Confessions from the Principal's Chair

by Anna Myers

  She rolled her eyes. "Who knows why Serenity does anything? She went off her nut, I guess."

  "Hmmm."

  "She's always making up wild stories and acting gooney."

  "Hmmm."

  "Well, she gets on everyone's nerves. I'm not the only one."

  "I see," I said, "so, of course, her getting on your nerves gives you the right to be cruel to her. Is that correct?"

  "Cruel? I'm not cruel."

  "I hope not, Nicole. Not so long ago, I was young like you. I was cruel, Nicole, very cruel, and you know what? I can't go back and change that although I would like to do that."

  She looked down and started to zip her purple jacket. "You may go now," I said. "It has been a pleasure to have this little talk with you."

  She got up and hurried from my office.

  Chapter 6

  After Nicole left, I wanted to crawl under my desk and hide. I knew I could just walk out the front door, tell Rendi what had happened, and convince her to move on. I could tell her that I'd learned my lesson. I could promise her I would never tease anyone again, but I didn't want to do that. I wanted to help Serenity and even Nicole. I could see that Mrs. Howard was right. Middle school is a major Titanic, and lots of the passengers are scared. I knew it was crazy for me to think I could do anything about it, but I wanted to try.

  I would have to do some real thinking about what to do, but right now I needed a break. Eleven. That would be ten in Denver, time for my TV show. During the summer I had gotten really interested in Trading Places, all about how people would trade houses or apartments and decorate them. Sometimes the real owners liked what had been done, but not always. All of the Six-Pack watched it. Sometimes Katie still watched a soap opera called All My Secrets, but she never told Ivory. We were talking about how we might get our parents to let us redo each other's rooms, but we hadn't asked yet.

  Why not make the best of my time in this office? It would be relaxing to watch my show. I picked up the phone and pushed the secretary's button. "Mrs. Simpson," I said, "is there a TV I could have brought into this office?"

  "There are a couple of TVs on rolling stands in the library. Do you want to have one brought in to you?"

  "Yes, please see to that for me."

  "Is something going on? I mean has something important happened somewhere that you need to stay up with?"

  This woman was a bit too nosy for my taste. I wanted to put her in her place, let her know not to question the boss's every move, but I didn't know how to go about doing that. I had to come up with a reason for wanting a TV, and I had to do it pretty quick. "Weather," I said. "I'm concerned about the weather." Should I say snow?

  Mrs. Simpson saved me. "Oh, are there tornado warnings? I thought it looked a little cloudy when I went out to pick up the mail."

  Tornadoes! Of course, that was it. In Denver we might have snow in late October, but I was pretty sure that it was too early for that in Oklahoma. "Yes, I am concerned about tornadoes. We can't be too careful when it comes to our students' safety."

  "Oh, certainly not! I'll have a TV set brought to you at once." She hung up the phone, and pretty soon there was a knock at the door.

  "Come in," I said, and because I had been over at the window, checking the weather. I opened the door myself. A boy pulled a TV on a cart into my office.

  At first his back was to me, so I didn't see his face. When the TV was inside, he turned to me. "Where do you want this thing?" he asked. "I'll plug it in for you."

  My mouth dropped open, but not to answer him. For a minute I just stood there with my mouth gaping, and I stared at him. He was awesome. I am not putting you on. Here was the absolutely best-looking boy I had ever seen. His hair was a mixture of blond and light brown, and I thought it was probably sun bleached because his skin was golden too. His eyes were the color of seawater, sort of a mixture of green and blue. He was tall enough to make me look up at him, which doesn't happen with a lot of middle school boys because I'm five-seven. Rendi says most of the boys will be taller than I am by the time we are in tenth grade or so, but right now lots of them are still shrimps. He was strong-looking too, not all muscled up like a deformed weight lifter, but solid. He had to ask me again, "Where do you want this?"

  I was completely dazed by him, and I had to give myself a little shake. "Over there," I pointed. "You can plug it in and face it toward my chair." I went to the chair and sort of fell back into it, my eyes glued to him. He plugged in the TV and started toward the door. I couldn't let him go so soon. Who could care about TV with him around? I had to keep this hottie in my office a little longer. "What's your name, young man?" I asked.

