She ran her fingers down the tense ridge of his back and waited.
“He chooses you.” Ricky whispered.
“How do you feel about that?”
His eyes were on hers. His sky-blue eyes intense in the darkness.
“I chose you first.”
Her heart pounded as he lowered his lips to hers and slowly moved within her.
“I choose you too.” She whispered.
It was too soon, but nothing had ever felt so right.
She felt a weight lift from her heart.
This was right.
8
Ricky paced the edge of his yard. His wolf had gone primal and it scared the shit out of him. He’d told her not to regret anything, but he was feeling a load of guilt over what had happened between them. He could have hurt her, but she knew what to do, knew what he needed. She had wanted him, he’d smelled it.
She was in there, sleeping in his bed, making his sheets smell sweetly like her hair.
His wolf rumbled in his chest.
“This is fucked up. I fucked it all up.” He cursed.
“Smells mutual.” Pie stretched his arms above his head and groaned. He stood on the edge of his back porch wearing a wide grin and nothing else.
“‘Bout damn time I heard some noise from over there. I was beginning to wonder if I needed to pull your man card.”
Ricky lifted one finger to tell Pie what he thought about that.
He saw it, saw the way Pie argued with himself in his head and ultimately declared, “Fuck it.” He grinned at Ricky in a way that made him want to take a bath in bleach.
“So...I wonder something…”
Ricky knew what Pie was doing. He wanted to help by pushing Ricky into a fight. It would help, but he didn’t want it, wouldn’t allow it.
“Don’t Pie. I’m fine. Just…”
Pie ignored him and plowed ahead the way he did. “Would that card say Ricky…”
No. Not that. Ricky was ready to walk away from almost everything, but not that, and Pie damned well knew it. This would be ugly as fuck if Pie didn’t shut the fuck up. “Don’t. I don’t want to hurt you that bad.”
Pie let out a long breath and Ricky caught the scent of sadness. His friend was hurting. He wanted to ask, wanted to offer some wisdom, but just as he opened his mouth to say something Pie opened his.
“Or would it say Richard?” Pie said in a low voice, filled with sorrow.
Ricky felt his wolf tear out of him. He couldn’t hold him back. He slammed into Pie where he still stood naked on the porch and they tumbled to the ground.
Why won’t he fucking change? Ricky wondered as his wolf smacked Pie across the dirt covered ground.
Ricky fought his beast with everything he was, but he was still battering Pie around like a ragdoll.
He heard a snarl rip from someone behind him just as a white wolf landed in the dirt between Ricky and Pie. Dice had heard them, come to intervene, but his damned monster was insane. What good would that do?
“Get the fuck up Pie. Either change or go in the house. For fuck’s sake. What were you thinking?” Clothesline shouted from where he stood beside Pie’s porch.
Pie forced himself to his feet. “I needed to see something.”
With that he walked into the house and closed the door behind him.
Ricky felt himself shifting and gritted his teeth against the pain that accompanied it. He was on all fours in the dirt, blood and sweat dripping from him.
“What the hell has gotten into him?” He panted as he tried to get his breath.
Clothesline stood with his hands on his hips and stared toward Pie’s house. “More than he’s gonna say.” He took a deep breath and looked toward Ricky. “What’s wrong with you?”
“More than I’m gonna say.” Ricky grumbled as he pushed to his feet.
Clothesline let out a bark of laughter. “That’s for damned sure. Now, what the hell do we do about it?”
“Fuck if I know.” Ricky said as he scowled at Dice’s wolf who was currently chasing a grasshopper. “I’m not cut out to be alpha and Dice sure as shit ain’t. I know we have our orders, but we’ve never seen each other that way. We are too damned crazy. We gotta figure out how to fix this shit with River.”
Line nodded. “Lucian’s with him now. Books is there too. If there’s a way, we will get to it.”
“And Sam? It’s the same shit. What if that chick can save them both?” Ricky watched Dice’s ears prick up at the mention of his son.
“Then we need to find that woman and we gotta do it yesterday.”
“I can’t do what he’s asking me to do.” Ricky shook his head. He was sick. His alpha needed him, but there was no way he could actually kill him, it would break him.
“He seems to think you’re the only one who could.”
“Then he’s wrong. I’m done killing people who matter to me.” Ricky shook his head and looked into the dense forest that grew around their cabins.
“It’s a compliment.” Clothesline said after a few beats passed.
“The fuck it is.” Ricky spat.
“No, you don’t see it because you got too much in the way, but it is. It shows trust. Riv knows you’d honor him with a good death, even if he’s bat shit crazy. We need a good death.” The last was said so softly that even Ricky’s sensitive ears barely caught it.
When he looked up, Clothesline was looking back at Pie’s cabin.
He was right. They all needed a good death. It was mostly a bunch of shit he didn’t put much stock in, but it was believed that a good death brought peace to the animal. A restless animal would never be at peace and so the soul of the man would never rest.
Ricky didn’t know about any of it, but he’d always figured it was better to be safe than sorry.
He knew if things continued that he would have to honor River’s wishes and then someone would need to honor his.
