Sister Betty Says I Do

by Pat G'Orge-Walker

  Not quite believing him, because she had strayed from time to time, depending on how far behind she was with her bills, Bea shoved him away. “What you got to tell us?”

  “First of all,” he began, “I got y’all’s hundred-dollar deposit back from Porky. I laid an extra hundred on him to calm down him and that lump Bea gave him.” He grabbed Bea around the shoulders and hugged her to him again. “I don’t know what he said or did, but judging from that king-size knot on his bald noggin, he won’t be doing or saying it again.” Elder Batty turned Bea loose and began laughing and holding his stomach.

  Elder Batty stopped laughing long enough to reach inside his pocket and peel away five twenty-dollar bills from a wad of cash. He winked as he gave them to Bea.

  Bea smiled just at the moment Sasha began flailing. “Why you give all that money to Bea? Some of that is mine.”

  Sasha jumped off the couch and came at Bea, but Batty took one hand and, with no effort, lifted Sasha up and gently placed her back on her sofa. He peeled off two fifty-dollar bills and gave them to her.

  “What’s going on?” Bea asked. She wasn’t happy to see Batty give away money that she could’ve fleeced off him, but she’d settle that later. “What’s the plan, man?”

  Elder Batty then took from his back pocket an envelope. He opened it and gave each woman a sheet of paper. “Y’all back in business.”

  Bea and Sasha read the papers Elder Batty gave them over and over. They looked at one another, and neither blinked or smiled.

  “What is this?” Bea asked.

  “Yeah, what you trying to pull?” Sasha asked. “Because whatever Bea be doing to get you to do things, I ain’t doing.”

  “For one thing,” Bea snapped, “you couldn’t. And for another, don’t nobody want a tough sausage when they can have a tender steak.”

  Elder Batty covered his ears and looked from woman to woman. At that moment he could’ve knocked Freddie out for getting him involved in some of Bea and Sasha’s insanity. But Freddie was one of his best friends, and he was the best man, so he’d suck it up and do what was necessary, and besides, it wasn’t his money he was spending. It was Freddie’s.

  “You know this is B.S.,” Bea told Batty. “This won’t be no B.B.S.”

  “I know, Bea,” Batty replied. “This is only yours and Sasha’s business. All I did was to have it incorporated and put down a deposit at Le Posh in Anderson so y’all could have your debut wedding reception for Sister Betty and Trustee Noel. I even got them to do the decorating so folks will be talking about how classy an affair it is. Anybody walking in there that day, bringing their invites, will know right away that it was all B.S.”

  Tears sprang to Sasha’s eyes. She hopped off the sofa and raced over to where Batty sat by Bea. Sasha pushed her dentures to the side and kissed Batty hard enough to draw the pus out of the big pimple on his jaw. She then leapt up before Bea could snatch her by her neck and raced off to her bedroom.

  Aside from wanting to hit Sasha for swabbing down her man with her bald gums, Bea was speechless. She sighed before finally telling Elder Batty, “I ain’t never had no one do something this kind for me. I still don’t know why you did it, but I’m glad you did.”

  “You know I’d do anything for you, Bea, and especially for that red velvet cake you’re gonna make me when we get off this couch.”

  Bea began laughing. “Well, come on, then. I should have enough ingredients to make you a small one. It’ll have to be quick because I need to get started on the invites and get them in the mail.”

  “I’m way ahead of you,” Batty whispered. He pulled out another piece of paper and handed it to her. “They’re already in the mail.”

  Bea scanned the names on the paper. “These are mostly all the people we figured Sister Betty would want to come to her wedding. You even have a few I haven’t heard from or about since they left the church years ago.” Bea stopped and looked Batty up and down. “Why did you go ahead and do all the heavy lifting? Now me and Sasha won’t have much to do.”

  Elder Batty began grinning and wringing his hands. He quickly averted his gaze before he turned around to face her again. “I don’t know why you can’t figure out, Bea Blister, how I really feel about you. But all I want you to do is look radiant on that day so I can imagine what you’d look like if you ever decide to put aside your playgirl ways and make an honest man of me. I know we tried it once before, but we can make it work this time, if we both give up a few things and take up a few others.”

