Numb (King's Harlots MC Book 5)

by J. M. Walker

  ***

  (Dale)

  “Dale, open those pretty baby blues for me.”

  I frowned. “Fuck you. I’m trying to sleep.”

  “Yup. Nothing changed.”

  I slowly opened my eyes and found Angel, Coby, Asher, and Stone standing around the bed. My brothers. Vice-One. The men I had fought beside for years.

  “Nice to see that you’re awake.” Angel clapped a hand on my shoulder. “You gave us quite the scare, brother.”

  “It wasn’t planned.” I sat up higher in the bed, my body stiff. I was miserable and ready to leave this damn place. “Where are the girls?”

  “In the waiting room.” Stone squeezed my other shoulder. “Glad you’re okay, brother.” His gaze took on a faraway look like he was remembering something from his past. Clearing his throat, he left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

  “So … how are things?” I asked, needing to get the subject off me. The elephant in the room was big enough to strangle me, and I didn’t want to talk about it.

  “We’ll talk about everything later.” Angel sat on the chair beside the bed, the metal creaking beneath his weight. “Do you remember what happened?”

  “I remember raiding the bunker and that’s about it. But I don’t even know if there is other shit I can’t remember.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, attempting to ward off the impending headache. “Everything is fine physically even though the doctors won’t let me fucking leave yet.” I winced at the pounding in my head.

  “The doctor said those headaches should go away in time,” Coby explained, crossing his arms under his chest. He winced at the movement, taking a breath before meeting my gaze.

  “What was that?” I asked, sitting forward.

  “Nothing,” his gaze locked with mine. “I’m fine.”

  “You may be able to fool others with your lying bullshit but you can’t fool me, Coby. What the fuck gives?” I looked between Asher and Angel. “Someone tell me what the hell is going on. Coby looks like shit. You two look stressed the fuck out. And Stone looks like the rage is going to tear through him. Someone. Talk. Now.”

  Asher leaned against the wall.

  Angel shifted in his seat.

  Coby stared at me.

  My heart started pounding in my ears. “If someone—”

  “Fine.” Angel took a breath. “I’ll talk.”

  “No,” Coby said. “I will talk.”

  Stone took that moment to enter the room, followed by Jay.

  I shook my head.

  He nodded, ushering Jay back out of the room and closed the door. Standing guard, he leaned against the far wall, waiting.

  “No. Stone, come over here too. You’re our brother,” I told him.

  Stone, or Vincent, if he let you use his first name, pulled up a chair at the foot of the bed. But he didn’t say anything. His silence was almost as unnerving as Coby’s, if not more so.

  “Dale,” Coby said, pulling me from my thoughts. “After you got shot, we all ended up back here but some shit went down with the Organization.”

  “Is that what we’re still calling them?” I grumbled.

  “It’s what they’re going by now,” Asher added.

  A fucking sex ring stealing women. Our women. And we called it an organization. Fuck, a lot had changed.

  “What-the-fuck-ever. Someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on.” I waited. The impending headache piercing the back of my brain started pounding harder.

  “Leave us,” Coby barked.

  A round of grumbling erupted from my brothers but I kept my gaze locked with my best friend. His face was impassive, no emotion showing how he was feeling. The guy was a vault, and that woman of his was the only one who held the key.

  When the guys left, Coby sat on the metal chair beside my bed. With his hands folded in his lap, he told me what had happened.

  Nothing could have prepared me for what Coby told me next. It was as if I was living a nightmare. His nightmare. Every secret. Every feeling. Every dark and dirty inch of the last couple of weeks.

  He fucked another woman. He had no choice. He was fucking raped.

  “Shit, man,” I rubbed the back of my neck. “How are you doing?”

  He looked away, down at his hands but not at me. “I don’t give a shit about myself. As long as Brogan is happy, that’s all I care about.” His dark gaze met mine. “It’ll take some time but we will get through this. I’ll make sure of it.”

