Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  “Oh gut.” She breathed a sigh of relief.

  He looked up at her. “You honestly thought I’d be upset about that?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I was afraid I had overstepped my bounds.”

  “No, I don’t think you could do that. Quite frankly, I’d be lost without your help.” He glanced back down at Mollie as she babbled, telling him some story he couldn’t understand. “Wouldn’t we be a mess without Laura to help us?”

  Mollie gurgled in response.

  “Ya, I think that about sums it up.” Allen grinned as he looked at Laura again.

  Laura laughed. “Do you need me to stay tonight so you can get some sleep?”

  “No, that’s okay. We’ll be fine.” He stepped over to the changing table and retrieved a pacifier from the top drawer. “I have a secret weapon now.”

  Mollie reached for the pacifier and popped it into her mouth.

  “See?” he asked.

  “Ya.” She started toward the door and then hesitated, facing him once again. “You look exhausted. I don’t mind staying so you can get some real sleep.” She pointed to the closet. “I left a few things here to wear, so I can just tell Rudy I’m going to stay here tonight.”

  “Danki, but I think both Mollie and I will sleep just fine.” He looked past her, and his smile faded. He stood up straight and shifted Mollie in his arms again. “Hi, Rudy.”

  She spun toward her boyfriend. He was hovering in the doorway. “Rudy. Are you ready to go?”

  “Ya.” Rudy pointed toward the stairs. “Your dat and bruders already left. It’s almost five. My parents are going to wonder where I am if we don’t leave now.”

  “I’m sorry.” She looked at Allen again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She touched Mollie’s arm. “Be gut tonight, and let your dat sleep, all right?” She kissed Mollie’s head and then looked up at Allen. “Have a gut night. Cindy put the leftover casserole in a dish in the refrigerator.”

  “Danki.” His mouth twitched, and she bit her lip to stop a threatening grin.

  “Laura, we need to go.” Rudy’s voice held a thread of annoyance.

  She turned to him. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure Allen had everything he needed tonight.”

  Rudy pursed his lips. “Allen is a grown man. I think he can take care of himself.”

  Laura swallowed back frustrated words, sure a frown had overtaken her face. She turned toward Allen, who was scowling at Rudy. “Gut nacht.”

  “Gut nacht,” Allen told her before looking at Rudy again. “It was nice seeing you. Danki for coming to visit.” His kind words contradicted his flat tone.

  “It was great seeing you too.” Rudy’s response echoed Allen’s tone. He turned to Laura. “Let’s go.” Then he stalked out of the room and down the stairs.

  Laura hesitated in the doorway and looked back at Allen. “I’m really sorry for his attitude.”

  “Please don’t apologize for him.” Allen made a sweeping gesture toward the door. “Go before I cause more problems.”

  “It’s not you.”

  “It is me, and I don’t want to make things worse for you.” His expression warmed. “Please go. We’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll see you in the morning.” As she hurried down the stairs, Laura couldn’t shake the feeling that Allen needed her more than he was admitting. And deep down, she longed to stay.

  THIRTEEN

  “You didn’t have to be so rude to Allen.” Laura folded her hands on her lap as she sat with her back ramrod straight in Rudy’s buggy.

  Rudy was guiding the horse down Allen’s driveway and toward the main road, but he gave her a sideways glance. “I wasn’t rude to him. It was time to go, and you were stalling.”

  “I wasn’t stalling.” Hot frustration surged through her veins. “I was just trying to help Allen care for Mollie.” She looked at him as a thought occurred to her. “Why haven’t you tried to help him since Savilla died?”

  “What do you mean?” His forehead creased.

  “You’re supposed to be Allen’s freind, but you haven’t even really spoken to him since he lost Savilla. Why is that?”

  “What are you talking about? I talk to Allen all the time. We’ve spoken at church plenty of times since Savilla died.”

  “No, you don’t really talk to him. You say hello and ask about his carriage shop, but that’s about it.”

  He halted the horse at a red light and turned toward her, his expression suddenly warmer. “What am I supposed to say to him?”

