Sister Betty Says I Do

by Pat G'Orge-Walker

  Freddie really didn’t want to hear it, but since Elder Batty had taken the incident with Bea so well, Freddie owed him that much. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s about what happened earlier at prayer and testimony service.” He snickered and added, “Let’s just say our pastor has an admirer who danced for him like Salome did for King Herod.”

  “Who was that?” Freddie didn’t move, even when he saw Bea rise from her seat with her hands on her hips, throwing eye daggers his way. “Who danced for him?”

  “Well, she said it was for God, but wasn’t nobody fooled.”

  “Who?” Freddie’s voice had risen, but he reined it in. The elder’s grace period was up as far he was concerned. “I really need to get home, so if you got something to say, say it.”

  “I’m talking about Ima,” Elder Batty replied. “What other brazen hussy would do something so ridiculous and sexy in the sanctuary except—” He stopped and nodded toward Bea. “That brazen hussy sitting over there, my Bea. She certainly would if she could and had a chance.” He turned and walked away, laughing.

  Outside in his car Freddie placed his cane beside him on the seat. Placing his soda in the cup holder, he muttered as though he were not alone. “Leotis’s a good man but a fool.” He put the car in gear and began driving away, already deciding that his Honey Bee was more important than whatever mess Leotis was about to step in. He was keeping his promise and not interfering in matters that didn’t concern him. And at the same time he wondered how his precious Betty, being all up in Leotis’s business, could’ve let something like this happen. After all, he thought, it’s not like she’s got me reining her in.

  Leotis lay down the phone. He’d just called Freddie to check up on him and tell him about the results of the earlier meeting. He didn’t want Freddie to be concerned about the upcoming prison ministry event.

  “Where could he be?” Leotis got up and looked out his window, as though he expected Freddie to be standing on his porch. “Please, Father, don’t let that man be lying passed out again with nobody there.” He looked at his watch. “Eleven o’clock at night. Where would he be at this time of night even if he were well?”

  Freddie had tried to keep the salad down. He’d been in the bathroom, vomiting nonstop, since he returned home. He had heard his phone ringing but had been unable to answer. “One more pill to take,” he reminded himself as he finally poured a glass of water. He clenched one fist, as though doing so would make the pill stay in his system.

  Freddie thought his mind was playing tricks when he heard the sound of his doorbell. “It’s almost eleven thirty,” he murmured. “Who in the world would come around this time of night?”

  Freddie debated whether to answer or not, but the ringing was persistent. Still undecided, he peeped out the window before opening the door. “What in the world are you doing here?” Freddie asked. “Don’t you know how late it is?”

  Thurgood entered Freddie’s house, and without an invitation, he sat.

  “Didn’t we just chat yesterday?” Freddie said as he stood leaning against his living room wall. “I wasn’t really expecting to see you again so soon—and so late.”

  Thurgood took out a small Bible from his pants pocket. He beckoned Freddie to sit next to him. When Freddie finally sat, Thurgood began speaking. “I haven’t known you but for a couple of years. When I left here yesterday, you gave me a lot to think about.”

  The surprised look upon Freddie’s face was genuine. “I did?”

  “Yes, you did. I was truly impressed before, when you won that huge mega lottery and decided to give most of it to you and Betty’s church to help them in a crisis. I don’t know if I could’ve or would’ve done that, but it was really unselfish.” Thurgood’s eyes suddenly began to blink, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d admitted. “God rewards unselfishness.”

  Freddie looked at Thurgood. He could tell there were questions in Thurgood’s tired eyes that his mouth had trouble asking.

  “I know you’re a praying man,” Thurgood continued. “I’m a praying man, too. But when I pray, I expect God to give me enough wisdom on how to move or climb mountains. I don’t expect God to leave His throne and come down here with a rope or a shovel to help me.”

  Freddie’s tongue finally loosened. “What are you talking about, Thurgood?”

  “I’m talking about you and my cousin Betty and how y’all done got God all up in something that can be fixed by the two of you.”

  “You holding that Bible,” Freddie told him, “but you acting like you don’t know that it says to wait upon the Lord and be of good cheer.”

