Grandma tilted her head. “Sara, your face is as pale as goat’s milk. Is anything wrong? Please tell me, did something happen outside?”
Tears spilled onto Sara’s cheeks. “I—I hit Rascal. Michelle is outside with him, but I think I killed him.” Sara swallowed, fearing she might get sick.
Grandma’s eyes widened. “Oh no. I’m sure it was an accident, for I know you didn’t hit Rascal on purpose.” She gave Sara a supportive hug.
She remained in Grandma’s embrace, while more tears escaped her eyes. Then, regaining her composure, Sara stepped away, drying her tears. “Thank you.”
Sara’s gaze darted to the window, then back to her grandmother. “Where’s Grandpa? We need him to help us.”
“He’s in the living room, probably taking a nap. I’ll go get him.” Grandma moved from the kitchen much faster than usual.
Sara wasn’t sure if she should go back outside and wait, or remain in the kitchen until Grandpa came out. She opted for the latter, needing his support and not knowing if Michelle would accept her apology.
As Michelle held Rascal’s head in her lap, deep sobs poured forth from the depths of her soul. She knew without anyone telling her that the dog was dead, for there was no sign of life in him at all. While Michelle sat with Rascal, a memory slipped in from when he was a puppy, and why she had chosen the runt. Rascal had been a lot like her, struggling to survive. Besides being the smallest in the litter, he’d had to squirm his way in between the larger puppies in order to get some milk. Michelle could not refuse such a little fighter.
Michelle smiled briefly, but then the next wave of tears began. “Oh Rascal, I truly am sorry,” she sobbed, as a sense of guilt overcame her. “All you wanted to do was play when I came into the barn, and I made you wait. Today I refused to play, and it cost you your life.”
If only you hadn’t run at Sara’s car. If she’d only seen you in time and stopped her vehicle, you wouldn’t be slipping away from me now. Michelle felt horrible and full of regret. Minutes ago, Rascal was full of life and wanting a little attention. If I’d only taken some time to play ball with my devoted friend, he would still be here now. All the rehashing and if onlys made her feel even worse.
Michelle closed her eyes, holding out hope that her suspicions were wrong. She hadn’t felt this helpless and full of despair since she and her little brothers were separated. But at least Ernie and Jack hadn’t been killed, only taken away and never seen again. Once Rascal was buried, she would never see him again either.
Rascal’s mother approached from the barn and slinked slowly up to Rascal. Michelle could hardly stand watching poor Sadie sniff over her puppy. Then the collie lay down between the pup and Michelle, resting her head on Michelle’s leg.
“Oh Sadie.” Michelle cried even harder when the collie let out a sad whimper. Reaching out and pulling Sadie closer, Michelle buried her face in the collie’s neck and found a slight thread of comfort in the warmth of the dog’s fur. Sadie whined again, as if she understood.
Hearing voices, Michelle looked up and saw Willis and Sara come out of the house and plod toward her through the snow.
“Let me see how badly he’s been hurt.” Willis knelt down and checked Rascal over. Then he put his hand in front of the dog’s mouth and listened for breath with his ear. “I’m so sorry, Michelle.” His voice sounded flat, almost monotone. “Rascal is gone.”
She sniffed deeply. “I—I think I already knew. I listened for a heartbeat, but he hasn’t drawn a breath. Even so, I didn’t want to give up hope.”
“I apologize. As soon as I saw him running at the car, I should have stopped.” Sara put her hand on Michelle’s trembling shoulder. “I didn’t realize how icy the driveway was either. Oh Michelle, I am so sorry.”
“I’ll go to the house and get a box to put him in.” Grandpa rose to his feet. “There’s a patch of ground out back by the burn barrel where the ground isn’t so frozen. I’ll bury him there.”
Michelle could only nod as tears coursed down her cheeks. She’d given no response to Sara’s apology and couldn’t even think to do that right now. All she wanted was to get away from this horrible scene and mounting grief. She needed to be with Ezekiel and seek comfort from him.
