Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  The words echoed through his mind as he stared at the rose. After several moments, he placed the frame back on the dresser and then sat down on the edge of the bed. His eyes moved to the top drawer of his dresser. Months ago, he’d hidden Savilla’s favorite memento in that drawer for safekeeping. He crossed the room, opened the drawer, and pulled out the little metal box where she’d kept her bobby pins. He turned it over in his hand and then looked toward the cardboard box he’d brought in from his shop.

  It was time to pack up the rest of Savilla’s things.

  He retrieved the cardboard container and put the little metal box in first. Then he added the framed photo of the rose along with her comb and brush. He left only the candle. Then he set the box in the corner. He would put it in the attic in the morning.

  He climbed into bed, turned off the lantern, and stared at the ceiling as memories of Savilla tumbled through his mind.

  He recalled when he first met her. Her face had lit up when she saw him at the bus station, and her brown eyes sparkled as they said hello. And then he remembered how beautiful Savilla looked in her cranberry-colored dress the day of their wedding. He was certain he couldn’t love her more than when the bishop declared them married. But he was wrong. His love for her grew exponentially when they moved into their home and then when they welcomed their first child into the world.

  But in a flash, Savilla was gone, leaving him to raise Mollie alone. His heart was battered and bruised after losing her, but with God’s help, he was able to pick himself up and face each day without her.

  And now he found himself lost once again. While his heart still ached for Savilla, his heart also craved Laura. He still longed to talk to her, to protect her, to explore his feelings for her.

  If Laura still had a hold on his heart, did that mean the feelings were genuine and true?

  Allen rested his arm on his forehead as confusion took hold of him, making his throat tight. Irma Mae’s words from earlier in the day sounded in his mind.

  If your feelings for Laura are genuine, and I believe they are, then you should see where they lead. Savilla would want you and Mollie to be froh, and it’s clear that Laura makes you both froh.

  He glanced toward the box of Savilla’s things and recalled her favorite Scripture passage. Yes, he did need to pray. He needed God to clarify the bewilderment in his heart and mind.

  “God, I need your help.” He stared at the ceiling as he whispered the words. “I need you to guide my heart and my mind. Irma Mae has told me to follow my heart. She said it’s okay to fall in love again, but I don’t know if my feelings are real. Am I truly falling in love with Laura? Or am I only confused by all the grief I carry for Savilla? If I love Laura and belong with her, then how can I know Savilla would approve of Laura to care for Mollie? Help me, God. Help me feel your presence and know if my feelings for Laura are pleasing to you.”

  Then he rolled over on his side and hoped sleep would soon find him.

  “Cindy, these dresses are gorgeous!” Kayla held up her blue dress and spun around the kitchen. “Danki so much for finishing them for me!”

  “Gern gschehne.” Cindy’s face turned pink.

  Kayla pulled Cindy into a hug. “I can’t believe we’re going to be schweschdere in a few weeks!”

  Laura smiled as she sat at the kitchen table and fingered her mug of tea.

  “Your wedding is coming so fast, Kayla.” Florence beamed as she sat across from Laura. “Do you have everything you need?”

  “Ya.” Kayla draped the dress over the chair at the far end of the table and then sat down beside Laura. “I picked up the table decorations last night, so I just need to put them together.”

  “We can help with that.” Cindy sat beside Florence and looked at her sister. “Right? We can go over to Kayla’s tomorrow and work on them with Eva while Kayla is at work at the restaurant.”

  “That would be fun.” Laura nodded and then sipped her tea.

  “I can help too,” Sarah Jane offered as she sat at the other end of the table. “If you want my help.” She looked at her mother. “Right, Mamm?”

  “Ya.” Florence smiled. “I’d love to help too, but it’s okay if you don’t want me there.”

  “I’d love to have you there. In fact, I have an idea.” Kayla snapped her fingers. “Maybe I can get off work tomorrow. Saturdays are busy, but Nathan isn’t volunteering at the fire station until next week. Plus we have two waitresses who are doing a great job. If mei dat agrees to let me skip work, then we can all get together at mei haus and have a schweschdere day!”

