Sara wasn’t quite sure how to respond. “I guess you’re right. She has changed, but I thought it was mostly due to her decision to join the Amish faith.”
“I don’t believe she would have ever made that decision if she hadn’t become a Christian.” Brad leaned forward, looking at Sara with a most serious expression. “How about you, Sara? Are you a Christian?”
Sara fiddled with the spoon lying next to her plate. Between the things Michelle said to her this morning, and the information she and Brad heard about the Biblical Tabernacle, Sara felt as if she was being pressured to become a Christian. This unexpected question from Brad was the final straw.
What am I supposed to say in response? I don’t like it when people lie, yet I feel like I’m being backed into a corner.
Sara took a drink of iced tea, stalling for time. After a few uncomfortable seconds, she set her glass down and forced herself to make eye contact with him. “Yes, I’m a Christian.” Her conscience prodded, No, you’re not, but she pushed the thought aside. What other choice did I have? If I had admitted I’m not a Christian, Brad most likely would not want to see me again.
A slow smile spread across his face. “That’s good to hear.” No doubt, he was relieved to know the woman he was having lunch with wasn’t an atheist, at least.
Sara’s conscience stabbed her again. Listen to me. I’m no better than Michelle used to be. She pretended to be me, and now I’m pretending to be a Christian. Guess that makes me a liar and a hypocrite. I am professing to be something I’m not so I can have a relationship with a man who truly is a Christian, in every sense of the word. Staring down at her napkin, Sara wadded it into a ball. My heart has been hardened toward God, and I’m not sure it will ever soften.
“Will you excuse me for a minute?” Sara could barely meet Brad’s eyes. She needed a bit of space and didn’t want to continue this conversation, so she found an excuse to escape. “I need to get a little more dressing for my salad.”
“Sure, I may need to make another trip to the buffet myself, but I’ll finish what I have here first.”
“Okay then. I’ll be right back.” Sara hurried across the room and didn’t look back. I should have been honest with Brad, but I didn’t have the nerve.
Brad watched as Sara made her way to the salad bar. From the way she hurried off, it seemed like she may have been anxious to leave the table. Sure hope I didn’t say anything to upset her. To be truthful, Brad wasn’t sure Sara had enjoyed herself today. He’d found the tabernacle replica fascinating, but most of the time during the tour Sara had appeared distant, almost detached, when their guide explained things. It seemed as if her mind was somewhere else.
As he took a swallow of iced tea, Brad came to a conclusion. Some people aren’t biblical history buffs like me. Guess I should have taken Sara to the mud sale in Manheim or rode the Strasburg Rail Road train ride through part of Amish country. His shoulders rose and fell. I should have let Sara decide what she wanted to do, instead of deciding it for her.
Brad looked up in time to see Sara coming in his direction, and at the same moment, another familiar person came into view, and she was making her way toward him.
Just as Sara got to the table with a small container of salad dressing, a lovely dark-haired woman stepped up to their table and greeted Brad like an old friend. “Well, fancy seeing you here, Brad.”
“Terri, what a surprise.” Brad looked at Sara. “This is Terri Conners. She attends the same university I do. Terri, this is my friend, Sara Murray.”
“Nice to meet you,” Sara and Terri said in unison.
“Do you mind if I join you?” Terri gestured to the empty chair at their table.
“No problem.” Brad stood up and pulled out the chair for her.
“I’m glad I ran into you here, and you were so right.” Terri’s arm brushed Brad’s as she leaned closer to him. “Amish country is incredible. There’s so much to see and do. I wish now that I’d come here sooner.”
Is this young woman just a friend of Brad’s, or could she be his girlfriend? Sara tapped her foot under the table.
“I met Terri in the school cafeteria one day. We got to talking about places to visit, and I told her about Lancaster County.” Brad explained, looking at Sara. “Terri’s studying to be a youth minister. She’s in her second year of school.”