  “That’s exactly what it says,” Thurgood replied, “but are you happy? Because if you happy, you sure a sad-looking something.”

  Freddie didn’t answer, but he couldn’t disagree, either. “So what are you telling me?”

  “I’m trying to tell you that if you tell God that you want a house, He ain’t gonna build it for you. God will see that you need to get that job, to put aside that money, or get a loan. All you have to do is find somebody to build it or do it yourself, if you can.”

  “I still don’t understand, Thurgood.”

  “Dammit, man.” Thurgood rose off his seat and shoved the Bible back into his pants pocket. “I’m telling you that you asked God for Betty, so now get off your arse and get her. She won’t care if you have cancer or high blood pressure or whatever. Besides, with her praying for God to heal you, it’s a done deal. You know the woman has favor.”

  Freddie gave a faint smile. “Thank you, Thurgood, for being here for me. I guess I needed a good ole kick in the butt.”

  Thurgood sat down again. “I told ya I’d help you. But I realized you waiting on too much help. You got to throw some skin in the game, too.”

  “I know you’re right. I’ve got one more checkup, and if it goes well, then I’ll be totally finished and released from the cancer trial. I’m still feeling a bit tired, though.” Freddie paused and took a deep breath. “In fact, I’m feeling exhausted all through my bones, and I’m burping like crazy but can’t keep nothing down.”

  “God is able,” Thurgood said softly. He turned and pretended to look at a picture on the wall so that Freddie wouldn’t see anything that looked like pity in his eyes. After all he’d just told him, one sad look could let the Devil throw more doubt in the man’s life.

  “But I’m believing that when I return, there’ll still be no need for a stem cell transplant,” Freddie then added. “If there’s a need for a transplant, then at least they’ve already harvested my good cells.”

  “Well, I’m gonna let you get some rest,” Thurgood said as he rose to leave. “It’s almost midnight, and I’ve got to get back to my Dee Dee. We’ve got the relationship seminar coming up.” Thurgood winked as he opened the front door. “And she and I have to do our homework.”

  Freddie stood in his doorway, watching Thurgood walk away, waving while laughing at his own joke. Freddie shook his head and said loudly, “Don’t you two study too hard, or you’ll break a brain muscle.”

  The day after Thurgood left Freddie’s home and returned to his hotel, Delilah called Sharvon early in the morning and insisted on talking.

  “I finally caught up with Sasha,” Delilah said. “I explained that you were just confused and had a lot on your mind when you misspoke about Betty’s wedding plans. Sasha actually surprised me. She didn’t call you out of your name or anything. In fact, she said she was thrilled that the wedding was still on.”

  “Cousin Delilah,” Sharvon snapped, “now you got that old woman thinking I’m crazy. You told me you’d handle it.”

  “And I did just that,” Delilah replied sharply. “Too many secrets can ruin too many lives. Trust me, I know.”

  “And you’re certain that that’s all you told her? I need to know if there’s more, because I still need to tell Cousin Betty what I’ve done.” Sharvon could tell Delilah was in self-editing mode. Delilah always gave a summary that was too long
and complicated matters. It meant that there was something Delilah either couldn’t or wouldn’t say.

  “What you really need to do is to cut down on working so many hours and find you a good man.”

  “You mean like the one you have?” Sharvon replied.

  “Oh, child, please. You can’t start with someone like your cousin Thurgood. He’s been seasoned and whipped real good by God and life. You need someone who knows just as little as you do, so the two of you can make all the dumb mistakes at the same time and move on.”

  Sharvon laughed. She hadn’t wanted to do it, but Delilah’s wisdom always left her puzzled or laughing. “Well, if I run into somebody as dumb as me, I’ll be certain to snatch him up.”

  Delilah laughed that time. “You won’t have to run far,” she told Sharvon. “Just mosey on over a couple of houses down from where you live.”

  “Are you talking about Reverend Leotis Tom?”

  “I sure am,” Delilah replied. “Lord knows, he’s as dumb as you when it’s something worldly. Every time I’m around him, I can see and smell Similac in his diet.”