  "Kash Edge," he said. He was so gorgeous, and I was so lost in looking at him that I almost forgot to say anything else.

  He started toward the door, and I sort of came out of my spell. "Wait," I almost yelled. "I mean, you aren't in any hurry to get back to class are you?"

  "I was in the library working on a research paper about global warming."

  "Oh, global warming! I love global warming!"

  "You do?" His voice sounded surprised, and I figured global warming wasn't something people were supposed to love.

  "I meant to say I'd love to know more about global warming." I waved at the chair across the desk from me. "Sit down and tell me. What is global warming?"

  Kash did not look comfortable, but he sat down. "Don't you know what global warming is?" he said. "I mean, you're the principal, and it's on the news and everything."

  I nodded slowly while I thought what to say next. "Well, certainly, I know what other people are saying about it, but I'd like to hear what Kash Edge thinks."

  "I'm just getting started on my paper, but I think we'd better do something about it."

  "My opinion exactly." I reached for my pad of paper. "In fact, I'm making myself a note to bring up global warming at the next faculty meeting. I think I'll appoint Coach Pickle as head of the global warming committee."

  Kash looked doubtful. "Well," he said, "I guess that's a good idea."

  I leaned across my desk, so I could get a closer look at Kash. "Is everyone in your class doing a research paper?" I asked.

  "Everyone in the eighth grade is doing one for English class," he said.

  "I see, and what is your girlfriend writing about?"

  Kash grinned. It was a just a little smile, but it gave me the idea of what his face would look like with a big smile. His teeth were white and perfect, no braces. I wasn't surprised. Greek gods most generally do not wear braces. "I don't have a girlfriend," he said. "Well, not anymore at least. I just broke up with her." He shook his head slightly. "She wanted me to call her on the phone. I mean every night. I've got things to do. Besides homework there's ball practice, and lots of times I help down at my dad's grocery store carrying out groceries and stuff."

  "It does seem unreasonable to expect such a busy young man to make a lot of phone calls," I said, and I tried to make my voice sympathetic. "I see why you have such a strong-looking body, being an athlete and carrying groceries and all."

  "I guess so." He glanced at the door.

  I looked at my watch. It was time to call Katie, and besides I knew he wanted to leave. "Kash," I said. "You may go now, but I'll probably be calling you back into my office soon. I am trying to get to know the students here at Thomas Jefferson better, and I think you are the perfect one to start with."

  "Thank you, Ms. Miller," he said. I opened my mouth to tell him to call me Bird. I stopped myself just in time. Instead I said, "I hope we are going to be friends, Kash, very good friends, indeed."

  When he was out the door, I grabbed the phone to call Katie. She answered right off. "What are you doing? Don't say nothing. Tell me everything, and talk fast. The break is almost over."

  "Sorry. I couldn't call earlier because the hottest boy in the world was in my office. He goes to school right here, and he doesn't have a girlfriend."

  "What does he look like? What's his name."


  "His name is Kash Edge. Don't you think that sounds like a movie star or something? He's got this sun-bleached hair and a golden tan. He's tall and you should see his body. I'm calling him back into my office this afternoon. I told him I want to get to know the students."

  "What are you going to talk about?"

  "I don't know. Any ideas?"

  "Ivory just told me that she called the Psychic Emergency Line last night to find out who we should ask to take your place with the Six-Pack. She gave me the number and wants me to call tonight and see if we get the same advice. I didn't tell her, but I can't call. My father would kill me. It's real expensive."

  "Give me the number," I said.

  Katie told me the number, and I scribbled it on the principal pad. Just before we hung up, she asked a favor. "Bird," she said, "would you ask who should be the new girl in the Six-Pack? We're considering Beth Jones and Emily Cummings. Last night the psychic suggested Beth. I don't want Ivory to be mad at me."

  I wasn't crazy about seeking advice on who my replacement should be, but I did understand why Katie didn't want Ivory upset. I told her I would ask.

