by Ceri Beynon
Even though Anita is at present hardly a person to feel envious of, seeing her and Frederick together, living in the same home without interruption from a possessive parent made me long for Calix and I to be married. Calix is almost in a jail, like that hospital, himself. Only he’s in a jail disguised as a luxurious palace. Frederick has his own place, he can do whatever he wants and he doesn’t need anyone’s permission. He doesn’t have to be on his guard and explain himself to anyone the way Calix does, even though they are both in the public eye. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if Calix wasn’t a prince, and especially not the Prince of the Broken.
Chapter Fifteen.
Gloomsday
As I lie in bed, the muscles in my legs ache from all that running. I feel exhausted but I cant sleep. A sudden, overwhelming desperation washes over me. I need to marry Calix. I need to be with him always. I hate only seeing him at college and for a couple of hours at the city .I want to live with him, share every memory, every moment. I would do anything. Yes, I’d even go personally to The King to ask him if I can become a citizen. But of course, that would be pointless because The King only limited who can become a citizen in the first place to stop us from getting married. The situation is so hopeless. I fall asleep from the lullaby that is my racing thoughts and my longing.
When I wake up, I’m still tired ,although the daylight and morning rush to get ready means my yearning has at least lessened. Busyness is a cure for everything. I don’t understand people who moan about assignments, work and thinking are our only protection from pain and heartache. I shouldn’t feel so negative. I still have Calix, the one I love, that’s all that matters.
I hear the sound of a car horn outside. I look out of the window and to my surprise and delight, Calix has come to pick me up. I quickly grab my bag of books, turn the bathroom light off and go outside.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you” I smile.
“Well I wasn’t planning on picking you up Seren but I couldn’t face staying in the city this morning, so I left early and thought I may as well give you a ride” he says chirpily.
“Why didn’t you want to stay in the city?” I ask.
“Its all over the news. ‘Prince Calix and Black Ball star Frederick Forefront in hospital kidnap and car chase’. Dads been on at me all morning, saying that I’m creating a negative reputation for the Royal Family of the Broken” he says, trying to look annoyed, but with a flicker of amusement lingering underneath.
“I could have predicted that. Will you get into trouble? What about Frederick and Anita, the hospital staff haven’t taken her back there have they?” I ask, hoping that our efforts were not in vain.
“Frederick sent me a text in the early hours of this morning. He and Anita have had to go into hiding. He didn’t even tell me where, but says they are both safe and that he will keep me updated. As for me, well I don’t know. What I did was wrong by law. Maybe that was another factor in me leaving the city early” he says, looking a little afraid.
“And Alfred the getaway driver, harbouring The City of the Broken’ s most wanted criminal.” I snigger.
“Hey! You were in on this too don’t forget. And I think Frederick is the most wanted not me.” he says teasingly.
“Yes, but I wont get into trouble because I’m not a citizen” I say, stressing the point that’s been bugging me all night.
We drive to college and wave Alfred goodbye as we walk through the doors. Alfred doesn’t drive through the gates of the Broken city as I expect, but remains parked in the college car park.
“He’s not going to stay there all day to wait for you Calix, is he”? I ask, thinking Alfred’s dedication to service is a little extreme.
“He doesn’t usually. I genuinely think he feels he has committed a terrible crime because he was our driver and helped pick the lock to get into the hospital. Poor Alfred, he’s so old fashioned and proper. He’s probably too ashamed and afraid to head back to the city alone” says Calix, truthfully.
“I hope your Father wont fire him” I say, knowing how the King’s mind works.
“Me too. He’s likely to blame the whole thing on anyone but me, even Alfred who’s been employed by Dad even before I was born. Alfred did surprise me though, when he participated in something as dodgy as picking a lock” laughs Calix.
“Yeah. But I think he saw it as assisting the prince rather than aiding a kidnap” I snigger.