  Kayla beamed. “My first schweschdere day with my Riehl family. Oh my goodness! My name is going to be Kayla Riehl in no time.”

  Laura looked down at her mug and tried to banish the black cloud of despondency that had settled over her since she’d told Allen she didn’t want to talk to him at church. She couldn’t get Allen or Mollie out of her thoughts, and her heart broke into tiny, quaking pieces.

  She missed Allen and Mollie to the very depth of her marrow. But she didn’t know how to even approach him. How could she apologize for pushing him away, and how could she even justify her feelings for her best friend’s widower?

  “Laura?”

  “What?” Laura looked up and found everyone staring at her. “I’m sorry. I was lost in thought.”

  “Are you okay?” Kayla touched her arm.

  “Ya. I’m fine.” Laura cupped her hand over her mouth to hide a feigned yawn. Then she forced a smile on her lips. “I’m just tired. I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, Laura.” Kayla snapped her fingers. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something. Did I see you talking to Rudy at church?”

  Laura nodded. “I did.”

  “What did he say to you?” Kayla asked.

  “Nothing really.” Laura shrugged. “He asked me how I was doing, and we talked a little. He’s doing well.”

  “So he’s not upset about the breakup?”

  Laura shook her head. “It was a mutual decision. There aren’t any hard feelings.” She forced a smile. “What were you saying about the table decorations?”

  Kayla hesitated and then smiled. “I was thinking we could all get together after breakfast. We can spend the day at mei haus, and then Eva and I can make a nice lunch for us too.”

  “What do the table decorations look like?” Sarah Jane asked.

  “They’re going to be so nice.” Kayla blushed. “I hope that doesn’t sound prideful. I found some schee cranberry jar candles, and I thought we’d put one on each table with a little red bow on it. We can also put a little holly and pine branch in front of each one. Maybe you can help me tie the bows on the candles and then cut the holly and pine branches. I got all the supplies on sale at that store next to the fire station. I bought them while I was visiting Jamie at work. It was quiet, so he was able to go with me.”

  As Kayla talked on about the decorations, Laura looked down at her mug of tea again and allowed her thoughts to roam.

  Her mind had replayed her last conversation with Allen again and again. She couldn’t stop herself from recalling the pain in his eyes when she’d told him not to touch her. She was certain she’d hurt him, maybe even broken his heart. And she longed to apologize. She wanted to tell him how she felt about him, but it was too risky. She couldn’t stand the thought of hurting him again, or hurting Mollie if things didn’t work between them.

  Laura sniffed and cleared her throat before glancing up. When she looked across the table, she found Florence watching her with a kind expression on her face. Laura quickly looked away for fear of raising Florence’s suspicions. While she enjoyed the frequent visits with Florence and Sarah Jane, Laura wasn’t ready to open her heart to her father’s friend. She worried Florence would think Laura was a horrible person if she knew she had feelings for her best friend’s widower.

  When the clock on the wall read 7:30, Kayla pushed back her chair.

  “I guess I’d better get home,” she said as she gathered so
me of the mugs and took them to the counter. “I’ll talk to mei dat and then call you about tomorrow.” She hugged Laura. “Danki so much for having me over for supper.”

  “It was nice to see you too,” Laura said. “Hopefully we’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Why don’t I walk you out?” Cindy offered.

  “I’ll come too.” Sarah Jane followed them to the mudroom, where Laura could hear them chatting as they put on their coats.

  Laura picked up the last mugs and carried them to the counter. She filled the sink with hot, frothy water and began to wash them while her thoughts spun with memories of her time at Allen’s house.

  Her thoughts turned to worry. Was Mollie still crying for her at night? Was Allen angry with her for not telling him she was going to send Cindy in her place?

  “I realize you don’t know me very well, but I’m froh to listen if you need someone to talk to.”

  Laura jumped and gasped as she turned toward Florence. She’d forgotten Florence was still in the kitchen.