  “It’s not your fault. None of it is.”

  “I was raped,” he said slowly, almost as if he was hearing the words for the first time.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” I repeated. “It could have happened to any of us.”

  “You see, I hear you saying that. I hear everyone saying it but it doesn’t help. I feel guilty. I feel like I cheated on her even though I didn’t. I know I had no control over the situation and you know what? That’s what pisses me off the most.”

  “I … I have no fucking idea what to say to you right now,” I told him, my chest tightening. Fuck.

  “Brogan and I have taken it upon ourselves to lay low.”

  “You have to do what’s good for you two.” I sat up straighter. “But tell me she took her out. Tell me Tina is fucking dead.”

  Coby’s lips twitched. “My girl took her out.” His face darkened. “But we have to worry about Zane and Charles. Something is off and I’m itching for another fucking fight. Shit’s gonna go down, Dale. We need you strong enough to handle it.”

  “I will be.” I needed to be but, first, there was someone I needed to confront. Max and I had unfinished business. I couldn’t do anything until she and I sorted out our own shit.

  “Have you heard from Max?” Coby asked, changing the subject.

  I swallowed hard. “No.”

  “She’s changed. You need to approach her before she loses herself completely.”

  I scoffed. “How the hell am I supposed to do that if I have no idea where the hell she is?”

  “She’s throwing a party next week. The doctor said you should be out by then.” Coby pointed at me. “Don’t tell Angel I told you this shit. He’s being protective, especially now that Jay is due in the next couple of weeks.”

  “How’s Max doing? With the baby and all? Do you know how far along she is?”

  Coby searched my face. “You … Shit … Fuck.”

  My heart jumped. “What? What happened? Is the baby okay? Is Max fine? Tell me. Tell me why she hasn’t been here to see me.”

  “Dale …” Coby hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck which I had come to know was his signature move whenever he was uncomfortable.

  “What’s going on?” I laughed. “You’re making me nervous.”

  “Dale,” Coby repeated slowly. “You and Max can’t stand each other. That’s why she hasn’t been here. You don’t remember?”

  “I … I remember fighting with her.” I thought back to the past couple of months. Hurtful words, hate, so much damn pain but the worst was when we ignored each other. “She loves me,” I muttered.

  “She did. But you haven’t spoken in months. I don’t know how she feels anymore.”

  “What?” That damn headache started pounding. “What’s going on?” I was confused. I tried remembering but it all came out fuzzy. I only got snippets from what had happened between us and, even then, I wasn’t sure if it was just my mind playing tricks on me or if it was making up some shit to protect me from truly losing it.

  Coby rose from his chair and sat beside me on the bed. “Dale, I shouldn’t be the one to tell you this but I don’t know when you’ll see Max again …” He took a breath and put his hand on my shoulder.

  “No.” I shrugged him off. “Tell me.

  “Max lost the baby.”

  “Like fuck she did.” I pulled away like his touch burned me. “Don’t fucking lie to me. She was far along. I remember seeing her. She was fine.”

  “She wasn’t, Dale. She was si
ck. The baby was stressed. Max couldn’t carry it to term. I don’t know all of the details but I do know the baby was …” His gaze searched my face before he let out a hard sigh. “The baby was stillborn.”

  My mouth opened on a scream but no sound came out. Of all the shit I had done in my life, this was the worst. The person who shot me should have just killed me because death would be better than what I was feeling.

  Coby pulled me into his arms, wrapping himself around me.

  And that was when I broke.

  “YOU NEED TO go see him.”

  I jumped at the deep voice sounding in the silence of my office. Coby stood in the doorway, his gaze moving around the room. The man was light on his feet for being so big.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, my heartbeat slowing back to a normal rhythm.

  “We all went to see Dale today. You never showed.” Coby came further into the room, taking in everything around him.

  “I didn’t think anyone would notice.”

