Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  They sat in a tense silence as the sound of the cicadas filled the porch. Her mind raced with disappointment and anger as Rudy’s words echoed through her mind.

  “You have no reason not to trust me,” she finally said, her voice hoarse with frustration. “I’m only helping Allen until Irma Mae is better. No one will doubt the reason I’m at his haus.”

  She turned toward Rudy as he stared down at the porch floor. “Let’s not argue, okay? I want things to go back to the way they were. Everything is changing so fast that I feel like my head is spinning.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

  He leaned back in his chair and stared toward the barn.

  Reticence stretched between them like a giant crater. She craved his understanding and sympathy when it came to her fear of change. She needed his reassurance their relationship would be okay, and his warm words of encouragement. But he gave her nothing but rock-hard silence. Did Rudy even sense what she needed after all the years they’d spent as friends and then as a couple? Or was he completely oblivious to her needs?

  After several frustrating moments, she stood. “I’m really tired. I’m going to bed.”

  “Wait.” He took her hand and pulled her back into the rocker. “I’m sorry for upsetting you. I don’t want to argue. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to accept that you’re staying over at Allen’s haus.”

  “The only way to do that is to have faith in Allen and me. You have to trust us.”

  He gave her a curt nod. “I’ll try.”

  “Danki.” Relief flooded her, loosening the painful muscles in her neck and back.

  “Will you walk me to my buggy?” An unsure smile spread across his lips.

  “Ya, of course.”

  Rudy took her hand and led her down the steps to the rock driveway where his horse and buggy awaited him. When they reached the buggy door, he touched her cheek. “I’m sorry I can’t come tomorrow to help Jamie move. Mei dat needs me at the store.”

  “I understand.”

  “I’ll see you at church, then. Gut nacht.” He leaned down and brushed his lips across her cheek.

  While the gesture was tender and sweet, she felt nothing—no spark, no excitement, no heat. Had they really grown so much apart? Renewed concern swirled inside.

  “Gut nacht.” She did her best to curve her lips into a smile as he was leaving, and she waited until the taillights of his buggy disappeared at the end of the driveway before walking back to the house.

  Dat met her at the porch steps. “That was nice that Rudy could join us for supper tonight.”

  “It was,” she agreed. “I’m excited for Jamie and Kayla.”

  “Ya, I am too.” They walked up the porch steps together, and he set his lantern on the porch railing and looked at her. “We’ll have something more to celebrate in December.”

  “Were you surprised?”

  “No, not really.” Dat looked toward the pasture. “Jamie has changed so much since he met Kayla. He finally found a balance between work and his family life, and then he built the haus he’d talked about for years. God blessed him when he brought Kayla into Jamie’s life.”

  A faraway look overtook his eyes. “Your mamm would be so thrilled Jamie is finally going to settle down. She really liked Kayla and her family.”

  Laura’s lower lip trembled. “Ya, she would be so froh. The wedding will be bittersweet without her, though.”

  “It will.” He turned toward her. “But I know in my heart she’s celebrating with us.”

  “Ya.” She wiped the back of her hand across her teary eyes as her thoughts turned to Allen and Mollie. “I was wondering if you would consider talking to Allen. He’s dealing with a lot of emotions after losing Savilla. I thought you might be able to give him some encouragement.”

  “I’d be froh to talk to him.” Dat fingered his beard as if he were deep in thought. “It has to be so difficult for Allen to face this alone. Losing your mamm was devastating, and it still is difficult, but I have mei kinner for support. When I couldn’t bring myself to walk outside to work in the barn, mei buwe carried the load for me.”

  Then he looked at Laura and smiled. “But Allen has you. You’re a blessing to him.”

  “Uh, no, I’m not really a support to him. I just take care of Mollie.”

  Dat touched her arm. “You’re more than just a nanny. You’re a special freind, and that’s very important right now.”

  She swallowed as doubt came calling again, this time about Allen. Was she truly a support to him? She pushed the thought away. “I was thinking you might be able to talk to him after church on Sunday.”