  “Cousin Delilah!”

  “Cousin Delilah nothing,” Delilah said. “Between you and your cousin Betty, I haven’t found another couple of females as underused as you two. But at least Betty’s got something on her ring finger. You, young lady, ain’t cut your eye teeth, from what I can tell.”

  Sharvon listened on as Delilah shared her pearls of wisdom on her current state of celibacy and what it was worth. When Sharvon had heard enough, she interrupted. “Listen, Cousin Delilah, I truly do appreciate your eclectic wisdom, but did it ever occur to you that Leotis just might be interested in someone else?”

  The sudden quietness on the other end surprised Sharvon. Delilah always had a quick comeback or something to say about everything.

  “Did you hear what I just said?”

  “I most certainly heard that foolishness,” Delilah finally said. “Please tell me that you ain’t falling for that nonsense in your head that’s telling you that Reverend Tom is interested in Ima Hellraiser, Sasha’s wayward niece.”

  “What made you bring up her name?” Sharvon was curious. Perhaps there was something more that Delilah knew and that she ought to know.

  Delilah summed it up, as she always did when she was keeping a morsel under wraps for another time. “I heard it from Sasha when we were discussing the dumb thing you did. I don’t know anyone who gets more of a kick out of discussing somebody else’s crazy plans than Sasha. We got to talking about the foolishness that comes along with being young, and I couldn’t have shut her up with a sledgehammer to her mouth.”

  The mention of Sasha’s name brought back the reason why Sharvon had been upset with Delilah in the first place. She didn’t try to change the annoyance in her tone when she spoke. “Oh yes, I forgot. You told her the truth about Freddie before I told Cousin Betty.”

  “You can’t put no blame on me, because like I told you before, I’m not accepting blame for putting most things out in the open,” Delilah shot back. “And especially when they need to be told.” Delilah took a breath before she continued. “Anyway, there’s nothing Ima can do about getting the reverend, anyhow.”

  “What makes you say that?” Sharvon almost pushed the phone’s receiver through her ears, trying to make sure she didn’t miss one word.

  “You’re sure asking a lot of questions for someone who’s trying to pretend she ain’t interested in the man.”

  “What makes you say that Ima can’t get Leotis?” Sharvon repeated, ignoring Delilah’s honest insinuation.

  “She can’t get the man, because, according to Sasha, Ima’s still got that alienation of affection lawsuit pending against her. The current wife of Reverend Lyon Lipps is coming after Ima. She’s claiming Ima knew that the man had gotten married when he was in prison, before he became a reverend. Apparently, from what I’ve learned, from a source that’ll remain anonymous, the current Mrs. Lipps wanted a big slice of his mega ministry dollars to let him go. And it appears that Lyon Lipps figured it was cheaper to keep her, and he let Ima go instead.”

  “Then why would she continue with a lawsuit against Ima?”

  “That’s the same question I had,” Delilah replied. “I guess she didn’t like Ima, and frankly speaking, I can’t think of anyone who does. I’m guessing the lawsuit is being continued out of spite.”

  Sharvon almost dropped her cell phone. She could’ve stopped Delilah moments ago and told her that she already knew about the lawsuit. How she’d had the manila envelope in her car with the scandalous information on the night Ima had danced at the church, but decided not to out Ima to Leotis and the congregation. First of all, she’d have to explain how she came across such detailed information. Even if she admitted that she’d discovered the lawsuit only by accident when she was researching the background of another preacher whose sordid extra-marital affair was part of another investigation. She’d typed in Reverend Lyon Lipps’s name out of curiosity, but she hadn’t expected to learn anything damaging. She could’ve let out a whoop at first, but she quickly calmed down when she realized that if anyone backtracked, they’d seen her pass code next to the research entries. The fact that the information was too good not to print out, even if she did nothing with it, was the excuse she gave herself.

  “But my understanding is that Reverend Lyon Lipps chased Ima, and he did ask her to marry him,” Sharvon finally replied in an even tone. She didn’t want to appear overly interested.

