Destined to Change

by Harley, Lisa M.

  I decided after our date, that I had to keep my ass away from her. She deserved so much better than me. We didn’t speak on the way home much. I didn’t dream of offering her a kiss goodnight, and I didn’t call her the next day. I knew I was being an ass, but I felt like that was the way it needed to be. When she found out about my history, she would run away screaming. This way we would just avoid all that.

  Uncle Jake asked me to take one of the four-wheelers out and do a field check. Just to see if anything was going on with any of the cattle or anything. I was coming up over one of the hills when I saw her. Loralei. She was so damn sexy. She was cussing and screaming at her four-wheeler that had smoke barreling out of it. I drove down the hill to see if I could help her out.

  “Need some help?” I asked.

  She responded, “It seems as though I do.”

  I walked to the front of the four-wheeler and quickly assessed the damage. She had literally blown a gasket. Poor thing…it was gonna take a lot to get it back in working order.

  “I’ll have to bring a trailer down to pick it up later.”

  Then I climbed on my four-wheeler, motioned to her, and said, “Hop on.”

  She climbed on behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Holy shit! She felt so damn good and she was holding on so tight. No Jaxon, this is not a good idea. You are screwed in the head and you will hurt her. I told myself this, but I had a strong tendency to not listen to myself.

  We rode around the property, stopping a couple of times to fix some fence. It started to get dark, so I was trying to get us back to the barn fast. All of a sudden it started raining. I sped up and just as I did I drove right into a huge puddle and the damn four-wheeler sank in. The rain was falling in sheets, and we were soaking wet. I was pissed. I jumped off of the four-wheeler and got behind it to push it out of the puddle. “Loralei, I need you to gun it when I say the word.” I was pushing and I yelled at her, “Now.”

  Mud flew up all over me. I was fucking covered in it. And what was she doing? Laughing her ass off. God, she was so cute when she laughed at me. I told her I didn’t like it, but secretly it was becoming one of my favorite things.

  I grabbed her and pressed my body to hers. Damn, it felt good to rub all over her. There was that damn electricity again. I knew what I needed to do, but in that moment all that mattered was what I wanted to do. “Fuck it.”

  I slammed my mouth to hers and knocked us both to the ground. We were lying in the mud, laughing, and kissing. I slid my hands under her shirt, up to her breasts. They were so damn perfect. I had dreamed about touching them. It was amazing. I pulled her soaking wet shirt off and I had to see them, so I pulled her bra down under her breasts. They had to be kissed. I started at her neck and worked my way down. She was shuddering and I thought she was going to come right then.

  I took her nipple in my mouth and sucked. I couldn’t help myself, I nipped her. She cried out when I made my way to her other nipple and did the same thing.

  I was freaked out, afraid I hurt her. “Shit, did I hurt you?”

  She said, “No, it feels so good - please don’t stop.”

  That was all I needed to hear. I went back to work on her nipples. They were so beautiful and they just needed to be nibbled on.

  She was rubbing my chest and pulling at my jeans. I was kissing her neck, chest, stomach, I needed to taste her. She was about to come unraveled under me. She was so responsive. She wanted me, just as much as I wanted her.

  I looked up at her, wanting to make sure it was okay for me to go further. Her nod was all I needed. I pulled off her jeans and panties. I kissed her thigh and then started heading for the one place I really wanted to be. I needed to taste her, so I did. I was using my tongue to draw circles on her clit. She was loving it. She arched her back and that’s when I slid a finger in and then another. Watching her come undone was beautiful. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. When she screamed, “Jaxon – Oh my god - Jaxon!” I about lost it.

  I wanted to kiss her - a sweet kiss to let her know how much I cared. I was falling for this woman. I couldn’t stay away another minute. There were things about me that I was going to have to tell her, but not today. Right now I just wanted to be with her.

  She reached down and started to unbutton my jeans. I wanted that more than anything, what man wouldn’t? But this was for her. This was about me showing her how much I cared. I said, “This was for you. I just wanted to make you feel like I've felt every time I’ve looked at you.”