  “That’s a wunderbaar idea.” Dat looped his arm around her shoulders. “Let’s go inside. Tomorrow will be busy as we move Jamie into his new haus. And with preparations for the wedding, it’s going to be a hectic fall.”

  ELEVEN

  Allen ran his hand down his face as he moved back and forth in the rocking chair and swallowed a sigh. He had been rocking Mollie for nearly two hours, and she hadn’t stopped sobbing for more than a few minutes at a time. His body was so tired that every bone ached.

  The undercurrent of worries that had been rippling around surfaced and grabbed his attention. He’d considered leaving a message on Laura’s voice mail, begging her to come over and help him, but it was now Sunday afternoon. She and her family would be resting. Mollie was his daughter and his responsibility. Plus, Laura deserved to rest after working for him twenty-four hours a day.

  Mollie shrieked, and he tried again to feed her a bottle.

  “Are you hungry?” He handed her the formula, but she smacked it away.

  “Ma-ma-ma-ma!” she hollered, her face beet red.

  “Ach, mei liewe. If I only knew how to make you froh.” Total despair rained down on him. He was a failure as a father and didn’t deserve to have Mollie as a daughter. A good father would know how to care for his child and give her what she needed.

  Maybe she’s ill.

  The thought caught him by surprise, sending a chill cascading up his spine. He placed the back of his hand on her forehead to check for a fever, but he couldn’t tell if the warmth he felt was from illness or her constant sobbing and screaming.

  A noise sounded from the back of the house, and Allen stopped rocking. When he heard it again, he stood. Was it a knock on the door? Or was he only imagining a visitor had come who could help him calm Mollie?

  She’s your daughter. It’s your responsibility to care for her!

  He set her in the play yard, but she stood up, still sobbing and reaching for him.

  “I’ll be right back.” He touched her hair. “I’ll bring you a piece of cheese. Maybe that will calm you?”

  His shoulders stiffened as she screamed, and he walked into the kitchen.

  The knock sounded louder as he stepped into the mudroom. He pushed open the back door and gaped at the crowd gathered on his porch. Laura stood there, surrounded by her whole family, plus Kayla and Rudy.

  “Allen!” Laura’s face brightened. “We were so worried about you and Mollie when you didn’t come to church.” Her eyes widened as she took a step toward him. “Is she crying?”

  Allen snorted. “She hasn’t stopped crying for more than a few minutes at a time since five this morning. We both only slept about an hour overnight.”

  Laura reached for the screen door handle. “May I try to calm her?”

  “Please. I was going to call—” Before he could finish his sentence, she slipped past him and rushed through the kitchen to the family room. He blew out a deep sigh of relief, looked up at the bright blue sky, and sent up a silent prayer.

  Thank you for sending Laura to Mollie and me.

  “Rough night, huh?” Mark patted Allen’s shoulder.

  “The roughest.” Allen rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. “I don’t know how Mollie and I can function without Laura.”

  Rudy’s stony face glared at Allen.

  “We brought you food.”
Kayla held up a covered dish.

  Cindy also held up a dish. “Are you hungry? Have you had any lunch?”

  “Ya, I am hungry. And no, I didn’t have lunch. Danki.” He opened the screen door wider. “Please come in.”

  They filed into the kitchen, Cindy turned on the oven, and Kayla began gathering plates from the cabinets. The men stood by the table, and Vernon seemed as though he was about to say something. But when Mollie’s crying suddenly stopped, Allen hurried to the family room and halted in the doorway. His eyes widened when he saw Laura was rocking Mollie and quietly speaking to her. His daughter was draped across Laura’s lap like a large doll, and she stared up at her, sucking on a pacifier.

  He pulled a footstool over to the rocker and dropped onto it. Then he looked up at Laura and tilted his head. “How did you do that?”

  “I just picked her up, told her it would be okay, and started rocking her.” She pointed to Mollie’s mouth. “I found the pacifier in the diaper bag on the sofa and thought I’d give it a try.”

  He groaned, cupping his hand to his forehead. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “Because you’re strung out from not getting any sleep.” She gave him a warm smile. “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I thought about it a million times, but I didn’t want to bother you. I kept you tied up all last week. Besides, today is Sunday. I’m sure you’d rather be at church than with Mollie and me.”