  “That may be true,” Delilah agreed, “but I guess since he hadn’t seen or heard from the woman in so long, he figured his wife had gone ahead and gotten a divorce. She fooled him because he was still married when he became engaged to Ima. Besides, it wouldn’t be too hard for his wife to win a court case with Ima’s sordid history as evidence. If Reverend Tom knew about it, he’d quickly put an end to any lustful attraction he might have. Everyone knows he’s real particular when it comes down to the reputation of his church, as well as his own reputation.”

  “Well, the way he looks at her every time she’s within smelling distance, you’d never know he was thinking about anything holy.”

  “He’s still a man with needs,” Delilah told her. “But he’s also a man who’s not quite on the same level of worldly experience as Ima. So if you feel about him the way I now believe you do, you’d better make a plan to snatch that man and rescue him from the hell pit.”

  Chapter 18

  “She-rilla,” Sasha snapped, “where in the world have you been?” Living right next door to Bea had its advantages. Both knew the goings-on of the other. “It’s almost midnight!”

  Thinking she might’ve stepped outside in the hallway a bit too far, Sasha closed the top of her nightgown. “Get in here. I’ve got something to tell you.”

  Bea looked at Sasha and laughed. “What you got to tell me, Sasha? Huh?” Bea leered as she went ahead and stuck her key in her apartment door. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, Smurf,” Bea scolded. “I’m doing all the planning and making up flyers for our business, and you couldn’t even stay around the other night to hand them out or put one up on the church bulletin board. Why don’t you just go ahead and get in business with that floozy niece of yourn?”

  “So I take it that you don’t wanna know what’s happening with Sister Betty and Trustee Noel’s wedding plans?” Sasha turned to reenter her apartment. She left the door ajar, knowing if she didn’t, Bea would knock it off its hinges to hear more.

  Bea pushed open Sasha’s door and found her seated on her living room sofa, smiling, with a bunch of papers in her hands. “One day you gonna make me lose my religion,” Bea told her as she found a seat next to Sasha. “What you done found out? Me and Batty just ran into Freddie last night at the Burger King. Batty ain’t told me nothing about no change between Sister Betty and Trustee Noel.”

  “It’s probably because Elder Batty don’t know what I’m about to tell you if you just stop pushing me.” Sasha laid d
own the papers she was holding. She spread them out, knowing Bea would see what was on them. “There’s going to be a wedding, after all,” Sasha told Bea. “And we ain’t got a lot of time to pull this reception off.”

  “Who told you that?”

  Sasha sighed and said, “Delilah.”

  The expression on Bea’s face didn’t change. She hunched her shoulders and asked, “Delilah who?”

  Sasha shot forward. “Listen, Bea, it’s late, and I ain’t got time for twenty questions. You know doggone well that besides that hussy in the Bible, there’s only one other Delilah we know.”

  Bea’s jaw dropped before she bristled. “Thurgood’s Delilah?”

  “That’s right,” Sasha answered. “The very same woman who finally got Thurgood to get rid of that ridiculous conked hair and his clothes of many colors.”

  “I didn’t know she was in town.”

  “Both she and Thurgood are here having one of those sex shows they advertise as counseling. They ain’t fooling me not one bit.” Sasha moved closer to Bea, seeing that Bea was more interested in what she had to say than in starting another fight. “Delilah called and left me a message to call her. So I called her soon as I got home.”

  “But Delilah don’t even like you,” Bea offered.

  “She don’t like you, either,” Sasha snapped. “But that ain’t the point.”

  “Well, can you get to the point?”

  “Delilah told me that what Sharvon said about there not being a wedding was just one big misunderstanding. Delilah said that Sharvon was just concerned that with the trustee being sickly, like before there might have to be a postponement.”

  “Well, we had seen him in the hospital that day,” Bea replied. “And he has looked a bit sicker than normal.” Bea’s face lit up. “Well, at least he ain’t dead or dying, so we need to stop wasting time and get this reception planning going.”

  Sasha tapped Bea’s arm and pointed to the papers she had spread out on her coffee table. “As you can see, Bea, I’m way ahead on that one. I already called Porky. We got us an appointment to see what our hundred-dollar deposit can get us.”