“Can I take the horse and buggy out again, Willis?” she asked, hiccuping as she tried holding back more tears. “There’s someplace I need to go.”
His eyebrows squished together as he tugged on one ear. “Well, yes, but Mary Ruth has supper in the oven.”
Michelle stood, brushing snow off her dress. “I couldn’t eat anything right now. I need to see Ezekiel.”
“I can drive you over,” Sara offered. “Please let me do that for you. You’re in no condition to take the horse and buggy out right now.”
“I’m fine.”
Willis eyed Michelle. “If you’re determined to go by yourself, then go ahead and take the horse and buggy. I’ll ask Mary Ruth to keep some of the meatloaf warm for you.”
“Don’t bother. I wouldn’t be able to eat it.” Michelle watched as Sadie followed Willis to the house. Then, looking Sara straight in the eyes, she said, “In case you didn’t know, Rascal was a gift from Mary Ruth and Willis for my birthday last June.” Unable to say any more, Michelle took off for the barn to get Mary Ruth’s horse. The thrill of finding a job today was long forgotten.
After securing Peanuts to the reins, Michelle pulled the carriage from the buggy shed and wheeled it so she could easily back the horse up to it. Peanuts nickered and stomped with an eagerness to go somewhere. This usually made Michelle happy, but right now her whole body felt numb.
She moved to the front of the horse. The mare’s soft eyes, full of life, looked back at her. Warm tears dribbled down Michelle’s face. Her heart felt as though it was breaking. Michelle stroked the horse’s soft muzzle. I hope Ezekiel is done for the day at the greenhouse and hasn’t gone anywhere. I really need his support.
Sara walked slowly back to the house. At this moment, she felt as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. She’d said she was sorry, but Michelle had not accepted her apology. Doesn’t she realize I didn’t do it on purpose? It’s not like I set out to run over her dog. If Michelle hadn’t been here impersonating me this summer, she wouldn’t be going through this right now.
The more Sara thought about it, the more upset she became. She felt guilty enough without facing Michelle’s accusing look and her refusal to acknowledge Sara’s apology or her offer to drive Michelle to Ezekiel’s. Trying to justify the situation by saying it was Michelle’s fault as much as hers didn’t give Sara vindication.
She kicked at a clump of snow as she neared the porch. If I could undo what happened, I surely would.
She stepped near the threshold of the door and paused, remembering her conversation with Brad at noon. Sara was set then to have it out with Michelle, but how could she now? Hopefully, Michelle would find the comfort she needed in the arms of her Amish boyfriend.
Ezekiel had come out of the greenhouse and was getting ready to head for the house, when a horse and buggy entered the yard. He was surprised when it pulled up to the hitching rail and Michelle got out. Ezekiel hadn’t expected to see her this evening.
The minute he saw her tear-stained face, Ezekiel knew something was wrong. “What is it, Michelle? You look umgerennt.”
Her chin trembled. “I am very upset. My dog just died, and it’s Sara’s fault.”
Ezekiel gasped. “Oh no! What happened?”
Sniffling, and practically choking on sobs, Michelle told him everything that had occurred. “I couldn’t stay and watch as Willis buried Rascal. And I can’t be around Sara right now. I needed to be with you, Ezekiel.”
He pulled Michelle into his arms and gently patted her back. “I don’t think Sara did it on purpose. It sounds like an unfortunate accident.”
She pressed her face against Ezekiel’s chest. “Sara said she was sorry.”
“Did you accept her apology?”
“There are many passages in the Bible about forgiveness. Can you think of one?”
“I—I can’t remember where it’s found, but as I recall, there’s a verse that says: ‘For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will …’” Michelle’s voice trailed off.
“‘Will also forgive you,’” Ezekiel finished the quotation. “It’s found in Matthew 6:14. And the verse after that says, ‘But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’”
Although crying so hard her sides ached, Michelle knew what she must do, no matter how difficult it was. For without forgiveness, no healing would come.