  “I’m sorry.” Florence smiled as she came to stand beside her. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “It’s okay. You caught me deep in thought.”

  “You’ve been deep in thought most of the evening.” Florence picked up a dish towel and began to dry the mugs.

  “I have been.” She turned back to the sink and washed another mug.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Laura started to say no, but as she dropped the mug into the water and reached for a towel, a rush of tears overwhelmed her, spilling down her cheeks before she could stop them.

  “Ach, mei liewe.” Florence pulled Laura into her arms and rubbed her back. “Nothing should make you this upset.”

  Laura began to fight against the sobs but then succumbed to them, crying on Florence’s shoulder.

  “Please tell me what’s wrong so I can try to help you.” Florence’s words were warm and comforting in her ear.

  After a few moments, Laura regained control of her emotions and stepped away from Florence. She wiped her eyes and nose with a paper towel.

  “Please talk to me.” Florence touched her arm.

  “I’m in love with my best freind’s widower.” Laura breathed a deep sigh as a weight lifted from her shoulders. Saying the words aloud released some of the tension in her chest.

  Florence tilted her head. “Allen?”

  “Ya.” Laura sniffed. “It’s a long and complicated story.”

  Florence pointed toward the table. “Let’s sit and you can tell me.”

  Laura sat down at the table across from Florence and then poured her heart out to her. She explained how she’d cared for Mollie for three months and then sent her sister to take over when her relationship with Allen grew complicated. She told her just enough about Rudy for the story to make sense. And then she ended with the last time she and Allen had spoken.

  “I don’t know what to do with all these feelings. I’d hoped being away from him would help me get over them, but they’re even stronger now.” Laura ran her thumbnail over the wood grain in the table. “I can’t stop thinking about him, and I worry about him and Mollie.” She peeked up at Florence. “You must think I’m horrible for falling in love with him.”

  Florence clicked her tongue. “Why would I think that?”

  “Because he’s Savilla’s husband. She was like a schweschder to me. I have no right to care about him. She would be so disappointed in me.”

  “You and Allen both loved Savilla, and she’s the one who brought you two together. You and Allen were the most important people in her life, aside from her dochder, of course. Why would she be upset that you and Allen fell in love when she loved both of you so much?”

  Laura stilled. “I never thought about it that way.”

  “I believe God leads us to the people we’re supposed to love. If you feel in your heart that you and Allen belong together, then you should follow your heart. Let God guide you to Allen and see what happens.”

  Laura took a ragged breath as a peace settled over her. Was this the answer she’d been craving?

  “Laura?” Florence touched her hand. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “No.” Laura smiled. “You were a tremendous help.”

  “I’m so glad.” Florence looked up at the clock. “I suppose I need to get on the road. Our driver should be here already. I’m surprised Sarah Jane didn’t come after me, but she’s probably enjoying your family’s company out in the barn. I hope to see you again soon.”

  “I hope to see you too.” And Laura meant her words. Florence had been a blessing to her, and she certainly was a blessing to her father.

  As Florence walked to the mudroom, Laura hugged her arms to her waist. Florence’s words settled over her heart as a tiny glimmer of hope sparked in her chest. Maybe, just maybe, a romantic relationship could work between her and Allen.

  That is, if Laura still had a chance after she’d been avoiding him. Or had she lost him forever?

  THIRTY-TWO

  Allen sat straight up in bed and rubbed his eyes. Something had awakened him, but what was it? He glanced around his bedroom, still cloaked in darkness. The digital clock on his nightstand read 11:50. Had he been dreaming?

  Then a wail sounded from down the hall, followed by deep, guttural coughing.

  Mollie!

  Allen leaped out of bed and ran down the hallway, his feet thumping on the cold linoleum floor as he rushed to her room.

  When he stepped into the doorway, he gasped. Mollie knelt in her crib and gagged before vomiting all over her bed.

  He rushed over and lifted her. “Mollie?”

  Her cheeks felt clammy as she screamed and then gagged once again.

