I wonder how I would look wearing this. She pulled her hair back into a bun and pinned it in place, then set the kapp on her head. With the exception of the jeans and rose-colored top she wore, Sara almost looked Amish. Could I be happy wearing plain clothes all the time? she wondered. Michelle seems to be, and she has no Amish heritage.
Leaving the kapp on, Sara moved away from the mirror and took a seat on the bench near the window. She bent down to remove her shoes and socks. Wiggling her bare toes, she closed her eyes and tried to picture what her mother must have looked like when she lived here as a teenager. Was Mama unhappy being Amish, or did she run away from home only because she felt guilty and couldn’t face her parents with the truth about being pregnant?
Sara had so many unanswered questions she wished she could ask her mother right now. And of course the biggest question of all was, Who is my father?
Her eyes snapped open. Will I ever find out, and if I were to meet him, would he welcome me as his daughter? How would I react if I did find him? He’d be a stranger to me. Sara inhaled and blew out a shallow breath. Maybe it would be best if I never find the answer. I should probably forget about trying to find my father.
Chapter 20
Lancaster
So what’s on your plate this morning?”
Brad grinned at his friend from across the table and pointed to his poached eggs.
Ned groaned. “Very funny. I meant what do you have planned for today?”
“I know. Just kidding.” Brad snickered. “Well, let’s see. First thing after breakfast I plan to make another trip to Strasburg.” He added some salt and pepper to his eggs. “Since Sara will be at work today, it’ll give me a chance to talk to the Lapps privately. Of course, if Michelle is there, that might make it more difficult to say what’s on my mind.”
Ned’s eyebrows rose. “How come you don’t want Michelle to hear what you’re saying?”
“Because it concerns her and Sara and how they’ve been acting toward each other.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. You did mention them being at odds.”
“It’s worse now than ever.” Brad shook his head.
“Did something else happen?”
“Sara still resents Michelle for pretending to be her, and she feels that Michelle has been taking advantage of Willis and Mary Ruth Lapp. She also believes Michelle has an ulterior motive.”
“Do you think she does?”
“I don’t know.” Brad paused to eat a few bites of his eggs. “Sara asked if I would suggest to Michelle that she move out.”
“Wow. Did you agree to that?” Ned slathered a blob of peanut butter on his toast.
“No way. Sara got irritated and said I was siding with Michelle.” Brad grimaced. “I guess many people often look for someone to blame when something doesn’t go their way.”
Ned bobbed his head. “You’re right. When I was a kid and my little brother fell out of a tree, our sister blamed me because I wasn’t watching Dennis. I can remember the incident as though it happened yesterday—probably because I felt so guilty.”
Brad nodded with understanding. “The problem with guilt is until we let go, our thoughts can be consumed with it—sometimes to the point of it making us sick or affecting our relationships with others.”
“I agree.” Ned finished the rest of his toast and swiped a napkin across his face. “I’d better go. Don’t wanna be late for my dental appointment.” He pushed back his chair and stood. “I hope things go well when you talk to the Lapps.”
“Same here.” Even though Brad had prayed when he’d first sat down at the table, he closed his eyes and offered another petition to God. “Please fill my mouth with the right words when I speak to Willis and Mary Ruth. And give all three of us wisdom to know how to help Sara and Michelle realize they need to set their differences aside.”
Ronks, Pennsylvania
“It was nice of you to drive me to work this morning, but don’t feel that you have to do it every day if our schedules conflict.” Michelle looked over and smiled, as Sara pulled her car into Dienners’ parking lot.
“Not a problem. I’ll do it whenever I can, especially because we’ll be getting into the coldest part of winter soon.” Sara turned off the engine. “Since we’re here a few minutes early, I’d like to talk to you about something.”
“Sure, what is it?”
Sara cleared her throat. “Well, shortly after I came to visit my grandparents for the first time, I received a letter from Brad.”
“Oh? I didn’t realize you had known him before.”
“I didn’t. The letter was obviously meant for you, because he knew you as Sara.”
“Oh yeah.” Michelle’s cheeks colored. “What did his letter say?”
Sara tapped her chin. “I can’t remember word-for-word, but the gist of it was that he wanted to let you know he had settled in at the seminary in Clarks Summit.”
Michelle nodded. “That’s right. Brad told me he would be going there in one of our earlier conversations. Did he say anything else I should know about?”
“He said he hoped you had gotten the note he’d brought by the Lapps’ before he left. Oh, and there was a Bible verse included with his letter.” Sara paused, wondering if she should say more.
“What else?”
“Umm … Brad also mentioned that he hoped you would write him sometime and as soon as he had a free weekend he’d like to come here for a visit.”
Michelle pursed her lips. “I see.”
“Was there more?”
“He asked you to give his love to your grandparents and said he was praying for you.”
“You mean, your grandparents.”
“Yes, but he thought they were yours.”
Michelle’s head moved up and down. “I really messed up, didn’t I? Everyone in this Amish community would have been better off if I hadn’t let them think I was you.”
“It’s in the past and can’t be changed.” Then why can’t you forget about trying to find out who your father is? The little voice in Sara’s head reminded her that, despite her best intentions, she had not left her past behind, and may never unless she found the answer she sought.
