by Peter Boland
Tanya ran over to where they had climbed down. Looking over the wall, she saw Greg untying the boat and Roger talking into the radio frantically. The noise of the engine meant Tanya had to shout.
“What should I do?” she asked.
“Nothing,” said Greg shouting back, “you’ve done the most important bit. Now it’s up to us. Try taking some Alka Seltzer, it’s great for hangovers.” He waved.
Tanya waved back. She expected the boat to take off throwing spray everywhere like something out of a bad action movie, but instead, Roger throttled back on the engine so it was idling and the boat crept forward barely making a ripple. Roger was still on the radio while he steered and Greg was at the front scanning the surface for any signs of the humpback.
Tanya wanted to get in the boat and go with them. They were having an adventure. An adventure that was happening, not in some odd place on the other side of the world like you see on TV, but right here on her doorstep. And nothing ever happened around here. If it did, Tanya never seemed to be part it. She always felt destined to be on the fringes of everything. Born for one purpose: to be a loser. For once she was at the centre of something, something big, and you couldn’t get bigger than a whale.
It was her discovery and hers alone. But she was already feeling excluded. Shut out of the party before it had even started. It was like being turned away from a club because you had no ID, which she had been on numerous occasions. But this was a million times worse. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But Tanya wasn’t content with once. She wanted more. And that experience was now swimming off down the Thames while she was stuck here on the embankment, reeking of alcohol. Surely that couldn’t be the end of it?
She felt sick, but not from the drink. Was this wonderful event just going to be a blip in her life, never to be repeated? She’d only just seen it but now she wondered if it had happened at all.
Chapter 5
Tanya began the long walk back home. The adrenalin rush of seeing a real living breathing whale had been replaced by an anger that made her weary and irritable. When she reached the walkway of her block of flats, she saw her father marching towards her.
She forgot her bitterness and ran towards him, something that she hadn’t done since she was seven.
“Dad, you’ll never guess what I saw.”
“Where have you been?” he demanded. His fury looked unquenchable, making the thick veins on his neck bulge against his DIY Tattoos.
“Dad, I saw a whale.”
“I said where have you been? Answer me, girl.”
“Out with Lena.”
“You’ve been drinking.”
“Yeah, so what?”
“You shouldn’t be drinking at your age.”
“Right, so it’s all right for you to pass out on the sofa.”
“Your mother would be ashamed of you.”
“Well, she’s not here is she – you made sure of that, didn’t you.”
A slap came out of nowhere. Tanya was used to it and didn’t bother wasting any tears.
“You’re a useless little toe rag. I bet you’ve been with a load of blokes last night haven’t you.”
“I’m not a slapper.”
“Yeah, I bet you are. Just like your mum. All tanked up and getting them out for the lads.”
“That’s not true.”
“Give me your key.”
“Why?”
“Just give it to me or I swear next time it’ll be a punch.”
Tanya fished out her door key from her jeans and gave it to him. He didn’t even ask about her bandaged hand.
“If you’re going to act like a tramp, you can live like one – out on the streets.”
Her father pushed past her and was gone.
Tanya was locked out of her own home when all she wanted to do was go inside and sleep. Last night’s puking had left her weak, but her stomach had recovered enough to want nourishment. It grumbled continually.
Tanya was so desperate for the comforts of home that she considered putting a brick through her flat window. She quickly dismissed that idea – unless she wanted a severe beating.
She had no money and nowhere to go, so she walked to the nearby park and sat on the only swing that hadn’t been vandalised. Normally she wouldn’t even think of hanging out in this place on her on her own, not in this neighbourhood. But it was early and everyone was still in bed, probably sleeping off hangovers just like hers.
Tanya folded her arms and tilted her head so it rested uncomfortably on the cold chain links supporting the swing. She allowed her eyes to close and quickly dozed off.
“Tanya, Tanya, Tanya.” It was a gentle and familiar voice that brought her out of her slumber.