  Bea got up from the sofa. She headed toward Sasha’s bedroom door, beckoning Elder Batty to follow. “I don’t believe one word of what you just said, but it sure sounded nice to hear.”

  Elder Batty began laughing again. “You see, Bea,” he said, “I told you didn’t nobody want me or you but me and you.”

  Chapter 24

  It was as though God owed Sister Betty and Freddie for all the misery they’d suffered. The fall weather on their wedding day was perfect. A colorful assortment of orange, brown, green, and yellowish leaves clung to the branches of the trees, as though they didn’t want to miss one moment of the festivities before slowly drifting to the ground.

  Three shiny 2012 silver and black stretch limousines took up most of the space in the church’s main parking lot. A gilded-edged reserved sign stood at the mouth of the parking spot normally occupied by Reverend Tom. Today the spot had been set aside for the late-model Bentley that’d brought Sister Betty to the church. Freddie had told Delilah and Elder Batty to spare no expense, and they had followed his orders to the letter.

  Inside the church the decorations were simple yet classy. The wedding planner had had navy blue, fuchsia, and white ribbon bouquets attached to the sides of the first three rows. Several other pews had black-and-white ribbons and were for the surprise guests Freddie had brought in as a special gift for his Honey Bee.

  In another part of the church Sister Betty waited along with her bridal party. Her nerves were causing her to weep and munch on saltine crackers to keep from vomiting. She kept Sharvon busy retouching the little make-up she’d allowed and sweeping the crumbs gathering on the bodice of her dress and on the floor.

  However, the bride and her attendants weren’t the only ones who were nervous. Others were both nervous and secretive.

  Leotis was in the room adjacent to his study, trying to entertain the guests Freddie had hidden there. The plan was for no one in Crossing Over Sanctuary to find out about them and go blabbing about it.

  Months ago Freddie had told Elder Batty Brick and several of the other deacons and trustees about his planned surprise for Sister Betty. He wanted some of the former members from the Ain’t Nobody Right but Us—All Others Goin’ to Hell Church to be invited. Reverend Knott Enuff Money had pastored the church, and the overseer, Bishop Was Nevercalled, had moved on after Reverend Money changed the church’s name to Crossing Over Sanctuary and then retired. Reverend Tom had taken over as pastor from then on.

  Elder Batty had been an original member, along with Bea and Sasha. He’d used whatever means necessary to get Bea to talk about their old church congregation and where they were presently. He’d always done it in such a way where she never knew he was fishing for information. It’d been easy because Bea loved to gossip, and she did provide other distractions, her red velvet cake being one.

  Because the pastor’s study was toward the rear of the church building and away from the din of the sanctuary, the chatter from the surprise guests went unheard and unnoticed.

  “Man, what happened to the buff dude that had everyone call him Deacon Mellow Yellow?” a man said, laughing as he stood back on his heels and looked another man over. “But you still looking okay for a dude now hugging fifty, so tell me, Deacon Laid Handz, man, where have you been hiding, and what the heck have you been up to?”

  Deacon Laid Handz had been the head of the deacons’ board for several years before he had to leave. He’d put his hands to some of the young female members one time too
many, and his safety, as well as the church’s finances from a possible lawsuit, were always jeopardized.

  “Oh, I’ve married and settled down,” Deacon Laid Handz replied, showing the band on his ring finger before pressing both hands to his rather large belly. Years ago he was the narcissistic, handsome playboy deacon with the snow-white teeth, clear light-skinned complexion, and curly black hair. Now he looked older and fatter and, judging from the run-down heels on his shoes, a lot poorer. “Brother Tis My Thang, I can’t believe it’s you.”

  “I’m still the man,” Brother Tis My Thang replied as he snapped his fingers, making the letter Z formation. “I’m still handling my organ on Sundays for the choirs, and I’m still the talented, take-no-prisoners man now, at forty.”

  Deacon Laid Handz cocked his head and scratched his jaw as he gave Brother Tis My Thang a questioning look.