“Do you still have Brad’s letter?” Michelle asked.
Sara shook her head. “I didn’t think I would ever see you again, so I threw the letter away.”
“Oh, I see.” Michelle gave one of her head covering strings a tug. “Guess it really doesn’t matter, since he didn’t say anything I don’t already know.” She sucked in her bottom lip, and then let her mouth relax. “There was a time when I thought I might be falling for Brad, but I quickly realized we weren’t suited and that I had no future with him.” She smiled. “Ezekiel and I are meant to be together, even if his mother doesn’t think so.”
“Maybe Belinda will change her mind.”
Michelle shrugged. “I hope so, because I can’t imagine what it would be like if Ezekiel and I ended up getting married and there was still tension between his mother and me.”
Sara gave Michelle’s arm a light tap. “Well, as my mother used to say, ‘Remember to take one day at a time.’”
“Good advice.” Michelle looked at her watch. “Oh goodness. I better get inside. My boss wanted me here a little early to go over some things I need to know. Don’t want to start off on the wrong foot my first day.”
“I heard a car pull into the yard,” Mary Ruth shouted from the kitchen. “Would you please see who it is, Willis? I would do it, but I’m in the middle of rolling out pie dough.”
“Jah, okay,” he called back.
Mary Ruth was putting the dough into the pans when Willis entered the kitchen with Brad. “This is a nice surprise.” She gestured with her head. “If you’d like to take a seat at the table, I’ll make some coffee as soon as I get the pie shells in the oven to lightly brown.”
“Sounds good.” Brad took a seat, and Willis did the same.
“Too bad the pies aren’t baked yet,” her hu
sband commented. “I could go for something a little sweet right about now.”
“Not a problem,” Mary Ruth assured him. “There are plenty of peanut butter kichlin in the cookie jar. Feel free to get some out for our guest, as well as yourself.”
Willis didn’t have to be asked twice. He got right up and walked over to the ceramic jar on the counter. Soon he and Brad, both with smiling faces, were nibbling on cookies.
“Delicious!” Brad smacked his lips. “Did you make them, Mary Ruth?”
She shook her head. “Michelle did.”
“Speaking of Michelle, where is she today?” He glanced around as though expecting her to join them.
“She should be in Ronks by now.” Mary Ruth smiled as she poured pumpkin filling into the lightly browned pie shells, ready for further baking. “She got hired as a waitress at Dienners, and this was her first day on the job.”
“That’s good to hear. I imagine Sara’s working today too?”
“Sure is.” Willis spoke before Mary Ruth had a chance to respond to Brad’s question.
“Good to know. I’m glad neither of them is here right now.”
Mary Ruth returned the pies to the oven and turned to face Brad. “How come?”
“Because I don’t want them to hear what I’m about to say.” Brad reached for another cookie.
Mary Ruth placed a pot of coffee on the stove, then took a seat across from Brad. “What is it you wanted to tell us that the girls aren’t supposed to hear?”
He rested both arms on the table. “Sara has talked to me about Michelle and how she feels about her pretending to be your granddaughter all those months. She is clearly upset, not only with that, but about Michelle living here with you.” Brad’s gaze went from Mary Ruth to Willis. “Has she spoken to either of you about it?”
“We have talked, but not specifically about that.” Mary Ruth shook her head. “We have noticed the tension between Sara and Michelle … until last night, that is.”
“What happened last night?”
“We have no idea,” Willis spoke up. “They just acted more civil toward each other.”
“You probably don’t know this, but something unfortunate happened yesterday,” Mary Ruth added.
Brad remained silent as she explained what happened to Michelle’s dog. As Mary Ruth described the outcome, Brad’s expression changed from curiosity to a look of disbelief.
“And then last evening, after Michelle told us she found a job, Sara offered to give her a ride to work,” Willis interjected.
Brad’s eyes widened. “That’s really something. Never expected to hear this kind of news when I came over here. Wonder what brought on the change, especially after what happened to Rascal.”
Mary Ruth got up to get the coffeepot. “I have no idea, but I am ever so grateful. Sara is our flesh-and-blood granddaughter, and we love her dearly, but we also care about Michelle.”
Willis bobbed his head as though in agreement.
“I understand.” Brad accepted the cup of coffee Mary Ruth offered him. “It sounds like an answer to prayer.”
“Yes, indeed.” Mary Ruth poured coffee for herself and Willis and took her seat at the table. “I only hope whatever good has transpired between the girls will last.”
Each time Brad entered the Lapps’ house, he appreciated the warm and inviting feeling, and this morning had been no different. He’d enjoyed talking with Willis and Mary Ruth, and was especially happy to hear of the turnabout with Sara and Michelle. He felt sure it couldn’t have been anything he’d said to Sara that had influenced her, but it didn’t matter. He was just glad things were going better between the two young women.
Driving back to Ned’s apartment, Brad thought about Sara. He wasn’t happy with the way things had ended the last time he was with her. Here it was Thursday already, and he only had five more days before he had to be back at the university.