Tanya’s eyes became slits. Through the small gaps she could see Lena staring in, like someone peeking through a letter box to see if anyone was home.
A sudden rage brought Tanya quickly back to life.
“Where the fuck were you last night?” Tanya snarled.
“I came back for you, but you’d gone,” Lena said.
“I was jumped by Tyrone and look at my hand.”
The two events weren’t related, but it would give Lena a good guilt-trip.
“What? How? I mean, I’m sorry.”
Tanya stood up and walked away. Lena jogged along beside her. Tanya stopped and shouted in Lena’s face. “You’re supposed to be my mate. Mates look out for each other.”
“Come on Tan, I was with the Niners – you knew that.”
“Oh yeah, got someone else’s ass to lick now, don’t worry about me I’ll be fine.”
“Hey, you’re out of order. You said it was all right to go with them. You said you’d wait at the party. I came back and you’d gone.”
“Yeah, I had to go, cos Tyrone was trying to get into my knickers when I was passed out.”
“Well, that’s not my fault.”
“Yes it is.”
“How?”
“Because you weren’t there,” Tanya said, prodding Lena in the shoulder. “You were supposed to be there.”
“Fuck off.” Lena knocked Tanya’s hand away. “Stop stressing. Anyway, what are you doing hanging out here? It ain’t safe in this park.”
“I’ve got nowhere to go. Dad’s locked me out.”
“Can’t you get the key off him?”
“He done it on purpose.”
“Bastard.”
“I haven’t slept or eaten since yesterday.”
“Come on, come back to mine.”
Lena took Tanya’s arm, but she snapped it away. Tanya knew she would go back to Lena’s eventually, she just didn’t want to make it easy for her.
“Don’t I have to be a gang member or something?” Tanya said.
“Shut up, it’s not like that. Come on, Tan. Mum will make you spaghetti. You can have my bed. Sleep it all off.”
The thought of warm food and a comfy bed melted Tanya’s resistance.
“Okay.”
Lena put her arm around her friend as they walked towards her block of flats.
“This doesn’t let you off you know,” said Tanya.
“I know.”
“So what happened last night? Did they give you an initiation?”
“Sort of, I’m not supposed to talk about it.”
“You can tell me.”
“Nah, I can’t. I might be able tell you a bit later.”
Lena’s mum had always had a thing for Tanya’s dad, which meant Tanya got spoilt whenever she was round there.
“How’s your dad?” asked Lena’s mum.
“Fine,” Tanya replied. She’d just got out of the bath and was sitting in the kitchen wrapped up in Lena’s dressing gown. The warmth was having a narcotic effect and she found it hard to keep her eyes open. The only thing stopping her from shutting them tight was the smell of Heinz spaghetti bubbling away on the stove. The toast popped up and a few seconds later it was smothered in butter and topped with a mountain of slippery spaghetti and tomat
o sauce.
Tanya attacked it with her knife and fork, shovelling far too much in her face. The plate was empty after several mouthfuls.
“Thanks,” said Tanya, breathlessly.
“Do you want anything else, love?” Lena’s mum asked. “More tea? Something sweet?”
“No thanks, that was great.” Tanya was enjoying the experience of being mothered when Lena walked in.
“Better?”
“Yeah.”
“Come on, you can have a kip in my bed.”
Lena’s room was nearly identical to Tanya’s with just enough room for a bed and a slim battered wardrobe. A small table was wedged into the corner and covered with stuff – mostly make-up and half-eaten packets of chewing gum. Every inch of wall space was plastered with rappers showing off heavily airbrushed six packs.
Tanya tumbled onto the bed. The soft mattress dipped in the middle, but she didn’t care. Sleep came for her almost instantly.
“Tan, check this.”
Tanya didn’t move and mumbled something.
“Tan, you gotta see this.” Lena grabbed her arm to stop her from escaping into sleep.
“What?”
“Look under here.” Lena knelt beside the bed and pointed to the space beneath it.