  “You’re supposed to ask how he is and then listen.”

  Rudy nodded and then turned toward the windshield as a strained silence permeated the buggy. Irritation emanated from him, and Laura’s back and shoulders stiffened. Why was conversing with Allen so easy, but talking to Rudy, her boyfriend of four years, so cumbersome and tense?

  The light turned green, and Rudy guided the horse through the intersection.

  “You’re upset with me,” she finally said.

  He sighed.

  “Just tell me what’s bothering you.”

  “Are you serious?” He raised an eyebrow. “You honestly don’t know why I’m upset?”

  “No, I don’t. Tell me.”

  “First of all, you said you wanted to spend time with me today after church, and I assumed you meant visiting at either mei haus or yours, or possibly even going to the youth group. Instead we spent all afternoon at Allen’s haus. That’s not exactly what I had in mind when you said we’d spend time together.”

  “But we were together,” she insisted.

  “When did we actually have time to talk alone?”

  She opened her mouth to argue and then closed it. “I’m sorry,” she finally said. “You’re right.”

  “And also, today was embarrassing.”

  “Embarrassing how?” She turned toward him.

  “Weren’t you there at Allen’s haus?” He gestured with one hand while keeping the other on the reins. “You walked into his haus and took over with Mollie like you were her mamm.”

  “What do you mean?” Her voice pitched higher. “Allen said she’d been crying all morning. He needed my help. What was I supposed to do—let her cry?”

  “That’s not what I meant.” He scowled, his handsome face twisting. “You don’t have to walk in there and act like it’s your haus.”

  “I don’t act like it’s mei haus.”

  “Ya, you do.” His frown deepened. “You behave as if you’re Mollie’s mamm and Allen’s fraa. You take over with Mollie and you know where everything is in the kitchen. You and Allen talk like a married couple. It’s like you’re playing haus.”

  “Playing haus?” Anger warmed her from the inside, hot and explosive as tears stung her eyes. “You can’t really mean that.”

  He squared his jaw and kept his stony eyes trained on the road ahead.

  “I’m not trying to be his fraa or Mollie’s mamm. I just want to help them. If I don’t help them, who will?” She wiped away her tears and sniffed.

  “He could hire someone to work as Mollie’s nanny. Plenty of teenaged maed in our church district would jump at the chance for a job like that.”

  She turned toward the windshield and folded her arms over her chest. They rode in silence for several minutes. When her farm came into view, she took a shaky breath and then looked at him once again.

  “What’s happened to us?” Her voice shook.

  Rudy halted the horse by the back porch, and then his shoulders slumped. “I don’t know. Everything was fine until you started working for Allen.” He paused. “Or maybe until your mamm and then Savilla died. I know their deaths have been a blow, but a strain between us has only grown worse the last few weeks.”

  “I don’t understand. I’m still the same person I was before Savilla died and mei mamm had her accident.” She sniffed again.

  “Maybe so, but I get the feeling you’d rather be with Allen than with me.” His voice was soft and sounded unsure
as he stared down at his lap.

  Laura gasped.

  “Is that how you feel?” He looked at her, his dark eyes seeming as hesitant as his question.

  “No.” She shook her head.

  “So then where do we go from here?”

  “If you don’t trust me, maybe we shouldn’t be together.” She held her breath, praying he wouldn’t break up with her. She’d already lost her mother and Savilla, and she couldn’t bear the thought of losing Rudy too.

  He placed his hand on top of hers. “I don’t want to break up with you. I just want to feel like you’re still my girlfriend.”

  “I am still your girlfriend, and I would never do anything to break your trust. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. And I’m sorry for not truly spending time with you today.” She searched his brown eyes for solace but found none. Was their relationship really falling apart? Alarm gripped her. She had to find a way to fix whatever had broken between them. “Maybe if you talked to Allen more, you’d see he needs us both to help him through this tough time.”

  “Ya. Maybe I’ll give that a try.” His eyes seemed unconvinced. “Gut nacht.”