  “Oh, you don’t hafta say it. I know that look,” Brother Tis My Thang told him. “I’ve been out of the closet for quite some time. It was so many church folks packed like sardines in it that I decided I’d rather be straight.” With that last statement, the man turned around, laughing, and went off to chat with some of the other guests, saying, “I can’t wait to see the look on Sister Betty’s face when she sees me.”

  While it was customary for the bride to arrive late, today Freddie had chosen to break that custom by being late himself. Thurgood and Elder Batty had left some time ago to pick Freddie up from his house, and no one had heard from them yet.

  Just as Leotis was about to lose hope that the wedding would happen, and had resigned himself to the fact that he’d have to deliver the bad news to Sister Betty, Thurgood raced through the door with Elder Batty and Freddie right on his heels.

  “Where have you guys been?” Leotis asked, lifting one eyebrow. “This wedding was scheduled for twelve noon. It’s almost twelve thirtv-five.”

  Freddie began shuffling his feet and kicking at the floor. “I thought I could’ve depended upon this one,” he said as he pointed to Thurgood, “to pick up the cruise tickets and keep hold of the passports until he could give them to my best man.”

  Thurgood coughed slightly, as though he’d something in his throat. “I ain’t gonna be but so many ‘this ones.’ Now, I told you I’d been running around, trying to help you out, and I just simply misplaced the doggone things.”

  Elder Batty hurried from his corner and stood between Freddie and Thurgood before things escalated. Smiling, he placed his arms around the men’s shoulders. “Y’all do remember that this is supposed to be a joyous and happy occasion, don’t you?”

  The relaxation was noticeable as their stances returned to normal.

  Thurgood lifted the ring box from his inside pocket and opened it to show the ring. “Just so you can see it again and know that it’s safe,” he said slowly as he closed the box and handed it to Elder Batty. From his other pocket he fished out an envelope with the passports and cruise and airline tickets, giving them to Elder Batty, as well. “Now, let’s go and get you married before you ask me if I made those reservations in Fort Lauderdale for tonight.”

  Thurgood began laughing as he turned Freddie aside and gave him one last look. “Well, like I told you before, for a man who doesn’t have my sense of style, you still look pretty good.” Thurgood had wanted Freddie to wear a neon yellow tuxedo with a black sash, but Freddie had protested, telling Thurgood that he’d no intention of standing at the altar looking like a dumb, emaciated bumblebee.

  It was Freddie’s turn to laugh and lighten the moment. “I may not have your sense of style on this day,” he told Thurgood, “but come Halloween, I may use that idea of wearing a neon yellow tuxedo with a black sash getup.”

  “That’s all I’m asking,” Thurgood replied. “I just want you to dare to be a little different on this auspicious occasion.”

  “Yeah,” Elder Batty added, “go ahead, Trustee. Act a bit suicidal on your wedding day.”

  “If you guys are finished trying to keep this man from getting to the altar, we can get started,” Leotis announced. “The bride and her party need escorting down the aisle. I’ve already sent the surprise guests inside to take their seats.”

  Leotis then turned to Thurgood. “I’m sending word to the ladies that it’s time to get this show on the road. Thurgood, you wait at the back of the church, like we rehearsed, so you can walk Sister Betty down the aisle.”

  Leotis turned and nodded at Freddie and Elder Batty. “Freddie, get ready, and, Batty, go in the other room and get the surprise groomsman. I can’t wait to see the look on Sister Betty’s face.”

  Sharvon took a deep breath as she waited at the back of the church to enter the sanctuary. She touched the ring of pink roses woven into a headband that sat upon her head. She wore her hair in long ringlets and swept to the side. Sharvon began fidgeting as she held her bouquet of red and pink roses and baby’s breath in one hand and ran her other hand over the bodice of the mauve-colored, long silk gown with its high, uncomfortable neckline. She and Delilah had wanted to wear something shorter and a bit more revealing, like a V-neck cut, to make their look more modern and even a little sexy. They’d also tried convincing Sister Betty that adding a teardrop diamond necklace would distract folks from looking at their bosom, if that concerned her. But her cousin Betty insisted that everyone wear the same high-neck style.

  Sharvon saw her escort approach. He looked every bit as handsome in person as he did in the pictures she’d seen of him at his grandmother’s funeral. She reached out to accept the hand he offered. “Thank you,” Sharvon told him. “I know my cousin Betty will never forget this.”

