by Lilly Wilder
“Let her go,” one of the gatekeepers said. I instantly felt the vice around me relax, and I could breathe more freely. I pressed my hands against the wall, feeling the security of the solid building, as the world lurched around me and my stomach reverberated inside. I glanced up and saw the two gatekeepers striding forward, their dark t-shirts stretched over their muscles. Their granite jaws were as hard as flint, and Howie recoiled back.
“We’ve been keeping an eye on you, hoping you’d make a mistake,” one of the gatekeepers said. Howie looked small compared to them, and it was no wonder he preyed on petite women like me. He raised his hands in supplication and tried to plead for mercy, but they were having none of it. I was still panting, too afraid to move.
“You’ve got this Rick,” the gatekeeper who had done all of the talking said. Rick strode forward and closed the distance between him and Howie in a few strides. He took Howie by the scruff of the neck, and threw him against the wall opposite me. His bones crunched and I jumped at the force of the impact. As Howie staggered to his feet Rick brought his fist back and slammed it into Howie’s stomach. Howie doubled over and fell to the ground, clutching his body, putting his hand up to signal his surrender.
“We see you around here again, we’ll make sure you can’t walk away,” the first gatekeeper said. I was shocked by the savage way they had displayed their strength, but I was also impressed and grateful.
“My name is Dalton, are you okay?” he asked. His voice was softer now. Howie scurried away like a discovered rat, and I was confident I would never see him again. I nodded, dazed. Rick and Dalton glanced at each other.
“We should get her inside,” Dalton said. Rick nodded. Rick was slightly taller and had lighter hair, but an intense gaze that elicited fear in me. Dalton had a kind expression in his eyes, and there was something about the two men that said I could trust them. I felt safe with them. They had the kind of aura that spread a sense of confidence and stability, so I followed them back to the Blue Lagoon. They took me inside. The club seemed different now. It was desolate. There was barely anyone on the dance floor. Rick and Dalton escorted me through a door that was camouflaged as part of the wall and I was in a sterile corridor in which another door led me to a small office.
“Wait here, I’ll get you something to drink,” Dalton said. The office consisted of a small desk, a filing cabinet, and a table with four chairs sitting around it. I took one and looked at the flecked paint that was coming off the walls.
“What’s this used for?” I asked idly, wanting to break the silence. Rick had an intimidating presence. Although he wasn’t looking at me, it still felt as though he was studying me.
“This is where we bring people who are trouble,” he said simply. I wondered if I was one such person, or if I was the exception. I didn’t have anything else to say and Rick didn’t seem like he was interested in conversing, but thankfully, it wasn’t long before Dalton returned. He wore a warm smile, and placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of me, along with a packet of chips.
“I thought you might be hungry too,” he said, and sat down. He looked up at Rick and gestured to a seat. Rick rolled his eyes, and hesitantly sat down.
“Thank you for saving me,” I said.
“It seems like your friend was right,” Dalton said. I cringed as I realized that they had overheard our argument.
“Yes…well…it didn’t necessarily seem like that at the time.” Whatever effects of the alcohol and the club that had been in my system to intoxicate me and elevate me to another level of consciousness, had completely dissipated. I was entirely sober, both from the argument with Jennifer and the situation with Howie. I took a sip of coffee and forced a few chips in my mouth, and instantly felt more myself.
“I thought you could use a little break to collect yourself, and then we’ll send you on your way.”
“Does this happen a lot?” I asked. I got the sense that they were well-practiced at this.
“Unfortunately, yes. Some people just don’t know when to stop, so we keep an eye on the surrounding area. We can’t always punish them properly, but we get them where we can. We usually like catching them when they’re in the club so we can bring them in here, isn’t that right Rick?”
Rick growled and smirked.
“You’ll have to excuse him,” Dalton said, “he’s the strong silent type, at least that’s what he likes to think.” Dalton nudged him in the arm and chuckled. He even managed to raise a smile from Rick as well. The two of them had the camaraderie of brothers, so I asked them if they were indeed related. Dalton exhaled deeply and leaned back in his chair, turning his head towards Rick.
“Sometimes I think we might as well be. We’ve been through a hell of a lot together,” he said.
“That we have,” Rick replied. “Sometimes I think it’s too much, but we end up working pretty well as a team. I don’t think we’ve ever had an argument like you and your friend.”
I squirmed and cringed. “Well, that’s just, uh, that’s kind of the way we do things…” I trailed off. I wasn’t sure why I felt like I had to justify myself in front of these men. They were strangers after all, and yes, they had saved me when I needed them, but that didn’t mean I had the need to explain everything away.
“I’m sure it is,” Dalton said. “Can I give you some advice Ellie? It is Ellie, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, how did you know?” I asked, more than a little surprised that he would have remembered me, just from checking me when I’d entered the Blue Lagoon, but that was indeed what had happened. “I’m not usually the type to make an impression,” I said.
“I doubt that,” Dalton replied. There was a flirtatious tone to his voice, and in the moment I wondered if I had been imagining it. “But next time, maybe try listening to her, because she seems like she has your best interests at heart,” he said. A moment of silence hung in the air, and I locked gazes with Dalton. I saw calmness in his eyes, and the idea of his serenity almost frightened me. I took another long gulp of coffee, and finished off the chips.