Terri directed her attention to Sara. “I’m a preacher’s kid, born and raised in Maine.” She turned back to Brad. “But I tell you, after spending a few days in this area, I could move here in a heartbeat.”
“Have you done much sightseeing?” Brad asked.
“Yes, I have. One day I visited an Amish farm, and afterward the tour group even got to see the house. I, along with a bunch of other tourists, then sat down to the most fabulous home-cooked meal. We were seated at a long table and talked among ourselves as we ate.” Terri kept her focus on Brad, glancing only briefly in Sara’s direction. “Afterward, I even got the chance to ride in a horse and buggy. That was sure fun.”
“My grandparents are Amish,” Sara spoke up.
Terri eyed her with a curious expression. “But you’re not Amish?”
Sara shook her head. The last thing she wanted was for Terri to start asking more questions, so she quickly changed the subject. “Brad and I toured the Biblical Tabernacle earlier today.”
“I was there yesterday. Too bad we didn’t end up there at the same time. It would have been nice to hang out with someone I know.” Once more, Terri directed her comment to Brad. “Wasn’t the made-to-scale tabernacle interesting?”
“It sure was.”
Sara sat quietly listening to the two of them describe what they liked best about the tour. This pretty, dark-haired woman had such an easy time talking with Brad, and he seemed equally comfortable with Terri.
Sara felt almost invisible as she picked at the rest of her salad. Am I imagining it, or is Ms. Conners interested in Brad? She stirred restlessly. I have no claim whatsoever on Brad, and I probably shouldn’t care, but I do. But then Terri’s obviously a Christian—a much better fit for him.
Chapter 33
Strasburg
Brad lounged in a chair on the Lapps’ front porch, waiting for Sara to get her purse, which she’d forgotten on the way out the door. This was his last day of spring break, and he’d invited her to attend church with him in Lancaster. Sara seemed hesitant when he’d first extended the invitation, saying she usually went to Amish church with her grandparents. But when Willis reminded Sara this was their off-Sunday and they were planning to visit their son Ivan’s church district in Paradise, she agreed to go along with Brad.
It surprised him, since Ivan was Sara’s uncle. He figured she’d want to go with her grandparents. For whatever her reason, Brad was glad Sara was willing to attend church with him.
Running a finger down the crease in his dark gray dress slacks, Brad thought about the previous week. He’d spent as much time with Sara as possible—stopping by the flower shop a few times, in addition to taking her out for dinner on three occasions. Brad had also been invited to the Lapps’ for supper on two evenings. Each time Brad and Sara were together, he found himself more drawn to her. Sara seemed more relaxed this week than last, which made him regret having to leave even more. He wished he didn’t have to return to the university so soon. If it were possible, he’d stay in Strasburg permanently.
But Brad couldn’t lose sight of his goal to preach, which meant more studying in preparation for the ministry. He’d decided to return to Strasburg for the summer months and already looked forward to that. He hoped to drive and work for the Amish again and might take an online class or two, rather than attending summer classes at the university. Brad felt confident that by the end of the summer he would know if Sara was the woman God had in mind for him.
I’m relieved Sara is a Christian, and I’m glad I found the courage to ask. My only other concern is whether she’d be willing to take on the role of a pastor’s wife.
&nb
sp; Brad sat up straight. I’m moving way too fast. I haven’t given it enough time to know if Sara and I are even right for each other.
When the front door opened, and Sara stepped onto the porch, Brad jumped up. “Ready to go?”
With a nod, she clasped his extended hand. Being with Sara and heading for worship service on this blue-skied Sunday morning felt exactly right. Brad looked forward to summer and enjoying more days like this.
Lancaster
What am I doing here? I feel so out of place. Sara glanced around the rural church Brad had taken her to this morning. The polished wooden pews had been arranged neatly in rows. On the back of each pew a wooden shelf held a Bible, songbook, and several welcome cards. Along both sides of the room were three stained glass windows, with another one on the wall behind the baptistery at the front of the sanctuary. In front of the pulpit sat an ornate-looking table with a large Bible on it that was flanked by two white candles.