At lunchtime in college, I walk to the library to meet Calix. He’s sitting at a desk which is covered with a wide stretch of paper.
“What are you up to Calix? Not plotting any more criminal activity I hope” I say.
When I’m close enough, I can see a title that reads ‘Plan for Reuniting the City’ stretched out before him. It looks complex, a plan of someone who is highly articulate and skilled .A plan of someone who knows what he wants. A plan of Calix’s.
“The City Reunited group has accomplished little. I really need to take a drastic step. The city needs order and harmony and Dad isn’t doing enough, he’s just making it worse. So I’m taking matters into my own hands” says Calix, sounding stressed and overworked.
I stare at his beautiful face, I think that by now I know it off by heart. But I always discover a new depth, angle or complexity that I never knew to be there. Calix has a face that seems to be forever changing, an essence I could never truly grasp. Even though I probably know him better than anyone, I still sometimes feel I don’t know him at all. Sometimes I think he’s so handsome its intimidating, then other times I think he’s a little lost boy, with a cloud of sorrow following him around continuously, never letting him be. He’s such a complex person, difficult to understand. This spectrum of qualities, this ungraspable nature of him is what fascinates me most. It’s the reason that I want him and no one else.
“Calix. I want us to get married. I understand your concern about the city, but please lets just concentrate on us” I say, feeling that sometimes I come second to The City of the Broken.
He pauses and looks intently at me for a moment.
“Yes Seren ,I want that too. Please don’t feel that I don’t care about us, you are all I think about even when I’m focusing on the city. But the reason we aren’t married already still exists. There’s nothing I can do. I’m sorry” he says ,stroking my hair and then hugging me as a tear runs down my cheek.
I always know that when Calix doesn’t have an answer to a problem, then no one does.
We are not getting married. That’s it. So I have to just forget about the whole idea and focus on Calix. Which is a vicious cycle that only leads me back to thinking about marriage. I talk about issues relating to the city to distract myself from my own heartache.
“Why do you think the City Reunited group isn’t achieving much? Everyone is dedicated to it” I say, feigning interest and enthusiasm.
“Its just a group where people vent their opinions, an outlet for anger. I thought we’d all work together to achieve progress, but its not happening .Nothing constructive is coming out of the group” he says moodily.
“So what exactly are your plans for the City?” I ask, glancing towards his plan.
“Well this isn’t going to involve the group. I might ask their opinions on certain aspects, but largely I’m going to do this alone. The vote is one idea obviously, I’ve arranged for that to take place this week. There will be a voting booth and people will go in anonymously and tick whether they consider themselves Pro-Happiness or Pro-Despair .There wont be a neutral option this time. I want an extreme result so that I know how the majority really feel” says Calix forcefully.
“Do people need to register to vote?” I ask, considering the technicalities.
“No. But they do need to be citizens of the City of the Broken. Sorry you cant vote Seren, but its only fair that the vote is limited to actual citizens, who have to live in the city everyday” he says sympathetically.
“What else is in your plan?” I ask.
“I�
��m printing leaflets and organizing awareness campaigns, to try and end discrimination against opposing groups and end this divide. I’ll be sending a copy of my leaflet ‘Pro-Togetherness :We are all citizens’ to everyone in the city which I hope will help the two groups understand each other and relate to each other more, whilst reaching a much larger audience than what the City Reunited group has done” he says.
“I’ve never known anyone who multi-tasks as much as you Calix. I find college alone full on, but you somehow find time for that, running a city, rescuing hospital patients from a fate worse than death and not forgetting the full time job that is going home every night to your father. You deserve a medal” I say, feeling astonished that such a remarkable human being is actually my fiancé.
“Seren don’t flatter me. Its not that hard, its more about time-management. Okay, wait-dealing with Dad is very hard, I wont deny that .Yes I do deserve a medal for that” he smiles.
“Or at least the free will to marry who you choose” I say.