  I looked at the clock. It was twenty-five minutes after eleven. If I wanted to see much of Trading Places, I would have to turn on the TV now, but I was also really anxious to call the Psychic Emergency Line. Well, I had watched TV and talked on the phone at the same time before. I rolled my chair over to the TV, got the remote, and switched it on. I flipped through the channels; only four of them. The school didn't have cable! Maybe it wasn't even available here in the wilderness!

  I left the TV on Katie's show, All My Secrets. Katie had told me some about it, and I caught on to what was going on pretty quick. A character named Lila had just returned from a terrible bout with amnesia that made her walk off and get lost just before her wedding. Her return was very interesting because Jeff, the man she was about to marry, was just getting ready to marry Lila's evil sister, Victoria. Amnesia interested me. I had never known anyone who had it, but the people on All My Secrets didn't seem surprised that this woman had suffered with the disease. I reached for my principal pad and wrote down the question, "Do people really get amnesia?" I might as well get as many questions as possible answered while I had the Emergency Line. I dialed the number.

  "Psychic Emergency Line," a woman's voice said. "What kind of emergency are you experiencing?" She had an accent, like maybe she was from a South Sea island or something. I liked the way she sounded. "Do you want some choices to decide from?" I told her I did, and she went on. "We have matters of the heart, relationships with family and friends, employment, and financial matters."

  "It's hard to say. I do have some questions about this guy I'm in love with, but there's more stuff that I need to know too." I glanced over at the TV screen. Lila and Jeff were wrapped in a tight hug.

  "Ah," said the voice, "if you have multiple emergencies you need Madam Zelda. She is an expert on everything."

  "Yes," I said. "Madam Zelda sounds great."

  "Hello," said a lady with a soft voice. "This is Madam Zelda. With whom am I speaking?"

  I sort of thought she ought to know, being psychic and all, but I told her, "Bird."

  "Well, Bird, how can I help you?"

  I thought I'd start with the easy question first, then go on. "Do people really get amnesia?" I asked.

  "Ah, Madam Zelda hears a TV in the background. Are you watching All My Secrets?" I told her I was and she went on. "Very good! What is happening? We aren't allowed to watch on the job. I record it every day, but I don't want to wait until after work to find out how Jeff reacts when Lila comes home."

  It seemed to me that Madam Zelda ought to know how Jeff would react, and it seemed like she shouldn't be spending my money finding out. I thought about saying so, but then I remembered that it was the school's money, so I might as well tell her. "They're doing a lot of kissing right now."

  "Good," she said. "I hate the wicked Victoria."

  "She does seem pretty awful, but do people really get amnesia very often?"

  "Yes, yes indeed, but it is not a fate that will plague you, Bird."

  "That's good. I have another question."

  "Wait just a moment, Bird. I have just been informed by my supervisor that our office caller ID tells us you are calling on a school phone. This is not good. No one knows you are using our services, do they? We do not want trouble with a school making complaints to the Better Business Bureau."

  "No," I lowered my voice because it carries so well. It occurred to me that someone in the outer office might hear me. "No one knows, but it is okay. I am the principal of this school."

  "Really?" Madam Zelda sounded amazed. "We do not get many calls from principals, but my intuition tells me you are telling the truth. In fact I can see you in the principal's chair. You are new to the job, aren't you?"

  "Yes, this is my first day.

  "Ah, Madam Zelda sees that you may not last long in your position."

  "That's for sure, just until Wednesday," I said, "but I want to ask you about this boy I'm in love with."

  "You are in love with a boy? Is he a student? Psychic Emergency does not condone relationships of that sort between adults and children! We cannot advise about child abuse."

  "No, no," I said. "It's not like that. We are the same age. I shouldn't have said boy, but, see, I am sort of young. This is my first job."

  "Very well then. Tell me the young man's name, so that I can write it in my mind to bring forth the information about him."

  "His name is Kash Edge, and he is so incredibly handsome that he should be a movie star."

  "Ah, yes, Kash Edge. I see him clearly."

  "You do! Isn't he a hottie?"

  "Ah, yes, quite a nice looking young man. Madam Zelda would have been drawn to him herself in her younger days. What do you wish to know about this Kash?"