  “Gut nacht.” She paused, waiting for him to lean over and kiss her, but he remained cemented on his side of the bench seat. “Tell your parents hello for me.” She pushed open the buggy door and climbed out.

  As soon as she closed the buggy door, Rudy guided the horse down the driveway. Laura stared as he disappeared, and a sense of foreboding came over her. She felt rooted to the ground.

  “Are you okay?”

  She spun toward her twin. He was standing on the path with hands shoved into his trouser pockets. “How long have you been standing there watching me, Mark?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe five minutes? As long as you’ve been standing there, staring, I guess.” Mark walked over to her. “Was iss letz?”

  “Nothing.” She squared her shoulders. “I was just thinking about what a wunderbaar day it’s been.” She pointed up. “There isn’t a cloud in the sky, and it was a schee summer day.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You know you can’t lie to me, right?”

  “I’m not lying. It’s been a fantastic day.”

  “So then why are your eyes red and puffy?” He pointed to her face. “Why do I have a feeling you’re coming apart at the seams?” He touched his chest. “I can feel what you’re feeling. Remember?” He gestured between them. “We’re zwillingbopplin.”

  She blew out a deep breath. She’d been caught, and it was time to confess the truth.

  “Rudy is upset with me.” She summarized her painful conversation with him in the buggy. “I feel like I’m losing him, and I can’t stand the thought of losing someone else.” She swiped the back of her hand across her eyes. “I don’t understand why Rudy isn’t as worried about Allen as I am. I thought they were gut freinden. Why doesn’t Rudy see I’m doing this for Mollie? For Savilla? Why doesn’t he trust me? I’ve never given him any reason to doubt my feelings for him.”

  Mark looked toward the street, and worry pricked the back of Laura’s neck.

  “Why aren’t you answering me?”

  He fingered his suspenders and turned toward her. “I don’t think you’re going to like what I have to say.”

  “Just say it.” She held her breath.

  “I think Rudy has a point.”

  “What do you mean?” Her voice rose, but she couldn’t seem to help it.

  “I think you’re getting too attached to Mollie.”

  She gasped. “How could you—”

  “Hold on,” he said, interrupting and holding up his hands as if to silence her. “Before you yell at me, just listen, sis. I’m worried you’re going to be heartbroken when Irma Mae returns to care for Mollie.” She saw the concern in his eyes. “You’re going to miss that little girl.”

  “Ya, I am, but I’ll still be a part of her life. I won’t see her every day, but Cindy and I will visit her once a week like we used to do. I’ll be fine.”

  Mark nodded, but he seemed unconvinced.

  “Laura?” Dat’s voice sounded from the porch. “Are you home?”

  “Ya, Dat.” She waved at him. “I’m coming.”

  “Cindy made supper.” Dat gestured for them to come into the house. “Let’s eat.” He disappeared through the screen door.

  She started toward the porch, and Mark grabbed her arm. “What?”

  “Just make me one promise, okay?” Mark’s blue eyes pleaded with her.

  “Okay.”

  “Promise me you’ll be careful.” He released her arm. “You’re so focused on Allen and Mollie that you don’t see how it’s affecting Rudy. Just take a step back and think about how he feels.”

  “I will.”

  “Gut.” Mark rubbed his hands together. “Let’s go eat.”

  As she followed her brother into the house, his words sunk in. Maybe he was right. Maybe she did need to put Rudy first. She would consider his feelings and do her best to be a better girlfriend.

  But she’d continue helping Allen any way she could. It felt right.

  Later that night Laura climbed the stairs to her room, and her thoughts turned again to Allen and Mollie. She hoped they were sleeping well. As she headed down the hallway to her bedroom, she suddenly realized Friday was Mollie’s first birthday, and she got excited. She had to plan a party!

  She rushed into her bedroom, found a notepad and pen from her desk, jumped onto her bed, and began to write down the things she’d have to buy and do. Soon she had a long list with everything from a menu to gifts. She couldn’t wait to share it with Allen.

