SNUFF

by Bonny Capps

  I fall at his feet and he kneels down on his haunches before running a hand over my hair. “Learn your place, little mouse, and I won’t have to do this again.”

  He stands once more and I hear his fly unzip. “Now suck me. Don’t get any blood on my cock.”

  I lift myself to my side before I grip his legs and inch my trembling body up to my knees. Everything hurts. I remember saying this to myself when I practiced for competition, but this pain is like no other. This pain goes all the way to my soul. My will to survive is quickly becoming a fond memory.

  How am I going to survive this? How is my heart, my body and my mind going to overcome this?

  Once I’m on my bruised knees, I try to open my mouth wide several times for him, but I can’t, and I soon realize that it’s because my face is horribly swollen.

  He scoffs and pushes me down onto my side. “See? Worthless.”

  I watch as he walks to the dresser and retrieves his pajamas. Shortly after that, he starts the shower as my limp body becomes one with the floor. Then, he gets into bed and turns off the light.

  “Don’t bother coming to bed,” he snaps.

  I close my eyes and allow a sweet memory to play behind my swollen eyelids.

  “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

  I smiled as my tiny hands clutched my mother’s robe. Her dark hair tickled my face and smelled like apples when she rocked me back and forth.

  “Mama, why did you choose to be a doctor?”

  She rested her cheek against the top of my head as she squeezed me gently. “Because I like helping people when they’re hurt.”

  “Like you help me when I’m hurt?”

  She giggled and kissed my hair before lifting me and placing me underneath my mermaid blanket. “Exactly.”

  She ran a soft hand over my cheek before kissing my forehead. “Happy birthday, my angel.”

  Dimitri left just as the sun began to rise, and I watched as the light spread across the floor, inching its way toward my battered body before the sunlight swallowed me whole. I allowed the rays of light to kiss my broken body and soothe my soul.

  I laid like that for hours. When the maid came, she glanced at me before diverting her eyes and tidying up Dimitri’s room. I thought that the people in this home had forgotten me, and I was thankful for it. But that wasn’t the case. Someone did remember the girl who had been stolen.

  Vadim.

  “What has he done?” Vadim murmurs as he kneels down before me. His eyes travel over my body before they find mine. “Come, krasavaya. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

  I wince as he tucks his arms beneath my back and legs before lifting me. He holds me to his chest as he carries me to the bathroom, and he sits me down gently at the vanity’s bench before starting the bath.

  Once the bath is full, he helps me to my feet before slowly lifting the dress over my head. His eyes grow wide at his first sight of my scathed body, but he quickly snaps out of it and removes my bra before helping me step out of my panties.

  Vadim lifts me once more and I flinch once I’m lowered into the hot water. “I’m sorry, but it needs to be this hot to loosen up your muscles.”

  He stands and begins to leave, but I grasp his arm. I don’t know why I do it. I don’t want him to leave because, oddly enough, I feel safe in his presence. Even when I’m completely nude with bruises marking almost every inch of my body. In a way, I also want him to see the mistake that he made by taking me. I want him to feel remorse.

  “Please stay,” I croak.

  He frowns as he slowly kneels once more beside the tub. “Sofia—”

  I hold my hand up. “Just. Stay.”

  He nods as he stares down at the water, and I reach up and begin removing the pins from my hair, wincing every time I have to lift my arms higher.

  “Let me,” he murmurs, and then he begins carefully removing each pin, freeing several tendrils of hair at a time.

  I reach for the vanilla scented body wash and hand it to him. “Will you?”

  “Bathe you?” he breathes out.

  I nod. “My arms are practically useless right now.”

  He shakes his head as his expression hardens. “This is inappropriate. You’re to marry Dimitri.”

  “And what choice do I have in the matter?” I snap. “I hate him.”

  He scoffs. “You didn’t look like you hated him when he fucked you at the end of the hall the other night.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “Because my submission means that I don’t get the shit beaten out of me.”