“I think I’ll lose it if I have to do this. You want that to be on you? You want responsibility for taking me out?”
Clothesline stared at him long enough that Ricky felt a bead of sweat roll down his chest.
“No.”
That was all he said before he turned and disappeared around Pie’s cabin.
“No.” Ricky frowned. “Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“You live.”
He hadn’t noticed Pie stepping out on the porch. He was wearing a ratty pair of cut off sweat pants and the scars from their earlier battle.
The pain he read in his brother’s eyes almost doubled him over. He nodded toward the house.
“I’m guessing she wasn’t the one.”
The woman in question had been gone for two hours or more, but Pie understood. He shook his head.
“Not the one.” His eyes landed on Ricky’s own cabin. “Looks like that one’s it for you though. I’m happy for you.”
“You’ll find her man. Maybe stop fucking everything that wears a skirt.” He shook his head. “Might be a little off putting.”
Pie let out a humorless laugh. “I can’t drown my sorrows, may as well drown my dick.” He took a long pull from the beer in his hand.
Ricky shook his head. “You gonna be alright?”
Pie nodded slowly. “I’m fine.” He tipped his beer toward Dice where he lay rolling in the dirt. “He’s fucking insane. Don’t make a lick of sense.”
Ricky knew what he wasn’t saying. Pie wanted a connection, one he couldn’t get with the pack. It weighed on him heavily.
“Maybe you should quit lookin’ so damned hard.”
Pie drank again. “I would, I really thought about it, but damn. I hate a cold bed.”
With that he went back inside and Ricky looked over to where Dice lay in the dirt, snoring.
“Come on you crazy son of a bitch.”
Dice stood up and actually wagged his tail.
“You’re an embarrassment.” Ricky accused and laughed when Dice lifted his tail and headed home.
He stepped into his house and her scent floated to him. It wasn’t right, he knew it, but knowing it didn’t keep his feet from carrying him right in that bedroom or from sliding in the bed with his woman.
He’d worry about that later, right now, he was taking a page out of Pie’s book.
9
Shauna sat and drank her coffee. Dakota was watching a cartoon and laughing at one of the characters as he floated through a big blue sky on a magic carpet. It was a sound that healed her in some ways. The innocence of that simple sound was like music. She let the moment sink into her bones. She was a mother enjoying the morning with her son. There were no monsters chasing them, no crazy nannies making trouble, no one trying to take her son away. There was just this moment and she was determined to enjoy it.
Mrs. McFadden had made trouble, talked to reporters as well as her employers. That trouble had spilled over onto the shifter community, but Ricky had assured her that things were being handled. Humans and shifters alike were coming out in support of her and of Dakota. Things had changed in the last few months, more than some had hoped things would change in a hundred years. Shifters were out and some of the humans weren’t very happy about it. There were groups that supported the shifters and their rights and those who wanted nothing more than to exterminate them. It was a frightening reality of humanity. So many feared anyone different from themselves, it was a fear born of ignorance and an unwillingness to have an open mind and it was deadly.
Since she had helped write the laws that now protected the shifters, she was as hated by the radicals as shifters were, maybe more so since she was considered a traitor to her very species.
“Mom?”
She shook her head to clear it. “Yes Honey.”
“How long do we have to stay here?” Dakota asked.
“I don’t know baby. Until we’re safe I guess or longer if we want to.” She answered truthfully. She didn’t believe in lying to her son, it wouldn’t work anyway, he would hear it. He was a shifter and it had been explained to her that there were no half measures where shifters were concerned. You either had an animal or you didn’t. The only kink in that theory was apparently the females. The little girls born to one shifter parent and one human parent exhibited pronounced features, but apparently didn’t harbor an animal in their middle. Very little was known about them, but the information was adding up now that so many had come forward to help fight the Sickness.
Shauna looked over to Dakota. He was still considering her words. She was so thankful he hadn’t come down with the sickness. Ricky had assured her that it would have struck by now if Dakota was at risk. It was one thing to be thankful for.
“Do you really think we will ever be safe? People hate us. That lady at the park called me a monster and the police wanted to put me in the pound.” Dakota said finally.
Shauna wanted to weep. At seven years old, he already understood what most of his kind wouldn’t believe. They would never be safe. There would always be those who sought to kill them for who they were. They would always be looked upon with mistrust because of the circumstances of their birth.
“I think that there is a way to achieve a measure of safety.” She answered. “We will adjust to it.”
He nodded. He understood. He was so smart and so much like his father. He understood and accepted what she was telling him. He accepted that he would never be free to live a life in the world again, never live without looking over his shoulder.
“You are safe here.” Ricky said from the doorway. “You can stay and be safe here. I want that.”
He’d been out running and only wore a pair of boxers he’d left on the porch. He let his wolf out every morning, said he had to. Shauna had watched him, fascinated by the way his wolf moved, the way he circled and protected his home. Maverick had done that. He had made sure they were always safe and when he’d understood that he could no longer protect them, he’d sent them away.
“For now.” She whispered.
Ricky tossed three limp rabbits in the sink and walked to her. He pinched her chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting it so she would look into his eyes.