  While we were having this mind blowing experience the rain had stopped and the sun was now shining. She asked, “Why didn’t you kiss me on our date?”

  I didn’t want to tell her the truth. I didn’t want to tell her that I didn’t think I was good enough for her. So, I told her a partial truth, “You have no idea how much I wanted to. But you had been drinking, and I didn’t want our first real kiss to happen when you were tipsy.”

  She gave me a sweet kiss, and said, “Thanks for that. This first kiss was pretty amazing.” I was in trouble. I was falling hard for this woman.

  Loralei

  I asked Jaxon if he would like to have dinner with me and the kids tonight. After he agreed we walked back to my house and Jaxon told me he wanted to go home and shower and change. We were pretty dirty after our tryst in the mud.

  He said he would be back soon. When I got inside the house I found a note from my mom:

  Honey,

  Jake saw you and Jaxon riding around the property and I thought you might want some “alone” time so I will keep the twins overnight. Have fun and don’t think too much!

  Love, Mom

  My mom was a piece of work, but she was right - an entire evening with Jaxon sounded perfect. I was a little worried about what Jake might have seen, but I decided not to think about that right now. I could be embarrassed about that later.

  For dinner, I made a pan of my famous goulash. And after I got the rolls ready to put in the oven, I still had time to shower. I decided to just wear jeans and a t-shirt. About the time I got my shirt on and my hair pulled up in a ponytail, I heard someone knocking on the door. When I opened the door, he took my breath away. Jaxon was standing there with faded jeans and a black AC/DC t-shirt on, holding out a yellow daisy. And those eyes, those amazing, big deep brown sparkling eyes.

  “Hi, can I come in?”

  I didn’t realize it, but apparently I had been staring at him for a while and hadn’t let him in the house or taken the flower from him.

  I took the flower. “Sorry, yes, please, uh, come in.”

  He looked all around the house. My house was not nearly as large as my parents’, but it was plenty big enough for me and the kids. He was standing in front of the fireplace, looking at my family pictures on the mantle. He turned to me, “Where are the kids?” I told him they were eating dinner at my parents’ house.

  We went into the kitchen and sat down on opposite sides of the table. I placed the pan of goulash I had made for dinner in front of him.

  “Uh, what’s that?” Jaxon said while wrinkling his nose at me. “I mean it smells pretty good, but what exactly is it?”

  I really am a horrible cook. This was actually the only thing I made that the kids would willingly eat. I usually had to bribe them to force down my horrible concoctions. And we had to keep a fire extinguisher under the sink, just in case.

  “It’s like spaghetti, but it’s made with macaroni and I added some zucchini and mushrooms. I promise it won’t kill you.”

  He placed a large ladle full on his plate and when he took the first bite he smiled. “It’s delicious, Loralei.”

  In my snarkiest voice I smiled and said, “I told you so.”

  After we finished dinner, I got up and walked over to the freezer to get out some ice cream for dessert, when I felt Jaxon come up behind me. He was so close that I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. He reached across me and grabbed some ice to put in his tea. He dropped a cube on the floor and w
hen I bent down to pick it up, he did too, and we bumped foreheads.

  “Ow,” he whined.

  “Really? My little head, hurt your big hard head?” I said with a giggle.

  “Are you laughing at me?” he asked.

  “Um, maybe?”

  He leaned down over me. We were almost nose-to-nose, when he said, “I really don’t like it when you laugh at me.”

  Well, that was that. That man was making my panties melt. He backed me up against the counter and placed his arms behind me on the cabinet. Then I felt it. He put the ice cube down the back of my shirt. I screamed. He jumped back and was cracking up.

  “What’s the matter, babe? You cold?”

  I shimmied the ice cube out of my shirt and chased after him. “You know what they say about payback?”

  “Nope. Don’t believe I do. What is it they say?”

  “You know…”

  “Maybe? But I would really like to hear you say it.” He smirked at me.

