Another Woman (9781468300178)

by Vincenzi, Penny

  ‘I would be delighted,’ he said, ‘there’s nothing I like more than showing off my roses. Let’s go.’

  He stood back for her as she walked through the door; in her stack-soled boots she was at least two inches taller than he was.

  ‘We’ll be back in a minute,’ he said into the room. He could see Harriet watching them both, clearly baffled.

  She walked slowly, gracefully, leading the way across the lawn; she seemed to glide. He followed her, feeling like some small eager pony in the wake of some great beautiful thoroughbred. When they were out of hearing distance of the house, she turned and waited for him, pointed at the field.

  ‘Can we go there?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘and into the woods. It’s a nice walk.’

  ‘Oh good,’ she said, and her tone was heavy, ironic. ‘I like a nice walk.’

  She was silent for a few more minutes; then as they reached the trees she turned to him again and said, ‘Well, Mr Forrest. What a long time it’s been.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose it has. You’re – what? Nineteen?’

  ‘Twenty,’ she said, ‘as you very well know.’

  ‘Ah. Twenty is it?’

  ‘Twenty years. Tough ones for my mother. Very tough.’

  ‘Yes, I’m afraid they must have been.’

  ‘It’s been OK for you,’ she said, ‘by the look of things.’

  ‘In some ways yes.’

  ‘In most ways, I would say, Mr Forrest. I mean we’re talking material here. I’m not interested in any other kind of problems you might have had. Except that I hope you’ve had a few.’

  ‘Miss Mills –’

  ‘Oh, puh-leeze, Mr Forrest! Tilly. We’re going to get to know one another pretty well, I think, you can’t keep on calling me Miss Mills. I mean, Rufus wants to marry me. And he’s family, isn’t he?’

  ‘Not quite. Not strictly speaking,’ said James carefully, ‘but I know what you mean.’

  ‘The hell you know what I mean. And strictly doesn’t seem to have a lot to do with it. Are you really telling me no one else in this gilded cage you all live in has noticed what Rufus looks like? Very interesting I found that. Shocking even – for a moment.’

  ‘I – don’t quite understand.’ Jesus, this was worse than he’d expected.

  ‘I think you do.’

  ‘Miss Mills – Tilly, I assure you –’

  ‘OK,’ said Tilly, suddenly cheerful, polite even, ‘let’s leave that for now. I just wanted to ask you how you could possibly, possibly have done what you did to my mother. It may sound like I’m raking over old ground, but it’s what I’ve been walking on all my life and it really does intrigue me.’ She smiled at him, a great warm engulfing smile.

  James stared at her, his mouth dry. ‘Perhaps,’ he said after a moment, ‘perhaps you could clarify that question just a little. If you mean the birth, the death of your sister –’

  ‘Yeah, I mean that. But that’s not the main thing. I suppose if I was to be really really charitable, I could tell myself it was possible that my sister’s death was unavoidable. I mean I don’t really think so, but I could keep on telling it, and maybe in the end I’d get to believe it. I talked to Oliver about it, I thought as he was a doctor he’d know –’

  ‘You talked to Oliver about your delivery – your birth,’ said James and he felt so angry, so hot with rage he had to stop and take several deep breaths.

  ‘No, it’s OK, calm down, not mine,’ said Tilly. She stopped and waited for him, smiling her odd, aloof smile. ‘Just the birth of twins. I said how complicated was it, could it be, and he said these days not so difficult, but it was still tricky, still a process he hadn’t liked when he’d had to do it, that often the second twin was a breech, that then there was always the danger of brain damage –’

  James thanked God for any difficulties Oliver had clearly had in the delivery room during his training, and started to walk again.

  ‘Then you can accept that there was a problem …’

  ‘Yeah, I can. And I can imagine my mother might have been difficult. She can be very stubborn and she’s heavily into all that natural business. With that silly cow Tamsin. And I know it kept coming up that she hadn’t been for her prenatals –’

  James was beginning to feel more easy; maybe she had just wanted to clear the air, maybe he could persuade her that he had acted properly, in good faith …

  ‘Well then –’

  ‘No, Mr Forrest, not well. Because you’d been drinking, hadn’t you?’

  ‘I beg your pardon!’

  ‘I said you’d been drinking. You were drunk.’