“Thanks for the snack,” I said. “I think I’d better be going now, though. I don’t think I really want to see the club with all the lights on, it’ll probably only depress me.” Dalton laughed. The two men rose, and Rick held open the door for me.
“There will be a cab waiting outside; I just made sure to reserve one for you.”
“Thank you, thank you again, for so much, for everything.” It didn’t seem like I could thank them enough for what happened. I couldn’t help but think about what would have happened had they not intervened. I wouldn’t have been able to fight Howie off by myself. He would have taken everything from me, and I’d have been back to square one, but Rick and Dalton had been there for me. Even though I barely knew them, they were about the only men in my life who hadn’t treated me like I was a worthless piece of crap.
It had been one hell of a night and I was glad to get in the taxi and return home. Before I crawled into bed, I quickly sent a message to Jennifer apologizing for what had happened, although I knew I’d have to make amends the following day. I splashed water on my face, and felt better once I had changed into my pajamas. I sighed as my head hit the pillow. The music had finally faded from my mind, and instead of focusing on the bad things that had happened during the evening, I thought about the good things, I thought about Rick and Dalton.
Chapter Four
“I’m really sorry Jennifer,” I said meekly, as I stepped into her office and placed a tray of muffins on her desk. The office had glass walls, but with the door shut nobody could hear anything we said. Jennifer looked down at the muffins and clasped her hands together. I looked around the office and couldn’t help but think that it should have been mine. I envisioned myself sitting behind that desk, in a smart suit, with the phone ready to talk to important clients and make important deals.
Jennifer opened her palm and gestured for me to take a seat. She took out a blueberry muffin, her
favorite, and took a bite. She leaned back and sighed with ecstasy.
“You’re lucky you know me so well,” Jennifer said. One aspect of our friendship I was proud of, was that we could let past enmities go, even if they were still raw. Of course, it did require some kind of effort from the side of the guilty party, and in this case, I had probably lost what right I had to a turnabout favor from Jennifer. There would be no subjecting her to a festival of foreign films this time, I thought, wistfully.
“I am, really, sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I just got so frustrated, but you were right,” I said, and told her about what happened with Howie. Jennifer’s head bowed and she licked her lips.
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she said.
“It wouldn’t have, if I had listened to you. I’m the one that should be sorry. And about all that stuff I said…”
“No, Ellie, you have a point,” Jennifer held up her hand to interrupt me. “I know that sometimes, I can be difficult to handle, and maybe, I like the spotlight too much, but that’s as far as it goes. I would never, steal a man from you and I wouldn’t steal a job either. And to be honest, Ellie, it really hurt my feelings when you said what you did. I know that it might not seem like I work as hard as you, but I do. I’ve worked damned hard at this job, and going for this promotion wasn’t some kind of vanity project. I thought I deserved it, so I went for it, and I think it’s unfair of you to say that I only got it because I’m friendly and charming. That stuff just helps me get noticed, but after that they looked at the substance of my work. That’s what really counts. And I know you think that if all things were equal you would have gotten my promotion, but,” she drew in her breath sharply. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you this or not, but damn it, I might as well…I asked them about you in the meeting when they told me I was getting the promotion. I knew how much it would mean to you, so I asked if it was even close, or if they could work something out where we shared this role.”
“You did?” I asked. I had never expected her to say that. I hadn’t asked them about Jennifer, and suddenly, I felt like a bad friend.
“Yes, I did. And I hate to tell you this, but they only gave you a chance as a courtesy, because you’ve been here long enough to deserve it. They said that you don’t have what it takes for this role, that you’re not strong enough or decisive enough. They said that you don’t have the determination, or the tenacity, or any of the other qualities that they’re looking for. I wish I had better news to tell you, but I think you’d get the same response if you went for another promotion…unless you start to change the way you work. I’m giving you this advice as a friend and a colleague, and I don’t mean to be mean about it, but this is just what you need to know to improve your standing at work.”
I sat there, and felt as though I was getting a school report, being told of all my flaws, having to scrutinize them, and worry about them, and wonder how in the world I was going to fix them. My head dropped, and a sick feeling coiled in my stomach. What if I wasn’t good enough? Maybe I had been deluding myself, and I would never be able to be anything more than what I was.
“Thanks for telling me, Jennifer,” I said, in a small voice. Jennifer smiled, sympathetically, at me.
“I’m sorry you had to hear it like this, from me, but maybe it’s for the best that you know now. And it’s always good to have a friend in a higher place. I’ll put in a good word where I can.”
“I appreciate it,” I said, although I didn’t feel much like taking any charity. “I think I’d better be getting back to work now,” I said, wanting to retreat from there as fast as possible. Jennifer understood. I knew we’d be good friends again, I just wished that we didn’t have this work tension between us, either.
