Numb (King's Harlots MC Book 5)

by J. M. Walker

  “Oh, you will, baby.” I made sure of it.

  ***

  (Max)

  The next morning, my body stirred. I rolled over onto my stomach, stretching my arms out beneath my pillow. My muscles twitched, protesting against the movement but I felt so damn good. Better than I had felt in months. Although the nagging feeling last night was it for us, I wouldn’t allow myself to think about it.

  I still hadn’t taken Dale to the cemetery. I still never told him about his daughter. I didn’t tell him anything. Trust was beginning to brew but a part of me wasn’t sure if it was enough.

  My throat burned, becoming raw with the emotion that this would be goodbye. I knew we would have to see each other. There was no way Angel would let me be alone while this Organization was around but once it was done, I was leaving. I couldn’t handle being in the same city as Dale and not be allowed to touch him.

  Dale used me for hours last night. Not letting up until I begged him to let me sleep when really I wanted to keep going until there was nothing left. I held onto him until I broke.

  “No matter what happens, I will always be there. I’m only a phone call or a text away.”

  His words were sweet while his body remained rough. It contradicted his actions and messed with my head. I begged him to shut up. To just talk to me through his body but he didn’t listen.

  “I’m sorry. For everything.”

  My screams of pleasure turned into cries of agony. “Please stop talking.”

  But he didn’t.

  “No one will ever own my heart again, kitten,” he had said between kisses.

  The powerful passion sliding between us turned into soft and gentle touches from Dale.

  With his arm draped over my middle, I pushed into his side. I had never craved sex like I did with him. I wanted it constantly and I knew he would never complain but sex was our out. We needed to talk but instead, we fucked. While we talked last night when he was deep inside me, it wasn’t enough.

  I kissed his cheek. You are my first love, Dale. I took a deep breath. My only love. I love you. I will always love you.

  Brushing my thumb over his full bottom lip, I replaced it with my mouth. Tears blurred my vision. I prayed we could get through this and find a way back to each other.

  Inching my fingers beneath the sheet covering his body, I pushed it off his shoulder and found my mouth touching his skin before my mind could catch up. My body burned for him. But I wanted slow. Not fast and hard like last night.

  Dale shifted against me, brushing his nose into the crook of my neck and inhaled deep.

  “Make love to me,” I said, my voice cracking.

  He moved me beneath him and knelt between my spread legs.

  Reaching between us, I wrapped my hand around his cock. We didn’t talk. Instead, I spoke to him through my body.

  He grunted, thrusting his hips in tune with the strokes of my hand.

  Dale pushed my knee up to my chest and thrust into me so damn hard my breath left me on a whoosh. My nerve endings tingled, every part of me coming alive just at the mere thrust of his length.

  He kissed my neck, raining nips and bites along my skin.

  I whimpered, taking all of him in, and let him be in full control.

  Dale grabbed my hand, linking our fingers while his hips picked up speed. His groans and grunts of pleasure were music to my ears as I forced him to submit to that desire he craved.

  Wrapping a hand around my throat, he forced my head back to meet the rough impact of his mouth. His tongue slid between my lips, matching the deep thrusts of his thick length. The dual sensations erupted into an explosion. His name fell from my lips on a scream.

  He kissed me harder, not letting up, and only when he jumped over that edge with me did he slow down.

  I sighed, shivering at the loss of his cock no longer being inside me.

  Dale winked, kissed me softly on the mouth, and knelt between my legs.

  Much to my surprise, his mouth was on me, his tongue inside me to the point I felt him everywhere.

  I cried out, grabbing his hair, and lifted my hips toward his mouth.

  He growled, the deep sound rumbling from his chest straight into my soul.

  “Fuck.” He released me with a wet smack, licking his lips. “You taste good.”

  I panted, shocked that he would go down on me after coming inside of me seconds before.

  Flipping me onto my stomach, he pulled me to all fours and ate at me like he was a starved man.