  ‘How dare you!’ said James. ‘How dare you stand there, in all your crass ignorance, and accuse me of being drunk when I was working. Of course I –’

  ‘ I’m not accusing you,’ said Tilly easily. ‘I’m not saying it. It was the little student nurse who did that. She went to Tamsin, told her. When Tamsin was trying to get evidence together.’

  ‘I don’t recall her saying that at the inquiry,’ said James smoothly. He was in control of himself again now. ‘And I have to tell you that –’

  ‘I’ll do the telling, Mr Forrest. And no, she didn’t say it at the inquiry. She just said you were very tired. I wonder how that happened. Not because it was her word against yours and the other medical people. No, no, of course not. She must have been wrong in the first place. Or thought she was wrong.’

  ‘Miss Mills, you’re making some very serious accusations here. I have to tell you –’

  ‘I’m not making any accusations,’ said Tilly, and her voice was icy, filled with contempt. ‘Well, not yet. I can’t quite decide who I’m going to talk to first about all of this: Rufus maybe. Maybe not. I can’t decide. Does that lovely Susie know about it incidentally?’

  ‘Yes, of course she does. Everyone knows. It was a widely reported case. And everyone knows also –’

  ‘Yeah, that you were cleared absolutely. Well, bully for you. And then back to the treadmill, eh? The five-star consulting rooms and the expensive suits and the big bucks and the big career.’

  ‘It wasn’t quite that simple,’ said James, fighting to keep indignation out of his voice. ‘It was a considerable setback. And a very, very traumatic experience, I might add. You may find it hard to believe but I was deeply upset by the whole thing. Very deeply. It was the first and only time I ever lost a baby …’

  ‘Oh, you lost it, did you?’ said Tilly and her voice was heavy with scorn and a stony, harsh hatred. ‘Do you know, I didn’t realize that. I always thought it was my mother who lost it. I didn’t realize it was you who went through all that pain and hell, who saw my sister born dead, dragged out of her like a rat. I didn’t realize it was you who cried every night for years and years, and had nightmares and felt terrible awful guilt for not doing the right things when you were pregnant. I didn’t know that it was you who needed some kind of recompense for it, for all that pain and misery, so that your life wasn’t so hard. I didn’t realize it was you who were made to feel irresponsible and foolish by the hospital and you who had to take the crap in that awful letter they sent. How stupid of me. How exceedingly stupid.’

  ‘Well, I –’

  ‘You bastard,’ said Tilly. She had stopped walking now and had turned to face him, barring his way. ‘You pathetic lying bastard. I wasn’t sure until today what I was going to do. I thought I’d like to see what you said about it all. Now I’ve seen, and heard, and I feel sick.’

  ‘How dare you!’ said James. ‘How dare you talk to me like this!’

  ‘Oh, quite easily,’ said Tilly more cheerfully. ‘I’m quite brave altogether. You’d be surprised. I expect it’s in my blood. Lots of my forebears were spear-carrying warriors. Anyway, now I know exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to tell every single person in this family of yours what you did, what really happened.’

  ‘You can’t,’ said James, an icy sickness in his veins.

  ‘Why not?’

 
‘It would be slanderous.’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ said Tilly, ‘what are you going to do, sue me? That would be very interesting. No Mr Forrest, you can’t do that. And I’m going to make very sure they all know the truth. That poor cow of a wife of yours, I bet she thinks the sun shines out of your anus, doesn’t she? I bet she’ll be shocked rigid.’

  ‘Miss Mills, I warn you –’

  ‘And Susie? Your lovely friend? And your children? Christ, Harry idolizes you, thinks you’re the next best thing to Jesus.’

  ‘Not any more, I fear,’ said James.

  ‘Oh really? She seems pretty obsessed with you. And Rufus. What does Rufus think?’

  ‘What I do is of little concern to Rufus,’ said James, fighting for dignity.

  ‘Oh really? What I see makes me doubt that. And that lovely old duffer, Merlin, he’s your godfather, isn’t he? Bet he thinks you’re no end of a fine fellow.’

  ‘Look – what do you want?’ said James. He knew it was dangerous, knew he was placing himself at her mercy, appearing to be ready to do a deal, but he was desperate.