  I had him backed up against the dining room table. I had one hand on his chest and the other, with the ice cube, beside him on the table. I pressed forward and while looking into his eyes, said, “It’s a bitch.” Right as I raised my hand from the table and put the ice cube down the front of his jeans. He was so busy looking in my eyes, that he missed what I was planning. He screamed and jumped up.

  While shaking and shimmying to get the ice out of his pants, he said, “Are you laughing at me, again?”

  I couldn’t stop laughing. It was hilarious trying to watch this big, bad guy trying to shake an ice cube out of his pants. “Yes, I am. I really am. Because you’re freaking hilarious.”

  He helped me clear the table and we went into the living room. I asked him if he would like to watch a movie.

  “Depends, it’s not a chick flick, is it?” he said with a grin.

  “We can watch whatever you like. Just check out the movies and I’m gonna call my mom to check on the twins and tell them goodnight.” I didn’t even think about what I was saying.

  “So the kids are spending the whole night away?”

  Wow, I must have looked like a total slut after what happened this afternoon and then it looked like I sent my kids away for the night to be with him. I was so embarrassed I could literally hide under the couch. I could feel the blush creep into my face.

  “Um, yeah. Mom wanted to keep them overnight.”

  And that’s when the entire atmosphere changed. Before I got to the phone Jaxon was behind me whispering, “Make it a quick phone call, we have grown-up things to take care of.”

  Grown-up things? Holy hell!

  I was on the phone a while. I had to describe to Mags all the reasons why she shouldn’t suffocate her brother in his sleep. Apparently, he had once again hidden her iPod from her. When I talked her down and told the kids goodnight, I hung up the phone. I walked toward the living room and found Jaxon sitting on the couch. His eyes met mine.

  Before I could get into the room, I don’t know how he did it, but he was off of the couch and standing in front of me. His lips were on mine and he had me pressed against the wall. He lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. It felt so good to be in his arms and to feel how much he wanted me. I hadn’t felt wanted like that in a long time. It was nice to know that I excited him as much as he did me.

  Before I knew it he had carried me to the couch and I was straddling him. His lips never left mine and I ran my hand down his muscular chest, then his stomach, finally I stopped at the waist of his jeans.

  He pulled his shirt over his head and started to do the same with mine. My mind was racing. I was feeling so many different emotions. I wanted him. He wanted me. I could feel him pressing against me. His kisses were so intense. I kept thinking about this afternoon, and how he had made me feel. I wanted to be with him like this. But that didn’t lessen the wave of fear that suddenly hit me. I didn’t know how to do this. I’d only been with one man. Declan. Oh my god, Declan. I pulled away from Jaxon. He looked up at me, he was breathing so heavy, “Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?”

  I decided I should be honest. “Jaxon, I haven’t done anything like this in a while.”

  “How long is a while, Loralei,” he asked.

  “I haven’t been with anyone, well besides what we did this afternoon, since Declan. And we, uh, we only did it once.”

  I had never been so embarrassed in my life, there was no way that he would want to be with me now. I expected him to run for the door screaming, but when I looked up he looked scared or sad, I couldn’t really tell.

  “Did I hurt you today, Lor? I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

  Could this man be any more perfect? He was worried about hurting me, when all he did was give me the most amazing sexual experience I had had since I was sixteen years old.

  I placed my hand on his cheek. “No Jaxon, you didn’t hurt me. I just don’t want to disappoint you. I’m a little naïve when it comes to this stuff, and I don’t want you to take my shyness as me not wanting to be with you, because I want that more than anything.”

  “Loralei, I want to do this right. Our first time should be special and not a quickie on the couch, not that I am opposed to quickies on the couch, just for future reference.” God, that smirk would get me every time.

  He reached out and pressed his hand into mine and asked me to lead him to my room. When we got there he laid down on my bed and motioned for me to lay down beside him. I crawled into bed and snuggled into his chest.

  Bravely, I started to kiss his chest and trace the tattoo there and then when I nibbled on his nipple he moaned the deepest, sexiest moan I had ever heard. He placed his finger under my chin and tilted my head up to look at him. He pressed his lips to mine and when he slid his tongue into my mouth I returned the moan I had received from him earlier.