  “I would have come.” She touched his arm. “I worried about you last night. I almost called to see how things were going.” She pulled her hand away and quickly looked down at Mollie. Was she embarrassed?

  “She didn’t sleep at all last night?” She touched Mollie’s curls as she spoke. Was she avoiding his gaze?

  “Not much.” He gripped the back of his neck. “She woke me up at one and then cried on and off for hours. Every time she fell asleep, I would try to put her in the crib, but then she’d start all over again. I finally got her in around five. I was just falling asleep when she started again around seven. I gave up at that point.”

  “I convinced mei dat we should come over here to check on you right after the church service.” She kept her eyes focused on Mollie. “Everyone else decided to come too, and we stopped at home for the food. We were all worried about you.”

  “Danki.” When Allen sensed someone watching him, he turned toward the doorway.

  Rudy stood with folded arms while dividing a look between Allen and Laura. When his gaze came to a rest on Allen, he gave him a tentative smile. “The other men went out to check on your horse and barn. How are you doing?”

  Allen blew out a deep sigh. “I’m better now that Laura is here.” When Rudy’s expression hardened, Allen did a mental head slap. Why had he said that? “I mean, she’s the only one who can soothe Mollie,” he added, but Rudy’s expression didn’t change.

  Great job, Allen. Now he’s upset with Laura.

  “What I meant to say,” Allen began, keeping his words cautious, “is I appreciate Laura’s ability to calm Mollie down. I’m grateful. She cried most of last night, and she’s been cranky all day. I’m so exhausted I can’t think straight. I’m also grateful you’re all here.”

  “I see. Well, then, it’s gut Laura insisted we all come check on you and Mollie.” A look passed between Rudy and Laura that Allen couldn’t quite comprehend. Then, with a scowl, Rudy walked back into the kitchen.

  Allen leaned in close to Laura. “Is Rudy still upset with you for helping me? And did you really insist he come?”

  “Don’t worry about him,” she responded, her voice low. “And no, I did not insist Rudy come. He just did.”

  “Laura, if you want to quit, I can find a nan—”

  “I don’t want to quit.” Her blue eyes turned almost fierce. “I want to help you and Mollie.”

  “All right.” He nodded, but guilt and anxiety thrashed in his gut and tightened the muscles in his shoulders. He would have to ask her about the situation with Rudy when they were alone.

  “Allen?” Kayla appeared in the doorway. “We have the tuna casserole and hamburger pie casserole all warmed up.”

  Allen gave Laura a sideways glance. She bit her lower lip as if trying to prevent a laugh from escaping her mouth, and she kept her focus on Mollie. Laura’s suppressed smile made the knots in his shoulders loosen. She wasn’t upset with him or Rudy.

  Turning back to Kayla, he forced a smile. “That sounds fantastic.” He did his best to keep his voice chipper. “Thank you so much.”

  Kayla beckoned him toward the kitchen. “Come eat with us, then.”

  He nodded. “I’ll be right there.”

  Kayla disappeared into the kitchen.

  Allen leaned in close to Laura once again. “Did you tell them to bring casseroles as some sort of punishment for me?”

  “Allen Lambert, is that how you respond to a gift?” Her eyes widened with mock disappointment. “I’m offended that you aren’t grateful for the meal we generously brought you.”

  He grinned as he took in her expression. “So it was your idea.”

  “No, it wasn’t.” She leaned over toward him and lowered her voice. “It was Cindy’s idea. She really appreciates the dresses and aprons you gave her, and she wanted to do something nice for you. The casseroles were left over from yesterday when Jamie’s freinden helped him move into his haus, and Cindy wanted to share them with you.” She looked toward the doorway and then back at him. “Be sure to thank her. She’s very sensitive.”

  “I know, and I will thank her. I was just teasing you.”

  “I know.” She gazed down at Mollie, who hadn’t moved a muscle except to keep her pacifier between her lips. “You just wanted your binky, didn’t you?” She ran her fingers through Mollie’s curls. “I’ll have to remind your dat to give it to you when you get upset.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” Allen told her.