  Leaning back on her pillow, Laura smiled as she imagined hugging Mollie tomorrow morning. Surely Rudy wouldn’t mind her making a little girl’s first birthday special.

  The rain beat a steady cadence on the roof as Allen rocked Mollie in the chair beside her bed. She’d wakened an hour ago, crying, but then finally had settled down. Mollie rubbed her nose against his shoulder and sucked her pacifier while he watched rivulets of rain trickle down her bedroom window. The green numerals on the battery-operated clock on her dresser glowed 2:17.

  Allen caressed Mollie’s back as the sound of the rain and the creaking of the rocking chair echoed in the large, dark room. The house was quiet—too quiet. He missed his one true companion, the love of his life. He missed Savilla’s gorgeous smile, her beautiful brown eyes, her golden hair the color of the afternoon sun, and her sweet voice. His heart ached for her. Today would be the ten-month anniversary of the day she left them.

  His heart and his soul cried for her to come back to them. Mollie needed her mother, and Allen needed his partner. Friday was Mollie’s first birthday, and Savilla should be here to celebrate this momentous occasion with them. It wouldn’t be right to sing “Happy Birthday” to her without his wife by his side.

  “I miss you, Savilla,” he whispered.

  His words echoed around the room. He was lonely. He needed someone to talk to, someone to soothe the cracks in his heart, someone to tell him he was a good father.

  Maybe he should have asked Laura to stay tonight.

  His eyes widened at the unexpected thought. It wasn’t Laura’s job to listen to him, offer him solace, or calm his worries about his lack of skill as a father. Laura was only a friend, and she would care for Mollie until Irma Mae had recovered enough to come back. She wasn’t his companion, and he needed to stop imagining her as one.

  Mollie hummed in her sleep, and he patted her back as his thoughts wandered. After finishing their conversation in his shop, Allen and Vernon had joined the rest of the men on the porch, where they talked about the weather and upcoming harvest season. Rudy had been quiet during most of the conversation, only responding to questions directed to him. His expression remained bleak, and Allen could feel his resentment despite Mark’s repeated jokes and amusing stories about friends in the community.

  Sitting next to him, Allen had tried to apologize to Rudy for what he’d sa
id about needing Laura, but Rudy had simply grunted a response. Allen missed when he and Savilla would spend evenings talking and laughing with Rudy and Laura, but his friendship with Rudy seemed to have died with Savilla.

  No, it had been crippled when Savilla left them, but it died when Laura became Mollie’s temporary nanny. Would Allen find a way to regain his friendship with Rudy when Irma Mae came back? Or had he lost his good friend forever?

  Mollie snorted and shifted in his arms, and he stood and laid her in the crib. He held his breath as she settled onto her belly and snuggled into the sheet. To his relief, she sighed and slept on.

  He sank into the rocking chair and looked out the window as the remainder of the afternoon filtered through his mind. When he and the men had come into the house from the porch, he’d followed the sound of claps and cheers up the stairs to Mollie’s room. Laura, Cindy, and Kayla were teaching his daughter how to walk.

  As soon as he’d stepped into the doorway of Mollie’s room, he’d been struck by the happiness and excitement on Laura’s face as she helped Mollie move across the floor to greet him. Laura’s striking blue eyes had been bright, and a pretty smile curled her lips. She’d been radiant. She loved his daughter, truly loved her, as much as a blood relative would. And that love had struck a chord in his heart.

  But Laura wasn’t family. She was a friend. More accurately, she was Savilla’s best friend, but not his. Yet she certainly felt more and more like a special friend every day. In fact, she felt like his one and only true friend. She was the only one who cared enough to ask how he was coping.

  That wasn’t true, though. Irma Mae and Milton cared about him, and often asked how he was doing. And Vernon had taken an interest in him today. But that was because of Laura’s suggestion. Once again, Laura was the one looking out for him and Mollie, in a way no one else did.

  Allen rocked back and forth in the chair as Vernon’s words filled his mind. He needed to pray.