Chapter 19
When supper was over, and the dishes were done, Sara volunteered to take the empty canning jar the green beans had been in down to the basement. Michelle still hadn’t returned, and Sara figured she’d probably stayed at Ezekiel’s parents’ house for supper.
Although Grandma’s meatloaf had tasted good, Sara hadn’t had much of an appetite. How could the day after Christmas turn so tragically wrong?
When Grandpa came inside after burying Rascal, he’d looked so sad it made Sara feel even worse. She’d never owned a pet, but was learning quickly how much they could be part of one’s family. Maybe I should have helped Grandpa when he buried Michelle’s dog. But Sara couldn’t bring herself to do so. How could she, when it was her fault? A few minutes alone in the basement might help, especially if she took down that old jar again and read some of the messages inside. It could even take her mind off the current situation and the guilt she felt.
Holding a flashlight in one hand, and the clean jar in the other, Sara made her way slowly down the basement stairs. When she reached the bottom, she found the battery-operated lantern and clicked it on. After putting the canning jar away, she reached up behind the antique jars and took down the one filled with notes. Taking a seat on a wooden stool, she poked her fingers in, pulled out a slip of paper, and read Matthew 7:1 silently: “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”
Sara flinched. Ever since she’d arrived at Grandma and Grandpa’s and found Michelle living here, she had been judge and jury. Michelle was guilty of impersonating her. She had openly admitted it and even apologized. But Sara had not forgiven her, and at every turn, she judged Michelle for every little thing she did.
Maybe I shouldn’t judge her. Michelle might not be the horrible person I’ve made her out to be. Sara tapped her foot. Even if she is up to no good, the Bible says I should not judge her.
Sara drew a deep breath and reached in for another piece of paper that quoted Matthew 5:44: “But I say unto you, Love your enemies.”
She swallowed hard as tears sprang to her eyes. I have seen Michelle as an enemy, but the Bible says I’m supposed to love her.
Sara squeezed her eyes shut. How am I supposed to do that? How can I love Michelle when she’s trying to take my grandparents from me?
She opened her eyes and was about to put the papers back in the jar, when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Hurriedly, she crammed the papers back in, but before she could make a move to return the jar to its shelf, someone spoke.
“Mary Ruth said I would find you down here.”
Sara jerked her head. Michelle stood not more than a foot away. Barely able to respond, she murmured, “I—I came down to put the empty bean jar away.”
Michelle pointed to the antique jar in Sara’s hand. “I see you found one of the mysterious prayer jars.”
Sara’s mouth opened slightly. “Y–you know about this?”
“Yes, and there’s another one on a shelf in the barn.” Michelle offered Sara a weak smile. “Some of the notes I found inside those jars helped me a lot. They made me realize what I was doing was wrong.”
Sara sat quietly, unsure of what to say. Finally, she asked another question. “Do you know who wrote the notes, or why they are in this jar?”
Michelle shook her head. “I’ve wondered if Mary Ruth might have written them, but I was hesitant to ask. Thought if she is the author, it might be too personal or she wouldn’t want to talk about it.”
Sara nodded slowly.
Michelle moved closer and touched Sara’s shoulder. “I want you to know that I forgive you. After talking about it with Ezekiel, and thinking things through, I realized it wasn’t your fault. I’m also to blame for not paying attention to my dog. Rascal shouldn’t have been chasing your car, and the snow and ice only made things worse. Will you forgive me for not accepting your apology before?”
Tears welled in Sara’s eyes. She was overwhelmed with relief. “There’s nothing to forgive on my end, but I appreciate knowing you don’t hold me responsible.”
Michelle pulled Sara into a hug, and Sara did not resist. It was the first time since she and Michelle had been living here that Sara had good feelings toward Michelle, and a great load was beginning to lift.
“I got a job today,” Michelle announced as she sat in the living room that evening with Willis, Mary Ruth, and Sara. The mood had been somber up until now.
Mary Ruth’s eyes brightened as she set her knitting needles aside. “That’s wunderbaar!”