  “Dale noticed.” Coby leaned against the wall beside me. “I didn’t tell him that you went to see him before he woke up.”

  My head whipped around. “You knew?”

  “Every time I went to visit him, you were there.” Coby rubbed his jaw. “Why?”

  “That’s none of your business.” I didn’t care that they were best friends. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

  “Of course it fucking matters. He thinks you didn’t go see him, Max.”

  “I don’t have to explain my actions to you, Coby,” I snapped. I went back to staring at the blank canvas. This lack of creativity was really starting to piss me off.

  “You don’t have to explain shit to me but when I was the one who had to tell my best friend that his baby fucking died, that shit doesn’t sit well with me.”

  I winced, not needing this right now. I got it. I did. I understood the tension between Dale and me was not just between us. Everyone was feeling it. But I couldn’t control the asshat and how he treated me. So, fuck him. He dished it out? I was going to throw it right the fuck back.

  “What are you doing here, Coby? Want me to feel worse? Are you trying to make it so I never forgive myself for the shit that’s happened?” Tears burned my eyes, but I swallowed past them. I would not cry, it was only a sign of weakness. And Dale didn’t deserve any more of my tears. “I never told you to tell him.”

  “He fucking asked me,” Coby said, his voice raising. “He thought you were fine. That you were one big happy fucking family.”

  My heart jumped. “That’s not my fault.”

  “Don’t let people in, Maxie Girl,” my granddaddy had told me as a child. “They’ll only disappoint you in the long run.”

  He had been right but I still never listened to him. Stupid, stupid heart.

  “Listen, Dale is a dick,” Coby continued, forcing me back to the present, “I get it. But he’s my brother. I love him like my own but I refuse to stand by and watch you two kill each other.”

  “You haven’t seen anything yet, sweetheart.” I laughed. “We haven’t talked in months.” I glared at Coby over my shoulder. “How do you think it will be when we confront each other? Especially now that you told him our baby died.”

  “You blaming me for that shit?”

  “I …” I sighed. “No.” My shoulders slumped. “It’s not your fault. I should have told him.”

  “Yeah, you should have but I also know that Dale can be difficult to talk to. Especially when he gets something into his head. He fights for it first and asks questions later.”

  But he never fought for me.

  “He’ll come around.”

  “You really don’t believe that, do you? The only thing he’ll ever want from me again, and that’s if he can’t find someone else to curb his cravings, is sex. You’re not stupid, Coby.”

  His brows narrowed in the center. “You are a challenge, girl. No wonder he likes you.”

  “Liked. Big difference. He hasn’t wanted anything to do with me in a long time, Coby.” I shrugged. “It’s done.”

  “If you believe that, you’re not as smart as you make yourself out to be.” Coby inhaled a sharp breath. “You need to go see him. Whatever else you do is up to you.” And with that, Coby left.

  My muscles quivered. Fuck him. Fuck them all. And fuck the fact that Coby was right. I did need to see Dale, but what could I say? What could I possibly tell him to make everything right? And why did I have to be the one to approach him? Why was it all me? But now Dale knew about the baby, our baby, our first meeting would not go over well. He would blame me for not telling him. I knew, because I did as well.

  “Max?”

  I turned around on the stool, finding Josee standing at the doorway.

  “Everything okay?” she asked, looking behind her.

  “I have no idea.” I roughly picked up a paint brush. Fuck it. If I couldn’t get inspired, I was just going to paint the first thing that came to mind. Dabbing the brush into a pool of black paint, I brushed it along the canvas.

  “Are you sure?” Josee asked, coming toward me.

  “Yup. I’m fucking fine and dandy.” The brush moved along the canvas on its own accord. “I feel great.” Repeating my movements, I stroked black onto the canvas, followed by a deep red. Eventually, the two colors flowed together. They created the look of a woman weeping. It was dark, dreary, and exactly how I felt at the moment.

  “Max,” Josee breathed. She stood behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Wow … this is fucking stunning.”