  I ran my hand down his chest, his stomach, and my hands were shaking as I started to unzip his jeans. Jaxon grabbed my hand, whispering, “Slow down honey, there’s plenty of time for that. Tonight, let’s just, well - cuddle? Women love that, right?”

  I giggled, “Yeah, I think I’ve heard that somewhere before.”

  “Then it’s settled. I’m going to sleep with you tonight and I’m going to cuddle the shit out of you.”

  “Well, when you put it like that, how can I turn you down?”

  “I would never push you into anything, Lor. We have all the time in the world. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Chapter 5

  Loralei

  I couldn’t understand why I was so hot and sweaty. And why I couldn’t move? And what the hell was poking me in the ass? Suddenly, all of the memories of last night came back to me, along with the fear of God.

  Jaxon kissed my neck. “Mornin’ sunshine, sleep well?”

  Before I could respond I heard, “Mom! Mags hid my backpack and she won’t tell me where it is and I can’t go to school without it!” I heard the footsteps on the stairs and before I knew it the door flew open. Sammy stood there, staring at Jaxon and I snuggled up in bed together. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. I had no idea what to do so, I just laid there in stunned silence.

  Jaxon broke the silence, “Hey little man, could you give your mom and me a minute?”

  Sammy didn’t move, his eyes were glued on us.

  “Mommy, why is Jaxon in bed with you? Oh my God, did you see his penis mommy? Grandma, mommy saw Jaxon’s penis!” That was the moment when I decided I had officially entered hell and my son was apparently obsessed with Jaxon’s penis.

  My mom yelled from downstairs, “Sammy, honey please come downstairs and leave your mommy alone. Oh and Loralei, I’ll take the kids to school and we'll talk later. Jaxon hope you have a great day.” I could literally hear the shit-eating grin on my mom’s face. Jaxon laughed, and I elbowed him in the ribs. I didn’t find anything about this funny. I was mortified.

  As much as we wanted to spend the day wrapped in each other’s arms, we knew we both had work to do. We go
t dressed and went our separate ways. He went out to get the four-wheeler that we got stuck in the mud yesterday, and I went to the barn to meet with the farmhands about the big cattle sale coming up next month in Joplin, Missouri.

  This sale was always the most important sale of the year. It was where the best cattle were sold and if you didn’t get there and get first dibs, you were stuck with the second best options. Second best was not good enough for the Harper Farm. We had to be there early and schmooze at the big Cattle Baron’s Ball the night before the sale.

  It was about a three hour drive from Kipton to Joplin, so I usually took Jake with me and we would stay up there for the whole weekend. Every year, I would make Jake go to the Ball with me. I think he hated it a little more each year. Maybe this year Jaxon would want to go with me. We could spend the whole weekend alone. Wouldn’t he surprise the hell out of all of those cowboys that tried to get in my pants every year? I was pretty sure that I had convinced all of them that I was gay. I had tried really hard every year. I still always ended up with at least one drunk cowboy following me around all night and Jake threatening to kick their ass.

  It was about time for me to head home for lunch, so I jumped in my jeep and headed that way. When I got home I had a message from Sammy’s school saying they needed me to come in and meet with the principal. I immediately returned the call and asked what was going on. The secretary informed me that Sammy had an incident at school today, and I would need to come in to discuss it with the principal at three o’clock.

  “There is no way I can make it in today. I have a big conference call this afternoon, and I won’t be able to get away.” This conference call was regarding the cattle sale. I had to coordinate with a few other farms regarding which herd we wanted to try for. I couldn’t miss it.

  The lovely older woman informed me that someone would need to come in to the school today or Sammy would be suspended from the fourth grade for three days. She said I could send my mom, dad, or anyone, but someone would need to come in.

  I called my mom but she had driven into town and wouldn’t be back in time to go. She let me know that dad was with Uncle Max fishing and wasn’t expected back until tomorrow.