  Vadim sighs in defeat as he snatches the body wash from me. “I need a cloth.”

  I shake my head. “Use your hands.”

  “Absolutely not,” he snaps.

  “Why?” I retort. “Are you afraid to feel the marks that he left? All of this was your doing. You should have left me alone.”

  Vadim squeezes his eyes shut momentarily before squeezing the body wash into his hand. He hesitantly reaches towards me. It takes him a while to make contact with my skin, but when he does, I sigh. His gentle touch is what I need. It’s a selfish desire, and I know that it’s inappropriate on both ends, but it’s more than wanting him to touch me where it hurts—I need him to undo what Dimitri did.

  He begins at my neck before moving onto my shoulders. Then his hand trails to my chest, and he pauses with the weight of my breast in his palm. I gasp and lean into his touch as I close my eyes. He gently squeezes before running his thumb over the top of my breast.

  “Vadim,” I whisper, my eyes fluttering open to see his black eyes locked onto my face.

  Gripping his wrist, I slide his hand over my stomach before submerging it into the water between my thighs. He sucks in a breath as he begins circling my clit slowly.

  “More,” I rasp, feeling that familiar need wind up in my womb.

  He shoves his finger into my opening and I ride his hand like my life depends on it. But then, he pulls his finger out abruptly, leaving me breathless as he tangles his fingers in my hair and yanks my head back. The pain is unreal. My scalp feels like it’s on fire and my neck is incredibly sore from Dimitri yanking me around like a ragdoll last night; the added pressure doesn’t help in the least.

  “What is your game, Sofia?” Vadim growls as his black eyes peer into mine.

  I swallow hard, and I wonder if I’m about to take another beating. I’m not sure if I would survive it.

  I shake my head slightly. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re trying to wiggle your way into my head, and I will not allow it,” he sneers, shoving the body wash into my hand before he stands and leaves me alone.

  My eyes burn and I realize that the need to cry is present, but I’m afraid I have no more tears to give.

  I lock onto the beast as he saunters through the clearing of the woods surrounding my family’s dacha. This East Siberian Brown Bear will be a prize. He’s the largest that I’ve seen, and he’d be a beautiful addition to my collection.

  When I left Sofia there, I didn’t feel a thing. She should have been thankful, but she looked disgusted when I tried to offer her the ring. What was I to do? She had to be punished.

  I couldn’t face her this morning. I couldn’t risk beating her again—at least not while my father is here. I already know that he isn’t going to be pleased when he discovers what I’ve done, and the only reason is because of who she is. Once we’re married, what I do to my wife will be nobody else’s concern.

  Initially, I wasn’t happy about the arranged marriage, but after giving it some thought, I decided that it won’t be so bad. As long as she continues to please me, and as long as she is grateful for my gifts … whatever they may be. I need to reel myself in, though. Where there is certainly a want to correct her—to harm her—I also do not wish to make her irreparable. She is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. It’s not just her look
s, which are not comparable to any other pretty face I’ve locked eyes on, it’s her drive. It’s her desperate whims; when she thinks that she can manipulate me … when she thinks that she can destroy me.

  I enjoy the challenge and I love the hunt. Sofia is no different than the large animal as I admire him from a distance. She is also the prize. I won’t be stuffing her dead corpse and showcasing it in my office. No. The prize is her heart, her mind, and her soul. I want to possess her every thought and every word. That is true ownership, and it isn’t just built on fear. Where fear is a necessity to garner respect, so is trust. I’ve got to condition her to trust me and fear me.

  In order to stalk a bear, you must employ each and every hunting skill you’ve ever learned. You must move with the wind to avoid the bear’s sharp nose, and you must be silent; playing on the sounds that the forest provides to trick the bear’s keen ears. This is my place, and it’s where I would come when I was a young boy every summer. It brings peace to my otherwise loud mind. It mends my madness. It silences the demons.