  “I am too.” She bent down and kissed Mollie’s head. “I missed you last night, little girl.” She looked up at Allen and shook her head. “Is that gegisch that I missed her?”

  “No, it’s not silly. We missed you too.” His words caught him by surprise as some emotional response crossed her face. But he had no idea what it was.

  Mollie reached up and grabbed one of the ties from Laura’s prayer covering. She yanked at it as Laura looked down at her and laughed. The tenderness between Laura and Mollie tugged at his heart, and he felt an invisible magnet pulling him to Laura. She seemed somehow different, and their relationship was stronger. Almost intimate.

  The sudden rush of emotion knocked him off-balance for a moment. Why would he feel such a strong connection to Laura? She was Savilla’s best friend and Rudy’s girlfriend. He was confusing his friendship with Laura with his love for his daughter. It had to be the haze of exhaustion that made his feelings fuzzy. He needed something to eat, and perhaps a cup of coffee too.

  He stood. “I’d better go have some casserole.”

  “Be nice to Cindy and Kayla.” She grinned up at him and then looked down at Mollie again. “Are you ready for a nap? You look really tired, Mollie Faith. Would you please fall asleep for me?”

  Allen mentally shook himself as he walked into the kitchen. Everyone else sat at the table, already eating casserole and talking. The delicious aroma of coffee permeated the room as the percolator hissed and belched on the stove.

  Cindy popped up from her chair, picked up a mug from the counter, and faced him. “Would you like some kaffi?”

  “Ya, please,” Allen said. Had Cindy read his mind?

  “Have a seat,” Kayla instructed, pointing to the empty chair between her and Vernon. “Would you like some casserole? I’ll scoop it up for you.” She picked up an empty plate.

  “Ya. Danki.” Allen sat down in the chair as she filled his plate with some of each of the casseroles. He worked to suppress his grin as Laura’s warning to be nice rang in his ears.

  Kayla rose and began helping Cindy deliver mug
s of coffee to everyone at the table.

  Cindy handed Allen one. “Danki for the dresses and aprons.” She gestured toward her green dress and black apron. “I just had to take them in a little, but the length was perfect.” Her cheeks blushed bright pink. “It’s a special way for me to remember Savilla.”

  “Gern gschehne. I’m glad you can use them. Savilla would be froh.” Allen took a sip of coffee and then turned toward Jamie, who sat at the end of the table. “How did the move go yesterday?”

  “It went well.” Jamie smiled up at Kayla as she handed him a mug of coffee. “I’m all moved into the haus. Laura moved into my room yesterday too.”

  “Really?” Allen’s thoughts turned to Laura’s earlier comment about missing Mollie last night. Did she sleep well in her new room or did she have trouble adjusting to being alone? He made a mental note to ask her about that too.

  “Allen, did Laura tell you our news?” Kayla asked as she gave Vernon a mug.

  “No, she didn’t.” Allen shook his head.

  “Jamie and I are getting married in December.” Kayla’s face lit up as she said the words.

  “That’s fantastic.” Allen turned to Jamie and lifted his mug as if to toast him. “Congratulations.”

  “And we thought he’d never find someone to marry him,” Mark quipped before pouring milk into his coffee.

  Jamie sighed and shook his head.

  “I’m just teasing,” Mark added, his smirk fading. “We’re really froh.”

  “Ya, we are,” Vernon chimed in.

  “Danki.” Kayla glowed as she handed coffee to Rudy. “We’re excited.”

  Allen glanced across the table to where Rudy stared down at his mug, and shame like a geyser swamped him. He had to apologize for what he said earlier about needing Laura there.

  He closed his eyes for a silent prayer and then forked some of the tuna casserole.

  “How is your family doing, Kayla?” Allen asked.

  “They’re doing well. Danki for asking.” Kayla scooped a pile of tuna casserole onto her plate. “The restaurant has been very busy since it’s still tourist season. Junior has gotten so big. He’s almost two now, and he’s into everything.”