  "Everything, no, I guess I just want to know if he will fall for me. See, he doesn't know yet that I love him."

  "Ah, yes. I see that Kash will return your affections, but it is up to you to make the first move. I see that he does not yet think of you as a possible girlfriend."

  "Oh," I squealed. "That's right! That's so right." I wanted to believe Madam Zelda. I liked what she said too much to doubt her. "So you think I should tell him? Just walk up to him, and say I'd like for us to be together?"

  "Ah, not exactly," said Madam Zelda, "it is usually better in these matters to reveal your interest in a less direct way, one that will allow him to digest the information slowly."

  "Like a note? Is that what you're saying, that I should write Kash a note?"

  "Yes, a letter. That would be good or an e-mail."

  "Thank you, Madam Zelda. You have been extremely helpful." I was about to say good-bye when I remembered Katie's question. "Oh, there is one thing more."

  "I am at your service," she said.

  "Well, I have these friends. I used to be in a group with them. There were six of us, and we called ourselves the Six-Pack, but I had to move. Now they need a new member, and they were wondering if Emily or Beth would make the best replacement for me."

  "Ah, and this group, they were all your true friends?"

  I thought about lying, but if Madam Zelda was for real, she would know I was lying. If she was a fake, then I couldn't believe what she had said about Kash. "Not really, I guess. Katie is probably my only real friend in the group."

  "Then why do you seek answers for them? Madam Zelda sees that this group is not a force for good. Tell your friend Katie to remove herself from the Six-Pack rather than seeking a replacement for you. You and the others, though young, are obviously too old to be acting like a bunch of ridiculous middle school girls!"

  "I'll tell Katie. Thank you, Madam Zelda. Thank you very much." I hung up the phone and leaned back in my principal's chair. On TV, Victoria was bursting into the room to find Lila and Jeff kissing each other, but I couldn't get my mind on the program. I had too much to think about. Should I write K
ash a note now? Of course, he wouldn't want to be involved with the principal. He might even tell someone who would get me in big trouble. I could tell him the truth, but how do I know he wouldn't tell someone what was going on? I did want my two days in the office. The whole thing was really cool, and I did want to do something for Serenity. I was so deep in thought that when the phone rang, I jumped.

  The white light was flashing. I pulled myself up straight in my chair to get back into character, and reached for the phone. "Yes, Mrs. Simpson, what is it?"

  "It's about your lunch. I figured you might not want to tackle the lunchroom food on your first day, so I ordered out for us both. There's a place here in town that makes burritos on Mondays as their special, wonderful burritos, all covered with tomatoes. They are really good. It's my treat, sort of a welcoming present. Of course, if you don't like burritos, I am sure I can find a student who will eat yours. They should be here any minute. Does that sound good to you?"

  A burrito did sound good. Usually I ate breakfast, and my stomach was starting to rumble with hunger. "Sounds great! Thank you, Mrs. Simpson."

  "Good, and I want you to call me Nancy. I know I'm older than you are, but I'd feel more comfortable if you would use my first name."

  Maybe I'd been wrong to think she didn't approve of me. "Thank you, Nancy."

  "All right then. I'll give you a buzz when our food comes."

  I went back to thinking about Kash. I started one note to him with, "I am not really the principal, but please do not tell anyone. I am actually in the eighth grade, just like you. I think you are incredibly handsome. If you decide we should go together, you can help me run the school until Wednesday." I stopped. I didn't want to promise Kash stuff like helping me run the school. If I did that, I wouldn't know if he really liked me or if he was just saying he did to get in on the fun. Besides, how could I let him help me run the school? I couldn't tell Mrs. Simpson that I was keeping the boy out of class all day just because I liked to look at him.

  I was thinking maybe I would call Madam Zelda back, level with her about what I was doing, and ask if I should tell Kash. Then I started to wonder if the Psychic Emergency Line had to report crimes they heard about. Maybe they had some kind of deal like that with the police. I sure didn't want to be found out before Wednesday. After that, I would take my punishment, but I wanted every possible minute as the head of Thomas Jefferson Middle School.