  ‘I want justice, Mr Forrest. I want my mother convinced that it was all your fault, all of it, I want you to go and see her and tell her the truth, tell her it would have made no difference if she’d gone to her prenatal classes or not, that you were drunk and bungling and incompetent, and if you hadn’t been my sister would have been alive today. And I want your family to know what a shit you are, how you lied and cheated and intimidated that poor little nurse –’

  ‘How dare you!’ James was shouting now, his rage suddenly converted into physical energy. ‘How dare you say such things?’

  ‘I dare,’ she said, ‘I dare quite easily. I told you – I’m quite a brave person really. And I’ll tell you something else, Mr Forrest. If you don’t do what I say, then you’re going to be reading all about it in the tabloids. Very soon.’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ he said, ‘why on earth do you think they’d be interested in it? After all this time.’

  ‘Because it’s me,’ she said, her eyes wide, innocent as a child’s. ‘I have a way of making headlines, you know. I’m what’s known as good copy. And so is this. I think the fact I should have been twins is a terrific story. I can see them now, all the headlines, the picture editors getting their computers to work out what she might have looked like. I think people would really love to read why there’s only one of me. And about the struggle my mother’s had to raise me all on her own. Don’t you?’

  James had never known such rage; he felt self-control leave him suddenly. He stepped forward, raised his hand to hit her. She stood there calmly, her eyes heavily contemptuous, her lips curved in a half-smile.

  He pulled himself together, dropped his arm, stood looking at her.

  ‘You’re disgusting,’ she said simply. ‘Quite disgusting.’

  And she turned and stalked off into the woods.

  When he got back to the house – shaking, exhausted, fearful – Julia Bergin was standing on the back lawn. She was wearing a white polo shirt and madras bermudas; her face was porcelain-smooth, her brown hair looked freshly set.

  ‘James! So sweet of you to ask us over. I was sent to try and find you.’

  She sounded, looked even, as if she had come for drinks, or a barbecue; her studied casualness seemed an affront to their distress, an insult to Cressida.

  ‘Oh really?’ he said, and it was difficult to speak, his tongue seemed disconnected to his brain. He felt dreadful, scarcely conscious. He had to pull himself together, work out what he was going to do. ‘Any reason in particular?’

  ‘Maggie has made some sandwiches. She thought we should all eat something.’

  Bloody Maggie and her obsession with food; didn’t she ever concern herself with anything else? Then he realized that he hadn’t eaten all day, and was in fact something close to hungry.

  He managed to smile at Julia. ‘She’s probably right. Is everyone still here?’

  ‘Yes, of course. Your wonderful godfather is making everyone drinks. Such a sweetheart. Such an original. Many people would find his frankness rather rude, but I like it. I appreciate honesty, as I’m sure you do, James. It was one of the first lessons I learnt when I went into analysis, to confront the truth and then convey it.’

  ‘Oh really?’ said James. ‘Good.’

  She linked her arm in his, led him towards the house. ‘You must try not to worry too much,’ she said. ‘I just know Cressida is fine. That she’ll be safely back.’

  ‘I hope you’re right. And I wish I shared your optimism.’

  ‘Well, I have feminine intuition on my side,’ said Julia, ‘and it tells me that there is nothing seriously wrong. I got very close to Cressida, you know. She and I were like sisters. She was a very strong, sensible girl. She wouldn’t do anything stupid. I know it. Trust me.’

  Nobody seemed to have moved when they went back into the drawing room. James was faintly surprised; it seemed hours, days since he had left for his walk with Tilly.

  ‘James, are you all right? You look terrible,’ said Susie.

  ‘Yes, I’m fine.’

  ‘Where’s Tilly?’ asked Harriet, surprised.

  ‘She went for a walk,’ said James briefly. ‘She felt she needed the exercise.’

  ‘She’s amazing,’ said Harriet fondly. ‘She runs at least five miles a day you know.’

  ‘How very energetic of her,’ said James coldly.

  Harriet looked at him, puzzled; he returned her stare, his face ironed blank.

  ‘I say,’ said Merlin, who had sat himself down next to Janine, in between Harriet and Josh, ‘these are good, Maggie. Part of lunch I suppose. Well, it’ll keep you going for months, that food, won’t it? Needn’t go to waste. Put it all in the freezer. Wonderful things, aren’t they, freezers?’ he said to Susie. ‘I’ve got two. Only shop twice a year now.’