  “Shh, Mollie.” He touched her forehead and found it was clammy too. “Calm down, mei liewe. You’ll be fine.”

  She gagged again, leaned forward, and vomited again.

  No, no, no!

  Terror gripped him, and his heart felt lodged in his throat like a chunk of ice. No, she couldn’t be ill like Savilla was.

  No, God, no. Please don’t take her too!

  He had to get her help. He couldn’t waste any time getting her to the hospital.

  With his heart slamming against his rib cage, he grabbed the lantern off her dresser, carried Mollie into the bathroom, wrapped her in a towel, and set her on his bed. After pulling on a pair of trousers, a shirt, and socks, he picked her up and rushed down the stairs.

  In the mudroom, he pushed his feet into a pair of work boots and grabbed the key for his shop. He ran out the back door and into the shop. Mollie squirmed in his arms and shrieked as he dialed nine-one-one.

  Memories of the night Savilla took ill filtered through his mind, and he was determined not to make the same mistakes he made a year ago. He was going to save his baby.

  With his entire body trembling, he rubbed Mollie’s back and cradled the receiver between his ear and his shoulder.

  “Nine-one-one. What’s your emergency?” a man’s voice responded on the other end of the line.

  “I need an ambulance.” The words tumbled out of his mouth as he yelled over Mollie’s sobs. “My daughter is very ill. She’s only fifteen months old. She’s vomiting, and I think she has a high fever. Please come quickly.” Then he recited his address and held his breath as inwardly he begged God for help.

  Please don’t take her, God. Please keep her safe. She’s all I have left.

  “We’ll have someone there to help you shortly,” the man promised.

  Allen hung up the phone and then rushed out to the driveway. Mollie shook in his arms and then began to gag. He held her as she vomited in the driveway and then screeched.

  The crisp November air soaked through his clothes as she continued to shake. He walked back into the house and carried her into the downstairs bathroom, where he wet a washcloth and held it to her forehead as she cried.

  “Lala!” she moaned. “Lala!”

  “I’m sorry,
but she’s not here.” He rocked her back and forth. “Help is coming. Please hold on.”

  When she began to vomit again, he held her over the commode. He closed his eyes and begged God to send the EMTs soon.

  He was cleaning her face when he heard voices sounding in the kitchen.

  “Hello! Is anyone here?” someone called.

  “Allen?”

  Allen rushed into the kitchen and almost ran into Jamie. Leon and Brody were standing behind him.

  Allen blew out a deep sigh of relief. “Jamie. I’m so glad you’re here.”

  Jamie’s expression was grave. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s Mollie.” Allen’s voice tried to yell over Mollie’s moans and sobs. “She has the same symptoms Savilla did. She has a fever and has been vomiting. I need to get her to the hospital.”

  “The ambulance is on its way.” Jamie held up his hands. “We’ll get her there as quickly as possible.”

  “Please.” Tears stung Allen’s eyes. “I have to get her there. If I don’t get her there in time . . .” His voice trailed off as tendrils of fear curled around his chest and tangled in his throat. Deep down he knew it was unlikely Mollie would have the same condition that took Savilla. But he wasn’t taking any chances. He looked down at his daughter, and she squirmed and rubbed her eyes. Her cheeks were bright pink as droplets of sweat shimmered on her forehead.

  “Come with me.” Brody walked over to him. “Let’s walk outside and meet the ambulance.”

  “Lala!” Mollie hollered. “Lala!”

  “Is she calling for Laura?” Jamie asked.

  Allen nodded.

  “Do you want me to ask her to meet you at the hospital?”

  Allen shook his head. “I don’t think she’ll come.”

  “I think she will.” Jamie started for the door. “Do you want me to call Irma Mae too?”

  “Ya,” Allen called after him. “Danki.”

  Red lights from outside reflected off the ceiling, and Allen sucked in a deep breath. Help was here.

  “Laura!” a voice called as someone banged on her bedroom door. “Laura! Wake up!”

  She sat up and yawned as she turned toward her clock. It was 12:30. “Ya?”