to Irma Mae and then hesitated. “I don’t want her to hurt you.”

  “Why don’t I hold her on my lap, and you can talk to her?” Milton suggested as he folded the newspaper and set it on the window ledge beside him.

  “That’s a gut idea.” Allen took Mollie from Laura and handed her to Milton.

  “How are you, Mollie?” Milton asked before kissing her on her head. “Ach, she reminds me so much of Savilla at this age.”

  “Ya, I know.” Irma Mae sniffed as she touched Mollie’s leg, her eyes brimming with tears.

  Laura turned toward Allen. Leaning his shoulder against the wall, he stared down at the floor and wiped at his own eyes. Beneath lowered eyelashes, they seemed to sparkle with grief. She fought the urge to comfort him, but instead she gripped the stroller’s handle.

  “Laura, why don’t you sit on the bed?” Milton suggested.

  “Danki.” She sat down on its edge. “How is your physical therapy going?”

  “It’s been hard, but they insist I’m getting stronger.” Irma Mae touched Mollie’s hand. “They said my leg and hip seem to be healing well, but I can’t tell a difference. I just know they hurt.”

  “Is there anything I can do for you, Dat?” Allen offered.

  “No, danki.” He spoke while keeping his eyes on his granddaughter. “I’m doing fine. I care for the animals in the morning and then when I get home from visiting Irma Mae.” Milton pivoted toward Allen. “How are you doing with Irma Mae out of commission?”

  “Laura is taking gut care of both of us.” Allen nodded toward Laura. “She’s making sure I’m sleeping and eating right, and she’s doing a great job with Mollie.”

  “Oh ya?” Irma Mae raised her eyebrows as her gaze bounced between Laura and Allen. “Am I out of a job?”

  “No, no.” Laura shook her head as her cheeks warmed. “Mollie misses you terribly. I know she’ll be thrilled when you’re back. But please take your time healing. My family is supportive of my working for Allen for as long as he needs me.”

  “I think I�
�m going to be here awhile.” Irma Mae frowned. “I have to learn to walk again, and it will be a couple of months before I can even lift her.”

  “There’s no hurry,” Allen said. “Laura will make sure Mollie and I have what we need.”

  They visited with Irma Mae and Milton for an hour, and then Mollie started whining and rubbing her eyes.

  “I think she’s ready for a nap,” Irma Mae said. “You should get her home.”

  Allen picked up Mollie, set her in the stroller, and fastened the belt. Mollie leaned back in the seat and stuck her thumb into her mouth.

  “Danki for bringing her here to visit.” Irma Mae sighed. “I’ve missed her so much.”

  “We’ll bring her back before too long,” Allen promised. “Take gut care of yourself.” He shook Milton’s hand and then Irma Mae’s.

  “I hope you feel better soon,” Laura said before she pushed the stroller out of the room, following Allen into the hallway. “She looks well.”

  “Ya, she does.” Allen nodded as they moved past an aide pushing a man in a wheelchair. “I think she has a long way to go before she’ll be herself, though.”

  “I do too, but I think Mollie really brightened her day.”

  “She did.” Allen gave her a sideways glance as they turned down another hallway and walked toward the entrance.

  Allen held the door open for Laura and then made a sweeping gesture for her to walk through it. “Mollie looks worn-out. Let’s get her home before she has a tantrum.”

  “Okay.”

  Laura rode in the back of the van with Mollie while Allen sat up front and chatted with his driver. When they reached the house, Allen paid for the ride and then carried a sleeping Mollie into the house. Laura hefted the diaper bag over her shoulder and lifted the stroller up the back porch steps.

  She left the stroller in the mudroom and the diaper bag in the kitchen, and then she stood in the doorway to the family room as Allen placed Mollie in the play yard. He stared at his daughter as she snuggled down and sucked on her thumb.

  He smiled when he joined her in the kitchen.

  “She’s fast asleep. I thought she might wake up, but she’s comfortable.”

  “Ya, she is.” She smiled up at him as he rubbed at his beard. “Do you want me to come tomorrow?”