  ‘Good heavens,’ cried Julia, clearly relieved by the distraction. ‘How amazing. What about fresh fruit and vegetables?’

  ‘Never touch the stuff,’ said Merlin. ‘Can’t stand any of it. Except for red peppers. Eat several peppers a day. Buy them fresh of course. Did you know,’ he said to the room in general, ‘there’s more vitamin C in half a red pepper than three oranges? You’d know all about that, of course,’ he added to Janine. ‘Can’t teach your lot anything about food. When all this nonsense is over you must let me cook you a meal one night. I do a very good ratatouille, though I say it myself.’

  There was an awkward silence as everyone ignored Merlin’s slightly unfortunate phraseology, then Julia spoke.

  ‘Well, I am truly amazed you’re so healthy. You could be in danger of severe tissue damage. No, not prawns, Maggie dear, I have a shellfish allergy. Just a little cucumber perhaps –’

  ‘Tissue damage pah!’ said Merlin. ‘I’m eighty-four years old, woman, and a damn sight healthier than most of your compatriots. Look at them, obese, pasty-faced, mass of allergies like you, obsessed with their bowels –’

  ‘Talking of health,’ said Harriet, rather desperately, ‘Oliver, we didn’t tell you. We think Cressida was ill on the – God, it was this morning, wasn’t it? It seems weeks ago. Well anyway, she was ill. Janine heard her – heard her being sick once or twice, and – well, sorry everyone, not a very nice topic. Did you have any idea she was ill, Ollie, or maybe it was just nerves –’

  Oliver stood up suddenly. He walked over to the window and stared out for a few moments. Then he turned round and faced them.

  ‘She wasn’t ill,’ he said finally, his voice shaking. ‘She was perfectly well. She was pregnant, that’s all. I think I’ll have another drink, James, if you don’t mind.’

  James, looking at Oliver over the whisky bottle, wondering how many more revelations he could take about his beloved daughter, saw a very odd expression in his eyes. It wasn’t embarrassment, or even bravado; it was something extraordinarily close to anger. And then thirty years of absorbing announcements of
pregnancies, the near-subconscious computing of dates, symptoms, probabilities, told him something that he found almost unendurable, something he crushed hastily, ruthlessly, without even beginning to acknowledge it further. And then he looked at Harriet, who was staring at Oliver, her face very pale, and he knew she had reached the very same realization as swiftly and as certainly as he had.

  Chapter 15

  Mungo 6:30pm

  More than anything in the world, he wanted to see Alice. The events of the past twenty-four hours had been so surreal, so nightmarish that he desperately needed some of the cool common sense she brought so efficiently into his life. Maybe he could get away that evening, get to London, have dinner with her even. There was no way Cressida was going to turn up now; his role as best man had been written out of the script. And now that Tilly was here, she was looking after Oliver far more competently than he could, she and Rufus. God, it was a strange partnership, that one: nice, but totally unpredictable. Mungo thought of Tilly’s two previous lovers, a wildly eccentric French film director who had recently embarked on a second career as a Formula Two racing driver, and a black bisexual interior designer who had shot to fame with a simple if slightly esoteric corner in executive jet decor. And here she was, madly in love with a beautifully behaved English lawyer, an ex-public schoolboy who was polite to his parents, held doors open for women and stood up when his elders came into the room. Oh well. Love did strange things to people: as he knew. He could have had the pick of every nubile twenty-something on several continents, and what did he do? Fall head over heels – and that was such a good expression that exactly described how he felt half the time, shaken to pieces and totally disorientated – with a woman of nearly forty with three children. Well, if nothing else, it certainly made you believe in the thing, in love. Rufus, who was a great believer in love, was always talking about it, had indeed first experienced it at the age of seventeen, had talked endlessly and tediously about it right through one summer when Mungo stayed with him and his family in France and Rufus had been forced to leave the beloved behind in London. Mungo had listened to his ramblings, impressed mainly by the fact that Rufus had insisted (shocked) that he and the beloved had not even been to bed together, that she didn’t want to yet; and right up to the time that Mungo had met Alice he had thought it was a myth, a label stuck on sex, sex with possibly a bit of shared interest and background thrown in. Now he knew differently. Love, it seemed, was losing control.