  His mouth moved. My hips bucked. He groaned. I screamed. I didn’t last long as his delicious mouth forced me to submit again and again.

  ***

  (Dale)

  Tasting myself on her was not something I ever thought I’d enjoy but it definitely wouldn’t be something I would forget any time soon. Knowing a part of me was in a part of her, I couldn’t help but have a little taste.

  Max’s wide-eyed stare as I ate at her until she came hard around my tongue forced me to lap at her center even harder.

  “Dale?” she said an hour later as she got dressed.

  “What, kitten?” I asked, pulling on my jeans.

  “Why did you do that?”

  “Do what?” I asked even though I already knew what she wanted to know.

  “You know what I’m asking,” she said, chewing her bottom lip.

  I laughed. “For someone who begged me to fuck her ass last night, you sure are shy.”

  She huffed, her cheeks reddening even more. “Just answer my question.”

  “I don’t know what your question is, kitten,” I teased and sauntered toward her.

  “Most guys would have thought that was gross. Going down on me after … you know.”

  Cupping her ass, I pulled her against me and brushed my nose into the crook of her neck. The scent of roses and sex wafted into my nostrils, sending a sense of calm washing over me.

  “Tasting myself on you was one of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced.” Pinching her chin, I tilted her head back. “I enjoy eating every inch of you, kitten. You should get used to it.”

  She shivered. “We never had sex like this. Not before your accident.”

  My back stiffened. “I don’t remember so I can’t comment.”

  “You said you remember every moment with me.”

  “I thought I did but I also thought you and I were fine and that we were a happy fucking family.” I pulled away and did up the fly on my jeans before tugging a shirt down over my head.

  “See, this is why I don’t like talking to you.” She shook her head and went to walk out of the room when I stopped her. “Dale.” She sighed, leaning against me. “We need to talk about what you said. I own your heart but we keep pushing each other away.”

  “You keep pushing me away,” I corrected. “I’m trying to have patience,” I muttered, wrapping my arm around her waist.

  “Is this over?”

  “It never began.” I hugged her against me, kissing the side of her head.

  She turned in my arms, wrapping herself around my waist. “I—”

  At that point, my cell phone rang, stopping Max from saying whatever was on her mind.

  “Yeah,” I grumbled.

  “We’re meeting at the club,” Angel said.

  “What’s wrong?” I brushed my hand down Max’s cheek, not wanting to leave this moment.

  “Tell you when you get here,” he said, hanging up.

  “What’s going on?” Max asked, finishing getting dressed.

  “We’re all meeting up at the club,” I said, kissing her head.

  “Okay.”

  I stared after her, watching her grab her purse and roughly put on lip gloss. She threw the purse on the bed and smoothed down her dress like she was trying to rub out invisible wrinkles.

  “What’s going on?” I asked her, not able to take the silence any longer.

  “I’m fine.”

  She was anything but. “Talk to me.”

  She gr
abbed her purse and walked out of the bedroom.

  I had no idea what the hell just happened. The intoxicating and delicious time we had together was going to end. I just didn’t know when.

  ***

  (Max)

  “Max, baby, talk to me.” Dale came up behind me, wrapping his arm around my bicep. “Talk to me.”

  “What do you want me to say, Dale? That I don’t want us to leave my house because every time we do, it’s like something happens where we start fighting again? Or that I want last night to happen over and over until we’re so deep in each other we can’t find our way out? That … that … I don’t want this to be over but I know something needs to change?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t want this to be over any more than you do.” He cupped my face, placing a soft kiss on my mouth. “Sit with me.”

  “We need to go,” I mumbled against his lips.

  He grabbed hold of my hand, leading me to the couch. “They can wait.”

  “Dale, it’s fine. We’ll go to the meeting and—”

  “Ignore each other?”

  “I think it’s been a couple days since we’ve ignored each other.” I smiled softly.

  “Yeah.” He patted the spot beside him. “Sit.”