I settled back at my desk and noticed the environment was different than it had been previously. People were friendlier towards me and they teased me about how I’d made out with that random guy. Thankfully, nobody referenced the argument that I and Jennifer had had. I appreciated her discretion, it was just something else I owed her for. I took their jests in good humor, feeling happy to be part of the group, and as I looked up at Jennifer in her office, I realized that she was the one separated and isolated now, and perhaps, the promotion hadn’t been as much of a blessing as it seemed, as Jennifer always enjoyed spending time with her friends.
My colleagues told me that they were going to go to the Blue Lagoon again the following week, and that I should go with them. When I’d agreed to go with Jennifer, I had made it clear that it was a unique occasion and wouldn’t happen again, but after spending time in the club, I felt an urge to return. It was a magical place, where time seemed to flow differently. Hours passed in the blink of an eye, and some moments seemed like days. But most of all, I wanted to see Rick and Dalton again. After having a night to ruminate on my encounter with them, I had decided that they were most intriguing, and I wanted to discover all I could about them. They had a bond, that was clear by looking at them. They belonged at each other’s side, as though they had always been there and always would, and I was curious to know what experiences had led them to form such a bond. They’d also been so quick to come to my defense, as well, and they’d remembered my name. I couldn’t believe that I had stood out among the crowd of beautiful women that had walked through their gates, yet I didn’t feel as though they had been feeding me lines, or trying to hit on me either. They had simply been polite and nice, without any pretense as to their expectations.
But there was one thing that lingered in my mind, and that was Howie’s reaction while he was wrestling me towards the wall. At the time, I had been so frightened I hadn’t thought anything of it, but on reflection, his reaction struck me as odd. The things he had said…he’d seemed surprised when they’d appeared. No, not just surprised, but shocked, as though he was seeing something that he’d never seen before. While Rick and Dalton were intimidating men, they were just bouncers after all, and the sight of the two of them shouldn’t have provoked that kind of reaction, but when I had looked up, there was nothing else but them. It was quite a puzzle. Perhaps I was looking into it too much, and shouldn’t put any stock in what a man like Howie had said, but I was entertained by the little mystery it provided, so I found myself saying that, yes, I would return to the Blue Lagoon.
*
But, before that happened, I had plenty to think about. What Jennifer had revealed, stung me at first. I hated to think that anyone would judge me so harshly for being myself, especially to one of my co-workers. My yearly evaluation was coming up and I was determined to prove them wrong. I wanted to show them that I was deserving of moving up the company ladder, because, really, at that stage in my life, I didn’t have anything else to focus my energies on. I was sick and tired of getting left behind, sick and tired of feeling as though I didn’t matter. Even though this job wasn’t my dream job, I wanted to be good at it. I wanted to make something of myself and feel proud of something, so I threw myself into my work with abandon.
I shot off emails like wildfire and harassed people on the phone to hurry, hurry, hurry. I tapped away at the keyboard until the tips of my fingers ached and I scurried around the office gathering photocopies to hand out and, by the end of it, I was completely exhausted. I didn’t understand how Jennifer could do this every day and still feel well-rested, and it made me understand why so many people were happy just to get through the day and numb themselves by partying through the night. It seemed like an endless cycle, and I knew there had to be more to it than I was currently experiencing, but I wasn’t sure how to get the most out of life.
But I did know one thing; it was time for a change. I had spent plenty of time thinking about Andy and it hadn’t gotten me anywhere. Holding up my life, while haunted by what he had done to me, didn’t do me any good and it wasn’t going to change until I made it change. I had to force myself into a new way of thinking to get anywhere and, although it was difficult, I had to force myself to do it.
&n
bsp; Over that week, there were moments where I didn’t think I could do it. Where I doubted myself and had that nagging voice in my head that told me I was worthless and hopeless, and would never amount to anything, but I fought through it. I shielded myself against that voice, taking a moment to take a deep breath before I did anything else.
Things with Jennifer improved, as well. We went out for lunch one day. She was eager to catch up on all the gossip she’d missed, although, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to help her out, since I had been so busy, and I never really paid attention to all that stuff anyway.
“How is the new job working out?”
Jennifer shrugged and was a little blasé about the whole thing, which annoyed me, because she knew how much it had meant to me and how wounded I had been that the promotion hadn’t been mine.
“It’s not as exciting as I thought it would be. I miss being with everyone. It’s so quiet in my office and I don’t have enough work to keep me occupied the entire day. I end up playing solitaire or surfing Facebook, most of the time.”
“Well, that just makes me feel great, slaving away as I do,” I smirked. It helped to make light of the situation and I owed her the support of a good friend. We were both surprised when I mentioned the Blue Lagoon and how I was going to go there again, because Jennifer hadn’t been invited.
“I’m sure they just haven’t gotten around to it, or they assumed that you’d hear it from me,” I said.
“No, I don’t think that’s it at all. It’s different now. I’ve felt the change around the office. People aren’t the same with me. Whenever I come out of my office to talk with them, the conversation fades. I think, in their eyes, I’m a sell-out. I’ve become corporate and they can’t trust me anymore. I’m not one of them anymore. I never really thought it would change this much.”
“I guess there’s a period of adjustment for everyone, but it’ll get better, and the extra pay must be nice to make up for it.”