“Yes that true. But really, you don’t pay attention to how wonderful and unique you are Seren. But I do. I cant comprehend how you are so understanding, adaptable and above all true to yourself” he says, looking genuinely intrigued and dazzled by my supposed qualities.
“I don’t really know what you mean. Why adaptable, understanding? Yes, I suppose I am true to myself” I say recognizing the latter feature of my personality.
“You don’t seem overly fazed that I’m a prince. You aren’t frightened by the fact that I rule over a dark and tormented city. You are even moderately accepting of my unbearable-to-be-around father. That surprised me, shocked me even. I never thought I could find a girl like you” he says lovingly.
“You make it all sound so simple Calix, but its not .When I found out that you were a prince I was shell-shocked(when I finally believed you, though of course I didn’t at first).I found the city overwhelming when I first visited, sometimes I still do. And please lets not even pretend that I accept your Father .Put up with just so that I can be with his perfect son, yes.” I correct him.
Sometimes I think Calix really doesn’t understand that everyday when I wake up, I think I must be having a recurring dream fused with a nightmare that I’m dating a prince who rules over broken people.
“Still Seren, you stuck through it. You and I are still together, despite your initial and continuing doubts. That shows true courage and perseverance ,another two traits I admire in you” he says.
“Yeah I guess you’re right, but I think you vastly overestimate my qualities. So when is this vote taking place? I’ll be interested in coming along to see the turn -out” I say.
“Next Wednesday. Coincidentally enough on The City of the Broken’ s annual Gloomsday” he says, eyes dazzling with expectation.
“Now, why haven’t I heard of that before?” I ask even more curious now to attend this public vote.
“Probably because it’s the most over-hyped event in the Broken calendar and I didn’t think you’d be interested” he says bluntly.
When Calix and I head to the City of the Broken on Wednesday, skipping class to see the vote which begins at eleven A.M. ,I’m surprised at how many people there are. Crowds form orderly queues to one solitary voting booth.
“Don’t you think it would have been better to have more than a single booth?” I ask him as we drive through the eerie streets.
“Well initially I did think of having a Pro-Happiness and a Pro-Despair booth, but I decided against it as I thought it would only make the divide worse and reinforce the differences. I think its good that they all have to queue together ,mingle with and get to know each other. The waiting because of the long queues only aids this” he says, smiling knowingly.
“Wow Calix. You really are cunning and clever. Reuniting the city down to the very last detail” I smile.
“Well somebody has to. Its not like The Smiley’s are even allowed to be themselves anymore. Look at how they are dressed, everyone’s in black and grey” he says, looking concerned.
“Perhaps there are no Smiley’s here and every one who’s voting is Pro-Despair” I suggest.
“No. I think they’re here alright. They’re just in disguise. They wont miss an opportunity like this to have their say” he says.
“They might if they are in jail” I say, reminding Calix that his Father can be just as devious, if not more so than him.
“No. They are definitely not all in jail. I recognize some of them. They’re undercover, but they are here. If the vote is one hundred per cent Pro-Despair though, its obviously inaccurate. I wont let Dad have influence on this vote. I want it to be just and fair” he says.
Apart from the black voting booth with its large purple ‘B’s’ on both doors and the crowds of people, something special is also apparent in the city today.
Grey and black balloons are tied to lamp posts and buildings. Children have been face painted with tears and dark shadows under their eyed. Banners everywhere read ‘Unhappy Gloomsday’.
“So this is Gloomsday?”
“Yes, tonight we have the annual Dud-Firework show and Crying Competition” he says.
“And what does that involve?” I ask.
“Come along tonight. Its my second favourite event of the year, after Black Ball of course.” he says and shake my head.
“When does the voting finish?” I ask.
“Whenever everyone has voted. But I don’t expect it to take longer than three hours”.
“Are you going to vote? You are a citizen” I ask, intrigued.