  I did as I was told and joined him on the couch. “Ignoring each other was working. But I don’t want to ignore you anymore.”

  “And I don’t want to ignore you. It’s not gonna happen, kitten. I’m done. This old shit between us …” He shook his head. “We’ll be friends. Something.”

  “You think we can be in the same room and just be friends? What if I find someone else?” I touched his arm. “What if you find someone? I can’t handle seeing another woman on your arm. Do you think you can handle seeing me with another man?”

  He looked away, the muscle beneath his jaw working hard. “Fuck.” He dropped his head in his hands. “I’ll end up in fucking jail if I see you with another man.”

  I sat back. “Exactly.”

  “Where do we go from here then?” he asked, his big body stiff.

  I leaned my head against his shoulder. “We need time. Or that’s what I’ve been told anyway.”

  Dale swore under his breath. Pulling me onto his lap, he held me tight against him.

  We sat like that for a while.

  We needed time, but I wished it would hurry the fuck up.

  DALE TOUCHED ME. He held my hand and looked at me like I was the most important woman in the world. Knowing this could be all be over soon only made me hold onto him that much tighter.

  Every so often, he would kiss my knuckles or the side of my head and whisper how sorry he was. How he wasn’t the man I deserved. And every time those words left his mouth, my heart shattered into a million pieces. So many damn pieces, I had no idea how they could ever be put back together again.

  Our friends didn’t say anything but I could see the questioning glances, the unknown stares—if we would both explode on each other again. Little did they know that I was tired and that we were both done.

  After telling everyone that we dealt with everything on our own terms, they backed off. I had never meant to tell them outright how Dale and I were sleeping together but when they wouldn’t leave us alone, it was the only way.

  “Max, do you have a second?” Jay asked, coming toward us. Her gaze zeroed in on Dale. “Are you going to push me again?”

  “Listen.” Dale let out a slow breath. “I’m sorry.”

  Her shoulders slumped. “I know.” She looked behind her.

  Angel caught her gaze.

  “You’re lucky, though. I’ve never seen Angel that mad and trust me, I’ve pissed him off many times but …” She swallowed hard. “Just … no matter what happens between you two, don’t lose that friendship with your brothers. I don’t want you and Angel fighting again.”

  “Fuck, neither do I. Your boyfriend’s punches hurt like a bitch,” Dale grunted, rubbing his jaw. “I am sorry, though.”

  “I know.” Jay turned to me. “Think we can be civil?”

  “Yeah.” I squeezed Dale’s hand, giving him a small smile.

  Dale kissed my knuckles and made his way to Angel and the guys, leaving me alone with Jay.

  “How is everything?” Jay asked, searching my face.

  “We’re dealing. We talk when we can.” I looked back at Dale, my heart jumping in my chest with the love I had for him. “We’re not fighting as often anymore,” I added with a small smile.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “Don’t.” I shook my head.

  She huffed, breathing slow and even. She rubbed her belly and winced in the meantime. “This baby needs to come out of me,” she muttered, letting out a slow breath.

  “You’re due in a week. It could definitely be sooner,” I told her, handing her a bottle of water.

  She took the water from me and glared at it. “Once the doctors give me permission, I am getting fucking wasted until Angel has to peel me off the floor.”

  I laughed, ignoring the twinge of pain stabbing me in the chest. I would give up alcohol for life just to be able to hold my baby one last time. To have her stare up at me with love and adoration. To just be able to tell her again how much I loved her. My chest tightened, the air in my lungs shortening the longer I tried to breathe. I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head. What could I have done differently? Did I take the pregnancy for granted? Was I being punished for all the wrong I had done in my life?

  “Max?” Jay touched my shoulder.

  I jumped back as if her touch had burnt me. I couldn’t …

  God, I couldn’t breathe.

  “Max,” her eyes widened. “Breathe.”