Also near the front of the room and to the left a bit sat a grand piano, as well as a keyboard, where two female musicians sat. In addition to a drummer, three other men sat on the platform with guitars.
Four attractively dressed people—two men and two women—stepped forward with microphones to lead the singing. The first four songs were lively choruses—quite a change from the drawn-out hymns sung in German Sara had become used to hearing during Amish worship services. A good portion of the congregation clapped as they sang—another thing that would not be done in the Amish church.
The fact that Sara could not understand any of the words written in the Amish Ausbund, or know what the ministers said when they preached in German, might be why she felt more comfortable attending Amish church. Sara disliked the idea that she was being preached at, so not understanding the bishop and ministers’ words was a benefit.
After the choruses, the song leader asked everyone to be seated. Two men passed the offering plates around, and then more singing followed—this time, several hymns.
As Sara stood next to Brad, following the words in her songbook, she gave him a sidelong glance. His joyful expression as he lifted both hands and sang with honest enthusiasm said it all. Brad was a committed Christian, in every sense of the word. He needed no hymnal to read the lyrics. This devout man knew all the songs by heart.
I should break things off with him, Sara thought. I am not cut out for a religious life, which seems to be his whole world.
Sara looked around at the congregation, as nearly everyone lifted their voices in praise to the Lord once again. She turned her head, glancing at the pews toward the back of the church and stifled her intake of breath. Terri Conners sat two rows behind them.
Sara lowered her gaze, turned around, and joined in with the singing. I cannot believe Terri Conners is here too. Did she follow us, or did Brad tell her he’d be attending here today?
When the singing ended and they were seated again, Brad reached for Sara’s hand and gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. Her hand remained in his until the pastor stepped up to the pulpit and asked everyone to open their Bibles. Brad let go of Sara’s hand and opened his Bible. Sara was amazed at how quickly he found the passage of scripture the minister said he would be preaching from. If Sara had been asked to find the book of Acts, it would have taken her forever.
Sara thought about her mother’s Bible, which she’d rarely looked at since finding Mama’s note telling Sara about her grandparents. I wonder how well my mother knew the scriptures. Was she as well versed with them as Grandpa and Grandma are, or did the Bible mean little or nothing to Mama, as it does to me?
Sara clutched the folds in her skirt, tuning out the pastor’s words, although Brad seemed fixated on the message. If my mother had a connection with God, then why wasn’t she honest enough to tell me about her past, while she was still alive—and more importantly, about my father?
Sara’s mother had grown up in a home where devotions and prayer prevailed. And until she’d run away from home, she had no doubt attended Amish church. Why then, Sara wondered, didn’t Mama talk about spiritual things with me?
Why? Why? Why? Sara’s lips tightened as another wave of bitterness rose in her soul. Try as she might, Sara couldn’t push the feelings aside. If Mama had professed to be a Christian, and acted like one by being honest, then I might be a Christian too.
The whimper of a baby pushed Sara’s thoughts aside. Holding the fussy infant in one arm and a diaper bag in the other, the young woman in front of them slipped quietly from her pew. Sara watched her go out the back of the church and couldn’t help noticing Terri again.
Sara thought of a plan. Somehow, Brad and I are going to get out of this church without running into her.
When the pastor mentioned another verse, this one from John, Brad turned back several pages in his Bible.
Sara tried to be attentive and listen to what the middle-aged man behind the pulpit had to say, but her mind wandered all over the place.
Before Brad leaves for Clarks Summit, I should tell him I can’t see him anymore. Her stomach tightened as she bit the inside of her cheek. Another option would be to keep seeing Brad and continue letting him think she was a Christian. But what about Terri Conners? Should I get out of the way so she can move in on Brad? It was obvious to Sara that was what the young woman wanted.
When the service ended, and Brad took Sara’s hand again, she lost her resolve. She would continue with the facade a little longer. Later down the road if their relationship became serious, she would admit to Brad that she wasn’t a believer. It would be a test to see what kind of a man he was. For to Sara’s way of thinking, a true Christian should not be prejudiced against someone who wasn’t.