“Actually that didn’t occur to me Seren. Now that you have reminded me ,I will. I want all citizens to vote and I am no exception” he says, stepping out of the car to go and queue with all the other citizens.
After what seems to have been at least an hour, due to Calix’s insistence on resisting V.I.P treatment to jump the queue, he returns.
“So…What did you choose?” I ask, waiting for the moment Calix reveals his true feelings.
“Well there was no neutral option. So I chose Pro-Despair, but it wasn’t an easy decision. At one point I was going to choose Pro-Happiness just because I felt sorry for The Smiley’s” he says uneasily.
“So how did you make up your mind?” I ask.
“I’m a flawed person and this is a flawed city. I couldn’t be a prince of a kingdom of happiness. I want the city to stay broken” he says honestly.
For once, Calix’s opinion startles me. He’s usually so fair minded and humanitarian, this is the first time I’ve seen him use a selfish motive to decide something.
When the voting closes and the night falls, Calix and I head to the park to watch the dud-firework show.
“So what is the crying-comp all about?” I ask baffled.
“Well, the fireworks and the competition are interlinked. When the fireworks fail to go off, we have a competition to see who can cry the loudest and the longest. The winners prize is to be crowned The Crying Champion of Gloomsday. We’ve done this every year since the city was founded. Its tradition” he says enthusiastically.
When I arrive, I see that there are fireworks waiting to be let off by professional looking men dressed in fire-proof safety suits. The crowd is at a distance and it all looks set to be a proper fireworks show .I hear the sound of a rocket taking off, a loud bang but see nothing.
The crowd gasps ,only to groan and sigh collectively when nothing appears in the sky. A child begins to cry, which results in a mass cry from every member of the audience, who all begin to sob and wail.
“Is this the competition Calix?” I ask, not believing that I have ever seen anything so bizarre.
“It is indeed .Join in, you might win!” he says, nudging me.
“No! I don’t feel in the mood for crying. How can all these people just cry on cue ?” I ask.
“They’re all broken, it comes naturally to them because they are depressed. But crying for hours is tiring so you have to have real endurance to win thi
s competition. The most I ever managed was a time of one hour and nineteen minutes ,just after my mother died and that still wasn’t enough” he says.
The sound of banging and whooshing is everywhere, but not a single spark brightens the black night sky. The sobbing continues. Some people cry so painfully, their sobs so full of anguish that I’m inclined to go and hug and comfort them. But I don’t, figuring they might be on a mission to win.
“Are you going to cry tonight?” I ask Calix.
Then I look up and I realize he already is. Silently, not making a show of it as the others are. A tear runs down his face, his eyes look hurt and lost. Just looking at him makes my heart on a mission to ease his pain.
“Calix, don’t cry!” I say, feeling sad myself seeing him, even though I know its only for a trivial reason.
“Its okay Seren, Its just for the contest. I can be very competitive. Look, you join in too. I’ll give you a motive that should bring a tear or two. My Dad. Surely my mentioning him will make you break down” he says quickly ,before continuing his silent sobs.
“Calix! Your Dad makes me angry, not sad. Seeing you upset might make me cry” I say truthfully.
Calix crying breaks my heart so powerfully, even I’m astonished when I start to wail, looking much more unattractive than him as my face scrunches up like a baby‘s. Suddenly it all gets too much, I feel I have been holding a waterfall back behind my eyelids and the dam just broke. My failed wedding dreams, that dreadful hospital and Anita’s breakdown, having to fight the King constantly ,being surrounded by miserable people. Why haven’t I been crying everyday? I start crying and blubbering uncontrollably, louder than everyone else .It seems that I’m the only one who’s still crying and everyone has stopped to stare but I continue. I cant stop. My head hurts because I’m crying so hard. My eyes sting, but the hurt keeps fuelling the fire and I continue. It feels liberating and satisfying to do this, let it all out. I feel out of breathe ,but I don’t stop. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this hard ,for so long before.