  “I’m … I’m …” I gasped for breath, the panic attack hitting me full force. “I can’t …” I rubbed the ache between my breasts.

  Out of nowhere, I saw Dale come running toward me. He moved me to one of the booths, knelt at my feet and cupped my hands. “Breathe, kitten.”

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I covered his hands with mine but my heartbeat was so damn loud, I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t control the feelings rushing through me.

  “Max,” Dale’s voice was firm. “Breathe.”

  I didn’t want to. I wanted God to take me away and let me be with my baby. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Seeing Jay’s swollen belly and the fact she was about to have the baby any time now, triggered the panic attack. It shouldn’t be like this. I couldn’t lose myself every time I was near her.

  Voices sounded around us but all I could focus on was Dale’s smooth and calming voice.

  I needed him to show me that I was strong. That I could get through this. That no matter what, I could find happiness again.

  Throwing myself in his arms, I cried against his chest.

  “Shit.” Dale hugged me, holding me tight. “It will be okay. It will all fucking be okay,” he said, his voice thick.

  Sobs forced me immobile. I had been doing well and then everything hit me all at once. Jay’s pregnancy. My feelings for Dale. The agonizing fear that he could leave me. Even though I knew it was possible, I didn’t know how I would react to it. We needed time apart. I got that. I understood. But I still wasn’t strong enough. I knew without a doubt that I wouldn’t be able to pull back from that if he hurt me again.

  “Don’t hurt me,” I whispered.

  “What?”

  I looked up at him through my tear soaked lashes. “Don’t hurt me. Please. Not again. I’m not strong enough.”

  Dale searched my face, his jaw clenching. “It won’t be me hurting you this time.”

  Cupping his cheek, I brushed my thumb over his bottom lip and replaced it with my mouth. My feelings wouldn’t leave my mouth but I tried with everything in me to show him how I felt through that kiss.

  “You are strong enough, kitten,” he said, kissing my nose and then my forehead. “You are the strongest person I know.”

  I wished I could feel the same way.
>
  Pushing out of his grip, I helped him to his feet. “I need to take a walk.” I went to head outside when Jay stopped me.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t.” I gave her a hug. “I love you. I just need a moment.”

  She nodded, her eyes glazing over. “I love you too.”

  Once I reached outside, I was tempted to hop on my bike and just drive.

  “What do you want from me?” Dale asked, coming up from behind me.

  “I want you,” I told him, sitting on the picnic table.

  “Really? Because somehow I don’t think that’s completely true.” He came toward me and stepped between my legs.

  My breath hitched, my fingers reaching out to grip his shirt.

  “I do want you,” I told him, curling the fabric in my hands. “Why don’t you believe me?”

  “It’s hard to believe you when you constantly second guess me. I know you don’t trust me. Not completely. I get it and I understand. But you keep pulling me in and pushing me away. Why, Max? It’s fucking with my head.” He pinched my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “I’m too old for these games.”

  “I … I’m sorry.” I swallowed hard. “You broke me.”

  “I don’t remember. Not everything. I remember feelings. I remember that I hurt you. It’s like snippets here and there but it’s frustrating as fuck.” He pulled away, pacing back and forth, and rubbed the back of his neck. “The doctors can’t do shit for my memory but if I could get it back, even if it meant being reminded of everything I did to you, at least …”

  “What?” I asked, peering up at him through unshed tears.

  “I could apologize for every wrong I caused you.” He came toward me again and grabbed my hands. “I could spend the rest of my life, showing you exactly how sorry I am.”

  “I want to believe you.”

  “Then why the fuck don’t you?” he shouted, the cords in his neck straining.

  “Don’t yell at me.” I shoved to my feet, pushing him back. “We were doing good and now this. The only time we don’t fight is when we’re fucking.”

  “Max, we were never doing good. Don’t fucking kid yourself. This?” He waved a hand between us. “It’s damn toxic. If you can’t see that, then we’re both more fucked up then we thought.”