  The bear stops and my finger tightens around the trigger as I hold my breath. He looks my way and doesn’t bat an eye when I pull the trigger. The large, powerful beast falls to its side, as the blood trickles from his throat wound, and onto the permeable snow beneath his unmoving body.

  Once I get back to the dacha, I suspend the bear in our gutting station, first removing his fur carefully and then his entrails, before cutting the meat from his bones.

  As I’m about to prep him for stuffing, I hear snow crunching behind me as a result of hurried footsteps. When I turn, I’m welcomed by a fist to my jaw—igniting a fire to quickly spread throughout my body. I touch a finger to my lip before pulling it away and discovering my blood.

  Vadim’s chest hurriedly rises and falls in his exasperated state as he runs the back of his forearm across his mouth. “You are out of line, Dimitri!” he shouts. “You know who she is! You know what this marriage can do for our family—yet you beat her bloody?”

  “She is mine!” I sneer as I approach him, still holding the hunting knife. My hands and forearms are soon to not only be covered in the bear’s blood, but his as well.

  “She is also the daughter of our biggest rival. It’s imperative that she trusts us, Dimitri. The likelihood of her not running to her father is slim to none now that you’ve beaten the shit out of her. Did you not hear your father’s wish, Dimitri? All of these years, her father has lied to her. He faked his death, and that alone would have given us leverage with Sofia and with him in turn. She won’t forgive him, but she also won’t think twice before running into his arms after what you’ve done!”

  My chest heaves up and down as I ball my fists at my sides. “Where is my father?”

  Vadim sighs as he leans against the table beside the suspended bear. “He had business to tend to in Moscow. He’ll be back in several weeks to attend the wedding.”

  “And Sofia?”

  He shakes his head slowly as he stares down at the bloodstained snow. “She’s in your bed. She hasn’t eaten all day. I ensured that she got cleaned up.”

  I nod before tossing the hunting knife onto the table that he’s leaning on. I begin walking toward the house, but turn swiftly, wrapping my fingers tightly around his neck.

  “Don’t ever fucking touch me again or it will be the last thing you do, cousin. You’re already treading on thin ice.”

  I enter the room quietly, and find her small form buried beneath the blanket. I remove my boots and walk to the bathroom before taking a quick shower.

  She doesn’t budge when I slip beside her beneath the blanket, but she flinches when I wrap my arm around her and pull her close before burying my nose into her hair. “YA izvinyayus’ za skhozhu s uma.” I am sorry for losing my mind.

  She doesn’t acknowledge my apology, and it angers me, causing my arm to tighten around her. She lets out a shaky breath, and I know that I’m hurting her.

  “Sofia,” I warn.

  She nods slowly before whispering, “YA v poryadke.” I’m fine.

  “Turn around,” I murmur, lifting my arm slightly to allow her to roll over.

  She hesitates, but eventually follows my order. I look over her swollen face. Her brown eyes are surrounded with deep, purple bruises and her lip is busted. I did a number on her, and I’m thankful that my father isn’t here to see what I’ve done.

  I look into her glossy eyes and a smile pulls at my lips as I gently run my fingers over her bruised cheek. “I wouldn’t have hurt you, Sofia. But I was hurt. You didn’t want to accept my gift. My proposal went so differently in my head. When your face twisted in disgust … I lost my mind. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.”

  I inhale the scent of blood … of death, as Vlad flays the woman. Her screams are music, and I lift my arms and move them along to the classical music that plays along with her cries in the background.

  I am the composer of death. The thought makes me smile.

  It is nice to get my own hands bloody on occasion, but tonight I only wish to observe. The thought of flaying this woman was a result of me doing the same to the bear earlier. I have ideas that will not only fulfill my client’s needs, but mine as well. This is only the beginning of my empire.

  She hangs upside-down on an X shaped contraption that I built by hand. As per my orders, Vlad began cutting her from her sternum to her pelvic bone, and then after removing the skin from her abdomen, he continued to her arms and legs. The skin of her face, neck, hands and feet remain, but the rest of her body is pure muscle as it weaves into a sinewy design. Her body shakes from the shock and her eyes glitter with fear.