“I have to work it in somehow to see Sara before I go back.” He spoke out loud. “I wonder what she’s doing on New Year’s Eve. Think I’ll stop by the flower shop sometime tomorrow or the next day and see if she has any plans.”
Chapter 21
Ronks
Michelle shivered as she stood outside Dienners, waiting for Sara to pick her up. It had been a busy day at the restaurant, and her feet ached from being on them for the breakfast and lunch shifts. Even her comfortable shoes didn’t seem to help her feet today. She had only agreed to work two shifts every day to make more money. The morning shift started at seven, and the afternoon shift ended at three. Since Sara started at eight and left her job in Strasburg at four, it meant Sara went in early and Michelle stayed at Dienners an hour after quitting time, waiting for her ride. While Sara’s offer to take Michelle to and from work was generous, this wasn’t the ideal situation.
Sure wish Sara and I worked the same hours. Michelle blew on her hands, getting colder by the minute. Maybe Sara’s boss would be willing to change her work schedule to match mine. But then I guess he wouldn’t need her to come to work that early every day.
If Michelle had a car of her own, she could drive herself, but that would defeat the purpose of trying to live a Plain life while waiting to join the Amish church.
Michelle thought about all the frustration it caused Ezekiel when his folks found out he’d bought a truck. Things were much better between him and his parents since he’d decided to join the church and sell the vehicle. At least now, and even after Michelle and Ezekiel became members, they would be allowed to ride in other people’s cars.
A horn honked, drawing Michelle’s thoughts aside. She looked to the left and spotted Sara’s car pulling into the parking lot, so she hurried that way.
“How was your first day on the job?” Sara asked after Michelle took a seat on the passenger’s side.
“It went fine, and I made some good tips, but boy, am I ever tired.” Michelle reached down and rubbed the calf of her right leg. “It’s been so long since I waitressed that I forgot what it was like to be on my feet for so many hours.” She looked over at Sara and smiled. “I’m glad I don’t have to walk home, and I appreciate you going out of your way to pick me up.”
“It’s no bother. I am happy to do it,” Sara replied. Since I hit your dog, it’s the least I can do.
“How did your day go?” Michelle asked.
“It went well, but things were kind of quiet. Only a few people came into the shop to buy or order flowers.”
“Bet it will get hectic again close to Valentine’s Day.” Michelle slipped off her shoes and wiggled her toes near the heat vent.
Sara nodded as she pulled out of the parking lot. “Andy and Karen Roberts already warned me about that. They said it would be even more demanding than Christmas, with folks flocking into the store to buy flowers. But I think I’ll be up to the challenge. And it will likely be one of the times I’ll need to work longer hours.”
“You’re a strong woman, Sara. I envy you for that,” Michelle said.
“What makes you think I’m strong?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe strong isn’t the right word. I guess confident might be a better way of putting it.”
“I’m not as confident as you might think.”
“Really? It doesn’t show.”
“Maybe not outwardly, but inside I am sometimes a ball of nerves.” Sara clicked the blinker on as she prepared to turn the next corner.
“Never would have guessed it. To me you appear so self-assured.”
Sara shook her head. “When I first came to Strasburg to meet my grandparents, I was full of anxiety—afraid they might not like me.”
Michelle groaned, rubbing her feet. “I felt the same way when I met them. Only my situation was different. I knew if they found out I was pretending to be you, they’d probably never speak to me again—not to mention that I would have had to move out.”
“But Grandpa and Grandma did, and they even welcomed you into their home.”
“True. Their love and
forgiveness was more than I deserved.”
“Is there anyone in your life you have not forgiven?” Sara asked as they approached Strasburg.
Michelle sat quietly for several seconds before she answered. “For a long time, there was. My parents were abusive, and when my brothers and I became wards of the state and got shipped off to different foster parents, I was angry. I told myself I would never forgive our mom and dad for what they did to us, even if they got down on their knees and begged.”
“What about now? Would you forgive them if they asked?”
“Yes, and I already have. In fact, I wrote them a letter the other day. Wanted my folks to know where I am and said I’ve forgiven them for the abusive things they did to me and my brothers while we were living with them.”
Strasburg
Sara didn’t respond until they arrived at her grandparents’ place. After she turned off the car’s engine, she turned to face Michelle. “It had to be difficult for you to forgive your parents.”
“From a human standpoint it was.”
“Well, I want you to know that I have forgiven you for pretending to be me, but there are some people in my life I can’t forgive right now. Truthfully, I’m not sure I ever will.”
“With God’s help you can.”
Sara’s chin trembled. “If there is a God, then He shouldn’t allow people to keep secrets or treat others unfairly.”
Before Michelle could put on her shoes and offer a response, Sara hopped out of the car and hurried to the house. Just thinking about the people in her life who had done her an injustice gave her a headache. And the idea of forgiving them seemed impossible.
The minute her granddaughter entered the house, Mary Ruth knew something was wrong. Grimacing, Sara held her head and mumbled something about needing to go to her room to lie down.
Should I go after her? Mary Ruth wondered as Sara raced up the stairs. Maybe she’s sick or had a rough day at work. Oh, I hope nothing’s happened between her and Michelle again.
The Forgiving Jar Page 14