“For always. I will keep you safe. I swear it.” He vowed.
“Why?” She breathed.
He paused. “You’re family. I owe it to Mav.” his words were said lightly, but they held a weight to them.
“Is that the only reason?” She felt there was something he wasn’t saying, he had been quiet, hiding something, but he refused to share it with her. Maverick had been the same way the last few days they’d been together.
“Yeah.” He said, but he wouldn’t look at her.
Dakota gasped and looked to Ricky sharply, but Ricky shook his head. The exchange confused Shauna.
“What?” she questioned.
“You know the answer to that. You aren’t ready to face it yet, but you know it.”
Her heart pounded in her chest.
Dakota started to speak, but Ricky interrupted. “How about you come over here and help me with this rabbit? There are three of them today. I guess the wolf thinks I can’t provide for you guys on my own.”
Dakota bounded over to the sink and looked at the rabbits. “Your wolf caught those?”
Ricky nodded.
“Why did he do that?” Dakota’s brows drew together.
“Because he considers you his.” Ricky answered honestly.
“I’m not his. I’m a Blackstone.” Dakota frowned.
“That’s a fact, but your daddy was my family, so with him gone, you’re mine.” Ricky looked into Dakota’s eyes. “I’m not gonna try to replace him, not here.” He nudged Dakota’s chest with the back of his hand. “But I am gonna step into his shoes and teach you what you need to know.”
Dakota considered that for a few seconds as he looked down at the rabbits.
“Is mama yours too?” He asked quietly.
“Yeah. Your mama’s mine too. Need you to be ok with that part too.” Ricky said as he pulled the skin off one rabbit.
Dakota’s face screwed up in a defiant frown, but when he looked back at Shauna, she saw the sadness in his eyes.
“I guess she can decide that on her own. I guess she can pick another man to replace my daddy, but I never will.”
Shauna felt her heart break in her chest and Ricky’s eyes blazed with anger, but he kept working on the Rabbits.
“You take a good sniff of that. That odor is your mama’s pain and it’s all yours kid.” Ricky said calmly as he washed the rabbits.
Dakota’s eyes filled with tears as he stood there and looked up at Shauna.
“I’m sorry mama.” He whispered.
Shauna had no words. She just nodded and forced herself to drink another sip of coffee.
“Respect your mama. That is rule number one in this house. Respect and protect her.” Ricky said in that same calm tone. “That’s our job.”
“What’s mama’s job?” Dakota asked and Shauna watched his anger bleed away.
“Her job is to love us and that’s one hard job, because, as you just demonstrated, we are boneheads.” Dakota laughed and stepped up on a low stool that stood beside the sink.
“Can you teach me to do that?” Dakota looked up at Ricky with more hero worship than a teen at a comic book convention. His big blue eyes were round with wonder and Ricky won a little piece of Shauna’s heart when he looked down at her son as if he was a man and answered him seriously.
“I think we can manage it, if your mama is alright with it.”
He did that. He was a big, strong man who had a wolf in his middle. He knew that she was struggling with the fact that her legal rights to her son were pretty much shot, but he made sure she knew that he respected her authority over her son.
It mattered.
“I think you should learn as much as you can. If we are ever low on groceries, you can pitch in.” Sh
e said with a wink.
“So, does that mean I can go tomorrow? You’ll let me go with Ricky tomorrow on his hunt?” Dakota pressed.
Shauna looked up at Ricky and he winked.
“I think that would be just fine.” She agreed and that sent Dakota into a fit of whoops and squeals. He was happy. Even with everything that had happened, her son was happy.
“I’m gonna go tell Sam! I’ll be right back.” His brows were raised in question and Shauna laughed and nodded back. He raced out the back door and down the little path that connected Ricky’s cabin with Dice and Mallory’s newly rebuilt one. Hyenas had burned Dice’s cabin and tried to take Sam. It was a miracle that the boy was still alive.
Was that the life she had now?
“How is Sam doing Ricky?” She asked. Dice’s little boy had the Sickness. He was being treated, but there wasn’t enough medicine. If the brothers didn’t find the donor, the boy would die.
“Holding his own. He has a few more weeks of injections. We have time.”
Shauna wasn’t a shifter, but she could hear the uncertainty in Ricky’s voice. He didn’t believe they would ever find the donor and it was breaking him apart. She reached up and patted his chest.
“What about River?” She asked quietly.
“He’s worse. Lucian is trying a few things, but he won’t tell us shit.”
“I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“You have to find her.” She whispered. “Let Lucian figure out how to help River, but you have to find that girl for Sam.”
“Dice and Line are following another lead, but damn it Shauna, they all fizzle out. This girl is dead and the fucking hyenas are playing with us.”
Shauna shivered. The thought of the hyenas made her blood run cold. They had been the reason she’d lost her husband.
“You smell pissed off.” Ricky said with a lifted brow.
“Just thinking.” Shauna stepped away when Mallory, Dice’s mate, waved from her porch letting Shauna know that Dakota was safe.
“Want to tell me?” Ricky asked as he started heating oil to cook the rabbits.
Ricky: Howlers MC : Book 2 Page 4