  I nod to Vlad who retrieves the bucket of salt from the floor and begins dusting it over her body, causing her to twist awkwardly from side to side as she repeats the same sad song.

  “Kill me! Please kill me!”

  Eventually, they always beg for death.

  Two Weeks Later

  “Today,” Vadim says as I look out at the falling snow. Each flake twirls gracefully before landing on the iced over lake outside.

  He’s said the same thing every day since Dimitri assaulted me. He wants me to skate, but I’m afraid the will to find the release that the ice offers me simply isn’t there. I’m merely a shell of what I once was. My resolve is slowly dwindling. So many days and nights I’ve spent in this prison. I’m afraid that the second my blades touch the ice, I’ll be reminded of the life that had been stolen from me. I don’t want to give any of these men—not even Vadim—the chance to fill me with useless hope. The reality is, I’ll never compete again … I’ll never have freedom again.

  When I slid Vadim’s hand between my legs, I did so because I wanted a choice. I wanted, for once, to decide who touched me; who pleased me. I have never had that choice with Dimitri. Even in the hall that night, he would have taken me. He would have used me because that’s what Dimitri does. He is only concerned about his own gain. He couldn't care less about me.

  I feel Vadim’s heat at my back as he approaches me, and I sigh when he rests a hand on my shoulder.

  “Ne segodnya, Vadim.” Not today, Vadim.

  He gently places his index finger under my chin and tilts my head up. He stands tall as I sit in the chair with a fleece blanket wrapped around my shoulders.

  “You will not survive this if you do not skate, Sofia.”

  His words make my heart flutter because they’re true … but maybe I don’t want to survive if there is no chance of escape.

  “He won’t let me go, Vadim. What’s the point of skating if I can’t have my freedom?”

  A sad smile tugs at his lips as he points at the frigid lake outside. “That is your freedom, krasavaya. That is your destiny. It’s where you belong.”

  My eyes once again travel to the lake as I contemplate his words. The ice is my destiny. It is where I belong, and though the thought is frightening, maybe he’s right. If I can dig my soul from the depths of darkness where it hides, maybe I’ll be
more resilient to Dimitri’s blows. Perhaps I’ll break through the cocoon that he’s wrapped me in and emerge as a magnificent butterfly, free from all restraints. The thought is bittersweet.

  Life has become a dream … a goal. Because this isn’t living.

  “Okay,” I murmur as I shake the blanket from my shoulders.

  “Today?” he asks, and I nod my head, allowing a smile to curl my lips.

  “Today.”

  Vadim meets me at the front door once I change into some fleece leggings and a sweater. I wear my hair down and lift it so that he can slip a warm jacket over my shoulders. He offers me some white earmuffs and I look at him quizzically.

  “Do you have an MP3 player, or maybe an iPod and headphones? I like to listen to music while I skate.”

  He glances at me sheepishly as he reaches into his pocket. Staring down at his shoes, he hands me the device and earbuds. “You had this that night.”

  That night. Yes, the night that he took me.

  I frown as I stare down at my MP3 player. This little thing was such a huge part of my life, and I’m taken aback when the realization that I’m holding a piece of the old me in my hands hits me. It makes me mourn for the girl that I am now, yet it also makes me smile to have a part of who I once was. It makes me hopeful that, one day, I will be her again.

  “You’ve been keeping this in your pocket?” I ask, and his eyes travel to mine as he tucks his hands in his pockets.

  “I have.”

  “Why?” I implore.

  He sighs as he runs a hand over his shaved head. “Because, I—”

  Dimitri startles me as he descends the stairs. “My beautiful little mouse is finally spreading her wings.”

  I force a smile as he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to his side. “I would stick around and watch, but I have business to attend to.”

  Vadim narrows his eyes at him. “What business?”

  “Don’t worry, cousin. It’s business regarding the brothel. We’re in need of some new girls. The others are washed up whores.”