Tanya rolled over, not having the energy to sit up. She let her head flop over the edge of the bed.
“Whoa, where’d you get all that?”
“From the gang.”
Underneath the bed was a stash of alcohol. There were slabs of lager, bottles of spirits and bags crammed full with alco pops.
“What? They gave it to you?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool.”
“Does your mum know about it?”
“Don’t be daft, course not.”
“Won’t she find out?”
“Don’t worry, she ain’t one for cleaning, ‘specially not under here. Anyway, we’ll probably drink most of it before she finds out. Want something?
“No, maybe later.” Tanya rolled back over onto the pillow.
“Night, night.”
“Thanks, mate.
As soon as her eyes closed Tanya was asleep.
When she opened them again, she had that unsettled sensation of not knowing where she was. Slowly, it all came back to her, like having the feeling return to your legs after pins and needles. She sat up and saw herself in the mirror. Her hair was wilder than usual and a sharp pillow crease cut across her forehead like a new scar. A nice fuzzy post-sleep sensation filled Tanya’s head, like being between two worlds, not asleep but not quite awake.
The clock on the bedside table told her it was nearly five o’clock in the evening. She put her clothes on and wobbled into the hallway, following the drone of the TV.
Lena was in the lounge biting her nails like she usually did, while her mum tugged away on a menthol cigarette. They were watching the local news about a shop being robbed at gunpoint, the usual stuff.
Tanya sat down quietly on the end of the sofa.
“Hi, mate. Feeling better?” asked Lena, not looking away from the small portable.
“Hello darlin’. Want a cup of tea?” asked her mum.
“Oh, that’d be great.” Lena’s mum left the room. The pipes clattered as the kettle filled with water.
“You up for another night out?” asked Lena.
“Defo,” said Tanya yawning. “Soon as I wake up.”
The TV soon hypnotised them both into silence as they watched an over-dressed weather presenter telling them about the chance of rain. When she was finished, they returned to the day’s main headline which was written across the TV screen: The Thames Whale.
A bolt of electricity shot through Tanya.
“I saw that. I saw the whale last night. It’s a humpback. Turn it up, turn it up.”
Lena obeyed. A reporter stood on a dirty riverbank near the Thames barrier, speaking about how the whale had become stranded at low tide. Behind him a crowd of people in wellingtons were fussing around the animal pouring buckets of water over it, as it lay helpless on the mud.
The footage cut to another reporter who was interviewing a woman on the embankment above the river.
“I’m here with Mrs Emily Jenson who discovered the whale this morning,” said the reporter, standing next to a woman with wiry hair in a thick fleece emblazoned with wolves.
“That’s a lie,” shouted Tanya standing up. “Lying bitch – I found the whale, not her.”
“Tanya, what are you talking about?” said Lena.
Chapter 6
Tanya was on a mission. It swept her along the pavement like an unstoppable force. Lena could hardly keep up.
“Slow down,” she complained. Tanya ignored her. “It’s only a whale.”
“Do you realise how rare a humpback whale is?” Tanya was aware she was speaking Roger’s words.
“Why have you suddenly gone all Ray Mears?”
“Look, why don’t you piss off,” Tanya said, ignoring Lena’s question. Apart from giving her tons of ammo with which to take the piss, Tanya couldn’t figure out why Lena was bothering to come along. She was never interested in anything unless it involved alcohol and trouble. And she had access to plenty of both, so why follow Tanya all the way down here? Maybe she wanted to see the whale but didn’t want to admit it. Neither of them had ever seen any wild animals before, apart from dangerous dogs on studded leads or rats eating takeaway leftovers.
“Hey,” said Lena, catching Tanya up, “if the TV cameras are down there maybe we’ll get on telly, be famous.”
“This ain’t a joke, it’s important.”
“You got it bad, girl. And over a whale, you sad. You beyond sad.”
“Fuck you, Lena.”