“Jah, congratulations,” Willis said with a twinkle in his eyes.
Sara nodded as well. “Where will you be working, and what will you be doing?”
“It’s at Dienners Country Restaurant in Ronks, and I’ll be waitressing.” Michelle pulled her fingers along the top of the black apron she wore over her plain dress. “From what I hear, it’s a favorite restaurant with Amish as well as English people. And the best news of all is that I’ll be starting tomorrow.” She looked over at Willis. “I can still help you with chores before and after I get off work and also on my days off.”
He smiled. “We’ll see how it goes.”
“What are your days off?” Mary Ruth questioned.
“Sundays, Mondays, and some Saturdays—same as Sara. Of course, I would never work on Sunday, even if the restaurant was open that day.” Michelle quickly added.
“How will you get to work each day?” Mary Ruth picked up her knitting needles again. “You could drive the horse and buggy to Ronks, because there’s a hitching rail outside the restaurant, but it wouldn’t be good to leave the horse there all day.”
“You’re right,” Michelle agreed. “I’ll have to hire a driver to take me to work in the mornings. Once the spring weather takes over I can walk home from there. The three-and-a-half-mile jaunt might do me some good.” Michelle patted her stomach and giggled. “Your good cooking is catching up with me.”
“There’s no need for that.” Sara shook her head. “I’ll drop you off at the restaurant before going to work at the flower shop. Then I can pick you up again when I get off in the afternoon. Ronks isn’t that far from the flower shop.”
“It’s nice of you to offer, but my hours might not coincide with yours.”
Sara shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. If you end up working a later shift, I can always come back here after I leave work and then go to Dienners and pick you up when your afternoon shift ends.” She gave Michelle a reassuring smile. “It’s not that far away, and it won’t take long by car. Maybe ten minutes, if that. We can work something out, so don’t worry about a thing.”
Alone in their room that night, Mary Ruth sat down on the bed beside her husband. “Things are looking up, don’t you think?”
Closing the book from the page he’d been reading, Willis pushed his glasses back in place. “What’d you say?”
“I said, ‘Things are looking up.’”
He squinted at her. “In what way?”
“For one thing, after many weeks of searching, Michelle has finally found a job.”
Willis tugged his left ear. “Jah, that’s a good thing.”
She nudged his arm. “And could you believe how well Sara and Michelle got along this evening? There were no curt remarks on either side
, and what a surprise when Sara offered to give Michelle a ride to and from work.”
He moved his head slowly up and down. “It was unexpected—that’s for sure. I wonder what brought on the change.”
Mary Ruth turned her hands palms up. “I have no idea, but it’s an answer to prayer. It’s sad what happened to poor Rascal today, but maybe this tragedy turned into something positive.”
“Jah, even poor Sadie seems lost right now, so she’ll need some extra attention for a spell.”
“I’m sure she misses her puppy as much as Michelle does.” Mary Ruth looked toward the window. “Do you think we should have brought Sadie inside and let her sleep in Michelle’s room tonight, or even here in ours?”
“Sadie is in the barn where she’s used to being. She might be lonely, but she’ll be okay.”
“I hope things keep going like they are between the girls. I enjoy their company so much, and to see them getting along better is such a blessing.” Mary Ruth placed both hands on her chest.
He patted her arm. “We need to pray that what happened between Sara and Michelle tonight will continue on in the days ahead.”
“I wholeheartedly agree.” Mary Ruth removed her head covering and prepared for bed. Michelle had gone up to her room early this evening, leaving them alone with Sara in the living room. Mary Ruth had been tempted to ask about her granddaughter’s change of heart but had decided it was better to hold back. If either Sara or Michelle wanted to talk with her about it, she felt sure they would. In the meantime, she’d keep praying and showing them love.
After coming upstairs, Sara stood in front of the mirror on her bedroom wall, holding one of her mother’s old heart-shaped head coverings by its ribbon-strings. She’d found it, along with several other items in the cedar chest at the foot of her bed.
The Forgiving Jar Page 13