  “I wouldn’t have missed my godmother’s wedding for all the money in Las Vegas,” Chandler told her. “I just hope she’ll forgive me for telling her I wasn’t certain if I could make it since my wife, Zipporah, wasn’t able to come.”

  “I know what you mean. It’s not easy trying to put one over on Cousin Betty,” Sharvon replied. “I also think it was so sweet of Elder Lamar to fly in, take your place, and pretend he was Freddie’s groomsman for the rehearsal dinner last night.”

  “That was good of him, but I did fly him first class to make it up to him. But I still have one other big concern.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I’m praying Sister Betty won’t see me and scream out, ‘June Bug!’ ”

  “She still calls you June Bug in public?”

  “Yes, sadly she does.”

  Sharvon began chuckling. “You better hope I don’t do that, too. I think it’s hilarious.”

  Delilah heard the laughter behind her and looked back in time to see Sharvon with Chandler. She nodded her head at them and smiled. “You look beautiful,” she told Sharvon.

  Unlike Sharvon, Delilah had rebelled down to the last fitting, but she finally gave in. Now she stood in front of Sharvon in her long, formfitting navy-blue matron of honor gown, her blond hair cascading down her back and a woven ring of blue forget-me-nots upon her head. Her bouquet had the same flowers, but with sprigs of baby’s breath dispersed throughout. “Lord, I hope I can get through this without strangling,” she told Elder Batty as she clutched his arm. “This neck choker is killing me. I can hardly breathe.”

  Elder Batty said nothing but smiled appreciatively and tapped her on her arm to comfort her.

  The music signaling the wedding procession to begin filtered in from the sanctuary.

  Batty looked over his shoulder and told them, “Let’s do this.”

  Thurgood had already entered the outer corridor, where he kept Sister Betty out of sight until the official wedding march music played. “It sounds like things are starting. Are you nervous?” He’d asked Sister Betty that same question several times while they’d been standing there.

  “I think you are more nervous than I am,” Sister Betty teased. “Calm down. Aren’t you the one who is the marriage expert?” She gave him a quick tug on his arm and kissed him on his cheek. “I can’t thank you enough for doing this
for me.”

  “Oh, gal, please,” Thurgood said as he returned the kiss. “I’ve been waiting to give you away for quite some time. I couldn’t be happier.”

  There was a rap on the door. It was one of the church ushers, who’d come to get them. Thurgood and Sister Betty followed behind the usher and stopped when they came to within a few feet of the sanctuary door.

  They heard the bridal entry music and shuffling sounds as the guests stood to their feet.

  Sister Betty didn’t think it would happen, but she could feel it coming on. She felt every negative feeling she’d either heard or read about when it came to the wedding jitters. Her small white pillbox hat, with its tulle veil that was short in the front and long in the back, began constricting her as though an anaconda had her head in its grip. She could feel the onset of gas building in her stomach and seeking an exit, and then she began to hiccup.

  Thurgood began tapping her on her back to stop the hiccups. It didn’t work. He even whispered, with a deep voice, in her ear, “Boo!”

  The organist replayed the bridal entry music three times before the guests began chattering, Freddie began sweating, and Leotis began waving his Bible around. Sharvon looked at Delilah, and neither gave a hint of what to do.

  And then they entered. Thurgood, in his tuxedo, walked beside Sister Betty, holding her by one arm as she smiled nervously. Sister Betty, walking slowly, held a huge bouquet; it was made of red roses and white and cream lilies, with a spray of white silk ribbons holding it together. She also wore just a little make-up, including barely any of the red lipstick Delilah had insisted she have. There was a shimmer coming off her clip-on diamond and pearl earrings, and her feet felt comfortable in the slip-on rhinestone-covered beige pumps. Her wedding dress was simple yet elegant for a woman of her age. Sister Betty had described it to Sharvon, who’d hired the best seamstress in Pelzer. So on this day, Sister Betty wore her dream dress. It was made of lace over charmeuse and had rhinestone and crystal beading. It was a dress that floated as she walked, hiccupping softly, down the aisle.