As they rounded the corner, Tanya stopped without warning. Lena nearly shunted into the back of her. She was just about to unleash more jibes when she saw why Tanya had hit the brakes.
“Bloody hell,” said Lena.
“I don’t believe it,” Tanya added.
There in front of them was an ocean of people all trying to get a glimpse of the whale.
“We’ll never get through that,” said Lena.
“I thought you wanted to get on telly. Come on, let’s bust this crowd open.” Tanya strutted towards the bubbling mass and started shouldering people out of the way, regardless of whether they were young or old. Before anyone realised what she was doing, Tanya had already moved on and lost herself in the crowd. Lena stood watching for a second as her friend ploughed a path through the mob.
“Tanya, wait for me.” Lena took a deep breath and dived in using the same technique. People were irritated to see a second rude teenager pushing them out of the way. There were various tuts and ‘Do you minds’ and ‘How dare yous’ and a few people shoved back, but Lena held firm until she reached her friend at the front.
Tanya had her fists wrapped around a steel barrier that stopped the crowd from getting anywhere near the embankment wall. It was cold and dirty and separated them from what they wanted to see. Without getting past the barricade there was no way of getting even a glimpse of the whale. Several policemen were dotted along the line of barriers watching for any trouble. Lena jabbed one in the arm.
“Hey,” she said, “I need to get in there.”
“Yeah, you and half of London,” he replied, not looking at her.
“You don’t understand, I discovered the whale.”
“Yeah, right.” The policeman replied still scanning the crowd with not even a glance in Tanya’s direction.
“I did. You calling me a liar?”
“Behave, little girl.” He looked straight at Tanya. “Or I’ll stick you in a cell.”
The idea of leaping over the barricade and making a run for it flitted across her mind, but there were too many police. She’d probably only get a couple of metres before being tackled to the ground and clumped a few time with a truncheon. Then it would be a night in a cell and that would mean game over. She wouldn’t be
allowed anywhere near the whale again.
“This is stupid,” Tanya protested. Lena came up alongside her, squeezing her way past everyone.
“Come on, mate, why don’t we try a bit later?” Lena said.
“I really want to see it.”
“I know.”
“No you don’t. It’s amazing. Like seeing an alien or something.”
“Look, let’s get drunk and forget about it.”
“I don’t want to get drunk, that’s what we do when there’s nothing going on. This is something. It’s a whale and I want to see it.”
Lena looked at her friend. This didn’t sound like her. It was like a spoilt middle-class brat had taken over her body and was whining because she couldn’t have a pony. As for not wanting to get drunk, that was just wrong.
“You’re weird,” said Lena.
A phone started buzzing and each of them checked to see if it was theirs. The bleeps belonged to Lena’s phone. It was a text.
“Tanya, I gotta go.”
“Why?”
“Niners stuff.”
“Oh.” Tanya laced the word with plenty of hurt.
“Look, we’ll meet up later, I promise. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Then Lena was gone.
Tanya felt strange and she couldn’t figure out why. She was definitely disappointed and slightly lonely now Lena had gone, but there was something else in the mix. It was odd and didn’t seem to fit right. Tanya pushed her way back out of the crowd, analysing her thoughts as she went. That in itself was unusual. When did she ever think about what she was doing? Except maybe when she was thinking about where the next drink was coming from. Maybe that was it. Lena had just asked her if she wanted to get drunk. Normally there was no need to ask. Without thinking about it the answer was always a yes. But not this time. Tanya just wasn’t interested.
Her life revolved around drinking. It defined her and was her motivation for everything. It was an addiction that consumed every hour of the day. But right now it wasn’t important to her. It seemed dull and pointless. Maybe Lena was right. Maybe she was weird. Her friend had a lake of free alcohol under her bed but Tanya just couldn’t get excited about it. She should have been pestering Lena to crack open a beer or some cider and drink until they couldn’t stand up, or begging Lena to let her come along to the gang meeting. Maybe it was because she had a hangover and just wasn’t in the mood. But she knew that was a lie.