Since the service had ended, Brad assumed Sara would get up, but she remained on their pew. “Are you ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes. Just thought it would be good to wait for the elderly parishioners to leave before we rush out. I noticed most of them were sitting up front.”
“You’ve made a good point.” Brad glanced at the older people slowly making their way to the aisle. One man, who was stooped over, walked with a cane. Another elderly couple walked arm in arm, as if to steady the other. These good folks are probably long-time members of this church, and they deserve to be treated with respect. I’m glad Sara pointed it out.
“It looks like most of the church has cleared out now.” Sara got up and entered into the aisle.
At the door, the pastor greeted Brad and Sara and welcomed them to his church. As Brad explained to the preacher about his interest in ministry, he realized Sara had already stepped out the door. He shook the clergyman’s hand and hurried after her.
It was hard to read Sara’s thoughts as they walked to the parking lot. She hadn’t said a word since they’d left the church.
They were almost to Brad’s van, when someone called his name. He turned around.
“Brad!” Terri waved her arms.
He waved back in response, and holding Sara’s hand, he led her over to where Terri stood by her car.
“I can’t believe the way we keep bumping into each other.” Terri grinned at Brad. “Are you heading back to school today?”
“Yes, but there are still a few people I want to say goodbye to, so I’ll be leaving a bit later.”
“I hate to ask, but would you mind if I followed you back to Clarks Summit? I’ve been staying at a bed-and-breakfast near the entrance to Highway 222 and need to check out by noon. I can wait for you in the parking lot there.”
“Sure, I guess that would work.” Brad glanced at Sara, quietly fiddling with her purse straps.
“Thank you, Brad.” Terri touched his arm. “I figure you’d know a better way to get back to Clarks Summit. I ended up taking a longer route when I came down here, and I’d like to save on gas when I travel back.”
“Okay, Terri, I’ll see you soon.”
As Brad walked with Sara back to his van, he sensed something was troubling her and wondered if it had anything to do with Terr
i. Or maybe, he thought, Sara didn’t enjoy the church service today.
“Are you okay? You’ve been kind of quiet since the service let out.” Brad said, once he’d started the van.
“I’m fine.”
“Did you enjoy the church service?”
Sara nodded. “It was nice. A lot different than Amish church, that’s for sure.”
“What church did you attend when you lived in New Jersey?” Brad left the parking lot and pulled out into traffic.
“Umm …” More toying with her purse. Was she nervous about something?
“I assume you and your family had a home church.”
“Yes. Yes, of course. It was a few blocks from our home.” Sara turned her head to the right, looking out the passenger’s window.
Something didn’t seem right. She’d been aloof—almost distracted since Terri showed up. Brad was on the verge of saying something, but changed his mind. All he wanted was to enjoy Sara’s company before it was time to return to Clarks Summit. If Sara was upset about something, surely she would have said so.
Paradise
As Michelle sat on a backless wooden bench in the basement of the home of Lenore’s parents, she reflected on the conversation she’d had with Sara in the barn last week. Sara seemed like a good person, and because she had forgiven Michelle for impersonating her, Michelle assumed Sara was a Christian. To hear Sara say she was not a believer had been a surprise.
Michelle’s brows furrowed. If Sara could forgive me, then why not her mother? A lot of parents have done worse things to their kids than keeping the truth about their heritage from them. Ask me. I should know.
Michelle had prayed for Sara every day since their discussion in the barn. She’d been tempted to talk to Sara’s grandparents about it, but didn’t follow through. If Sara found out Michelle had divulged the information she’d shared with her, it could ruin the bond they’d begun to form.
Michelle’s thoughts shifted gears. I wonder if Sara enjoyed the church service she and Brad went to. Brad was an upright person, and his being around her was good for Sara—especially in a spiritual way. Perhaps he could get through to her when no one else could.
The Forgiving Jar Page 23