  My throat closed, the lump that had been permanently lodged there since Dale hurt me months ago growing. My chest ached when I looked at the canvas. Never before had an image come out of me so quickly.

  “This will sell instantly,” she said, giving my shoulder a light squeeze.

  I didn’t care about it selling. “I’m not selling it.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “It’s not for sale. I’ll make another one but this one I’m keeping for myself.”

  “Max.”

  “No.” I spun on her. “I’m not selling it.” I rose from the stool and grabbed the canvas, placing it against the wall to dry. “I’ll work on something else.”

  “But this one is raw. Real. People will be able to feel the emotion coming off of it.”

  “I’m not arguing over this.” I grabbed another blank canvas, praying an image came out of me as fast as the first one. “I’ll work on some more.”

  “Don’t stress yourself out.”

  “Thanks, but I kind of need to,” I told her. “You need some product from me, don’t you?”

  Josee headed to the doorway, glancing back at me over her shoulder. “I’m worried about you.” She left before I could give her a reply.

  Yeah, well, she wasn’t the only one.

  ***

  (Dale)

  Physical therapy sucked hairy, sweaty balls.

  It hurt like hell, and the only thing I wanted to do was go home, have a beer, and find Max.

  I had been out of the hospital for a couple of days, taking up solace in my shithole of an apartment. I really needed to move. As soon as I had stepped over the threshold, memories came back of what I had done. I couldn’t remember them in detail but I knew I had brought woman after woman home. Max had spent many nights with me there and because I was a dick, I never changed the sheets. I wanted them to smell her.

  Fuck. What kind of man was I?

  After Coby told me what happened to the baby, I couldn’t wrap my head around what I had done. My mind played tricks on me. I knew we had our problems and that we weren’t talking in the end but I never realized it had been that bad. But I couldn’t remember the words we said. I only remembered the emotions and that gut out my fucking heart.

  Squeezing the bridge of my nose, I took a deep breath, trying to ward off the impending migraine.

  The physical therapist wanted me to start working out again so I went to the best person I knew to train
with.

  Coby handed me a bottle of water. “Take a drink.”

  I did as I was told, the cool liquid soothing my parched throat. When I was done, he took the empty bottle and threw it in the recycling bin.

  “Look at me,” he demanded.

  I met his gaze and waited.

  When he circled his hands around the back of my head and started massaging, I almost fell into him. A tingle shot up my back. It felt good. Damn good.

  He chuckled. “Don’t get a fucking hard on for me, brother.”

  I laughed which came out more as a groan. “No wonder Brogan loves you. Your fingers are magic.”

  He laughed even harder. “Lots of practice dealing with the migraines she gets. Although, if you were her, this would turn into me fucking the migraine out of her.”

  I grunted. “Thank you for the image.”

  “Anytime.” His fingers continued to move over the back of my head, down to my neck and back up again. The pressure of his hands released some of the tension building up in my head since waking up. “Better?” he asked, gripping my shoulders.

  No. “Yes.”

  “Liar.” Coby took a swig of his bottle of water before heading to the weight rack. “How come you’re not working out at the club?”

  “This gym is bigger. Gives us more options to work with.”

  He raised an eyebrow, glancing at me in the reflection of the mirror. “That the only reason?”

  “Yes.”

  He shook his head. “You’re lying again.”

  “You know why I can’t go to the club.”

  “I do.” He glanced at me over his shoulder. “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

  “Max could be there and I don’t want to deal with that shit yet,” I blurted. Fuck. The guy had some voodoo Jedi mind shit. I had never meant to let that admission leave my mouth.

  Coby nodded once, his dark eyes turning black. “You two need to talk.”

  “About what? How I caused her so much fucking stress, she lost our baby? That she confessed her feelings for me and I treated her like shit and fucked woman after woman trying to get her out of my skin?”

  “Do you remember the other women?” he asked, stretching his arms above his head.